AN: We own no one you recognize. I'll update the AN later.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It had started out as a normal day for Lexy and Lemelemie. At least, as normal as it could get, anyway. Then, Lexy opened the fridge.

"Lemel," she called. "I think something strange is happening in the fridge."

Lemelemie appeared. "What do you mean?"

"I think the donuts have transformed into the habitat for a new form of life."

"Excellent!" Lemel cried. Lightening flashed, and she continued. "My experiment is a success!"

"Experiment!" Lexy scooped up one of her multiple purple fuzzy chickens. "You were conducting an experiment on perfectly acceptable chocolate- covered donuts? Why, why, why?!"

Lemel shrugged. "The Cosmic Fish told me to."

"The Cosmic Fish?!" Lexy cried. "They're stuffed with fluff! They can't talk!"

"But I like blaming my mistakes on small inanimate objects," Lemel replied reasonably. "Besides, now I can get lots of money and buy more donuts."

"Exactly how do you get more money this way? You know we promised Kermit no more hair-brained schemes," Lexy petted the chicken. "After we blew up the laundro-mat - which was totally not my fault. Who knew Vanilla Coke shouldn't be shaken that much?"

"I did," Lemel smiled. "But anywho, you - rather, I - get money from this by selling the tiny people on the donuts as slaves for a flea circus or something equally small." Lemel considered. "Or, we could just give them to Kermit to eat."

"But that would be cruel and inhumane!" Lexy put down the chicken and picked up another one.

"Exactly."

"I suppose I can deal with cruel and inhumane," Lexy sighed. "If we sell them, though, the P.O.S.P.B.O.V.F.S will be onto us again. Can you stick them in a box and we'll take them to Kermit's now?"

"Alright," Lemel went and found a box, then came back to stick the Donut People into it. But just as she picked up the first donut the tiny people - which by the way, were coloured blue and wore bright pink clothing - leapt down from the donut, miraculously survived their fall, and ran under the fridge. Lemel stared at the now uninhabited donut for a second and then spoke.

"I guess they heard us."

"And I thought Donut People spoke Varanaha-haglish," Lexy sighed. "Well, want some salted snack foods while we wait for them to come out?"

"What do Donut People eat, anyway?" Lemel asked no one in particular. Then she answered Lexy's question. "Yeah. Though maybe we can use it as bait for our little blue-and-pink Donutians."

A small voice interrupted their 'conversation'. "Excuse me, oh Tall Ones." Lemel and Lexy looked down. A Donut Man was standing there, looking up at them.

"Oh, dear god. Right, the small people are talking to me - I'm going out." Lexy said. "I do NOT like it when Small People start a conversation with me."

Lemel grinned. "Well, I'm going to talk to him. I mean, I more or less created him, after all." She crouched down. "What is it you want, Tiny Donut Man?"

The Donut Man spoke. "I am Lord Herman, Ruler of the Donut People. Are you not Lemelemie, the Siith Maaster and Goddess of the Moon?" (A/N - to the Donut People, the fridge light is the Sun, and the brie is the Moon)

Lemel nodded. "I am indeed."

Lexy froze. "Goddess? Yeah, Lemel's Moon Goddess. Okay, Donut Dude, I'll stick around. Do you like tart? Cause I make a mean aquamarine tart."

Herman nodded vaguely. "So you are Lexy, Goddess of Aquamarine Tarts?"

"You could say that."

Herman smiled. "What fortune! The Makers have decided to grace us with their presence!"

Lemel shook her head. "I'm the Maker. Lexy's the… uh, Assistant."

"Same difference." Lexy muttered.

Herman nodded. "Who is Kermit, then?"

"Uh…" Lemel thought quickly, but couldn't think of anything.

"The God of Eating Small Donut People." Lexy hissed.

"Right." Lemel nodded. "I know so many Gods and Goddesses it is hard to keep track of them all. Kermit is the God of Eating Small Donut People. We must feed him regularly because of his insatiable appetite."

Lexy nodded. "He'll eat the World… uh, Universe, if we don't."

Herman's eyes widened. "Why do you still answer to this Kermit? Why not rebel?"

"Because he pays our rent," said Lexy.

Herman rolled his eyes. "Rent? Who heard of Goddesses paying rent?"

"Yo, Donut Man, careful what you say." Lemel warned. "You do know that I can un-create you just as easily as I created you." Then, she considered. "Yeah, why don't we rebel? I mean, Kermit's rich, but it's all cash, and stashed in his safe, and…" she was interrupted by a loud crash from outside. Lexy and Lemel stood and went to investigate.

There was a huge golden foot outside. The huge golden foot was connected to a huge golden leg, which was connected to a huge golden body, which was connected to huge golden arms and a huge golden head.

"Look out!" Lemel cried. "It's a Hyper Giant Ultra Super Robot!"

"How do you know that's what it is?" demanded Lexy.

The robot leaned over to look down at them.

"Greetings, small ones. I am C-3PY, the Hyper Giant Ultra Super Robot. I am the harbinger of doom."

"Oh. Dear. Lord," Lexy moaned. "Right, the only thing that could make this day worse is Nicki Webster singing 'Strawberry Kisses'."

As Lemel and Lexy absorbed the current situation for a split second, someone tapped them on the shoulder. Oh no, it was Nicki! Complete with backing dancers!

"Nooo!" Lexy wailed.

