Chapter One: Strange Beings on Destiny Islands

Disclaimer: I own Kingdom Hearts!!! *Gets chased by lawyers with scary suitcases*. Fine, I don't own KH. But I own Riku! And he is MINE!!! *Shoots everyone until they all go to heaven* Hey lookie, angels…

This is my new fanfic which will probably scare all ::normal:: people who have ever played Kingdom Hearts. I warn ya: it's HELLA SCARY! If you start seeing all the KH characters, in a different light, blame the sugar rock candy.

And my gerbil.

…

I don't have a gerbil.

****

"IIIIIIII'm too sexy for the tank top~!!! Too sexy for the leather gloves~!!! Too sexy for the funky pants~!!!" This was what Riku sang everyday while visiting his small closet. He wore his normal attire anyway because that was the only thing he owned. Just goes to show ya how much Disney paid Riku to appear in Kingdom Hearts.

Riku slid down the stairs just as his mother was pouring syrup on Riku's flapjacks. "Good morning my sexy!" was his mother's greeting to her son as he started stuffing his face with pancakes. She kissed her son on the forehead. What seemed to be an innocent kiss turned all nasty. Riku was left with a big slobber mark on his head. This day seemed so peaceful.

"Mm! Mom! This is so good! What flavor is this syrup?" Riku asked with food still in his mouth.

"Human intestines with liver, dear," said Riku's mom pleasantly. "Like it?" Riku nodded senselessly, still stuffing his beautiful face.

Human body parts as food were very common in Destiny Islands. In general, there is no food on an island. Only papou fruits and teeny weeny fish were the only thing considered regular food on DI. Since those were not enough to support the diet of all the people living on the island, the islanders had to adopt cannibalism. Sickening thought, ne? Too bad! I eat humans, too! O.o;;

"I'm going!" Riku yelled over his shoulders as he left his house not on the islands-but-not-mainland-so-it-is-basically-floating-out-of-nowhere.

"Wait, Riku. Your father and I have something to tell you." Riku stopped and turned around with his pretty silver bangs barely covering his eyes. His father popped out of nowhere to join this very short scene.

"Riku…y-you're adopted," said his mother. There was a moment of tense silence

"Okay! Bye-bye!" Riku ran off happily, leaving his supposed parents in a confused heap.

~

Sora chewed on a piece of a fried human finger. He kicked at the sand near his feet. Riku is late again.

He spit the fingernail out. Riku is always late. Sora gagged on some tough meaty part of the knuckle.

Sora and Riku were best friends, if not anything beyond (^__^;;). Sora was the younger one, and he always looked up to Riku like an older brother, if not anything beyond. And they have always enjoyed each other's presence ,if not any-(Audience: SHUT UP!!!)..

After throwing the rest of the finger to some piranhas, Sora looked into the water. The reflection looked back at him. He tried making funny faces. He imitated Tidus's 'cute' look. He also imitated Selphie's look when Sora literally kicked her ass in a fight. When he tried imitating Wakka's face taking a dump, another face appeared right next to him in the water.

"Wa~!" Sora leaped back with fright. The other face that had appeared was Riku's reflection. Riku thought Sora was looking at something in the water so peered in for a closer look.

"Dude, what was that?" Riku asked him slightly leaping away from Sora's side. "Were you trying to take a dump? If so, I'll leave you your privacy." Riku barely dodged Sora's playful punch as he finished that sentence.

"Riku! Where the hell were you?!" Sora tried changing the subject. Riku saw this and grinned.

"Guess what my parents told me?" said Riku as he sat on a heavily damaged barrel.

"What? That you were adopted?" Sora asked innocently. Riku looked at Sora with surprise. Most of the time, Sora was not perceptive and usually very blunt. Riku, for a moment, considered the fact that Sora was psychic.

"H-How did you know?" Riku asked, stuttering as Sora sat on the barrel.

"Well, I'm adopted too!" said Sora. "YAY! WE ARE ALL ADOPTED!" He hugged the poor 15-year-old (in a friendly way…NOT!).

Then it hit Riku: Sora had no idea what "adopted" meant.

Ever since then, Riku never doubted the fact that Sora was a total idiot.

~

Sora and Riku were fighting on the ::Riku's:: island as usual. This time, they used the fronds of the palm trees to make weird looking hoods that were actually intended to be costumes.

"Yaaa~!" Sora started to do his annoying combo on Riku, missing his target every time. "Take this, you evil, evil..,evil..," Sora's lack of vocabulary caused both him and Riku to stop *play-fighting*.

