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*Between Love and Hate*
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Spoilers: This is the fifth story in my series – if you haven't read any of my work before, you'd be best off going back to read and understand. The first story was Shattered Trusts and Whispered Confessions. The second is Remembering to Forget, the third is Events That Lead To Greatness. The most recent is the fourth story called the Longest Day (which was basically just a wrap up of some confusing things I had to sort out from previous works). This series is set after Hello Goodbye but does reveal spoilers from the rest of the season, as I incorporate it into the story.
Disclaimer: Ideas are mine based on the brilliant work of the Dark Angel team – so don't sue me! I wish I owned Alec, but I don't. So I have to settle for writing fiction about him.
Authors Note: Just a general shout out thanks to all the great readers who have been reviewing my work and totally keeping me motivated. If it weren't for you guys I wouldn't be writing this stuff. I am trying out a new style of writing in this one; let me know what you guys think.
Have fun and remember to review!
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CHAPTER EIGHT ALEC
When Max is asleep in my arms, I tend not to be able to rest. I constantly have to kiss her or touch her, breathe in the way she smells. I like that combination of my scent on hers, the way it acts as a warning to others that she's spoken for.
I know that I'm a lost little boy when it comes to her, blind to the truth.
Which is that she isn't mine, not in any way – maybe she never really was.
I'm just a toy to her, someone she uses for relief – for an escape from her life.
The worst part is, I can't get out.
Every time I try, she manages to change my mind.
I really do feel like Ben used to – confused, afraid. Hell, even crazy.
I know its not healthy what her and I are doing, but I love her and I don't think I could handle not having her a part of my life. Like those months of when we weren't together, passing each other by in the halls, smiling and yet we had nothing. At least this way I can touch her, kiss her. I don't want to lose her.
Well, losing her from this physical bond we have.
I already lost the emotional bond.
I'd go insane without her.
But she's made it pretty clear what she wants and who am I to argue? Like I keep saying to myself, anytime with Max is time with Max – I treasure every moment.
And I can't give her up.
I wont give her up.
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MAX
I like when I'm sleeping in Alec's arms I feel safe. Secure enough to drop my guard and get some proper rest. Maybe that's the reason I'm not such a cranky bitch anymore. Well, not as much.
I love to look at him, take in his beauty, his strength, his wisdom. When I first met him, it never really struck me how gorgeous he is – I guess that's because he looks just like Ben, who I considered my brother. But now, I look past that and see the stunning, sweet soul inside him and I fall more and more in love with him each day.
Unfortunately, as my heart grows more attached, my fear that I don't deserve him strengthens. I know deep down that he is too good for me. Manticore's finest creation, the only person that everyone in TC listens to and respects. I don't know how I ever thought he was a screw-up.
Maybe I shouldn't have said what I did that night on the Needle, convinced him that all he was to me was a body for me to have my way with. That all I wanted from him was a screw. But then maybe we wouldn't have what we do. And I need him, even if it is just physical fulfilment. I want more, but I'll live with what I have if I have to.
Every night we make love until the sun rises and we fall asleep together. And he moans my name, its filled with such emotion, that I get so hopeful that perhaps the love we used to share exists behind it.
I don't know where that love went.
It's like one day we woke up and realised it was gone. And all we had was lust.
Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
I want to tell him how I feel, but I'm about to lose what little contact I have with him as it is. I can tell he doesn't want what we have to continue anymore. Thank god he's a guy and cant resist the opportunity of sex. But that wont last forever. And I know soon, unless I do something to stop it, he's going to wake up and not want me – not ever again.
I don't know what I'd do if that happened.
I don't think I could live without him, so I guess I'll just have to keep making him want me.
I wont give him up.
Not without a fight.
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Seattle; Terminal City; August 20th 2023
1200 hours
Max breezed through Alec's office door, shutting and locking it behind her. He looked up from his desk, a sly smirk playing on his lips,
"Hey."
