Title: Whose Line Is It Anyway?, 2150
Genre: Humor
Main Characters: N/A
Series: Whose Line Is It Anyway? / Enterprise Cross-over
Disclaimer: Whose Line is owned by ABC, BBC, and any other acronyms I forgot to mention. Paramount Pictures and Viacom own Enterprise. That's all. I think.
*Scene: A crowded filming studio, just like the one used to film the American Whose Line show.
Admiral Forest: Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway, Starfleet edition! This is the show where the points don't matter. Just like money today! It's January 29th, 2150, and here are today's guests. Remember, these guests have never met before. Except the cheesy Floridian and the British guy. Today's guests are: Malcolm Reed, British artillery expert. Captain Jonathan Archer, future captain of the Enterprise, now under construction. The alien Dr. Phlox of San Francisco Medical. And the Vulcan T'Pol, liaison to the Vulcan ambassador!
T'Pol: I do not see the point of this trivial 'game' you human's play.
Admiral Forest: Too bad! You've already been assigned this mission to improve human-Vulcan relations. Our first game is: Newscasters! You all have envelopes next to you showing your job and quirk. Please get set-up.
~Everyone gets into his or her places~
~Newscast music comes on~
Jonathan: Hello, this is the 1800 Hours News! I'm your head anchor, Jonathan Archer. In recent news, the Vulcans blew up our moon when they discovered that Neil Armstrong 'illogically' placed a flag on the surface. Also, it has been discovered by Starfleet scientists that Vulcan ears are sharp enough to be used as can-openers. In civilian news, it has been discovered, through countless years of research, that Al Gore did win the election by 3 votes. Al Gore, now incapacitated to a hospital bed, has said he'll take office immediately. Let's talk to our political analysis, Mr. Malcolm Reed, about this astonishing turn of events.
~Camera turns to Reed. In front of him is the caption, 'Peace Loving Hippy'~
Reed: ~In weird Hippy/British accent~ Them Vulcans shouldn't be using any bloody weapons, my dude. We need to protect our natural satellites like George Bush protected the Star Wars program for 30 years. Uh…oh what the hell, I give up. I'm sick and tired of doing fake accents. First the British accent, then this stupid Hippy accent! I'm out of here!
~Reed stomps out of the studio~
Archer: Okay…well, let's go to Dr. Phlox, covering the latest sports.
~Camera turns to Phlox. Caption reads, 'Graduated from University of Mexico'~
Phlox: First, let's cover soccer! That's the sport of my country, of course! Unfortunately, it isn't soccer season. So let's cover the next closest thing, American football! Today, the San Francisco 47'ers beat the Oakland Nausicans 4-to-7! Also, the Seattle Space-Hawks beat the New England Positrons by 0-47 by employing their newly invented 'Parallel Lines' technique. Speaking of techniques and football, your game of football reminds me of one Donobulan mating ritual employed back on my home planet. It involved two groups of 11 people, of which-
Archer: Okay, I think that's enough, Mr. Phlox! Now, let's get the weather from T'Pol!
~Camera shifts to T'Pol, wearing traditional Vulcan robes. Caption reads, 'Seven of Nine wannabe'~
~T'Pol walks of stage, and comes back wearing her very tight cat-suit~
T'Pol: Today's weather includes rain in most areas north of San Francisco, drought in the East, and sunshine to the south. In the city, expect cloudy days with heavy smog in the mornings.
Admiral Forest: ~buzz~ Well, that's the end of the first game. 500 points to Archer for driving away Reed, and a million points to T'Pol for changing into the cat-suit. Now, we're missing a player. But don't worry, we have another one. Presenting, Space-dock engineer Trip Tucker!
~Trip walks in, sees T'Pol in the cat suit, and sits by her~
Trip: Hey sexy, how about we get together some time?
~T'Pol gives Trip a nerve-pinch~
Admiral Forest: Ow, I should have seen that coming. Oh well, we still have another player!
~Teamsters drag away Trip~
Admiral Forest: Presenting linguistic expert Hoshi Sato!
~Hoshi runs out and sits down~
Admiral Forest: We'll be back after this commercial break!
*Scene: A sunny beach
Announcer: Do you feel lonely? Do you anyone important in your life? Well if you don't, it may be time to join the interplanetary dating service!
Phlox: ~Sitting in bathing suit~ I joined the interplanetary dating service, and now I have 3 wives!
~Several Vulcans, humans, and Risans walk by in bathing suits~
Announcer: The one for you could be a few light-years away!
*Scene: Back in the filming studio.
Admiral Forest: All right, the next game we'll be playing is…Part Quirks! T'Pol, you're the party host. Everyone else, your descriptions are next to you. And by the way, we managed to revive Trip. Because the viewers think Trip is funnier then Phlox, we're going to kick you out Phlox.
Phlox: Aw man…
~Phlox walks away~
~T'Pol stands up on stage~
T'Pol: I should prepare the imaginary bean-dip…
~Door-bell rings~
~Archer walks in. Caption appears, 'Talking potato'~
T'Pol: How may I help you?
