Chapter Five: One Winged Angel Crisis
I have gotten my first flame. Yay! From "Flame thrower" whose name obviously suggest that he or she throws flames. Y~eah. This is what they wrote:
WHAT THE HOLY HELL AND FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! SEXIST BASTARD!!!!!!!!!
First of all, no one actually forces you to review, or even read this fiction. I'm sure I've already warned people in the first chapter that this might be a wee bit nutty. Second of all, holy and hell are oxymoron, thus, they cancel each other out, reducing your intended emphasis on how insane this story is to zero. And 'what's wrong with me'? Gee, I don't know, go ask my psychologist. Last, but not the least, how am I a sexist in this fic? I've done some nasty perverted things to the characters, yes, but I never discriminated against woman, or any sex for that matter. Don't use words you don't know. It gives you a stupid image.
Flamethrower, go get yourself a dictionary before you seriously hurt yourself. O_o;;
I'm in one of my better moods so I didn't exactly pummel this guy. Be warned flaming folks, I always retaliate damage. ::Sends evil grin::
Anyway, ooh! I finished Kingdom Hearts! ::Smiles, obviously proud of herself:: The only thing I forgot to do for the secret movie was to collect all the Dalmatian puppies. Ah.., me am big dolt. XD. But what the hell, I beat Sephiroth!!! ::Cheers, only to be followed by an enraged Sephy with his giant Masamune::
I thought I killed him in my other fic!!! O_O;;
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"Kairi, I have gotten another person to help you kill Riku," Maleficient smiled EVILLY as she opened the door to the room for that someone to enter. A man with white hair entered in…, halfway. He got stuck.
"Darkness will conq-- Mwaaaaaaaaaargh! What happened?!!" It was Ansem, the previous ruler of Hollow Bastion. While entering through the door, the poor guy must have been stuck by stupid little Darkness pet on his back.
The door was just too small for both of them to fit in.
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeh! I can't get out! I'm stuck!!! Heeeeeeelp me!" The mage grasped out desperately towards Maleficient and the redhead brat, but they just stared at him for his stupidity.
"Dumbass! Go through it SIDEWAYS!" Kairi yelled and at once, Ansem stopped.
"I knew that!!!" The man muttered strange curses as he backed out of the door, turned sideways, and sidestepped in.
He got stuck. Again.
"Waaaaaa~! I'm can't get throuuuuuuugh!!!" Ansem started to cry. He was caught again, simply for the fact the dark creature behind his back was the same in length all ways.
"Stupid Darkie!" Ansem yelled. From knowing Ansem's odd speech, Maleficient and Kairi presumed it was the name for the weird chaos like thing on his back. And all of a sudden, *Darkie* spoke in such a tone that made the land of Hollow Bastion (yeah, they're in HB) tremble.
"ANSEM YOU FICKLE MAN. YOU GIVE UP YOUR HEART TO DARKNESS TO HAVE SOME YAOI BLANKET FUN AND THIS IS WHAT I GET?! YOU DON'T DESERVE ME!" after that, Darkie bashed his head into Ansem's and broke the doorway while propelling forward.
"Gasp! I got through the door! Eeh! Thank the Lor- I mean, DARKNESS! Yes! Darkness!" Ansem squealed in joy while kissing the ground to show darkness how *grateful* he was.
Kairi looked at Maleficient. "Be sure to steam vacuum the floor twice today."
~
"What is a 'father'?" Sora asked. Cloud was taken aback by Sora's limited knowledge and explained.
"Well, a father is the male part of parents."
"Then.., where's the female part?" Cloud looked away as another voice replied.
"I'm afraid there is none," said a deep, creamy voice, "because we're your parents." The person stepped out of the darkness of the sewers. It was Leon.
Squally Fangirls: EWE! How can Cloud and Leon-san have a baby?! They're guys!
Authoress: Quiet! This is my sick imagination so back off! KUMAGORO BEAM!!!!! ::Kills the poor fans::
Eh heh heh. Excuse the silly little Squall fan girls. Back to the story. ^_^;;
"Huh? Guys can have babies?" Sora asked bluntly. "Cool! I want a baby with Riku!" Sora was about to run off when he was stopped by Leon. He released his grip on Sora.
"Uhh, no son. You DON'T want to do that," Leon said, without a hint of emotion in his voice.
"You must keep this a secret. It brings shame upon our mother company, Squaresoft, to have homosexual relationships between two heroes. And you must realize, this is far more than just a relationship," Cloud said.
"Okay!" Sora said brightly. Cloud and Leon looked at one another to judge whether or not his response was genuine or not. But they nodded, and left the stinky sewers with the mangled flowers although the authoress encouraged them to mess with the flowers more (damn you bishies! XD).
Outside was Traverse Town at its best. Moogles were going around everywhere putting decorations and lights on every building in the district. Even the local Heartless were helping around. The delivery moogles were sending out invitations to every world to have more people join the huge party, or preferably called festival. Townspeople were getting a lot of unknown booze out. ^_^.
"Wow! This is great!" Sora exclaimed. He scampered about everywhere with Leon and Cloud's eyes locked on to him afraid that he might cause havoc. Although they didn't show it, they were happy. Aww, what a cute family! Cute gay family, that is!
Reader: THIS IS BORING! ::Throws shoe at author::
Thanks! I needed new boots anyway.
While looking at all the different kinds liquor and alchoholic stuff there were, Sora spotted Riku going gaga over a female Moogle.
