True Tales of Tortall
Alanna: The Truth Behind the Temper (thanks to insane kitten for the idea)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own this, you don't own this, but Tamora Pierce does!
Now, we all know that Alanna has a temper. Ha! But how did she get that temper? Ah! Well, just for you, the TRUTH! With special guest Ralon of Malven!
It all started when Alanna was just nine years old. Coram went out drinking one night and returned with a bottle of brandy! He then left it out overnight, and with Alanna being as curious as she was, she picked it up and drank it! (How she survived is a mystery!) The next day she was horribly hung over and proceeded to snap at anything that moved. Pleasant isn't she!
On the road to Corus, the brandy that Coram drank was not in his flask….. it was Alanna's! While at the Palace, she continued this "habit" and thus achieved a state where she was constantly hung over.
Now, we've heard from the "outside sources" *coughThom&Coramcough*, now to hear from a person that met with Alanna's temper face on: Ralon of Malven!
Interviewer: How did you discover that Alanna was an alcoholic?
Ralon: What? I thought this show was about Page Alan! Not Alanna who's she?
Interviewer: *sigh* Alan was Alanna in disguise!
Ralon: Really? I discovered when she breathed on me. That was why I said she kissed pigs!
Interviewer: Hmm… why pigs?
Ralon: She is one!
*Alanna rides in with big sword and chops his ears off*
Ralon: Ow….*collapses*
Interviewer: And I think we will leave it there! Goodbye!
Director: And CUT!! HEALER! We need a HEALER
Alanna: You bring in a healer and I'll cut your ears off as well!
*Charges Director. Chaos erupts*
Big Voice: Next time on True Tales of Tortall:
Roger of Conte: I Will Survive! (?)
Alanna: Not if I have anything to do with it!