Chapter Four: Flowers in the Sewers

Minna-san, thanks for being so kind and giving nice compliments to this weird fic! ^_^;; I don't deserve all these nice reviews…

THIS STORY HAS NO PLOT! BUT I WILL CONTINUE ON!

MUHAHAHAHAHA! EXPECT MORE KAIRI BASHING!!!!

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Sora feasted upon a neatly sliced pile of human limbs he found in a little sack above the church, er, Gizmo Shop. This fic must stay off any religious affiliation.

"Yech!" Sora screamed. "I hate chewy stuff!" He threw the arm away. It bounced along the sidewalk as a dog resembling Pluto in every detail chased after the bouncy arm. The hand of the arm held a shuriken.

"I want Riku…," Sora muttered. Food wise, you nasty yaoi pervs! Riku was an excellent cook next to the fact that Sora found him quite tasty. O.o;;

"Gah…, I'm hungry," Sora said. He got up in search of food again.

~

The puny redhead was in a huge castle. She looked around and sat down on her insanely short mini skirt.

"Grr.., that Riku stole my Sora! MY SORA!" Kairi exclaimed. She slammed the ground with her teeny fists. She had not noticed she actually slammed it into a rattlesnake. It bit her.

"OWWIEE! WHY THE @#$%^&* IN THE WORLD DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!" She checked her right hand and kissed it oh-so-lovingly. It was starting to turn purple. She grabbed the poor snake with her teeth and furiously ripped it apart like a shark would do with its fishie victim. And then she ate it.

"My dear child," said a cold voice, "is something bothering you?"

"Yeah, you." said Kairi brusquely.

"….Well, no need to be rude, after all, I see that you are seeking something…," said the cold voice.

"I'm not seeking anything, you 'turd. I'm trying to find a way to kill Riku so Sora can be mine forever!!!" Kairi then tried imitating an evil laugh, and by doing so broke two of the stain glass windows.

"Ohh, please do not break any more windows! They cost me a fortune..," the voice had now turned into a person, or a mage like thing. It was Maleficient. The witch bent down and wept over her broken shards of glass.

"My dear, I will help you kill that certain person if you promise not to break anymore of my windows," Maleficient said.

"Fine. BUT I GET TO REMAIN VIOLENT. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!" Kairi ran across the castle with her zombie-like ways until crashing into one of the poles supporting the upper floor. She fainted with a cross-shaped bump on her head.

"Strange child…"

~

This is porno.

"Cloud, we have to!"

"No Leon.., not now."

"Cloud, please!"

"…Fine…"

You sickos, you believed me! XD.

Cloud got up from the moth-eaten couch and picked up his sword (metal -_-;;). He looked at the Leon for a moment and turned away. Leon's cold eyes followed Cloud all the way out of the room. Wow! What yaoi lust! ^_^;; The authoress begged for mercy as Leon x Yuffie fans pelted her with teletubby dolls.

Cloud managed to get his humongo sword (metal! _) out of the room and headed where the dirty sewers were. He had a feeling someone would be there.

It's getting boring. TIME FOR AERITH BASHING!!! .

"Flowers! Flowers for 1 munny (I'm presuming 1 gil = 1 munny)! Only 1 munny!" Aerith was trying her best to sell her mako-poisoned, sickly, nasty, rotting PINK flowers, but no one in this town bought it (because the author oppressed them to do so). After 40 minutes of shouting, she gave up and left the district, going back to her garden to find flowers which had less than twenty rotting spots. But near her flowers she found someone, or something suspicious.

"Cloud!" Aerith cried, running to her beloved. She likewise "glomped" him. Aerith thought Cloud felt awfully skinny. And thus, she crushed 'Cloud' with her weight.

"Um…, GET OFF!" yelled the person beneath Aerith. Aerith clumsily got up, and saw that the person she hugged was not Cloud, but almost a look-alike.

"Ohh, I'm sorry. I thought you were Cloud!" Aerith exclaimed.

"What? Oh, you mean the guy with the big sword?" Aerith gasped. How would this little boy know the size of Cloud's 'sword'?! She hasn't even seen it herself!

"Y-You mean Cloud showed you his 's-sword'?" Aerith stuttered. Surely, Cloud wouldn't abandon this *pretty* flower girl for a skinny frail boy like him!

"Yep! He showed it to me! I really wonder how he goes around, carrying that giant thing!" The boy loudly exclaimed. Aerith sighed.

"So, what are you doing here in the sewers?" Aerith asked the boy.

"Well, I fell down the sewer place and I was looking at the flowers and I couldn't find the way out and I needed to go to the bathroom and I was trapped and so I-"

"Whoa, whoa. Enough run-on sentences. Say it a bit louder please, I'm a bit deaf in the right ear…," before finishing her sentence, she looked at her flowers and nearly died. The flowers were either soggy or trampled. Some even had a nasty looking brown substance on them that although no one admits it, they have done it many times in their lives. Simply put, poop.

"YOU CRAZY BOY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY FLOWERS?!" Aerith screamed, completely out-of-character.

"Well, you didn't let me finish my sentence, so well-" Sora looked at the flowers. "Wow! I never knew you had brown flowers before!"

Aerith would have either strangled the kid to death or knocked him silly with her stupid Princess Guard (in which didn't describe her outward appearance or personality at the least) but the boy resembled Cloud so much, she dared not. But he looked SO much like Cloud. Aerith started getting nasty thoughts. NO SORA! RUN AWAY FROM THE EVIL CHILD MOLESTERER!

Right before Aerith was about to stuff Sora in a potato sack and take him home for unknown reasons, there was a loud splash.

"Aah, @#$%^&* thing!" Cloud was the victim of the slippery way down to the sewers.

"Cloud!" Aerith squealed like the little school girl she wasn't and glomped the poor guy. Cloud only managed to hold her weight with the help of his sword (metal X3).

"A-Aerith? What are you doing here?" Cloud asked, trembling from being unable to sustain the tremendous weight suddenly put on him. Aerith finally got off and replied.

"I'm raising flowers here, see?" Aerith put out her hand to show her the *nice* arrangement of moldy pink and brown flowers. Cloud raised an eyebrow.

"Flowers…, in a sewer?" One could have swore they saw hints of grimace on Cloud's face, but then again, being in a sewer didn't exactly promise a pleasing disposition.

"Aerith, sorry to say this, but I need you to leave," Cloud said.

"Ok, honey!" Aerith replied. Before leaving, she blew Cloud a kiss. Cloud managed to dodge the floating kiss but it landed in the wall behind him and burnt a nasty-looking hole through the cement. Cloud was glad he dodged the acidic kiss. He looked at the happy-go-lucky Sora.

"Sora, I have something to tell you," Cloud said, a bit of stuttering in his voice. "I-I'm your father."

Sora just grinned on like the cute idiot he was.

****

Wow, that was a lot of Aerith bashing in one chappie. LOL. So Cloud is Sora's daddie? ::Gasps:: Who's the *mother*? ::Gasps:: When will the actual party ever start? ::Gasps:: I am hungry?

It's 12:52 AM. @_@. Nighty-night everyone.

And Happy New Year!!! ^_^