"Good going Lex. We have enough problems without the Annoying One," Lemel said tensely.

"Wait," Lexy paused and then said loudly, "My day couldn't get any worse unless I achieved world domination."

Nothing.

"Damnit!"

Lemel sighed, then drew her trusty liightsaabre. Just as The Annoying One began singing, she sliced its ugly head off. Instantly, everyone in the world cheered at once.

"See? People love me," Lemel smiled. The cheering died down, and they turned back to face C-3PY.

"Just… ugh. Why me?" Lexy wailed. "Now, as long as my tap-dancing shrimp are okay, everything will work out."

Suddenly, C-3PY stepped on the tap-dancing shrimp, wiping them out completely.

Lexy began to cry.

"Dear god!" gasped Lemel. "Look over there!"

Lexy did so.

"Pika pika pi!!!" None other than the Yellow Rat-like One itself had appeared out of thin air. "Pika pika pi!!!"

"Why'd you have to bring POKEMON into this?!" Lexy shrieked. Obviously, she was still upset over the demise of her shrimp.

"So we can kill it, of course." Lemel, by contrast, was totally cool, calm, collected, and slightly off the wall.

"But it's ANNOYING! Can't you just make us Goddesses of All instead? And bring back my shrimp!"

"Resurrection is your skill, not mine." Lemel replied. "And anyway, killing The Other Annoying One will cheer you up."

"Hello?" C-3PY boomed. "I am trying to kill you at the moment. Remember, I am the harbinger of doom!"

"True." Lexy admitted. "On both accounts. And what sort of doom do you signal? As long as it doesn't take too long, its perfectly fine with me… oh, a giant penguin!"

Unfortunately, Lexy had seen a penguin of giant proportions. Even more unfortunately, 'penguin' was the very top-secret magic secret word - which instantly transported Lemel, Lexy and Herman to Antarctica.

"This is SO not my fault," Lexy said, seeing the murderous glint in Lemel's eyes.

"I hate you," Lemel muttered.

"What? Why?" Lexy asked, somewhat astonished. "It was the giant penguins fault, not mine."

"Sure, blame the giant penguin," Lemel scowled. "What happens now?"

"Um, some deep-voiced Narrator tells us what to do?" Lexy suggested confidently.

"Since when did we have a Narrator?" Lemel demanded.

"Since now!" a deep voice, sounding suspiciously like C-3PY (but they could tell it wasn't him) was somehow heard over the wind. "Suddenly, our two heroines - the Uber Goddesses of Various Things, Lexy and Lemel - found themselves in an icy wasteland with Herman of the Donut People. They had but one choice!"

"What's that, then?" Lemel asked curiously.

"To steal the snow-mobiles from the currently approaching explorer team and ski to the nearest frozen beach!" replied the Narrator.

"What? Why?" Lexy asked. "Why?"

"Hey, I'm just following the script," was the booming reply.

"What?! Script?!" Lemel shrieked. "We don't want no stinkin' script!"

"Well, what's your bright idea then, Oh Moon Goddess?" asked the Narrator. "Do you intend to just 'fly' or something?"

"I'm an Author." Lemel replied haughtily. "So is Lexy. As such we are capable of anything."

"We are the Uber Goddesses of FanFiction and The Written Word. Give us the script and we'll fix it." Lexy nodded. "Hey, where's Herman?"

Lemel shrugged. "Who knows?"

Then, a small voice was miraculously heard over the wind, from Lemel's pocket. "I am here."

"There's the answer to your question," Lemel thought for a moment. "So, what's it to be? Fly, or magically transport ourselves somewhere warmer?"

"Tahiti! Rome! Ohh… lets go somewhere where there is cake!" Lexy gazed at Lemel hopefully. "Cake?"

Lemel sighed tolerantly. "Very well. Hey, I know! We can visit Grand Admiral Jello on his little island thingy! He has lots of cake."

"Cake?" Lexy said forlornly. "I like cake."

"I know you like cake," replied Lemel. "So, do you want to fly, or be magically transported?"

"Magical transport sounds nice," said Lexy.

"Good." Lemel smiled. "Now, to find my spellbook thingy." She began hunting in her pockets. After a few minutes of searching, she produced a pocket- sized book, titled, 'Spells for Lemel'.

"Bruce chewed through my copy of your spellbook." Lexy sighed. "Transport us, Lemel. Cause my socks are wet. Has Herman suffocated?"

"Not quite." Lemel sounded disappointed. "Alright. Time to visit my good friend Jellybones."

"Jellybones? I thought it was Jello." Lexy said, confused.

"It is," said Lemel. "He lets me call him Jellybones sometimes." She smiled. "Okay. Time to leave the frozen and also cold place." Opening the spellbook, she found the appropriate spell.

Lexy felt herself sucked up into a suction thingy. She closed her eyes as colours blurred her vision. 'Why do people still advertise in the Magical Transportation Portal?' Lexy thought. Ugly signs for pet slugs, purple fuzzy chicken repellent (why repel them?) and the multiple uses for tart.

And then Lexy landed in a heap next to Lemel on the ground. Somehow, Lemel always managed to land on her feet. Lexy wiped her eyes and sighed.

"Why, Lemel, do I always get coated in Turtle Wax samples? It's so sticky. And are you trying to suffocate Herman?"

"Not at all," Lemel replied innocently. "And you're under the Permanent Turtle-Wax Magnetism Spell, remember? Which is not my fault, before you go on about that again."

