Chapter One: The "Invitation"
"Party at Wendy's Saturday", Kevin read from a sign on a telephone pole. "Could it be the same Wendy?" Kevin said to himself. Kevin was out of high school and was now almost 23 years old. He had moved out of his parents' house years before after a conflict with his dad. He lived in a suburb near Philadelphia, which was inhibited only by a few people. It was a small town and most people knew each other. There was another thing about the town that was quite odd. There was a certain pungent stench always in the air. No one seemed to notice the smell until someone from somewhere else would come into the town and be like "Whoa! Is that shit I smell?" It wasn't as annoying as not having any real friends in the area. His old friend, Paul had long since went on to be an adult film star starring in movies like "The Twilight Bone", "Hard", "The Forbidden Zone" and "Take A Dump on my Chest, You Wicked Beast!" He hadn't heard from Paul since a year after high school. He was headed home to his apartment when he saw the sign. It said that the party was in Philadelphia at the "Rio Grande Hotel" on Saturday. It was Thursday and Kevin still had stuff to do at the dildo factory where he worked. He was the assistant manager to the head custodian there. He decided he would go to work on Friday until about 7 P.M., go home, touch himself and then go to sleep. He went back to the pole where he saw the flyer and took it off so he would remember the time and place. Just then, a huge semi-truck ran over a jaywalker. Kevin chuckled to himself and hoped it was Macaluay Culkin, his rival since pre-school. He wanted to hurry home to get a chance to sleep for the coming event. It was already past 8, so he had to hurry. He loaded his dildo suitcase into his Buick Sentry's trunk.
He headed home to his one-bedroom apartment, his eyes drowsy with sleep. His apartment was located between a tattoo parlor and a bowling alley. It was the shadiest neighborhood in his small town, but it had the cheapest prices for apartments. He unlocked room 144 to the seedy room awaiting him. There were rats running around the floor, boxes of discarded pizza and a heap of moldy scraps of pornography. There was a small 13' television in the corner, which didn't even get local channels. It only displayed the time for Kevin Arnold, because he didn't own a clock. Kevin took a shower, brushed his teeth (Crest!) and snorted some cocaine before he went to bed. He had picked up the dirty drug habit from a kindly hobo named Sprinkles he had met on 7th Ave. Tomorrow, Kevin hoped, would fly by so that Wendy's party might be attended as soon as possible on Friday. Kevin had a good dream of what might happen if he met up with Wendy.a wet dream.
Friday worked out well for Kevin. It did, in fact, fly right by. He hardly had time to eat his usual cream-filled donut for lunch. He was so busy sweeping up that he hardly noticed what was on the floor. It was a photograph. A photograph.of Kevin! How had it gotten on the floor, he hardly knew or wanted to know and was scared for his life. He never carried a picture around with him or anything of that sort. But then, he noticed Otis Glump, the lonely dildo manufacturer who had shared his feelings of having a homosexual attraction to Kevin Arnold. He figured he must have hacked the picture off of the Internet somehow since he was a master computer hacker who sat around at his desk all day hacking and somehow finding the time to manufacture dildos at a good price. He was a miracle worker, but that's a different story. The work bell rang and Kevin grabbed his coat, and ran out of work. The day was nearly over! Kevin got into his car and raced home, not paying any attention to the stoplights. He killed three pedestrians and injured four, but that was the least of his problems. What was he going to wear to the party on Saturday?
"Party at Wendy's Saturday", Kevin read from a sign on a telephone pole. "Could it be the same Wendy?" Kevin said to himself. Kevin was out of high school and was now almost 23 years old. He had moved out of his parents' house years before after a conflict with his dad. He lived in a suburb near Philadelphia, which was inhibited only by a few people. It was a small town and most people knew each other. There was another thing about the town that was quite odd. There was a certain pungent stench always in the air. No one seemed to notice the smell until someone from somewhere else would come into the town and be like "Whoa! Is that shit I smell?" It wasn't as annoying as not having any real friends in the area. His old friend, Paul had long since went on to be an adult film star starring in movies like "The Twilight Bone", "Hard", "The Forbidden Zone" and "Take A Dump on my Chest, You Wicked Beast!" He hadn't heard from Paul since a year after high school. He was headed home to his apartment when he saw the sign. It said that the party was in Philadelphia at the "Rio Grande Hotel" on Saturday. It was Thursday and Kevin still had stuff to do at the dildo factory where he worked. He was the assistant manager to the head custodian there. He decided he would go to work on Friday until about 7 P.M., go home, touch himself and then go to sleep. He went back to the pole where he saw the flyer and took it off so he would remember the time and place. Just then, a huge semi-truck ran over a jaywalker. Kevin chuckled to himself and hoped it was Macaluay Culkin, his rival since pre-school. He wanted to hurry home to get a chance to sleep for the coming event. It was already past 8, so he had to hurry. He loaded his dildo suitcase into his Buick Sentry's trunk.
He headed home to his one-bedroom apartment, his eyes drowsy with sleep. His apartment was located between a tattoo parlor and a bowling alley. It was the shadiest neighborhood in his small town, but it had the cheapest prices for apartments. He unlocked room 144 to the seedy room awaiting him. There were rats running around the floor, boxes of discarded pizza and a heap of moldy scraps of pornography. There was a small 13' television in the corner, which didn't even get local channels. It only displayed the time for Kevin Arnold, because he didn't own a clock. Kevin took a shower, brushed his teeth (Crest!) and snorted some cocaine before he went to bed. He had picked up the dirty drug habit from a kindly hobo named Sprinkles he had met on 7th Ave. Tomorrow, Kevin hoped, would fly by so that Wendy's party might be attended as soon as possible on Friday. Kevin had a good dream of what might happen if he met up with Wendy.a wet dream.
Friday worked out well for Kevin. It did, in fact, fly right by. He hardly had time to eat his usual cream-filled donut for lunch. He was so busy sweeping up that he hardly noticed what was on the floor. It was a photograph. A photograph.of Kevin! How had it gotten on the floor, he hardly knew or wanted to know and was scared for his life. He never carried a picture around with him or anything of that sort. But then, he noticed Otis Glump, the lonely dildo manufacturer who had shared his feelings of having a homosexual attraction to Kevin Arnold. He figured he must have hacked the picture off of the Internet somehow since he was a master computer hacker who sat around at his desk all day hacking and somehow finding the time to manufacture dildos at a good price. He was a miracle worker, but that's a different story. The work bell rang and Kevin grabbed his coat, and ran out of work. The day was nearly over! Kevin got into his car and raced home, not paying any attention to the stoplights. He killed three pedestrians and injured four, but that was the least of his problems. What was he going to wear to the party on Saturday?