Are Ya Sure 'Bout That?
'Cause I'm not!
By
Aigroe/Onitna
Onitna: Yeah, yeah… *ish a tad bit disheartened* We flipped a coin and Aigroe won.
Aigroe: So my name's first! *laughs sticking tongue out at Onitna* We don't own Yu Yu Hakuso, but we did use a scene out of it to create our 'what if' scenario.
The / signify what we changed…
So read on!
~~~~~
In a tournament far far away… There existed three fighters, three brave virtuous fighters. Unfortunately, their master fell sick under a cursed illness caused by the evil villain wished to use their extraordinary battling talents, for the master was an excellent one. They agreed to the mysterious doctor's wishes if it would help their master that they felt deep affection for heal.
Before long the evil villain's plot was hatched and all three fighters were under his control. Large strangely formed orange-red scientifically engineered mind control barookas were implanted into their blood stream. Soon the fighters were forced to participate acts that violated their morals.
It wasn't until they faced a particular virtuous red-head named Kuwabaru along with the famous Spirit Detective Yusuke and the infamous psychic Genkai. Unwillingly they were forced to hit Kuwabaru out of the ring and attack the other two. Genkai then used a blinding technique that knocked them out. The evil villain, there's still only one, then injected himself with genetic enhancement fluid and took on Yusuke. Yusuke took the mean-spirited doctor out of his misery and that brings us up to date.
Now for anyone that stopped reading half-way through the above explanation this is it simplified slightly.
In a spot a very very very very very very large number of feet away… Were three strong guys. Their master got a very bad cough caused by a snot nosed ugly green person that wanted to take over the world and blow us all to kingdom come and roast marshmallows over the burning corpses, in other words a villain. That wanted their very very good skills, for the master was a very very very good one. They agreed to help the weird guy, who claimed he made booboos better, if it would help their master that they felt a whole lot of tender loving feelings get better.
Soon all three strong guys were under his control. Large freaky orange-red barookas, made by a smart guy that messed with their minds, and weren't coming out anytime soon. Soon the fighters did stuff that went against personal beliefs.
It wasn't until they faced a person who didn't hit girls with orange hair, Kuwabaru, along with the well-known Spirit Detective, Yusuke, and the a lot more well-known psychic, Genkai. Unwillingly they socked Kuwabaru one good and went after the other two. Genkai did some fancy stuff that knocked them out. A stronger taller and dark greener guy that made booboos better attacked Yusuke. Yusuke bopped him one good and that's that.
(Pssst! It's supposed to be funny.
So laugh already!
You're not laughing.
We can tell this stuff! You're not really laughing!
Okay, that's it! *Aigroe rolls up sleeves and Onitna tosses of jacket dramatically* If you don't start laughing by the count of three…
One…
Two…
Thre…
That's what we thought.)
Disclaimer: Most of the following portion is a part of Yu Yu Hakusho. We are not in any way trying to claim this excellent piece of work, just trying to jog your memory as to what happened right where our 'what if' scenario took place. Just wanted to make sure you all understood that.
Surgeon General's Warning: You read at your own risk. The next few pages are intended to be humorous. Disgust and revulsion at the two writers' pathetic attempts at humor may cause you to spontaneously combust…
Onitna: *sings smirking evily* I've got the power!
…into flames. Also any forms criticism of their disgustingly horrible fic that would make any immensely ill can cause… *Surgeon General suddenly spontaneously combusts*
Onitna: *innocent look* Why is everyone staring at me?
Aigroe: The Surgeon General! For heaven's sake Onitna! He was a high ranking official!
Onitna: I like the sound of that…Was…*very smug* He should have worded his warning more carefully.
Aigroe: *glances at readers fearfully* You know our usual policy about flames being welcomed with open arms… *glances at Onitna*
Onitna: *obliviously sweeping large pile of ashes into dustpan*
Aigroe: I take it back… Just send them to me… Don't let 'Nita see them!
Onitna: I heard that! I'm more than equipped to handle flames! See! *whips out bazooka*
Aigroe: *eyes bulge out; sweatdrop*
Onitna: Come on! Just give me a death threat! MAKE MY DAY!!!
Aigroe: *face vault*
Onitna: Come on! Give me a piece of your mind! I'll be sure to deep fry it! *strokes bazooka lovingly*
Aigroe: *starts backing away… very slowly*
Onitna: *swirls* Hey, where are you going?!