Before Lexy could reply, Lemel suddenly grinned and stepped forward. "Hey, Jello!"

Jello smiled. "Hey, Lemel. Who's this, then?"

"Allow me to introduce Lexy, Goddess of Aquamarine Tarts and Other Various Things." Lemel reached into her pocket and brought out Herman. "And this is Lord Herman of the Donut People. Lexy, Herman, this is Grand Admiral Jello."

Jello raised a black eyebrow. "Donut People?"

"Yes, of course," said Lexy, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Lemel created them recently." Lexy began wiping the sticky Turtle Wax from herself - Turtle Wax had the consistency of snot. Yuck. Snapping her fingers, Lexy cleaned herself. "And why am I under a Turtle Wax Magnetism spell, Lemel? And it's good to meet you, Jello." All of a sudden, a blue and white striped goat fell onto Lexy.

Lemel sighed. "You and your random animals." She turned back to Jello. "So, how's things, Jello?"

Jell shrugged. "Same old, same old. Thrawn beat me again in Dejarik, and you showed up with more random friends," he smiled. "How goes the Moon?"

Lemel grinned. "Pretty good, actually. The hollowing out procedure is almost done, and I'll be able to begin the mechanics of it fairly soon."

Lexy focused on her goat, Bruce (who also happened to be gay) and then almost screamed. The Turtle-Wax had given her flesh, clothes and hair such a shiny gleam she could see her reflection. Petting Bruce's head, she stood up again. "As fun as the Moon is, cause I like cheese, could I please have the cake?"

Jello blinked, slightly confused. "Cake?"

Lemel shrugged and smiled apologetically. "I hope you have some, or she'll kill me."

"I thought Siith Maasters couldn't be killed?" said Jello.

"Fine." Lemel sighed, slightly exasperated. "She will cause serious pain on my behalf. Either way, not fun."

"Yes. If I don't get cake, I will inflict pain - involving a Rusty Spoon - on anyone who doesn't give me… the cake in question." Lexy nodded. "Jello, are you a person who likes purple fuzzy chickens, or do you buy repellent for them?"

Jello glanced at Lemel, who mouthed, "Chickens."

"I like the chickens, of course."

Lexy whirled on Lemel. "You cheater! You told him!"

Lemel held her hands up innocently. "Is it my fault he knew the answer?"

"Um, yes! Because you told him." Lexy put her hands on her hips.

"Jello, you do have cake, don't you?" Lemel asked anxiously. "My Health and General Wellbeing are at stake here!"

Jello smiled reassuringly. "Of course I have cake. I'm a Grand Admiral. As such I have lots of money, etc, consequently I have lots of cake."

"Ooh, Brucie, there's cake!" Lexy squealed, jumping up and down with delight. "Is there also a pool and pink lemonade?" Lexy grinned at Jello and Lemel. "Cake is really just insecure crumbs." Lexy nodded wisely.

Lemel shook her head. "Lex, you only just met Jello. He's a Grand Admiral. While that rank is lower than mine, he's also a fellow Divine Being - which means he outranks you."

Lexy stared at her friend. "So?"

"So," continued Lemel, "You actually have to display some semblance of good mannerisms."

Lexy continued to star blankly. "Mannerisms? Good? Me? What are you talking about?"

Jello laughed and took Lemel's arm, leading the Goddess towards his island mansion thingy.

Lexy followed behind them, with Jello and Lemel chatted amicably about candles, various cereal products and the multiple uses of soap-on-a-rope. Lexy mumbled under her breath. Since when was she ever good mannered? She was polite-ish, she supposed, but the truth was, when certain things - like purple fuzzy chickens, cake, the colour aquamarine, giant penguins or copious amounts of custard - came into the conversation, she was just a tad more vocal than she probably should have been. And outranked?! Lexy knew she was ranked lower than both Lemel and Jello, but to remind her! How cruel!

Lemel glanced back at Lexy. "Lex, Jello says he has a whole room devoted to various kinds of cake, and you can stay there if you want."

Lexy's face lit up. A whole room devoted to cake, all to herself!

Cake… a whole… room of cake! Rapture! Ecstasy! Bliss! Wowzers! It was like heaven! Lexy grabbed Bruce's beautiful blue leash and snapped her fingers and rematerialized in The Room of Cake. And she stared. Beautiful gold shelves with hundreds of cake stands - bearing every single type of cake she liked - and some she seriously didn't. Cake knife in hand, an almost evil grin spread over Lexy and Bruce's faces.

Meanwhile, Lemel rolled her eyes. "While cake is good, I prefer pie or donuts without life growing on them."

"Lifeform-less donuts are cool," Jello agreed.

"Even better is chocolate." Lemel grinned. "You stocked up after my last visit, yes?"

Jello nodded. "Of course. And it looks like I'll have to stock up on cake as well."

"True enough." Lemel smiled as they entered Jello's uber mansion. "Promising her cake was the only way I could convince her to come with me. I couldn't really leave her in Antarctica."

"I don't mind." Jello shrugged. "I'm rich, and still getting paid. She can eat what she likes."

Meanwhile, Lexy was still eating cake. Bruce was lying on his back, looking either sick or dead from Cakeovereating Syndrome. Lexy sat her hunk of Double Raspberry Swirl Blueberry Bubble Surprise Triple Chocolate Fudge Cake™ down and poked Bruce with the cake knife. Bruce opened one eye and made a noise of pain.

