Kakyuu Starlights Scenes

by Merry Shannon

This isn't really a story, just three scenes of dialogue between Kakyuu and each of the three Lights, post-Stars season. I wanted to explore Kakyuu's relationship with them as individuals rather than just as the "Starlights" entity...

I don't actually have a title for these little scenes; they weren't meant to be part of a continuous storyline. They're just little dialogues between each of the Starlights and Kakyuu, because I thought it would be interesting to explore their relationships with her as individuals rather than just as the "Starlights" entity. Anyway, if anyone wants to volunteer a title for them, I'm all ears...

*** Seiya ***

"You've been so quiet lately." The Princess settled herself next to Seiya on the edge of the balcony in a cloud of red silks. Her skirt petals gathered up around her knees as she dangled her legs over the side, providing a charming view of her curly-toed slippers and slim white calves.

A hint of a smile touched Seiya's lips at the sight. Kakyuu was one of those girls who could make the roughest game of football look as graceful as dancing… and she often did, now that they'd returned home. Football was one of the many things that Seiya had taken with her when she left Earth. Even Taiki, who had insisted dryly that sports were for those who had nothing better to do with their heads than use them as blunt weapons, seemed to enjoy an occasional match. It seemed to be a sort of nostalgic bonding experience for them all, but by far the most fun had been teaching their Princess the principles of the game. She had a competitive streak a mile wide, and even though she was half Taiki's size and nowhere near as strong as Seiya or as fast as Yaten, she still managed to slip past all of them more times than they liked to admit. As much as they teased her that they were letting her win (and admittedly, they were all much more gentle with her than they were with each other), Seiya was still not entirely convinced that she couldn't beat them without any such special treatment.

Not that they had a lot of time for games since returning to Kinmoku; there was still so much work to be done, repairing the damage that Galaxia had inflicted upon their planet. Kakyuu probably worked harder and put more energy into the restoration than all three of them combined. True, she had more power, and there were a lot of things that only she could do, but sometimes it worried Seiya, how completely their Princess gave herself to the work. She couldn't help being concerned that one of these days Kakyuu was going to give just a little too much, and end up making herself ill. So impetuous, their princess was. So generous with her love and energy and power. So very like someone else Seiya used to know…

A shadow crossed her face. Without meeting Kakyuu's eyes, she stared out over the palace gardens below them. "You know, you never asked me about her. You never asked me what happened."

The redhead didn't need to ask what 'her' Seiya was referring to. She shrugged her slender shoulders slightly, and her voice was soft. "I suppose I just assumed you'd tell me if you wanted me to know." A twinkle entered the ruby eyes. "You don't have to report all of your activites to me, you know. Just because you're one of my Starlights doesn't mean you can't have your own life. Your heart is your own, Seiya."

"But it's not. It never has been." The taller girl ran a hand through her close-cropped black hair. "Since the day I became StarFighter, since the day I pledged my life to yours, my heart has belonged to you, Princess. Your safety and happiness… and more than that, your friendship… have been everything to me. And I liked it that way. I had you, and Taiki and Yaten. I never needed or wanted anything more." Her blue eyes were troubled. "Until I met her." Usagi's face flitted through her memory in a swirl of blond ponytails. "And suddenly it's like she's all I can think about. I should have been out there looking for you, protecting you. But I let myself get distracted, and..." She growled with frustration. "...and Galaxia took you away from us again."

Kakyuu shook her head, the delicate golden blossoms swinging from her long hairpins. "That wasn't your fault, Seiya. I chose to face Galaxia on my own. You wouldn't have been able to stop me."

Seiya raised an eyebrow. "Wanna bet?" There was a hint of teasing in her voice, and the princess narrowed her eyes in mock irritation, sticking out her tongue at her guardian. Seiya gave her a wry smile. "The point is, I should have tried to stop you, at least. We all knew what Galaxia was capable of. But I didn't even try. And I'd like to claim that it's because I had faith in you and your powers, or that I was letting you sacrifice yourself for us because it was what you wanted, but the truth is, Princess, that I was thinking about her the entire time. It took me a long time to admit, even to myself, that I was more worried about Sailor Moon than I was about my own Princess. And that... That's just... it's disgusting, that's what it is." She shook her head.

