"No, let's do something else." Sarah leaned against her bed, idly tracing patterns in the carpet. "We played beauty makeover yesterday."
"Yeah, you're right, Sarah. We need new makeup for that, anyway." Jimmy squinted appraisingly at his friend. "You're really more of an autumn." He tapped his chin. "Maybe we could hold a tea party? Franny Foo-Foo still needs to be introduced to our other dollies."
"We can't," Sarah grumbled, "my mom won't let me use her teapot anymore, thanks to my stupid brother." She sighed, then scooted over to her dollhouse. "I guess we could still play dollies, though. Here, I'll be Laney O'Neal, the world-famous trial lawyer, and you can be her assistant." She picked up her favorite doll, and pressed a second one into Jimmy's hands. "Let's go, Junior Assistant Jimmy! Bring me my trial stuff and make it snappy!"
Jimmy halfheartedly moved his doll. "Ooh, I know, Sarah! Why don't we color? I just got a great deal on a really rare Mr. Happy Bunny World coloring book!" He pulled out a book covered in cheerfully frolicking rabbits, and flipped to the first page. "Aw, look Sarah – it's all white and boring in Happy Bunny World! Don't worry, Mr. Bun-Bun, we'll give you pretty new colors in no time!"
"Forget it, coloring's stupid!" Sarah thrust the 'junior assistant' doll back towards Jimmy. "Come on, let's play dollies!" She opened a nearby box, revealing a wealth of doll clothes within. "I'll even let you be the wardrobe designer this time!"
Jimmy glanced longingly towards the box, then shook his head. "All we have are sun-dresses and casual wear, Sarah." He sniffed disdainfully. "We'd need more power suits for a lawyer wardrobe. Please can't we color instead?" As Sarah's eyes narrowed, he added, "Or maybe you could play dollies, and I'll color right here next to you?"
They paused, blinking at each other. Finally, Sarah laughed nervously. "That's silly, Jimmy, why would we do two different things?"
"You're right, Sarah." Jimmy gave an embarrassed smile. "I'm sorry – it's that darned humidity outside! I just can't think clearly when my hair's all frizzy!" Still, he made no move towards Sarah or their dollies.
Sarah giggled. "It's okay, Jimmy, bad hair days can really mess things up, can't they?" She made no move towards Jimmy or his coloring book.
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
The minutes stretched on. "Well, I guess we could try doing different things, for a little while…" Each carefully avoiding the other's eyes, Sarah turned back to her dolls while Jimmy sat down with his coloring book.
Silence reigned for long moments. Finally, Sarah cleared her throat. "So…uh…that's a collector's item? I didn't know there were such things as rare coloring books, Jimmy."
"That's because you wouldn't know a rare-edition coloring book from a kiddy menu," Jimmy muttered under his breath. Guiltily, he coughed and spoke up. "Believe it or not, Sarah, those brainless Eds sold it to me – for only fifty cents!" As Sarah eyed him skeptically, Jimmy grinned. "They think they're so smart – they must not have known how much it was really worth!" He preened smugly. "Who's the real scam-artist of the neighborhood?"
A dubious look crossed Sarah's face, but then she brightened. "Nah, I know – Double-D must've made 'em sell it to you 'cause he knows you're my friend." Still holding the 'Laney O'Neal' doll, she picked up the junior assistant and made the two hold hands. "He's always making their scams obvious when I'm around so I won't fall for them." She sighed happily. "He's so – " Her reverie was interrupted by the sound of ripping paper. Surprised, she looked over at Jimmy.
"Hehe, oops." Jimmy blushed as he looked at the page he'd been coloring. A blue-edged, inch-long tear slashed its way across Mr. Bun-Bun's face. Jimmy quickly slipped the pieces of broken crayon into his pocket and flipped to the next page. "Guess I don't know my own strength, huh! Good thing I've still got the rest of the…book…to…" His face suddenly went as white as the pages he stared at.
"Jimmy? What's wrong?" Concerned, Sarah moved in for a closer look. "You don't look too – " She cut off with a gasp as she saw what Jimmy was looking at. "ED!!"
Jimmy sniffled as he thumbed through the rest of the book, filled with nothing but crudely drawn bunnies facing off against equally unimpressive aliens, monsters…and chickens. "Oh, darn my trusting nature!"
Sarah stood, her face flushing a dangerous shade of red. "Come on, Jimmy, let's go teach those three nimrods a lesson! They won't be so happy after they've eaten every single one of those pages!"
"No, why bother, Sarah?" Jimmy sadly closed the book. "They'll never stop scamming us, no matter what we do." He wistfully traced the image on the cover as Sarah looked on.
Mr. Bun-Bun and his friends looked so happy. They didn't have to worry about stupid scams, or idiot brothers, or long, boring days with nothing to do. Why, there probably wasn't even any humidity in Bunny World to mess up their pretty bunny fur.
"I wish we lived in Bunny World," they sighed in unison.
***********************************************************************
Edd hummed to himself as he added a pair of knee braces, an economy-sized bottle of iodine, and a collapsible bathtub to the rapidly-growing pile of items he was assembling. Eddy looked on in disgust. "Explain it to me again, Double-D – why are we making this 'Tornado Survival Kit'?"