Aigroe: *blinks at the heavy weapon pointed at her* Eep! Nowhere!
Onitna: Good… *smiles charmingly and curtsies*
Aigroe: *clears throat* Let's continue shall we? *keeps one eye Onitna nervously.
"It's all my fault. How can I ever forgive myself?" He lowered his head, his weight still supported by Kurama unable to stare at the remains of his best pupils.
"Save your tears," Genkai spoke up from her stance in the ring causing all eyes to turn towards her. "Your boys aren't dead."
"Hhnn?" His face clearly displayed his own shock and surprise as he glanced at the three forms laying spread-eagle on the tiled surface. Slowly their eyes opened (talk about great timing) as they arose checking fore the dreaded mind-controlling barooka as they realized they could move freely.
"Now this is stupid weird." Yusuke put his two cents in watching the three quickly recovering youths.
"Hey! Fill me in I can't see up there you know!" Kuwabaru shouted from his position lying by Botan.
"We're really alive."
"And in complete control." Satisfied that his boys were 'back' their master stepped away from Kurama heading into the ring to his students.
"I don't understand. A few minutes ago, their spirit energy was a-wall." Yusuke voiced his confusion to Genkai both still in the ring.
"I guess it worked. It's been 20 years since I used that technique." She replied as a way of a brief explanation.
"I'd never thought I'd see you!" The master yelled still making his way over to the three adolescents causing them to turn in surprise.
"Master!" Then as one sorrowful expressions passed over their face and they turned, back facing the yellow garbed male.
"Wait! Why do you turn?"
"We've committed horrible sins, master. I can't even remember all the people I've…"
/ "Or houses we've destroyed…"
"I blew up a Day's Inn!"
"I took out Krispy Kremes!" One wailed.
"I destroyed a McDonalds…" Silence followed the last comment before the other two patted him on his back.
"That's okay to destroy, Kai."
"Oh…" (1) /
"The lessons you taught us didn't mean anything. We're a disgrace to your dojo."
/ "What's left of it…" The black-haired pupil muttered. /
"Leave us master. We can't bare to look at you now."
"Why couldn't she have just killed us?"
Enraged their masters instead leaving as they requested choose to bellow at them. "How can you say such things?"
"Your master is right. Your guilt is misplaced. The technique I used is called the Spirit Wave. It's one of the five great attacks of trial and its powered by your own spirit energy, if your soul's are corrupt the wickedness takes your life. If you are a pure heart then its purity consumes you destroying any outside impediments. It's your soul that destroyed the barooka. That proves you have nothing to hide." Genkai voiced from behind the truthful master.
"Gin, Ryko, Kai, she says what I've known all along. If there was anything you could have done to prevent those kills you would have. The barooka may have taken over, but who you are, your souls are still clean…"
(Everything in italics is the master's response. Hope you find it funny.)
/ "But master…" Their heads lowered in shame. "The magazines…" (2)
Genkai stared at her hands. "Why, why have you forsaken me?!" She shook her hands frantically. "Why me?"
"Is that what you were doing in the dojo late at night?"
"And the drugs…"
"And the five-finger discount at Wal-Mart's."
"You're thieves?"
Kurama glared at Master anger glimmer in his green eyes. "What's wrong with thieves?" (3)
"Oh… nothing… I guess…"
"Hn… idiot human." Hiei muttered.
Yusuke joined Genkai in her inspection. "You know, maybe that short life line has something to do with it."
"How can you say that after all we've done?"
"Even after we blackmailed the old ladies on 49th Broad."
"And blackmailers?"
Kurama raised his eyes warningly.
"Oi!"
"What short life line?" Genkai questioned back.
"And gambled away your life savings…"
"YOU DID WHAT??!!!"
"This one." Yusuke pointed to fat and short black line on her hand. "And destroyed your only home…"
"My HOUSE!"
A small demon leapt over the edge of the ring nimbly landing on his feet as he charged toward the ring dollar signs swirling in his head.
"And charged everything on your tab at the restaurants."
"That's not my lifeline, Yusuke…" Genkai replied. (4)
"Excuse me sir. I own Youkai Insurance. If you're planning on purchasing a new home, it would be to your benefit to purchase the most reliable insurance around. We've been operating for over five thousand years now and have a long line creditability and satisfied customers. As a Dark Tournament participant I'd be willing to offer you a discount for your life-long insurance."