"I was separated from the three of you for a long time," Kakyuu replied quietly. There was a pause as she considered what she was about to say. "Seiya, I've always felt that you, more than the other two, have had a... how can I put it... an emotional connection to me. You seem to have this need to love, and to have people in your life to love. It's as if you aren't a complete person without someone to focus that love on. For a long time it was me. And... And I feel lucky, that it was me, because I adore you so." She laid a small hand on Seiya's shoulder with a smile. "You know what I think? I think that you have so much love inside you that it just spills over if there's no one to give it to. I think you chose Tsukino Usagi because she of all people has a heart that is as full of love as yours is. And I think maybe, just maybe, that loving heart of hers had a side effect on you that couldn't have been predicted."

"You can say that again." Seiya rolled her eyes. "I feel so... guilty, I guess. Because I can't let go of her, no matter how hard I try. She's in my heart, taking up the space that used to belong to you, and only you. Now when I wake up in the morning and she's the first thing I think about, I feel guilty. Or when you smile, or say something, and I'm seeing her face and hearing her voice, I feel guilty. I feel like I've betrayed you somehow."

"Dummy. You haven't betrayed me, you fell in love. Huge difference. And like I said, Seiya, your heart is your own. You can give it to whomever you choose. I would never put that kind of claim on any of you." Kakyuu was very quiet for a long moment. "You know all you'd have to do is say the word, and I would let you go. I would never ask you to stay with me if you didn't want to be here." Her voice quivered, just a bit, but Seiya had known her far too long not to notice. The princess turned her face away, and her next words were so soft that Seiya was fairly certain she wasn't meant to hear them. "But I'd miss you."

The taller girl sat up straight then, and leaned forward, taking Kakyuu's hand. "Don't say that, Princess. Right now I need you to... to NEED me here. To tell me you just can't make it without me. Because if you don't need me, then... I really don't have anything left."

Kakyuu turned back to look at her. Her ruby eyes were wide. "But you could go back, then. Back to Earth."

"No, I couldn't. You heard her when we left, right? She said she'd never forget my friendship. And that's all I'd ever be to her. A friend. Even if I were to go back, it would just be to watch her be happy with someone else. I don't know if my heart could take it." She shook her head sadly. "So please, Princess, don't say you don't need me here with you..."

The redhead interrupted her, placing a finger over Seiya's lips. "I never said that. I said I would let you go, if you wanted to. But I will always, ALWAYS need you. I can't imagine..." She bit her lip, then. "But I would never want you to stay with me because you felt like you had to. You're entitled to your own life. All three of you are."

"Princess, you don't... you don't want me to go, do you?" The thought fell from Seiya's lips before she realized she'd said it out loud, and she immediately regretted it as Kakyuu's eyes filled with tears. "No, no, I just meant that... Well, I know I haven't really been... and I don't want you to think I don't care about you anymore, or that you've been replaced or anything..." A tear spilled over down the princess' pretty face, and Seiya got even more flustered. "Please don't cry. I didn't mean..."

She didn't get the chance to finish, because Kakyuu had suddenly wrapped her in a bear hug, and her senses were overwhelmed by the scent of olives and brilliant red. The little Kinmoku princess fastened her arms around Seiya's neck fiercely. "Of course I don't want you to go, dummy. I love you. You're one of my favorite people in the whole world. I just want you to be happy. You've already given up so much for me, and it makes me so sad to see you sad. I'd do anything to make it better. Even if it means giving you up." This entire speech was delivered with an intensity that shook her whole body, and for a moment Seiya was taken aback. It had been a long time since Kakyuu had dropped her composure this much, even in the presence of only her Starlights, and she wasn't quite sure how to respond. But apparently Kakyuu was not going to let go until she did respond, somehow, and so slowly she brought her arms up and returned the Princess' hug.

"I'm... I'm sorry," Seiya offered awkwardly, trying not to get strands of fiery hair caught in her mouth as she spoke.

Kakyuu pulled back abruptly. "Don't you dare be sorry. Just... just tell me what it is that you want. I'll give you anything."

"I don't know." Genuine confusion spread over her face. "I mean... I guess I want Odango to be happy, and she is. And I want you and Taiki and Yaten to be happy."

"Don't you want happiness for yourself?" The look on Kakyuu's face was suddenly cryptic, as if she knew an answer that Seiya didn't and was waiting for Seiya to find it out on her own.