"Hey."
"What's going on babe?"
"Thought I'd come spend some quality time with you before I go away tomorrow."
"Ah the big stake out... two weeks is a long time, you sure you don't want someone else to do it?"
"I could use the time off, you know – to think."
"Its hard to do that round here I guess."
"But anyways, what are you doing?"
"Just working on the to do list. Looks like all the buildings here need repairing otherwise I wont be the only one here that would've experienced a three-wall home. And I was lucky enough not to have the roof cave in, but they mightn't be."
She chuckled appreciatively, moving towards him like a predator stalking its prey. Alec pushed away from his desk, spinning his chair to face her,
"Now what are you doing Maxie? It isn't night time, our usual time."
"We don't have to wait until then do we?"
"I don't know, how does our arrangement go on situations like this? You remember the contract?"
"Hmm... I don't think it's breaking any clauses."
"Oh well then continue by all means whatever you were about to do."
She stopped just in front of him, her eyes dark and unreadable,
"Alec?"His response was low, husky. She could hear how much he wanted her just by the way he spoke,
"Yeah?"Max straddled his lap, her breath tickling his face as she kissed along his jaw and then throat, stopping to pull his shirt up over his head,
"Do you want me?"He grabbed her ass, pulling her close against him, her hair falling into his face as he massaged her with one hand, the other travelling up her body,
"What do you think?"She leaned back to undo his pants, a bulge already growing. Making a sexy low rumble in the back of his throat which she only usually heard during sex, Max fumbled with his belt, her teeth biting down on her lip in concentration. Alec pushed back a stray hair, which fell in her eye, stilling her hands to lean up and kiss her tenderly on the lips.
"What was that for?"
"Because I want you."
"No other reason?"
"Not right now."
He smiled at her, kissing her again, before removing his hands from hers to unbutton her top, then sliding the material off her to puddle onto the floor.
*I love you Max*
His eyes fell shut as she feasted her mouth over his body, making a trail that was driving his wild. Alec reached for her, pulling her to his mouth again.
*Maybe I should just say it during sex, isn't that what ordinaries do. That could work - I could see her reaction. If its bad, then I can just say it was in the heat of the moment.*
*He's distracted - I don't like it. I don't think he wants me anymore, well at least not like he used to. I thought we'd moved past all this. Maybe I should just tell him I love him and battle down for the worst. God, ask me to kill a bad guy, no sweat. But telling my ex-boyfriend who I am having a casual sex deal which makes me unsure if I can call him my boy coz we're not like that, that I love him and I constantly chicken out. What a super-soldier I am. Fearless my ass.*
"You're awfully kissy today sir."
"Don't call me sir. And maybe I like kissing you."
"I thought that was something couples did more than well... whatever you call us."
*Call us a couple, please call us a couple!*
*Yeah, very subtle Max – I get it! We're not a couple, don't have to rub it in my face.*
Alec stood, easing her off him and redoing up his pants. Max looked up at him in alarm,
"What are you doing?"
"I really should finish up what I have to do here. This is only my lunchbreak from Jampony."
"Its my day off. Just ring in and say you have stuff to do here, Normal will understand."
"I have stuff to do."
"Stuff that doesn't include me. Right, I got it Alec, you're not so obvious way of telling me that you're not in the mood. That you don't want me. I get it."
"Max..."
She turned to leave struggling into her top and moving over to the door, unlocking and opening it just a crack before he blurred to her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her into his embrace,
"Why would you ever think I don't want you?"
*This is it Max, just say it. Tell him how you feel.*
*There's no turning back now Alec. Three words, so simple. I love yo...*
His thoughts were interrupted as an all too familiar figure stepped through the doorway, pushing the heavy wooden door aside,
"Hey guys. Bad time?"
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To be continued...
Author's Note:
First you click on the button saying review this story, then you type in your comment and send it in. So simple... thanks!