Chapter Six: Bunnies

I think I may have some evil liking for this fic. The character bashing is always fun! :3 Thank you peoplez for all the support! I always love it! ^_^. And someone asked if Ansem would match with Sephiroth.

Well, well, we'll never know until we ask the master of darkness, Ansem himself, right?

Ansem: I so do NOT like Sephiroth! No matter how hot, buff, beautiful, and downright sexy he is!

MiakaKiller: Suuuuure~ ::Takes out Sephy plushie doll::

Ansem: Waah! Surge attack!!! ::Grabs crotch and runs to the men's room::

Sure showed how much he cared! O_O;; Back to nonsense fiction!

****

"Hey Riku, look!" Sora yelled as he pointed at a 100% neon lighted sign that said 'Strip Club'. It had a nice figure of a girl squeezing her goods. _

Riku just stared. "Sora, this if for people older than us..," he went off.

"Who cares?! I wanna know what's inside!" Sora whined.

"NO," Riku firmly said.

"But I wanna know! I wanna! I wanna! I wannaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~!" By this time, Sora had already fallen to the floor, rolling and screaming tantrums like a 4-year-old. He was creating such a racket that a whole crowd of townspeople were pointing (bad) fingers at Riku. Riku, obviously not used to being in the public and insulted so much at this rate, screamed out loud.

"OKAY! WE'LL GO TO THE GODDARNED STRIP CLUB!!!" As soon as Riku said it, Sora neatly flopped back onto his feet and smiled. The townspeople sighed as they left. It was not unusual that minors would go and visit strip clubs.

Riku and Sora stepped in to a loud and noisy room full of "enlightened" men. They were dancing around with panties on their heads and booze in their cups. And the worst of it all was that the ones entertaining them were the Princesses of Heart.

It was apparent that after placing roles in Kingdom Hearts, they found no source of income so had work for the only thing they had: a body.

And to think I used to liked Sleeping Beauty…

"Dude, this place is a bunch of…," Riku went off and panicked as he saw that Sora was no longer at his side. "Sora, Sora? Oh my god, with him and his lack of common sense…, and a room full of pervy old men…, where is he…, oh dear…," Riku had started stuttering and shook so much that he bumped into a man next to him.

"Oh, aren't you a pretty one?" Said the dirty old man. He grabbed Riku by the arms. "Pretty tight too. You'd make a good strip girl!" As he said this, he threw our boy onto the stage where the princesses of heart dragged the reluctant Riku backstage where he could be 'prepared' for entertainment.

After many moments of suspense and hormone stimulations, Riku had finally been pushed back onstage with a….playboy outfit?! Riku, obviously the manly boy he was, tried not to show his overdeveloped muscles in the tight suit. It was all futile, he knew. One man in the back catcalled. Riku swore his death would come upon in 24 hours.

"Hey buff chick! Show us what you've got!" A man yelled. Riku blushed insanely.

"I am NOT A BUFF CHICK!" Riku hollered. "I am a boy! A man! Can't you see I lack breasts?" And Riku touched his chest, only to find lumps of squishy things. While he was forcefully getting dressed, someone put rolls of padding on his chest area.

"Yeah, Riku's not a buff chick!" A familiar voice argued. It was none other than Sora! After being in a place full of strange people for so long, Riku was glad to see Sora again. Sora got up to the stage and pointed at Riku's bottom. "He's a bunny!" His bunny suit had led Sora to a conclusion that Riku indeed was a rabbit. Poor Riku. ^^;;

Roars of laughter filled the room. Riku was carried offstage by hand where everybody touched one or more of Riku's 'parts' ("Hey, man. She really is a guy!") and such. Riku and Sora exited the club. Riku buried his face in his hands (with his clothes mysteriously changed back).

"Now I'll never lose my virginity to a person I love," Riku muttered, although technically, he really didn't lose his virginity at all.

Sora slapped Riku's ass. "It's okay. I still love you."

Riku rubbed his ass. Ow.

~

After the funeral of Aerith (in which no one attended) and Sephiroth (where many Sephy fans cursed the author for being so mean to him), Cid rubbed his belly and groaned.

"Agh. I've gots to get me some tighter belt," Cid tried to push down his bloating abdomen, but it was of no use. He sauntered up the stairs of First District and entered the store only to be chased out by the crazy dreadlock person muttering strange, incoherent French. While running out, he dropped his one and only cigarette that kept him sane from Final Fantasy 7 through Kingdom Hearts. So now, he wasn't sane.

"AAAH! CURSE YOU FRENCH IMBECILE!!! YER NOT EVEN FRENCH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!! WHO THE HELL GAVE YOU THE PERMISSION TO LIVE IN MY HOUSE, er, I mean, STORE!!! AND-"

"Hey mister. Can you give me a quarter?" Interrupted/asked the orphan boy who looked awful lot like Tidus with brown hair. Maybe he was his long lost twin brother (XD).

"Oh? You want a quarter boy? Well, follow me and I'll give you LOTS of quarters..," and so Cid dragged the brunette version of Tidus to the abandoned house in Third District.