Seiya blinked at her for a moment, and then grinned. "I guess it's like you said, Princess. I'm happiest when I have people in my life to love. And if the people I love are happy, then I am too." She looked up at the sky, which had faded to a dark maroon, almost black color. "No matter how far away she is, I can still love her, right?"

"Always."

"And you don't mind? If you're not the only girl in my heart anymore?"

Kakyuu shook her head with a smile. "I'm positive you have enough love for both of us. As long as I get to be somewhere in there, I don't mind sharing at all." She winked.

"I'm still gonna miss her. A lot." Seiya sighed, searching through the stars to see if she could pick out the one, billions of miles away, where a certain blond-ponytailed high schooler was probably sleeping, right at this very moment. Or in class, perhaps... Seiya wasn't sure what sort of time difference existed between Kinmoku and Earth.

"I know." Kakyuu leaned her head on Seiya's shoulder then, also staring up at the stars. "But it's okay. I'm sure she misses you too. And there's no reason that we can't all go back sometime for a visit. It might be nice to see them all again."

Seiya put an arm around the princess, and for a time they were both silent. The evening breeze rustled through the branches of the olive bushes far below their feet, surrounding them with the sweet fragrance of home, the fragrance they had been searching for so desperately, for so long. Kinmoku's three moons shone steadily from their places in the sky, bathing the palace gardens in pale light, and the stars beyond glittered down at them, each one firmly fixed in its own place in the heavens.

"No rush."

*** Taiki ***

As engrossed with her book as she was, Taiki still leapt to her feet when Kakyuu entered the palace conservatory. She removed her glasses and bowed low as the smaller girl approached. "Princess."

For a long moment Kakyuu gazed at her with something akin to sadness… or was it hurt? … in her eyes. Finally, in a soft voice that held just a hint of sarcasm, she replied. "At ease."

Taiki immediately straightened, placing her feet a shoulder's width apart and clasping her hands behind her back... a perfect military stance. She looked straight forward, barely blinking. And for another long moment there was silence. Kakyuu couldn't take it anymore, and with a little growl of frustration she shoved Taiki in the stomach, pushing her back down into the armchair where she'd been reading a few minutes before. "Would you cut it out already? What's wrong with you? Why are you doing this?"

The tallest of the Starlights blinked at her, recovering from her slightly undignified loss of balance, and stood up again quickly. "Princess?"

"Sit. Sit down, right now."

"As you wish." Taiki sat again, on the edge of the chair, her back straight, and kept her eyes on the little princess. From her sitting position she was now eye-to-eye with Kakyuu, and she again gazed at her calmly. This only seemed to frustrate Kakyuu even more.

"Arrrgh!" Kakyuu picked up the book that Taiki had been reading from the little table by the chair, and tossed it across the room. "Stop it!"

"Stop what, exactly, Princess?"

Kakyuu stared at her, ruby eyes flashing disbelief. "Oh, don't give me that. You know perfectly well that ever since we found each other again on Earth, you've been all strange and formal with me. Like you're afraid of me. Or maybe you just don't like me anymore, I don't know. But it never used to be like this, Taiki." The taller girl's face remained impassive, and Kakyuu's lips tightened. "Before we were all separated, you Starlights were my best friends. We laughed and joked and played pranks together. And you NEVER bowed to me if we weren't in public. Now it's all I can do to keep you from kissing the floor every time I walk in the room. You barely look at me, you never talk to me anymore…"

The redhead sank down into an armchair across from Taiki's. "You were the one I always had the best talks with, you know. Don't you remember? It can't have been so long that you've forgotten. You and I used to climb trees out in the orchards, and sit there all night discussing politics, the principles of physics, the reasons Yaten spends so much time on her hair…" This finally brought a faint smile to Taiki's lips, but it disappeared when Kakyuu grinned back at her, and her grin also faded sadly. She was quiet for a few seconds. "It used to be so relaxed, so comfortable between us. Now you're always so formal, and… and COLD. Did I do something wrong? Are you angry with me?"

Taiki's violet eyes did not blink. "It is not my place to be angry with you, Princess."

"Don't make me smack you, Taiki Kou." She pursed her lips. "If you're mad at me you are going to tell me, right now."

"Is that an order?" There was nothing but deference in the Starlight's voice, but Kakyuu could sense the sarcasm beneath it and she winced.