"Can you give the names of your past customers?" Master asked looking interested in the demon's offer.
"I'm afraid not… They've all met unfortunate ends…" (5)
"For who?" Yusuke muttered as the Master's interest was replaced with shock.
"All of them?" The demon nodded before continuing.
"In the past few years. However as are only customer your house would be thoroughly protected."
"Thanks, but I'm sure we'll manage." He stated declining the offer and turning back to his students.
The short demon shrugged before making his way over to Kuwabaru. "You look like you could some life insurance there…" He started squatting beside the injured teamate.
"And when your pet turtle deceased…"
"YOU KILLED KENNY!!!???" (6)
"And destroyed all of the dishes practicing my Invisible Slash."
"Ooh… Then what is it?" He poked the black line.
"Not the Blue Willow Print!"
"You only took out the dishes? I got the driveway with my Grizzly Claw…" Two of them turned to look at the strangely silent orange-head.
"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Yusuke snatched his hand back and never, never poked Genkai's hand ever again.
"What? I only sliced through the telephone pole with my attack…" All present sweat-dropped. In the sudden silence, after he regained his calm, their master spoke up.
Shizaru suddenly stood up in the crowd advancing down the steps toward the ring. "You jerk! You cut off my phone call!" She placed one hand on the wall drawing herself up and over. "DIE SCUMBAG!" (7)
Kuwabaru cringed looking for someone to hide him from his sister vicious wrath. Botan was the closest…
Both orange-haired fighters looked extremely nervously backing away from the strawberry's enraged form holding up there hands defensively as they called out at the same time:
"I didn't mean to do it!"
"I didn't do it!"
Kyoto moved in-front of Shizaru blocking her path. "I'm sorry ma'am, but you can come up here."
"You're going to stop me?" She questioned dangerously eyeing up her opponent.
"As the referee I can not allow you up here." The cat demon replied crouching into position.
"Then try your best lady." An immense mushroom cloud covered the ring as the two females launched at each other kicking up enough dust to hide both forms from their views. In the stands a millionaire valiantly hid any traces of the concern that knotted in his stomach from his face as he watched the mysterious strawberry blond enter into a fist-fight with the referee. To his immense relief the fight was quickly broken up by the real fighters as Kurama and Yusuke pulled the squirming females apart. Shizaru didn't go without a fight though causing Kurama to gently deposit her outside the ring where Botan kept her busy.
Once the violator of the rulebook was removed Kyoto calmed down resuming her observation of the ring. The three previously mind controlled fighters were back in their original positions, back facing their master./
"I see you in the same way now as I always have. As my three most noble students. Let's put the past behind us!" Their backs quivered for a moment before they turned running at the wise older man.
"Master" All three, shouted as one.
"We missed you, so much!"
"Is it true, are you going to be okay again?"
"Yes, I think so." He answered. / "So I'll be in perfect condition to supervise the reconstruction of my dojo!"/
Yusuke sniffed and wiped his nose. "Well mystery lady, that was some move."
"You've done us well." Kurama voiced as well. {*Onitna sighs dreamily* Aww… The wise words of Kurama… *stares at him with hearts in her eyes*
Somebody's got a crush! *Aigroe sang*
*Onitna kneels hoisting bazooka to her shoulder* Wanna make something of it?
Geesh, don't get so defensive! *Aigroe holds up hands in surrender*}
"They're all okay… I think letting those guys beat the snot out of me was the best thing I've ever done." Kuwabaru added from outside the ring.
"And so in a fit of dramatic emotion able to make any demon retch…"
We reach…
THE END!!!!
1-Onitna's a Burger King fan.
2-I think you can guess what magazines…
3-Remember Kurama's a thief and Hiei stole from Enma's vault as well.
4-I'll leave that to your imagination. I don't want to guess what was on her hand… But feel free to guess in a review and see how close to the truth you are.
5- In case I didn't make it clear enough this demon was basically selling other demons insurance and after they paid killing them off and finding new ones.
6-sorry couldn't resist… We just had to add that one in there…
7- I know that was out of character… but it was a very important phone call!
So how was it? Should we continue writing humor or stick to romance?
Please press that button and review!