Authors' Note: Sorry for the delay on this one! We've not given up on this story, although the fates have been conspiring against the completion of this particular chapter – first there was the Email Mixup, then there was the Having of Other Stuff To Do, and then there were the Cheerios. Oh, god, the Cheerios. *Zephyr shudders, oblivious to the fact that nobody else seems to get that* Um, anyway, sorry for the overlarge lagtime between getting Chs. 1 and 2 out – the gods and the good folks at General Mills willing, there won't be quite such a delay between Chapters 2 and 3! And, as always, thanks for reading this, we hope you enjoy!
~Zeph and Wizzard
*****
"But Eddy, I want to be a tornado!" Ed
plopped down on the grass, his lower lip quivering. "Tornado, Eddy!"
"I already told you, Ed, you can do your stupid tornado thing later! Now, come on!" Eddy tried, without success, to drag Ed to his feet. "We already got fifty cents, that's enough for…uh…" After a few moments of counting on his fingers, he gave up and elbowed Edd. "Hey Sock-head, try to keep up, will ya?"
Edd sighed. "At a nickel apiece, Eddy, that would be ten jawbreakers – more than we've managed to acquire all summer, in fact. And much as it astounds me to say it, Ed, Eddy's right – we really should enjoy this ill-gotten windfall before – "
"Windfall! Oh, come on, guys! I am a great windfall!"
"Nice going, Wordsworthless," Eddy grumbled. "We're never gonna get him up if you keep yapping about tornadoes!"
"A windfall isn't a tornado, Eddy, it's – oh, never mind." Edd shook his head as Eddy's eyes glazed over. "At any rate, don't you think it would be simpler to just let Ed perform his tornado routine now, if it will keep the peace? Let's call it a practice run, shall we?" He turned to Ed before Eddy could respond. "Go ahead, Ed, we're watching! Give us your best tornado impression!"
Ed leapt to his feet. "Impressed you will be with my impressive impression!" He laughed as he began spinning around.
Edd clapped his hands together. "My, Ed, that's a wonderful tornado! Why, I feel like I should be running for shelter!" He giggled as he turned to Eddy. "Do you see, Eddy? Note how well things work when you actually take your friends' feelings into consideration! Now that Ed's happy, he'll surely come willingly to – " He jumped as a loud cracking and ripping noise came from behind him. "Uh…I really don't want to know what that was, do I?"
Eddy snickered. "Oh, I think you do." He whirled Edd around so he could see what had happened.
*****
Sarah lined up her three scruffiest teddy bears. "I still say we should clobber those morons, Jimmy." She used her Laney O'Neal doll to knock the three over.
"Anger leads to excessive oil build-up and blocked pores, Sarah, it's not worth it." His coloring book now in the trashcan, Jimmy was once more playing dollies with Sarah. He moved his 'junior assistant' doll next to Laney. "Come on, maybe we can come up with a decent lawyer wardrobe for our dollies after all!"
"Oh, all right – but Ed's gonna be grounded forever when I tell Mom what – " she cut off with a startled cry as the house shook beneath her.
Jimmy clung to her arm. "Earthquake!" Shivering, he added, "And me with my pedicure appointment this afternoon, darn it!"
Sarah's eyes narrowed as a familiar laugh came from outside. "I don't think that was an earthquake, Jimmy." With an ominous growl, she stood and looked towards the window. "Let's go see what's going on!" Dragging Jimmy behind her, she stomped over and looked outside.
*****
"Ed!!" Edd's eyes went ringed as he took in the scene before him. "What in heaven's name are you doing?"
"I am Cyclonops, the one-eyed windfall!" Ed shut one eye and continued whirling around. "I will blow this house to kingdom come!"
Edd wrung his hands. "Oh, curse the inadequate foundational fastenings of his house! Don't you dare, Ed! You put your house back right this minute!"
"But Double-D, you said I could be a tornado!"
"But – "
"That's right, Sock-head, you did!" Eddy laughed and slapped Edd on the back. "Boy, Double-D, you sure showed me! Things go a whole lot better when we let Ed do what he wants, huh!"
Edd shot Eddy an agitated look. "Eddy, couldn't you at least help me to calm Ed down before you commence with rubbing my ill-advised comments in my face?"
"Yeah, all right, since I gotta do everything around here – but stick around, you and me have a lot of gloating to catch up on!" Eddy grinned smugly as he turned to Ed. "Hey Burr-head, give it a rest, will ya? Save it for the paying customers!"
"Okee-dokie, Eddy!" Ed stopped spinning. "Haha, that rhymed! Only it didn't!"
Edd glanced gratefully at Eddy, then looked back at Ed. "Y-yes, Ed, very good, now please, just put your house back where you found it before – "
"ED!!!" Sarah and Jimmy appeared in her window, Jimmy smirking gleefully at what was to come. Edd and Eddy did their best to look innocent, while beneath the house Ed froze in terror. "What did you nitwits do? Where's Ed?"
"Would you give your mouth a break for once, Sarah? Jeez!" Eddy sauntered up to stand directly beneath the window. "Ed's not here – and we didn't 'do' anything! Didn't you hear the weather report?" He kicked a stone at Ed to get his attention and hissed, "Start spinning, you idiot!" As Ed obeyed, Eddy followed the window around. "You're caught in a tornado!"
Behind him, Edd looked skywards. "Oh, please, Eddy, nobody's going to fall for – " As Jimmy's squeal of terror cut him off, he sighed. "You know, just once I'd like to be able to finish a statement without being proven wrong…"
"Chalk it up to comedic timing, Sock-head!" Eddy shoved Edd out of the way as he yelled up Sarah. "You two brats – er, I mean…uh…yeah, okay, brats – are in luck! It just so happens that we've figured out a way to stop tornadoes! For just two lousy quarters, we'll get you and your house back safe and sound, whaddya say?"