"No. I mean, I don't want it to be…" The Princess shook her head. "But I can't stand this silence of yours anymore. And I can't make it right if I don't know what I did wrong. I'm not asking as your Princess, I'm asking as your friend."

"My friend?" Taiki arched an eyebrow, an expression of amusement that didn't quite reach her eyes. "With all due respect, Princess, I was under the impression that your responsibilities as ruler of Kinmoku should come before everything else, including friendship."

Kakyuu's little red mouth fell open in astonishment. "What… Taiki, what are you talking about? You three have always been the most important things in the world to me, you know that."

"Oh, I do know." There it was again, that polite sarcasm.

Her ruby eyes narrowed into slits. "Fine. Have it your way." She rose to her feet, puffed out her chest, and glared. "I am the first order imperial Princess Kakyuu of the Tankei Kingdom of the planet Kinmoku, and I order you, Sailor StarMaker, Starlight Soldier of her highness' royal guard, to explain to me exactly why you are being such an ass."

Taiki's eyebrows lowered. "As you wish. Permission to speak freely?"

Kakyuu rolled her eyes with annoyance. "Please do."

"The time we spent on Earth searching for you made me realize a few things, Princess. But by far the most important was the realization that you should never have considered us your friends to begin with." Kakyuu's eyes started to fill with shocked tears, but Taiki held up a hand. "It's not an emotional issue, Princess, it's a matter of common sense. Your feelings for us put all of us in danger. We spent nearly a year chasing you across the galaxy, trying to keep up with you, trying to find you again. You left without us, you came to Earth without us, and you hid from us while we were all on Earth."

"So you ARE mad at me, then."

"No." Taiki sighed. "You did what you did because you felt you had to. You wanted to keep us safe, because you thought of us as your friends… and that's the problem. Our duty, Princess, is to protect you. We can't do that if your feelings for us get in the way." The violet eyes darkened. "Do you have any idea how…" Her voice shook a bit, and she stopped herself, closing her eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath before continuing. "It was very difficult for us, knowing you were out there somewhere, that you might be hurt or weak or sick or God knows what else. The not knowing was terrible. But what was worse was the fact that you'd run away from us, on purpose. You were hiding from us, on purpose. We, who are sworn to protect you with the last breaths of our bodies, had no idea where you were, if you were all right, if you were in danger… and it was our OWN fault, for letting ourselves get so close to you that you were more worried about our safety than your own. We never should have let you care that much." She stood up then, and walked away towards the conservatory window.

Disbelief was written all over the princess' face as she stared at her tall guardian's back. "And so you, in your great intelligence, have decided that you're going to be a complete jerk to me until I magically forget the fact that we're friends, is that it?" She shook her head. "That has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Maybe so." Taiki shrugged her slim shoulders without looking up. "But I'd rather that you hate me, or think that I'm an ass, and let me protect you, than have you run away and hide from us." She stared out the window, and her rich voice was quiet. "I never want to go through that again. Ever."

"Taiki…" Kakyuu's eyes were wide, and she took a step forward. "Taiki, I'm so sorry. I never meant for that to happen. But… I didn't do it just because of you. I did it because I was the only one who knew what we were looking for, and who knew how to find it. I followed the Light of Hope to Earth without you because, to be honest, the three of you were slowing me down, with all your precautions and your fussing over me. And if I hadn't, we might never have found it at all." Taiki felt the Princess' tiny hand on her back; Kakyuu couldn't even reach the taller girl's shoulder, she was so small. "I missed the three of you so much, SO much, while we were separated. And I knew you were all probably very worried about me, and I felt awful about that, but... I was so close, Taiki. I was so close to the Light of Hope I could feel it. I didn't dare answer your songs until I was sure. I couldn't risk losing it, because if I did then everything we'd put ourselves through that whole time would have been for nothing."

Taiki shook her head slowly. "I understand, Princess. I do. But it's not just that." She swallowed. "You... you DIED. You jumped in front of us and attacked Galaxia on your own, trying to protect us, trying to let us escape. And you died. We had to watch you fade away in our arms." This time it was her violet eyes that sparkled dangerously with unshed tears. "Don't you get it? You are our heartbeat, Princess. You're everything. And after spending all that time trying to find you, we were barely reunited before we lost you again, for good. Because you care too much. You should have let us protect you. You should have let us die for you. Because we would have... and it would have made us happy to do it." She blinked, and a tear escaped, sliding slowly down her cheek. "As it was, we survived. Again. It's bad enough knowing you've survived the destruction of the planet you're sworn to defend... but to survive your Princess..." Taiki couldn't finish.

