More Strange but True Stories
A/N: Hmm… Last chapter went nuts. Ah well…. Should probably have previewed it first. So, who was your favourite? Ok, back to more strange stories. Thanks for all the reviews!
Disclaimer: I don't own this as I'm not Tamora Pierce. Or I wasn't last time I checked…. Or the Stinky Cheese Man…
Never Eat Cheese Before Bedtime (Part I)
It was a normal morning for Kel. She had been doing Morris Dancing with her glaive, had missed a stroke and chopped her maid's ear off. Making a mental note to give it to George for his collection, she ran downstairs and bumped into Alanna, who was experimenting with either a violet or mint green moustache. Seeing Kel, she stopped and blushed self-conciously.
"I was only….. for the Yamani…." She trailed off. Kel looked at her, raised an eyebrow and told Alanna that she looked best in the mint green one. Hoping it was a cheese induced mirage, Kel ran on. Soon she heard the jangling of bells and looked out of the window to see the entire Yamani delegate doing morris dancing, many of whom were sporting broken arms and legs.
After watching for a while, she turned around to see Cleon looking soppily at her.
"I thought this was a Kel/Neal romance!" she said.
"Alanna has gone to the Convent" replied Cleon.
"Nooo!" secreamed Kel "NOT ANOTHER! Not ANOTHER 'Alanna goes to the Convent' story! Arghh!!!"
So, are we going to leave our hero at this point of devestation? While being stalked (although she doesn't know it) by the Stinky Cheese Man? No! Join us next time for……
Kel vs. The Stinky Cheese Man
Who will win?
Never Eat Cheese Before Bedtime (Part II)
Suddenly, Cleon's face began to change shape. His round head became oval and his flesh turned a mottled greeny – yellow. His big, staring eyes turned into large green olives. His wobbly fat lips turned into pieces of streaky bacon and a horrible smell filled the air, the stench of decay.
"Yay" said Kel "I knew this was a Kel/Neal romance. Well, that successfully puts Cleon out of the picture. But what is this hideous being. I mean, it's probably a better kisser than Cleon, but at least Cleon didn't smell… Oh well, I had better ask the creature its name. Beast, what are you called?" Kel wondered out loud.
"I'm the stinky Cheese Man." The creature replied.
"Yeah, well you're aptly named" laughed Kel. The Stinky Cheese Man's face darkened.
"Die!" it roared
"Oops" said Kel. The Stinky Cheese Man began to lurch menacingly forward.
"Arghh, Why, of all places to pick a fight, I pick the BATHROOM! ARRGH!" Kel felt for a sword. Then she remembered that she'd put it in for repairs. She felt for her knife. Then she remembered that she'd lent it to Neal to pick his teeth with.
"Arrgh!" She howled
"You know, you really should think of a better catchphrase" advised the Stinky Cheese Man.
"I know" confessed Kel "I haven't had time." She continued to back against the bathroom wall. Then her hand closed around something cylindrical. There was no time to lose. She quickly sprayed the can into the creature's face.
"ARGHH! PINEFRESH!" Screamed the Stinky Cheese Man.
"Beware the air freshener! And stay off my catchphrase!" Kel yelled back.
"NOOooooooooooo!" moaned the Stinky Cheese Man. He writhed and melted, until all that was left of him was an olive.
"Hmm.. NOOooooooooooo! I could work with that. Thanks Stinky Cheese Man!" And with that, Kel went off to apologis to Lalasa and give the ear to George. (Well, Lalasa wouldn't be needing it….."
Remember, the eventual, (and somewhat predictable..) moral of this story is…Never Eat Cheese before Bedtime!