"Riku!" Riku quickly sucked up his drool and turned to see the person who had been calling him.
"Riku! Riku, Riku, Riku!!!" Sora squealed, tackling/hugging/glomping his friend while doing so. They both fell onto the floor in a certain eyebrows-go-up position. But they were only friends, right?
"Guess what! Guess what! Guess what!" Sora said excitedly. Riku was equally excited. Excited down under, to be exact. ^_^.
"Riku, your sword is bothering me!" Sora complained.
"Oh, sorry," Riku put away his albino bat's wing sword.
"No.., not that one…," Sora muttered. But he ignored 'it'. Tee hee!
"So, what's up?" Riku asked. Sora pointed at the two bishonen that had been following him.
"They're my parents!" At this, all the townspeople turned around to stare at Cloud and Leon. They were stunned. And so were Cloud and Leon.
"No! This was supposed to be an ultra-secret-fact that no Kingdom Hearts people were to know! How could Sora tell everyone that we are his PARENTS?!" Cloud LOUDLY exclaimed. Leon scowled at Cloud's stupidity, almost equivalent to Sora's and groaned loudly. They both fainted. Riku and Sora were too busy making out to care (-_-). Only one annoying lady seemed to notice the falls.
"Both Leon and Cloud fainted! I MUST take them to my home to 'heal' them," Aerith, with unknown strength, dragged both full-grown men into her home to use 'magical powers' on. And just then did someone make a flashy entrance by summoning several huge meteors. The meteors killed many townspeople, and one of them was the goddamn ancient. Only the pink dress and ribbon were the last remains of the Cetra.
"Yay! I'm here for the party!" a man exclaimed, gently floating down on his one wing. He landed softly and clapped his hands together. "Now, where's the booze?" Scary Latin music sounding awfully like the gothic remix of Jingle Bells started playing.
The silver-haired man turned around to see many barrels of booze. He joyfully glided there and started drinking up barrels by the second. People were worried he was going to drink all the booze up.
Cloud, half-awake from his unconcsiousness and talked in a hoarse voice "Sephiroth has an interminable thirst disease..," and then he fainted again. No one dared to stop the one winged angel.
He was just too beautiful to stop watching. Sora and Riku were their only hope, but they were still making out and even going 'beyond'. O_o;;
Just when everybody thought there was no hope, Ansem popped out of nowhere and landed on Sephiroth. That is, the WRONG way. Ansem sat on top of Sephiroth's body. White hair with silver hair bishie??? Oh boy! This is some fun!!!
"Ah ha ha~! I will kill you with the power of darkness..," Ansem's voice started lowering when he saw Sephiroth's face. He was….pretty! The mage started blushing furiously. "Agh dammit! I hate it when I have to kill pretty people like you." Sephiroth was dearly confused.
"Oh well," Ansem licked his lips and smiled as his face got closer to Sephiroth's. Sephy's eyes widened as the other man's lips were getting closer to his.
"EEP!" A girly shrill escaped Sephiroth's before Ansem 'went in for the kill'. Poor Sephiroth died automatically. After some time, Ansem got up and laughed.
"Muahahahahah! The power of darkness is truly great! It can even kill beautiful men! Ahahahahahahahaha!" Ansem exclaimed. The people cheered him on for he saved the day (and the much needed booze). He bowed and disappeared.
Sora got up from Riku's chest. "What was that?"
"Nothing, Sora. Go back to sleep," and Sora went back to sleep, indeed, on Riku's body, much to SoKairi fans' disgust.
~
"So did you kill him?" Kairi asked the returning Ansem. He got up slowly.
"Yep! I killed the silver haired guy! Just like you asked, Master!" Ansem said. "But you never told me he had one black wing!"
"Riku didn't have a black wing the last time I saw him…," Kairi muttered as she took a sip of her lemonade.
"Riku? Oh no, the guy I killed was, I think, Sephiroth," Kairi spit out all her lemonade ("You are wasting many lemons, Master!") onto Ansem's face.
"WHAT?! You were supposed to kill Riku!!!" Kairi screamed her almightiest at him. This broke another three of Maleficient's stain-glass windows. Maleficient burst into sobs as the glass shattered.
"But, but, but! Master! You should have told me his name!!!" Ansem innocently replied with the lemon juice still dripping from his tanned face. Kairi shot him a death glare.
"IF YOU WERE SMART ENOUGH TO REMEMBER NAMES, I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT YOU FOOL!" Kairi yelled. Ansem just frowned and wiped away all the saliva Kairi spit into his face.
"Ugh!" Kairi screamed. She took a swig of her drink. "But was Sora there, though?"
"Yes, he was on top of another guy with silver hair. I think they were doing each other," Kairi spit out another globful of spit and lemonade ("Master! Think of all these lemons you are wasting!") onto poor Ansem's face.
"YOU! GO THERE AND KILL RIKU NOW!" Kairi screamed with her now hoarse voice.
"Yes, master," Ansem turned to leave, but he stopped and looked at Kairi. "But can I have the rest of your lemonade before I go?" Kairi handed the glass over to Ansem. He downed the whole thing.
"Ewe! They taste like you!"
Ansem left Hollow Bastion with a broken leg and arm .
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Whoo. That seemed like the longest chapter I've ever made. Well, please read and review! The more reviews I get, the more fast I update. Not that anybody cares…O_O