Kakyuu reached up with one hand, but she couldn't reach Taiki's face, so she tugged at the tall senshi's arm until Taiki finally knelt on one knee so that they were once more eye to eye. The little princess stroked Taiki's face, wiping the tears away with her thumb. "I'm so sorry," she said again, softly. "I suppose I could argue that I did it because I thought that you three could protect Sailor Moon better than I could... but that wouldn't be the entire truth. I really did want to protect you. You Starlights have given up so much for me, protected me so many times, taken so much of the pain that was meant for me, that for once I wanted to do something for you. But I didn't realize... maybe I just wasn't thinking... that it would cause you so much hurt. And I'm really sorry." More tears spilled from Taiki's eyes, but Kakyuu wiped these away as sweetly as she had the first. "Taiki, I miss you. We're all together again now, and I still miss you almost as much as I did when we were apart. I want to be able to talk to you again. I don't want you pulling away from me like this. I feel like I've lost one of my best friends." Her ruby eyes were serious. "So... what is it going to take, to get my old Taiki back? The one who treats me like a person, not just a princess? I want her back."

Taiki shook her head, looking down at the floor. "I don't know." She took a deep, slow breath. "I guess... I guess I need you to promise me that you won't do that again. You won't jump in front of us and keep us from protecting you like we're supposed to."

The princess nodded. "I can promise you that I will try. I can't... I can't promise more than that, because you three really are my friends. If you think it's hard watching the person you're supposed to protect get hurt, try watching three people get hurt protecting you." Taiki met her eyes then, and Kakyuu gave her a little smile, knowing she understood. "But I will promise you that I will allow you to do your jobs with as little interference from me as I can stand. Just don't expect me to stand back and watch YOU die, either."

A slow grin spread over the taller girl's features. "Fair enough."

"So you'll stop bowing and groveling and being so ridiculously formal with me now?"

Taiki nodded.

"Then get up off the floor and let's go for a walk. I have this sudden urge to climb a tree." Kakyuu winked.

Obediently Taiki rose to her feet and offered the princess her arm. As she led the redhead towards the large glass doors that opened from the conservatory out into the palace orchards, she chuckled low in her throat. "So, Princess, I don't suppose you've noticed the little braids that Yaten's taken to wearing in her ponytail? Funny story, that..."

*** Yaten ***

Yaten shot straight up in bed, cold rivulets of sweat trickling down her back, her silver bangs plastered to a moist forehead. The dreams again. They were getting worse. Screaming voices, black smoke, and everywhere the shine of stars going out…

But Galaxia was gone. It was over. They were home, and they were safe. She repeated these things to herself over and over before falling asleep at night, hoping they would keep the nightmares away, but it didn't seem to be helping. There were images in her mind that were simply too firmly imprinted to be forgotten, and too powerful to be subdued. For the millionth time she inwardly cursed her keen empathic senses. Normal people could be traumatized easily enough by merely being witnesses to the kind of devastation Galaxia had wreaked across so many worlds. Yaten had not only watched it, in many cases she'd also FELT it… the pain of people she didn't even know being forced into her head, taking her by surprise, so strong that she couldn't block it out. And now, when it was all over, those same voices still haunted her from her memory, and she couldn't seem to silence them.

Suddenly Yaten was aware of another presence in the room. It was almost completely dark, the only light coming from the stars outside her window, and she couldn't make out the intruder's face or form, but she knew who it was. Kakyuu was sitting by the foot of her bed, so quietly that if it weren't for Yaten's unique empathic abilities she might not have ever noticed the princess was there. She could sense vague worry from her, and experienced a little flash of alarm. "Princess? Is something wrong?"

"I was hoping you would tell me." There was that worry again, and combined with the tone of the princess' voice Yaten suddenly realized that Kakyuu's concern was focused on her. Embarrassment colored her cheeks, and she was grateful for the darkness in the room.

Keeping her voice light, Yaten shrugged. "Just had a bad dream… Guess I should have listened to Seiya and not eaten quite so many of those weird little fruit things at dinner. But they were good, so the indigestion is worth it." She gave a little chuckle. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you, Princess. You should go back to bed. Everything's fine."