"Poor baby." Lexy crooned, scooping her goat into her arms - with ¾ of a five-layer Strawberry and Custard Cake™ in him, Bruce looked more like a large pillow with legs and a head and weighed as much as a large sack of potatoes. "I'll send you home to bed. Because if you get Cakeitis, it'll be messy." Snapping her fingers, Lexy caused Bruce to vanish. Lexy nodded and reached for her piece of cake and her cake knife.

Several minutes later, covered in cake crumbs, she returned to where Jello and Lemel were discussing the pros and cons of canaries.

"Hi," Lexy grinned. "I'm back."

"How much cake did you eat?" Lemel asked suspiciously.

"A lady never tells her age, weight, or amount of cake eaten." Lexy replied sweetly.

Jello stared at Lexy for a second, then turned a questioning gaze to Lemel, who shrugged.

"She has a point." Then, Lemel took a piece of Some Kind of Exotic Milk Chocolate With A Caramel Center, and ate it. After basking in the pure bliss caused by such an action for a few moments, she smiled at Jello.

"Your chocolate gets better every time, my friend."

Jello grinned. "Thanks. And I trust the cake was satisfactory?"

Lexy grinned and took a seat. "It was. Though I had to send Bruce home before he got cake poisoning or something."

Jello glanced helplessly at Lemel again. Lemel shrugged. "The Goat."

"Yes, my goat Bruce," Lexy snapped her fingers and a swirly white and pink mocktail with a funky pink umbrella and floating strawberries appeared in her hand. "He's a Very Rare Blue and White Goat, crossed with The Rare Goats of Smallness. Hence why he is blue and white and small," Lexy paused to take a sip of her drink. "Yum. Rasp-nilla goodness. Anyway, Bruce just 'came out' - he's gay. And we - Lemel and I - are fully supportive of any boyfriends he'll bring home in the future. He's far too young to date just yet. And Jello, did you know I am a Certified Purple Fuzzy Chicken Owner? I also have a lamb, a ferret, dancing shrimp, 3 Muses, and… um, Orange Fuzzy Rubber Gloves." Lexy grinned at Jello. "And, as I said before, your cake was spectacular. I wasn't expecting your Pineapple Surprise to be full of Dancing Jelly Worms."

Jello, who had managed to keep track of the conversation - having had experience by listening to Lemel - smiled. "That's why it's called Pineapple Surprise, of course."

Herman made a sudden reappearance - he had previously somehow managed to get stuck in a piece of chocolate. "Moon Goddess, what will happen to my Donutians? They are still living under your fridge."

Lemel considered. "I suppose I can make you some kind of New World, and make random appearances as your Patron Goddess."

Lexy nodded. "And I can make random appearances as your other Patron Goddess."

Herman nodded, satisfied. "Very well."

"Happiness times a million." Lemel smiled and ate a Turkish Delight. "So, anywho, Jello. Do you like ties? Cause I like ties. Ties are cool."

Jello nodded. "Ties are pretty cool, yes."

"Socks are better." Lexy grabbed a piece of Turkish Delight. "Lemel, I have a few questions; I'm confused."

Lemel groaned - a confused Lexy usually meant long, semi-productive conversations about anything.

"Yes Lexy?" Lemel sighed.

"How do you feel about rubber ducks?" Lexy sucked on her Turkish Delight. "What happened to our Narrator Dude? And is this the end of our Incredibly Cool Story?" Lexy licked her fingers and look expectantly at Lemel.

"Rubber ducks are cool, but I like rubber penguins better. The Narrator Dude is currently… uh, reviewing the script. And I don't know. Is this the end of our Incredibly Cool Story?

"Um, maybe we could play cards until we decide if it is the end?" Lexy held out some cards.

"Cards?" said Lemel. "Fun."

Jello leaned forward. "What exact card game do you wish to play?"

Lemel glanced at Lexy, who grinned. Lemel replied, "Fish."

Lexy dealt the cards. Lemel turned to Jello. "Got any threes?"

"Go fish."

Lemel picked up a card, and Jello turned to Lexy. "Got any aces?"

"Fishymundo."

Jello picked up a card, and Lexy turned to Lemel. "Got any threes?"

"Fish." Lemel smiled innocently as Lexy scowled and picked up a card. Lemel turned to Jello.

"Got any aces?"

"Go fish. Lexy, got any threes?"

"Swim, little fishy, swim!" Lexy squealed as Jello took a card.

Lexy turned to Lemel. "Got any threes?"

"Fish." Lemel had that same little innocent smile. Lexy grabbed another card, and Lemel turned to Jello. "Got any aces?"

"Go fish." Jello turned to Lexy. "Any threes?"

"That fish is outta here! Lemel, any threes?"

"Go fish. Jello, aces?"

"Go fish. Lexy, any threes?"

"That fish has scarpered. Lemel, do you have any threes?"

"Fish," Lemel's Innocent Look™ caught Lexy's eye.

"Lemel, what do you know?"

Lemel coughed. "Several things."

Lexy scowled. "What relevant things do you know?"

"Relevant? As in, what?"

"Whatever you're looking innocent about."

"What makes you think I did something?" Lemel cried. "If somebody looks innocent, it usually means they are!"

"Except you. Where is my three!" Lexy slammed her cards down. "I pout."