Eep.

~

"Daddy!" Sora exclaimed, running towards his parents.

"Sora!" Both Cloud and Leon went, not knowing which 'daddy' Sora was referring to.

"I'm the dad," Leon said. "You gave birth to him, Cloud." Cloud ran up to Sora and scowled at Leon.

"Well I'm the one holding him," said Cloud, as a matter-of-fact. He turned to his son. "Whatcha do today?"

Sora grinned. "Riku took me to a strip club!" Riku slapped his forehead. No way with Sora's lack of decent sense was he going to get on Cloud's good side. But luckily for him, Cloud just smiled.

"Did you have fun there? See a lot of girls?"

"Um. Kind of. Riku dressed up as a bunny!" Riku slapped his forehead again. This was going nowhere.

"A, a bunny?" Cloud asked, confused.

"Yeah! Like the costumes girls wear in Playboy!" Riku sat squatted in a corner, humming the tune of 'Ode to Joy' absentmindedly. Cloud, becoming uncomfortable, changed subjects.

"You look so like me, you are so cute!" Cloud cuddled with Sora before turning to look at frowning Leon. "What are you, jealous?"

Leon looked away. "That's Leon…," Cloud sweat dropped. So after all, Sora's simple minded-ness didn't all come from Cloud. Sora looked at his 'other' father.

"Dad, how come you changed your name to Leon?" Sora asked. Leon cocked his head toward Sora.

"Well, if Squaresoft knew Cloud and I were having s-, I mean, getting married, I needed to change my name so they won't recognize it was Squall from FF8 getting married to Cloud from FF7," Leon explained.

"The why would you change your name to 'Leon'? I mean, it's basically the same as your last name. They can recognize you immediately, more faster than if you left your name as Squall," Sora said.

Leon grabbed his long hair and tried pulling it out. "Why does everybody tell me that?!" He screamed until he noticed how out-of-character he was and calmed down. "Yeah, and Cloud had to change his clothes to be not identified." He pointed at Cloud's cape-like thing.

"Yeah. I stole this from Vincent while we were in the Hot Springs--" Cloud covered his mouth as Leon looked at him with surprise. Not a good surprise, though.

"You went to the hot springs with Vincent?! Not me?!" Leon started packing things up.

"Wait, Squ--I mean, Leon. I can explain." Without further notice, Leon simply stuck his gun blade in Cloud's chest. Cloud fell over with blood squirting all around him.

"You.., traitor!!! I'll never sleep with you again!!!" As Leon turned around to leave, he bumped into a tree. After recovering from the fall, he crashed into a brick wall that caused the scar on his forehead to grow even deeper. "I'll never remove that sword until you apologize!!!" After tripping over Donald Duck, Leon made an exit.

"B-but, Leon.., how do I apologize with t-t-t-his on…," Cloud died. Temporarily.

Sora looked at Riku. "My parents are WEIRD."

Indeed, Riku thought.

~

"Did you, did you kill him???" Kairi asked Ansem ferverently as he returned to Hollow Bastion.

"Master, that Riku person is, indeed, strange! He talked to me in a fake Jamaican accent and had flaming orange hair!" Ansem replied.

"Strange.., Riku never spoke in a Jamaican accent.., not that he ever would..," Kairi pondered for a moment. "Orange hair? Did he dye his hair?"

"Yes, he also muttered strange noises when he hit me with beach balls." After thirty seconds of silence, Kairi whapped the poor guy's head.

"Ouch. Master, it takes me 40 minutes every morning to get my hair up in this position..," Ansem said as he smoothed out his gel-y hair. He looked at himself in his pocket mirror before crouching to hear Kairi's orders again. Kairi simply took the mirror and broke it on Ansem's head.

"Ouch. Master, that is seven years of bad luck for you!"

"You've killed someone else. His name is Wakka, a foreign exchange student on our islands. I remember he was quite dirty…"

"Really? Cool! I killed someone else!" Ansem patted himself on the back (as along with Darkie) for killing someone else. Kairi sat back in her chair and just groaned. Why was this guy so goddamn stupid?

"Look, this time, I'll go with you so you'll know which one is Riku so you can kill him. Okay? Now, carry me on your back!"

"Sorry, master. Darkie says he can't accept that." Ansem said.

"What?! That creature?" Kairi asked.

"Yes. He says you are too ugly." Kairi sighed. Was being ugly a sin? She put on a paper bag with eye holes in it.

"I can still see you~!" Kairi whapped his head and Ansem left HB in a portal, humming the Gummy Ship theme along the way.

"Agh! That hurts my ears!"

****

I ended off quite weirdly, sorry. But don't I always do that? XD. Please please review. More reviews make me more happy.

Anybody seen Ashton from Star Ocean Ex? He's that Ryuichi looking guy with the two dragons on his back. Quite hyper, the guy. Ansem reminds me of him! ^_^. And the best is that Seki Tomakazu does his voice. Ahh~he's my savior!