"You were calling for me. I could hear you from my own chambers." Yaten could feel Kakyuu's eyes on her, the princess' concern now amplified, rather than subdued, by her attempt to gloss over the situation. "And this isn't the first time, Yaten. Do you think the rest of us don't notice those dark circles under your eyes every morning?"

The Starlight flushed even deeper. It hadn't occurred to her that the nightmares might have been causing her to talk in her sleep, much less call out so loudly that it would wake Kakyuu from all the way down the hall. Dealing with the dreams on her own was difficult enough. The last thing she wanted was for Kakyuu or the other two Starlights to get involved. She shrugged. "It's nothing, really. Just stress from all the restoration we've been doing lately, I guess."

There was silence for a moment, an uncomfortable silence as Yaten sensed an abrupt wave of sadness from the princess, almost immediately followed by irritation. Kakyuu's next words did not surprise her. "I don't believe you." Kakyuu leaned forward, and the sweet scent of olive blossoms tickled Yaten's nose. "You've been too cheerful lately. Too silly. And you have a lovely sense of humor, Yaten, but it goes into overdrive when you're trying to hide something from the rest of us. After all the years that we've been together, do you really think I wouldn't know that?" With one hand, she reached out and gently tugged the other girl's ponytail over her shoulder. Among the long silver strands were four tiny braids, woven with bits of brightly colored thread. Kakyuu stroked the braids thoughtfully.

Yaten pulled away, her hands coming up protectively to her hair. "What…" She swallowed. "What did Taiki tell you?" Surely her tall friend didn't know. She hadn't told anyone. It was her own fault, anyway, for wearing them around like the sentimental fool that she was. She'd made it into a joke, of course, and until now she'd thought everyone just attributed the little decorations to her vanity. But compassion had suddenly surrounded Kakyuu like an aura, and Yaten got a sick, sinking feeling in her stomach.

The princess shook her head, and Yaten could hear the smile in her voice as she replied. "Only that there had been a little incident on Earth, where a few of the Three Lights' fans cornered you and decided to give you a makeover, including a new hairstyle that they insisted was all the rage... Don't worry. Seiya and Taiki are still so amused by the whole thing that I doubt it's crossed their minds that there's something more to it. Though I'm surprised they haven't figured it out yet."

"Figured what out?" Yaten kept her voice carefully casual.

"The colors." Kakyuu reached out again to touch the threads woven into Yaten's braids. "Blue. Red. Green. Orange. The girls who did that little makeover and braided your hair were some of the Sailor Senshi of that star system, were they not? And aren't those the colors of their uniforms? It took me a while to realize it." Her hand drifted from the ponytail to Yaten's face. "I know what happened when you were with Galaxia. I wasn't there, but I know."

"You don't know." Yaten pushed Kakyuu's hand away and swung her legs over the side of the bed. After a moment she stood up and began to pace the room. "Even if you'd been there, you wouldn't know. Not like I do. Nobody…" She balled her fists. "Nobody knows like I do."

"Then tell me."

"What's the point?" The silver-haired Starlight spun on her princess in frustration. "What good will it do? You've got enough to worry about, trying to put Kinmoku back together. Seiya, Taiki, they've both got their own demons to deal with. And I've got mine. I'll handle them on my own. So just… just go back to sleep, and leave me alone. I don't want to talk about it anymore." Her face was sullen.

Kakyuu stared at her from her seat on the bed, then folded her arms. "I am not leaving. I can be just as stubborn as you can, Yaten Kou." After a moment her voice softened a little. "I know you don't like talking about your own feelings. You never have. Maybe it's because you're so empathic to the feelings of others, I don't know. So… Fine. You don't have to talk about it. I'll do the talking." She took a deep breath. "I know you don't think I can understand what it's like for you, sensing other people's feelings. And it's true, I don't have that gift. I've never experienced it, myself. But I can imagine."

The princess stood then, and walked over to the little dressing table against the wall. When they were younger, she remembered the table so covered in perfume vials, little cosmetic cases and various jewelry trinkets that the surface could scarcely be seen. Since they'd returned from Earth, however, most of that had been cleared away. There were only a few small, simple glass bottles now. She picked one of them up and rolled it in her fingers as she spoke. "I know that Galaxia took the Star Seeds of those girls, Yaten. And I know the three of you had to see it. Seiya described it to me once, and said it was one of the worst things she'd ever seen, the four of them dropping one after the other. Hard enough to watch. Even harder to feel." She met Yaten's gaze across the room; it was lighter now and she could just make out the pale green color of the other girl's eyes. "And no one feels things the way that you do."