Lemel stood. "If I say I have no three, it means the three is somewhere other than in my hand, and the only person who would want to know where it is would be Jello!"

Jello blushed. "Lemel!"

Lexy gaped at both of them. "What are you on about, Lemel?"

Lemel just scowled.

"You two are plotting against me!" Lexy wailed. "You are a conspiracy! Like I always say, only five things in this cosmos are not a conspiracy - socks, rubber ducks, um… cake, giant penguins and pillows. Jello, What. Do. You. Know?"

"Sorry, Lexy, my lady." Jello shrugged. "But I know nothing as far as I know."

Lexy whirled on Lemel. "Lemel?!"

Lemel held up a placating hand. "Easy, Lexy, we aren't conspiring against you. Not at the moment, anyway."

"THEN WHY ARE YOU LOOKING SO INNOCENT?!?!" shrieked Lexy.

"Because…" Lemel paused. "… I am?"

"Lemel, your logic is… flawed! You looked innocent the time you tried to roast my chickens AND the time you blew up the blender AND when you stole my slippers!" Lexy said. "You always look innocent but you never are! You looked innocent when you told Kermit it wasn't us who accidentally turned his underwear pink and… kinda lacy." Lexy ignored the look Jello suddenly gave them. "What did you DO?!"

"Uh…" Lemel smiled innocently. "Before you ask anything else, it has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with Bruce, the fuzzy chickens, the ferret, the dancing shrimp, the 3 Muses or the rubber gloves."

There was a pause, then…


"WHAT DID YOU DO TO LICKETY-SPLIT?!?!" Lexy yelled.

"I think the question is, what did Kermit do to Lickety-Split?" Lemel replied seriously. "I, technically, did nothing."

"Lemel, before you acquire some serious damage from me and my RUSTY SPOON, what did you technically NOT do to Lickety-Split?"

"Well, it kinda involved Kermit, some drugs and the backseat of a car…"

"I don't know whether to cry or call my therapist - who is on speed dial after your last attack on my chickens. Why? Why? Why? WHY?"

"IT WAS KERMIT! NOT ME! As in, I technically didn't do anything!" Lemel cried. Then, she grinned. "You should cry, that would be amusing."

Jello shook his head. "You're such a sadist, Lemel."

Lexy screamed in approximately the same pitch a whale would hear. "Well, where is my Lickety-Split now?"

Lemel shrugged. "Don't ask me, ask Kermit. He saw your precious little Lickety-Split last, not me."

Lemel paused to eat another Turkish Delight, then continued. "I'm sure the lamb is fine."

"I think I'm going to melt," Lexy mumbled. "This is not good. Not good." Lexy looked up with wide eyes and a bottle of bleach appeared in her hand. She dropped to her knees and began to pour bleach on the floor. "Bleach. More bleach. Lots more bleach. Never have too much bleach." Lexy began rocking back and forwards.

Lemel groaned. "Not again." She looked helplessly at Jello, who was beginning to look more than a little bit scared. "Sorry, Jello. Maybe bringing her Royal Weirdness - no offence, Lex - wasn't such a good idea after all."

Jello made a somewhat partial recovery, and managed a reply. "I suppose I should be used to it by now, after talking to you so much."

"Hey!" Lemel pretended to be offended (…that sounded dumb. Let's just say she 'feigned offence'.) Then, she smiled. "Yeah, you should be used to it by now, Jello." She turned back to Lexy. "Lex, I'm sure Jello probably doesn't appreciate having bleach poured all over his floor."

Lexy continued muttering. "Bleach… everyone likes bleach… must have more bleach… never have too much bleach…"

Jello laughed. "Never mind. Let the girl play with her bleach." He paused, then smiled mischievously. "Lexy, didn't you say you wanted a pool and pink lemonade?"

Lexy glanced up and nodded. "Bleach?"

"Well, as well as my Cake Room, I have a Room for Pools And Hot Guys Serving Pink Lemonade™ ," Jello grinned. "Lemel asked me to build it in case either you or her sister ever visited."

"Oooh, pools!" Lexy said, her eyes wide. "And hot guys and pink lemonade? Oooh, really, really, really?" Lexy jumped up and down. "Lemel, I'm far too excited to snap my fingers and change into a bathing suit, could you do it for me?"

With an evil glint in her eye, Lemel did as requested.

"LEMEL!" Lexy yelled. She wore a pink and lime green one-piece with ruffles and floaties on her arms. "Not funny!"

Lemel raised her eyebrow. "Well, you didn't specify what kind of bathing suit you wanted." Then, she smiled evilly. "And it is funny."

Jello just stared - the power of speech had disappeared on him.

Lemel sighed tolerantly. "Oh, alright." She snapped her fingers again, and Lexy disappeared.

Jello glanced at Lemel, having miraculously regained the power of speech. "What did you do?"

Lemel shrugged. "Gave her a slightly more respectable bathing suit and sent her to your R.F.P.A.H.G.S.P.L, of course," she grinned. "Don't think she'll be emerging for quite a while."

Meanwhile, Lexy was in the R.F.P.A.H.G.S.P.L, and was not happy. Not only was the bathing suit she was wearing utterly heinous - with FLOATIES - but because of her attire, none of the hot guys were coming near her - they stood in a nervous looking clump over the other side of the pool. Normally she would snap her fingers and reappear in a cute black Roxy piece with sunglasses, matching sarong and cute thongs, but she was far too hypo - XXX pieces of cake did that to a person. Then, Lexy realized the visor on her head was actually a Pokemon one…

"LEMEL!!!" she shrieked.