~Archer sits down and scrunches body into ball~
Archer: Yes, I would like some firm soil.
T'Pol: May I offer you a carrot stick?
Archer: Take your Vulcan vegetable and bury it!
~Door-bell rings~
~Trip walks in. Caption says, 'Civil War yank'~
Trip: Oh my gawd, rebs! From Florida! Let's shoot him!
Archer: Ahhh!
~Archer rolls across floor, away from Trip~
T'Pol: I had the same reaction when I first met the captain behind stage.
~Doorbell rings. Meanwhile, Trip chasses Archer around~
~Hoshi walks in. Caption says, 'Highly paranoid'~
T'Pol: How may I help you?
Hoshi: You Vulcans! You blew up our moon! You must be plotting an evil conspiracy with the yanks!
Trip: Who are accusing of plotting with Vulcans?!
Hoshi: Uh…uh…oh no! I don't know any lines! I can't do this! Ahhhh!
~Hoshi runs of stage crying~
Trip: Are you Vulcans plottin' with them southern rebels?
T'Pol: No. And you are obviously trying to act as an American 1860's Civil War character.
Admiral Forest: ~buzz~
~Trip goes and sits down~
T'Pol: Captain, would you like some French fries?
Archer: Ahhhhh! You savage!
T'Pol: You must be imitating an Earth-potato with the ability to communicate.
Admiral Forest: ~buzz~ That was very good! T'Pol, you get a million points for figuring those out. And Hoshi gets –500 points for running of and crying.
~The audience can now hear Hoshi's crying in the background~
Admiral Forest: Thank you everyone, T'Pol wins with 2 million points, followed by Archer with 500 points, followed by Trip with 0 points, and Hoshi with –500 points! Goodnight everyone!
*Credits begin rolling. Trip and Jon stand in front of a TV
Admiral Forest: I want you to read the credits like Archer getting beat up!
~Trip punches Archer~
Trip: Where is the stash of gold!?!
Archer: I already told you; we came here on a mission of peace!
Trip: I want names of Sulliban refuges!
~Hits Archer~
Archer: Fine! James Forest! Scott Bacula!
Trip: More, like your buddy Bragga!
Archer: Rick Berman! Uh…Jonathan Frank!
~Trip hits Archer again~
~Hoshi and T'Pol come and help beat up Archer~
Archer: David Samuel! Ahh! Not the Vulcan! Ahh!
~Final credit rolls, Paramount symbol is shown~
Genre: Humor
Main Characters: N/A
Series: Whose Line Is It Anyway? / Enterprise Cross-over
Disclaimer: Whose Line is owned by ABC, BBC, and any other acronyms I forgot to mention. Paramount Pictures and Viacom own Enterprise. That's all. I think.
*Scene: A crowded filming studio, just like the one used to film the American Whose Line show.
Admiral Forest: Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway, Starfleet edition! This is the show where the points don't matter. Just like money today! It's January 29th, 2150, and here are today's guests. Remember, these guests have never met before. Except the cheesy Floridian and the British guy. Today's guests are: Malcolm Reed, British artillery expert. Captain Jonathan Archer, future captain of the Enterprise, now under construction. The alien Dr. Phlox of San Francisco Medical. And the Vulcan T'Pol, liaison to the Vulcan ambassador!
T'Pol: I do not see the point of this trivial 'game' you human's play.
Admiral Forest: Too bad! You've already been assigned this mission to improve human-Vulcan relations. Our first game is: Newscasters! You all have envelopes next to you showing your job and quirk. Please get set-up.
~Everyone gets into his or her places~
~Newscast music comes on~
Jonathan: Hello, this is the 1800 Hours News! I'm your head anchor, Jonathan Archer. In recent news, the Vulcans blew up our moon when they discovered that Neil Armstrong 'illogically' placed a flag on the surface. Also, it has been discovered by Starfleet scientists that Vulcan ears are sharp enough to be used as can-openers. In civilian news, it has been discovered, through countless years of research, that Al Gore did win the election by 3 votes. Al Gore, now incapacitated to a hospital bed, has said he'll take office immediately. Let's talk to our political analysis, Mr. Malcolm Reed, about this astonishing turn of events.
~Camera turns to Reed. In front of him is the caption, 'Peace Loving Hippy'~
Reed: ~In weird Hippy/British accent~ Them Vulcans shouldn't be using any bloody weapons, my dude. We need to protect our natural satellites like George Bush protected the Star Wars program for 30 years. Uh…oh what the hell, I give up. I'm sick and tired of doing fake accents. First the British accent, then this stupid Hippy accent! I'm out of here!
~Reed stomps out of the studio~
Archer: Okay…well, let's go to Dr. Phlox, covering the latest sports.