Yaten looked away. Part of her wanted to argue, or at least to insist that it didn't matter, but she knew Kakyuu wouldn't believe her anyway. The princess was right, sort of. She HAD felt the pain of the other senshi as they'd lost their Star Seeds to Galaxia. But that wasn't…

"But that isn't what's really bothering you, is it?" Kakyuu smiled gently as Yaten blinked at her in surprise. "You're a soldier, Yaten. You've dealt with death before, and the suffering that goes along with it. It's not the physical pain those girls went through that you can't handle. It's the fact that you think it should have been you, and in a way, you're jealous." She set the bottle back down on the table. "They died protecting their planet, and their princess. And what's more, they died protecting YOU. That's the part you can't handle. You think they succeeded where you failed, and you don't feel worthy of their sacrifice." Kakyuu's ruby eyes were penetrating. "You think you failed, because you survived."

Bile rose in the back of Yaten's throat and for a moment she thought she was going to be sick. It was true that she'd been experiencing powerful guilt and feelings of self-loathing ever since that day, but the princess had managed to package all of her vague and undefined emotions into a few concise sentences. For a moment her knees went weak and she thought she might fall, but a sudden sharp wave of sadness from Kakyuu provided a little shock to her system that helped her to remain standing. The princess' voice trembled a bit. "I understand how you feel, Yaten. Better than you might imagine. Sailor Moon… she and I are close in age, close in power, close in position. Yet she managed to save her planet from Galaxia. Not only did she dispel Chaos, she allowed the return of all of the Star Seeds that Galaxia had collected from all across the universe. She protected her planet. I couldn't protect mine."

Yaten's sea green eyes widened. "Don't say that!" she exclaimed fiercely, forgetting her resolution not to discuss the subject. "You did everything you could to protect Kinmoku from Galaxia. You DIED protecting us."

"Precisely." Kakyuu's smile was tinged with irony. "I died. And what good is a dead princess? Or a dead soldier? Where is the nobility in letting yourself get killed, so that those you love are left completely vulnerable? I know you feel guilty for surviving, but if you hadn't, Sailor Moon might not have survived long enough herself to defeat Chaos. In staying alive, you three helped Sailor Moon to succeed where I had failed. It doesn't get any more noble than that."

"You didn't fail," Yaten insisted vehemently. "No one could have asked you to fight harder or give up more than what you did."

Kakyuu lifted an eyebrow. "Perhaps not. And I cannot honestly say that I believe I should have done something differently. Everything has a purpose, Yaten. Look at where we are right now. Home. Safe. Our people restored, our planet in stages of healing. The four of us alive and together, and Chaos no longer a threat. Who's to say that this isn't what destiny intended all along? What if every event-my search for the Light of Hope, your search for me on Earth, my death at Galaxia's hands, the deaths of those senshi-was vital to our ultimate success over Chaos? And if each of those events was instrumental in bringing about this result…" she waved her hand towards the window, where the gray light of dawn was beginning to creep up over the silhouettes of the olive trees outside, "then how is it logical, or even fair, for any of us to regret them?"

For a second Yaten just stared at her. Then she gave a little chuckle and shook her head. "How do you do that?" she asked. "How do you always seem to find the bright side of everything?"

"Well, with the three of you always so dramatic and angsty, somebody's got to keep things in perspective around here." The princess winked at her, and Yaten bristled indignantly.

"I am NOT dramatic," she retorted, flipping her ponytail back over her shoulder, but Kakyuu was already at the bedroom door.

"Good night, Yaten. Sweet dreams." The door began to close, but then she opened it again and poked her head back in the room. "Feel free to take the morning off, by the way. Something tells me you need a little extra rest today." The door closed then, and she was gone.

Yaten shook her head wryly. "I'm SO not dramatic," she repeated to the empty room, but the stubbornness in her voice was edged with amusement. She looked back at her bed, the big fluffy white pillows suddenly seeming very inviting. Her protests could wait for a few more hours… she crawled back into bed and snuggled into the blankets, and for the first time in weeks, enjoyed a completely satisfying and dreamless sleep.

*** END ***