Lemel and Jello somehow heard Lexy's shriek from where they were sitting - which was pretty much on the other side of the mansion.

Lemel laughed. "Okay, when I said slightly more respectable, I did mean only slightly more respectable."

Jello shook his head, smiling. "Sadist."

"Thank you," replied Lemel matter-of-factly. "But, so as to avoid a quite likely painful punishment with the Rusty Spoon™ , I should fix things." She snapped her fingers.

Lexy found her floaties and somewhat less than respectable swimsuit replaced by the Roxy piece and matching accessories. Looking relieved, the hot guys swarmed over, bearing silver trays loaded with pink lemonade.

"Thank you, Lemel," Lexy called, sitting on a deckchair, holding a glass of fizzy bubbly lemonade in a pink quite complimenting her grapefruit flavored lip-gloss. "But I will get even later - even if you do hide all of my rusty spoons." And Lexy popped her sunglasses on. "Ahhh."

Lemel winced - a vengeful Lexy was not pleasant even at the best of times - causing Jello to laugh.

"Nice going, Lemel. I think you're in trouble."

"Hmph. Nice to know someone's sympathetic," grumbled Lemel. "You're just lucky I like your chocolate." There was a pause, then Lemel said, "Hey Jello, did you know that the average person eats at least eight spiders in their lifetime?"

Jello pulled a face. "I really didn't need to know that, Lemel."

Lemel grinned. "Mostly in their sleep."

"What's wrong with you?!" Jello cried.

"You don't even want to know." Lemel shook her head.

"How am I supposed to sleep now?" muttered Jello.

"Same way I do, of course," smiled Lemel. "Close your eyes and fall asleep. Really, quite simple and uncomplicated."

Then, Lexy's voice wafted back in. "Well, Lemel, with my Rusty Spoon™ and I on the warpath, will you still be closing your eyes? And Jello, are you aware that there are a breed of particularly ferocious piranha swimming in the pool?"

Jello gave Lemel the Evil Eye™ . "Why must you do that every time you visit?"

"Because you love me and I know I'll get away with it." Lemel smiled innocently. Then, she called out to Lexy. "What if I told you that Kermit still has Lickety-Split hostage in his froghouse? If anything bad happens to me…" she trailed off, not needing to voice the threat.

Lexy reappeared. "WHY would you even joke about that?" she said murderously. "I'll tell Kermit you're hiding perfectly good donut men from him." And Lexy stuck her tongue out at Lemel.

Lemel raised her eyebrows. "Who said I was joking? And I can always make more Donutians, but can you get another Lickety-Split?"

Lexy whimpered, tears in her eyes. "This is CRUEL Lemel. Why? What have I ever done to you? Actually, don't answer that." And Lexy knelt down and picked up her bleach bottle. "Bleach, bleach, more bleach. Bleach is good. Bleach can do no wrong. Bleach is God."

"I thought your Sock Monkey was God." Lemel shook her head. "If you promise not to use the Rusty Spoon Punishment™ on me, I'll get Lickety-Split back for you."

Lexy's eyes were wide, as she clutched the bleach to her tightly. "S-sock? Socks must be BLEACHED!" she said, and poured bleach in Jello and Lemel's shoes. "Bleach is good." Then, blinking a few times, she said, "I promise Lemel. I won't use the Rusty Spoon Punishment™ on you if you get Lickety-Split back for me."

Lemel snapped her fingers, replacing hers and Jello's socks with unbleached ones, and making all the bleach disappear, except for the bottle in Lexy's hand.

"Good. Now, if you do use the Rusty Spoon Punishment™ , I'll be entitled to revenge."

Jello looked at Lexy. "What exactly is the Rusty Spoon Punishment™ ?"

Lexy exchanged a solemn look with Lemel. "Well, it's top secret - only the Uber Goddesses of Various Things know both versions - there's the Traditional or the Modern."

"Tell him." Lemel advised. "He'll be nicer to us if you tell him."

"Okay."

"Wait." Lemel grabbed another chocolate. "Which one were you planning to use on me?"

"Um, I hadn't thought about it," Lexy shrugged and turned to Jello. "The traditional version is to dig out the person's heart with a rusty spoon. Mostly these days, the modern version is used. It's when I would eat an entire pint of double chocolate ice cream - without sharing."

Jello winced. "Painful. Both of them." Then, he frowned. "You eat ice cream with a rusty spoon?"

Lemel shook her head. "The Rusty Spoon is used to keep the victim of the Rusty Spoon Punishment™ back. A nice, new, shiny spoon is used most often."

Lexy nodded. "I've only used it once on Lemel - she wouldn't speak to me for a month."

Jello glanced at Lemel who nodded. "Not fun." Then, she smiled. "Well, I should go and get Lickety-Split, before Kermit does anything else. Be right back."

Lemel disappeared, was gone for two point one-two-five minutes, then reappeared, holding a lamb. Lickety-Split was obviously stoned, because she slumped to the ground, laughing maniacally, when Lemel put her down.

"Oh. My. God!!" Lexy wailed, scooping her lamb up. "MY BABY! For this, Kermit will suffer the Peanut Butter Punishment™ !" Lexy rocked her lamb back and forth, muttering sweet nothings in Lickety-Split's ears. "WHY IS SHE STONED?!"