"Villian?" Riku's tone was almost teasing.

"Yeah! My bad!" Sora resumed his attack position, only to return to his standing stance. "Uh, Riku? What's a vee-lee-ian?" Riku sighed. Before leaving the island, Riku was going to have to teach Sora some English.

A red-haired girl whose head was bigger than her body watching them (err, Sora) with a certain lust. "Hey! What are you guys doing?! Am I the only one helping with the raft?! You guys make me feel like a loner!"

Kairi threw down the small pieces of wood and torn cloth and sat down like a spoiled little child and pouted. Obviously she was doing the impression called "Sora's Pout", but for her excessively large face, it did not look half as appealing as the original beholder. She wailed loudly and very falsely. Sora, with his natural helping abilities, tried to please Kairi.

"Hey, Kairi. I'm sorry. I'll get the items for the raft that you need. Okay?" Within seconds, Kairi glomped the unsuspecting Sora. Riku's eyebrows flinched just a little, but the expression on his face was still the same.

"We'll find the items, together," something in that tone of voice Kairi used gave Sora the chillies.

"Um…maybe later!" Sora ran off, screaming like the little girl he was.

Kairi giggled. O.O;;

~

Sora sat on his bed wondering why whenever he was with Riku, Kairi would be all angry. Being a nice guy, he wanted everyone to be happy with him. He looked outside his window. He could see the island very clearly. Whenever Sora was at the island at daylight, it always seemed happy and jolly. But at night, the island seemed like a completely foreign land. Maybe even mysterious.

Sora looked out again. The island seemed to be covered in more darkness than usual. It was the signs of a storm coming. Lightning struck.

"Cool!" went Sora. He was about to lie back and sleep until he remembered something.

"My sword! My sword!" Sora cried. "I need it! Now!" Sora kicked open his window, scattering glass all over his room ("Yay!") and swam all the way to the island.

"Sora? Yummy human hamstrings and thighs are ready! Sora?" His mother's voice was heard.

~

Skipping to the part where Sora meets Riku…

"But Riku! I can't leave my sword here!" yelled Sora.

"You're sword is coming with us (O.o;; Riku should watch what he's saying)!" Riku did a nifty hand swiper motion. He took on the expressionless form again. "I'm not afraid of the darkness."

As soon as he finished his sentence, Riku held his hand out. Sora, being an inch too short, could not reach his friends hand. He tried and tried, but could not reach.

"Riku!" yelled Sora as his best friend disappeared with the darkness. Sora looked down. He hadn't noticed the darkness reaching to him. He fought against it and fought, but he could not win this battle. As the darkness almost engulfed Sora, it started diminishing. Sora wondered why, and looked up. A huge, shiny object fell on his head, knocking him out cold.

~

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH~!" Sora yelled as he felt something gently tickling his area. It stopped.

"Ooh! Aren't you a lively one?" said an annoying voice, almost equivalent to Kairi's. "I'm gonna have a LOT of fun with you!"

"Cut the crap out, Yuffie." said a dark, rich voice. "He's only a minor…"

Sora got up quickly. He was in a red room with candles burning brightly. The whole atmosphere of the room kinda felt sleazy. He looked up to see a young girl with her pants not buttoned on right and a man whose face made Sora blush for no apparent reason.

"W-Who are you guys?" asked Sora. This was definitely NOT Destiny Islands.

"Me? Well, I'm the Great Ninja (and seducer) Yuffie!" The girl obviously seemed proud of herself. She nudged towards the handsome young man's side. "And that's Squall Leonhart!"

"It's Leon, Yuffie," said the man in an annoyed tone.

"Right, Leon Leonhart!" Squall.., er, Leon twitched his eyebrows. He was on his last nerves.

Sora looked around. He grabbed something hard and picked it up. It wasn't his sword, but a giant key…

"Hey! Where's my sword?!" asked Sora in a worrying tone.

"THERE'S YOUR SWORD!" Yuffie pointed at Sora's um, THING. With a flash of light, Yuffie's right arm was completely cut off (Sora: Food!) by none other than Leon himself. Yuffie didn't seem to notice the quarts of blood squirting out of her shoulders.

Sora was confused. "T-Then, where am I?"

Yuffie smiled. "You are in the Town of Booze!"

****

Town of Booze aka Traverse Town.

O.o;; I thought this chapter would never end. Oh well, I had to summarize up the minor parts quickly. I hoped you guys liked it! Please review!