~Camera turns to Phlox. Caption reads, 'Graduated from University of Mexico'~
Phlox: First, let's cover soccer! That's the sport of my country, of course! Unfortunately, it isn't soccer season. So let's cover the next closest thing, American football! Today, the San Francisco 47'ers beat the Oakland Nausicans 4-to-7! Also, the Seattle Space-Hawks beat the New England Positrons by 0-47 by employing their newly invented 'Parallel Lines' technique. Speaking of techniques and football, your game of football reminds me of one Donobulan mating ritual employed back on my home planet. It involved two groups of 11 people, of which-
Archer: Okay, I think that's enough, Mr. Phlox! Now, let's get the weather from T'Pol!
~Camera shifts to T'Pol, wearing traditional Vulcan robes. Caption reads, 'Seven of Nine wannabe'~
~T'Pol walks of stage, and comes back wearing her very tight cat-suit~
T'Pol: Today's weather includes rain in most areas north of San Francisco, drought in the East, and sunshine to the south. In the city, expect cloudy days with heavy smog in the mornings.
Admiral Forest: ~buzz~ Well, that's the end of the first game. 500 points to Archer for driving away Reed, and a million points to T'Pol for changing into the cat-suit. Now, we're missing a player. But don't worry, we have another one. Presenting, Space-dock engineer Trip Tucker!
~Trip walks in, sees T'Pol in the cat suit, and sits by her~
Trip: Hey sexy, how about we get together some time?
~T'Pol gives Trip a nerve-pinch~
Admiral Forest: Ow, I should have seen that coming. Oh well, we still have another player!
~Teamsters drag away Trip~
Admiral Forest: Presenting linguistic expert Hoshi Sato!
~Hoshi runs out and sits down~
Admiral Forest: We'll be back after this commercial break!
*Scene: A sunny beach
Announcer: Do you feel lonely? Do you anyone important in your life? Well if you don't, it may be time to join the interplanetary dating service!
Phlox: ~Sitting in bathing suit~ I joined the interplanetary dating service, and now I have 3 wives!
~Several Vulcans, humans, and Risans walk by in bathing suits~
Announcer: The one for you could be a few light-years away!
*Scene: Back in the filming studio.
Admiral Forest: All right, the next game we'll be playing is…Part Quirks! T'Pol, you're the party host. Everyone else, your descriptions are next to you. And by the way, we managed to revive Trip. Because the viewers think Trip is funnier then Phlox, we're going to kick you out Phlox.
Phlox: Aw man…
~Phlox walks away~
~T'Pol stands up on stage~
T'Pol: I should prepare the imaginary bean-dip…
~Door-bell rings~
~Archer walks in. Caption appears, 'Talking potato'~
T'Pol: How may I help you?
~Archer sits down and scrunches body into ball~
Archer: Yes, I would like some firm soil.
T'Pol: May I offer you a carrot stick?
Archer: Take your Vulcan vegetable and bury it!
~Door-bell rings~
~Trip walks in. Caption says, 'Civil War yank'~
Trip: Oh my gawd, rebs! From Florida! Let's shoot him!
Archer: Ahhh!
~Archer rolls across floor, away from Trip~
T'Pol: I had the same reaction when I first met the captain behind stage.
~Doorbell rings. Meanwhile, Trip chasses Archer around~
~Hoshi walks in. Caption says, 'Highly paranoid'~
T'Pol: How may I help you?
Hoshi: You Vulcans! You blew up our moon! You must be plotting an evil conspiracy with the yanks!
Trip: Who are accusing of plotting with Vulcans?!
Hoshi: Uh…uh…oh no! I don't know any lines! I can't do this! Ahhhh!
~Hoshi runs of stage crying~
Trip: Are you Vulcans plottin' with them southern rebels?
T'Pol: No. And you are obviously trying to act as an American 1860's Civil War character.
Admiral Forest: ~buzz~
~Trip goes and sits down~
T'Pol: Captain, would you like some French fries?
Archer: Ahhhhh! You savage!
T'Pol: You must be imitating an Earth-potato with the ability to communicate.
Admiral Forest: ~buzz~ That was very good! T'Pol, you get a million points for figuring those out. And Hoshi gets –500 points for running of and crying.
~The audience can now hear Hoshi's crying in the background~
Admiral Forest: Thank you everyone, T'Pol wins with 2 million points, followed by Archer with 500 points, followed by Trip with 0 points, and Hoshi with –500 points! Goodnight everyone!
*Credits begin rolling. Trip and Jon stand in front of a TV
Admiral Forest: I want you to read the credits like Archer getting beat up!
~Trip punches Archer~
Trip: Where is the stash of gold!?!
Archer: I already told you; we came here on a mission of peace!
Trip: I want names of Sulliban refuges!
~Hits Archer~
Archer: Fine! James Forest! Scott Bacula!
Trip: More, like your buddy Bragga!
Archer: Rick Berman! Uh…Jonathan Frank!
~Trip hits Archer again~
~Hoshi and T'Pol come and help beat up Archer~
Archer: David Samuel! Ahh! Not the Vulcan! Ahh!
~Final credit rolls, Paramount symbol is shown~