"Ask Kermit." Lemel shrugged.

Jello looked at Lemel. "What's the Peanut Butter Punishment™ ?"

Lemel shuddered. "You really don't want to know." Then, she looked over at Lexy, who was still rocking her stoned lamb. "Lex, just snap your fingers and fix her up."

"Kermit loves Peanut Butter, so that should be adequate," Lexy said. "Oh, I'll take Lickety-Split to the Room Full of Soft Nice Objects™ before I fix her up - she's scarred for life!"

Lemel nodded. "Aren't we all?"

Lexy and Lickety-Split disappeared, headed for the Room Full of Soft Nice Objects™ . Jello just stared at Lemel, until she noticed and shrugged. "Life is hectic, insane, and slightly scary sometimes for everyone. But for me, Lexy, and her little animal friends, it's insane, crazy, scary, weird and completely not good for anyone else's Health, Mental State and General Wellbeing."

"I sorta get that now." Jello nodded. "Cheese and licorice tart?"

"Please," Lemel nodded. "And Lexy wants a duck. A duck! Her medication needs reducing."

Jello nodded. "What did you do to the Room Full of Soft Nice Objects?"

"I let her agitated Christmas Beetle™ collection free in there," Lemel said sweetly.

"That was mean," Jello said.

"It was - revenge for threatening the Rusty Spoon Punishment™ . Last time, the bloodstains would NOT come out. AND, Kermit blamed me!"

Jello shook his head. "Considering all the stuff you HAVE done to him, I'm not all that surprised."

"Surprised? I wasn't surprised, either," Lemel muttered. "Outraged was the correct word. But he's gonna get what's coming to him, that evil frog, and Lexy CAN'T PROVE that I let out those Christmas Beetles."

Jello grinned. "I know. You have it all worked out."

"Indeed I do," smiled Lemel, as she picked up another Exotic Milk Chocolate With Caramel Centre. "I'm a Siith Maaster, after all. But I can't wait to hear her shriek…"

"LEMEL!!!!!!!"

"That isn't any less satisfying than the first time I made her shriek." Lemel sighed contentedly.

Lexy reappeared. Under one hand, was Lickety-Split, unstoned and looking pissy and in her left hand… was a melon baller!

Lemel was on her feet, liightsaabre in hand before anyone could blink. "I didn't do anything!"

Lexy stalked forward menacingly. "Oh? And who, pray tell, released my Christmas Beetles?"

Lemel made sure she didn't look innocent. "Someone else, of course."

Lexy eyes her friend suspiciously. "Someone else? Who?" She whirled around to face Jello. "Was it you?"

Jello shook his head calmly. "Why would I destroy one of my own Rooms™ ?"

Lemel smiled and snapped her fingers. "Kermit's in there, you know. Maybe it was him."

"You snapped your fingers!" Lexy cried.

Lemel nodded. "It was a spell to check if anyone else - besides the Christmas Beetles, who also showed up under the spell - was in the room."

Lexy snapped her fingers again and her pink liightsaabre appeared in the hand Lickety-Split was. "Why my Christmas Beetles? Do you have a problem with my animals?"

"Not at all," Lemel shrugged. "And I already told you it wasn't me."

"I don't believe you," Lexy pouted. "Fine. I am going to the Room of Nicer Softer Things™ with Lickety for a while. And Lemel?"

"Yes, Lexy?"

"Where's Herman? And our Narrator?"

"That's um, a good question." Lemel thought for a moment, then glanced up. "Yo, Narrator-Dude?"

There was a pause, then the Narrator answered. "Yes, Lemel?"

"Where have you been, and where's Herman?"

"Herman is in the Room for Small Donut People, of course."

"You didn't answer my first question." Lemel said suspiciously.

Another voice - C-3PY - joined the conversation. "Honey, what's going on?"

"Right, well my therapy bill just doubled." Lexy was slowly turning green. "Yuck. That's wrong on like 9 different levels! Gross, revolting, just plain icky. And what was the doom that you were um, harbinging to us?"

C-3PY paused. "Well, I'm in a good mood now, so there is no doom for me to be the harbinger of."

"Well," Lexy chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully. "Lemel, what happens now? There's no doom. We're all fine. Is this… THE END?"

Suddenly, Darth Vader appeared. He spoke, his deep scary voice reverberating off the walls and making the windows vibrate. "Daarthe Lemelemie, we have a score to settle."

Jello glance at Lemel. "Lemel?"

Lemel thought for a moment, then suddenly grinned. "Oh, this is about that time I replaced your oxygen with helium, isn't it?"

Darth Vader drew his lightsabre. "Yes, it is. And you are going to pay."

Lemel drew her liightsaabre. "We'll see about that."

"Speaking of elements," Lexy took Lemel's chair and snapped her fingers so that Lickety-Split reappeared in her lap. "What's the chemical formula for a chicken?"

"Possibly not the best time to ask, Lexy," Jello said as the liightsaabre fight began.

"True." And with an evil grin, Lexy snapped her fingers. As Lemel brandished her liightsaabre, it turned into a rubber chicken.

Moving quickly, Lemel back-flipped out of the way of Vader's lightsabre, and turned her liightsaabre back to its former self. "Lexy, I'd appreciate if you left your childish pranks 'til after I've beaten this washed up Sith!"