"Forget it, Eddy, we ain't paying you anything! We're not scared of your pathetic 'tornado,' are we Jimmy?"
Suddenly Ed's voice rose from beneath the house. "Oh, come on, Sarah! Aren't I a good tornado?" Once more, he came to a wide-eyed halt. "Oops."
"HA!" Sarah's voice was triumphant. "I knew it was you, Ed! Oooohhh, you're in big trouble, Mister!"
Ed began running, the house still perched on his shoulders. "No! Don't tell Mom, Sarah!"
"Oh dear! Ed! Wait, come back!" Edd hurried after Ed. "Come on, Eddy, we've got to stop him before he causes still further damage!"
"Wait! What about my money? What about the candy store? Oh, come on – I've still got two quarters here!" Seeing that his friends weren't going to stop, Eddy stuck his hands in his pockets and slouched along after them. "Somebody better come up with a way for me to make some cash off of this…"
*****
Sarah rested her chin in her hands and looked out the window. "That stupid idiot! I don't think he even realizes he's still carrying us." She frowned as the house began to slow, and once more she shouted, "I'm gonna get you, Ed!" The pace immediately picked back up, and she snickered.
"How long do you think he'll keep running, Sarah?" Jimmy didn't look nearly as amused. "My tummy feels fluttery from all this bouncing around!"
Sarah's grin turned to a look of concern as she noticed Jimmy's greenish hue. "I'm sorry, Jimmy, I'll make him stop right now. Come on, you should get some fresh air!" Putting an arm around Jimmy, she began leading him over to the window when the house came to a jarring halt. "What the heck's going on?" As the house trembled beneath her, she looked back outside.
The Kankers were coming up fast on a very rickety-looking bicycle. The thing seemed to have been broken in half at one point, as the crossbar connecting the two wheels was now reinforced by a broomstick and a ridiculous amount of masking tape. Sarah shared a wicked grin with Jimmy. "Ooh, this should be fun!" Both of them crowded at the window for a better look.
*****
"Well, well, what do we have here?" Lee put her foot down and brought the bike to a halt right before Edd and Eddy. Neither boy moved, although Edd shook visibly.
"Look, Lee, they must be bringing us a present!" May eyed the house and giggled. "Gee, Eds, you shouldn't have!"
"Sure they should!" Marie swept Edd up in a crushing hug, ignoring his frantic escape attempts. "These rotten husbands of ours haven't been around in days!" Frowning, she held him out at arm's length and eyed him suspiciously. "You Eds aren't two-timing us, are ya?"
Edd was trying to stammer out a response when Eddy came to his aid. "Let him go, Marie, he ain't your husband!" Even redder-faced than usual, he puffed out his chest and tried to stand tall. "Why don't you three get back on your bike and go find some toads to boil or something?"
Lee grinned delightedly. "Ooh, I love it when you get feisty, Eddy!" Still making kissy lips at him, she turned and slapped her sister. "Do what he says, Marie! How are we supposed to chase 'em around if you've already caught one?" Marie grumbled but obeyed, and Edd scrambled back to duck behind Eddy. Giggling evilly, all three sisters advanced.
"I-I don't think they were impressed by your bravado, Eddy…" Edd peered anxiously over Eddy's shoulder.
"So tell me something I don't know, Count Trembula!" Eddy edged backwards, nudging Edd along behind him. "At least I tried, I don't see you hatching any great escape plans!"
"Hatching? Like chickens?" Edd and Eddy both jumped as Ed, forgotten behind them, laughed excitedly. "Oh! Please can we go see the escaping chickens, Eddy? Please please oh please?"
Double-D glanced back. "Um, Ed? D-don't you think we have more pressing concerns at the moment?"
"Like what, Double-D?" Ed looked out from beneath the house. The Kankers' feet were just visible. "Oh yeah." Putting on his best 'Cyclonops' face, he hefted the house even higher. "Don't worry, guys, I am on the road again!"
*****
"Come on, Jimmy, let's go downstairs so we can get a better view!" Just as Sarah was turning to go, the house gave a horrid lurch. Her brother's voice rose up from below.
"Die, foul mutants from Iowa!"
Jimmy clung to her wrist. "What's he talking about, Sar – AAAH!" Suddenly the house jerked forward again, more violently this time. Jimmy and Sarah's startled yells echoed the ones coming simultaneously from outside. As the house tumbled end over end, Jimmy collided with Sarah, knocking her into the wall. She struck her head and slid motionless to the floor.
Finally, the house lay silent. Long moments passed, during which the only sound was Jimmy's terrified whimpering. When Sarah stirred and opened her eyes, she saw only darkness, all the light bulbs being broken during the house's recent tumultuous move. Somewhat disoriented, Sarah barely managed to get up, and started to fumble her way through the dark room.
"Jimmy? Where are you, Jimmy?" Sarah shouted, trying to find her way to her friend or to the nearest exit, whichever she found first.
"I'm right here Sarah!" Gratefully, she heard Jimmy's familiar voice coming from his customary place at her side. "Careful, don't trip – your room must be a mess after what happened! Try for the door, we need to get a little light in this place so we can see well enough to move without getting any owies."
Sarah did as Jimmy asked, and went towards whatever direction she thought the door might be in. By luck, she managed to find her way to the doorknob. She opened the door, ready to give her stupid brother a piece of her mind, but what she saw stopped her cold. After a few moments, the silence was broken by the sound of Jimmy's voice:
"I don't think we're in Peach Creek anymore, Sarah..."