"You can never be too careful, Eddy! Mother Nature can be quite unpredictable at times – why, I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who wish they had a Tornado Survival Kit." Edd crossed several items off his checklist. "It's simply good sense to be prepared, you know."
"Yeah, right." Eddy rolled his eyes. "You of all people should know we never get twisters here. I'd be surprised if we even got a dust devil! I know what the real problem is." He poked Edd in the chest. "You're a chicken! One stupid little Weather Channel show about the 'Deadly Effects of Tornadoes,'" this last was said in a mockingly dramatic tone, "and you go all sweaty in the pits about getting blown away to Neverland!" He grinned slyly and flapped his 'wings'. "Bwoock, bwooock-bwock!"
"Eddy, please!" Edd darted a nervous glance at Ed. "You know how hazardous it is to make poultry references in Ed's presence!" After a few anxious but uneventful moments, he sighed in relief and turned indignantly towards Eddy. "And for the record, I'm not afraid, I'm simply prudent. If – aigh!"
"Hello, Prudence! I am Ed!" Ed shook Edd's hand vigorously enough to knock him off his feet. He peered closely at Edd. "Wow, you look just like my pal, Double-D! Only taller!"
"Knock it off, Ed," Eddy growled. "And both of you, shut your yaps, will ya? We've got a date with the candy store!" He pulled two shiny quarters out of his pocket and snickered. "Boy, what a sap!"
"Eddy, have you no compassion?" Edd shook his head, appalled. "I mean, really – selling that sham of a coloring book to poor Jimmy was beyond inconsiderate! Why, just think of it, Eddy – think of the disappointment Jimmy will endure when he discovers our deception! Think of the heartbreak! Think of – "
"Oh no!" Ed gasped. "Think of the pain for poor Ed, Edd, and Eddy when Sarah finds out!" He swept his friends up and started looking for a hiding place. "Think of the – "
"Ed! Shut up!" Eddy squirmed out of Ed's grip. "Why are you thinking at all?! I'm the brain of this outfit, you're the opposable thumb! So let the brain," he said, pointing to his own forehead, "do the thinking!"
Edd raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you're the brain, are you? Then what would that make me? Uh, never mind, don't answer that." Eddy smirked and shut his mouth. "A-at any rate, Ed is certainly right to be concerned, Eddy. You know Sarah has a penchant for, ah, creatively dire retribution." He shuddered. "So if you'll excuse me, I really should be getting back to work. I don't want to be caught unprepared when the suburban weather conditions – or Sarah – decides to have a shift in temperament."
Double-D's remark flipped on the switch connected to the light-bulb hanging over Eddy's head. "Double-D, that's it!" He slung an arm around Edd's shoulders and pulled him close. "We'll make more of those Tornado things and sell them for cash! Our slogan will be," he waved his free hand in an arc, "You don't want to be caught unprepared when the suburban weather conditions decide to have a shift in temperature!"
"Uh, that was 'temperament,' Eddy." Edd looked at him hesitantly. "And to tell you the truth, I doubt the other inhabitants of this cul-de-sac have any regard for their personal safety whatsoever, unless they are themselves IN a frightening situation already, in which case of course they would care for nothing more than their own personal safety." He waited patiently for Eddy to puzzle through this statement.
"Hey!" As Eddy finally caught Edd's meaning, his eyebrows rose in excitement. "Believe it or not, you're right, Sock-head!"
Edd nodded. "I'm glad you're willing to acknowledge that, before we spent any more time on yet another pointless – "
Eddy cut Edd off mid-sentence. "I sure don't care about safety, so why should they? It's just stupid! So you know what? We're not going to protect people from tornadoes, we're going to get rid of them!"
Ed perked up. "Get rid of people? Like in 'The Sandwich that Ate Des Moines'? Cool! I'll be the terrible olive loaf demon!" He towered over Edd and Eddy, growling like an angry slice of olive loaf.
Edd stepped back. "Um, no Ed, I believe Eddy is implying that we get rid of tornadoes." He frowned at Eddy as he added, "Although I must admit, I could really use some further explanation as to what you mean, Eddy."
"What I mean is," Eddy grabbed the end of Edd's hat, wrapped it around him several times, then gave a sharp tug and let go. Double-D wailed in alarm as he spun around the room like a top. "We'll make tornadoes, and then charge kids to get rid of 'em! And this time, our slogan will be 'Ed's Tornado Removal: Sometimes you can't help but be unprepared!"
"Ooh! Ooh!" Ed clapped his hands. "Watch, Eddy – I am a good tornado, too!" He held out his arms and began rotating quickly. "A-OOO-gah!" Furniture went flying as Ed whirled around the room until, finally, he tripped over his feet and fell to the ground. He wobbled slightly as he sat up. "We're off to see the pizza delivery guy!"
"Ed, that was perfect!" Eddy slapped him on the back. "You do that outside, and we'll be rolling in the cash!" He snickered as he watched Edd spin slowly to a halt, waver, then keel over next to Ed. "Whaddya say, Sock-head? Not bad, eh?"
"I honestly can't decide which of you makes a better natural disaster, Eddy." Edd gazed at the ceiling and waited for the room to stop spinning. Queasily, he shut his eyes and muttered, "What I really need is an Overly-Rambunctious Friends Survival Kit…"