Lexy laughed. "Yeah, right, Lemel!"

Lemel leapt over to face Vader again, attacking the tall black-robed guy in a flurry of perfectly executed strikes.

Lexy snapped her fingers again, and Lemel's saabre turned into a bunch of daisies. Lemel dodged another attack from Vader, fixed her saabre, and then kicked Vader's sabre from his hand, Spiderman style - by back-flipping stylishly, her feet connecting with his wrist. The sabre went flying, and Lemel called it to her hand with the Force. Aiming both sabre and saabre at Vader, she smirked. "I win."

And with a snap of fingers, the sabre Lemel was holding turned into a white rabbit. Lemel swiftly turned Vader into a statue, turned to face Lexy, snapped her fingers, and turned Lickety-Split into a ferocious, venomous, ugly Gila Monster. Smirking, Lemel turned back to Vader, turned her saabre back to its former self, un-statue-fied Vader, and said, "Let's take this outside."

The Sith Lord and Siith Maaster vanished reappearing outside just as Lexy recovered from the shock enough to scream.

"LEMEL!!!!!" Lexy screamed as long as she could possibly could. Dropping Lickety-Split the Ferocious Ugly Gila Monster to the ground, she quickly turned her lamb back into a lamb and eyed the green slime on her top grimly. Lemel would pay. And Lexy snapped her fingers.

Darth Vader burst into laughter and Lemel froze. She… Was… Wearing… A Tutu…

"I HATE YOU LEXY!" she shrieked, as she replaced the tutu (ugh, shudder) with her usual uber cool dark blue-black Siithy robes. Then, she sliced Vader's head from his neck, and whirled around, stalking back into where Lexy and Jello were sitting, kind of stunned. Well, Jello was stunned, anyway.

Lexy was on the floor, laughing. Lemel stalked over to Lexy and glared down at her.

"All right, you've gone TOO FAIR this time, Lexy," she snapped. "It was funny at first, but you KNOW I can't STAND TUTUS!" pointing her ignited, freakishly striped liightsaabre at Lexy's face, she continued darkly. "Right now, you and me, saabres only. No magic or cheating, just the traditional sabre-fighting contest rules!"

"Lemel," Lexy managed between gasps of laughter. "Oh, pink and tulle really suits you!" She scooped up Lickety-Split. "And I don't ever fight without magic or cheating. Because I'm not good at liightsaabre fighting. And Lickety-Split wants her dinner."

"Not this time, Lexy," glowered Lemel. "Now."

Lexy glanced anxiously at Jello. "Jello?"

Jello considered. "Lemel, much as I know you want revenge, maybe a saabre battle isn't such a good idea. I know how much damage you can cause when you're pissed, and I only just finished redecorating from last time."

Lemel scowled. "Fine. But only cause you asked me not to, Jello. I'll find some other form of revenge." With that, she turned and left - most likely headed for the Room of Coke, Chocolate And Hot Guys Serving Coke and Chocolate™ .

Lexy rolled her eyes and turned to Jello. "I think living under the same roof as all my pets and muses befuddle her a bit. Medication is never completely out of the question." Lexy snapped her fingers and changed from her black swimwear to her usual purple and white robes. "My main muse Tawny will want me back at home - feeding everyone and everything. When you see Lemel, let her know… well, tell her to bring cake." And with a wiggle of her nose, Lexy and Lickety-Split were gone.

Jello sighed and headed towards the Coke and Chocolate Room. When he arrived, he saw that being surrounded by both her favourite beverage AND her favourite food at the same time had cheered Lemel up quite a bit. Lemel glanced up as Jello entered and smiled.

"Yo Jello."

"Hey, Lemel." Jello sat next to her on one of the many, soft squishy lounges - this one was dedicated to Coke. "Feel better now?"

Lemel grinned. "So much sugar, and an explicit letter from me to Tawny - all fictional, of course - awaiting Lexy at home."

Jello shook his head, and accepted chocolate from a hot - and obviously gay, judging by the looks he was giving Jello - guy. After eating it, he looked at Lemel again. "Why do you taunt her so?"

Lemel shrugged. "Several Reasons - she shrieks loudly, it's amusing, fun, and a lot of the stuff I do to her are things she can't do to me cause either rank is pulled or I have no cute furry or fluffy pets."

"And Lemel thinks I don't eavesdrop." Lexy's voice echoed throughout the room. "I asked you to remove the Turtle Wax Magnetism spell, Lemel."

Lemel scowled again. "Firstly, eavesdropping is bad and means the revenge will be upgraded, and second, the Turtle Wax Magnetism Spell is PERMANENT!"

"May my chickens nest in your bed." Lexy said darkly. She was at home. The rest of the Donutians had been very busy that day. Now, coming out of the fridge was a huge complex city - complete with hovercrafts. So, finding milk for Lickety-Split to drink was hard when tiny hovercrafts the size of 50-cent coins kept banging into one's forehead. She had stupid little bruises everywhere. The purple fuzzy chickens had managed to overflow the dishwasher by taking rides and Lexy had stumbled across an explicit letter from Lemel to Tawny. Lexy knew all about Tawny's letter writing fetish - she'd caught him countless times trying to woo fellow fic-goddess Jacey via mail. But LEMEL?!

Lexy sank into a nice swinging chair. "Magda!" she called. Magda was a porcupine who brought Lexy nice cake.

Revenge for Lemel. Hmm.