A/N: yup... poor Chihiro. If I lost my mum or dad I think that I'd go into
chronic depression and become an anorexic. *shudders with tears in eyes* I
can't believe I just admitted how much I rely on my parents. *sniff* I am
mummy's little girl. *sniff, sniff* poor Chihiro and Hikari. Oh, and
SOMEBODY *glances at readers casually* said something about Chihiro's dad.
I'm actually contemplating that, and have been for a while. Haku is gonna
save her - and Hikari, of course. -_-0 give me a sec. I hate Hiroshi -
isn't that sad? I based him off of my brother, too. And NO, my brother
doesn't abuse me. pathetic. Then I'd have an excuse to lock him away - but
one time I did piss him off enough to chase me around the house screaming
bloody murder once, and 'Hiroshi' means 'generous' and it just kind of
clicked. That day I stuck pizza in his shoes... *sighs at happy
memories*... OH! But I'm getting of topic, heheh, heh, heh... uh, now,
where was I? Oh, yeah. 'nyway, here! I'm giving out free Haku-Flags!
*winks* for the fans, of course. *passes out big red flags that read 'K-O-H-
A-K-U! I L-O-V-E- YOU! SA-AVE CHIHIRO!' on them in seven different
languages* we're nearing the confrontation! So to speak. *grins* I'm making
this chapter extra eeeextraaaaaaa long so that I can at least get Haku's
name mentioned. And, uh, heh; here's where the real AU comes in. with Haku
and all. *starts to sweat* um, uh, um, he's really kind, of, um... *runs
and hides* DON'T KILL ME! Haku isn't the Kohaku River in this. Chihiro is
just weird, that's all. weird in more than one way, you will soon see. SO
the moral of this story is:
......... *crickets chirp* .........
Disclaimer: no own
Chapter Started: 5/5/03
Chapter Finished: 5/8/03
Third Person POV
SORRY FOR THE DELAY IN POSTING!!!
One week after the last chapter.
.
.
.
Chihiro watched the babbling Kohaku River blankly, like she had ever since the hospital had released her. Akio was home, now, but Hiroshi was probably too depressed to show Chihiro who was older. Everybody was silent. Nobody spoke. Akio went to work, and Hiroshi took Chihiro to school.
There, nobody spoke - to sound came to her, or from her. Somehow somebody had let out word that Chihiro Ogino's mother had died. Everybody looked on sympathetically. Chihiro avoided Rumi and Co. - she didn't want to talk, and every lunch and recess she would stay in the empty classroom with Sensei, who had made a habit of bringing the child her usual lunch of a dumpling and rice ball. Sometimes, Chihiro would cry, and she would hold her, just like Yuuko used to hold her.
Every night, she cried herself to sleep. She got up early each morning so that she could come to the Kohaku River. Akio stayed out late, and finally one dinner quietly announced he had taken the night shift for his job for the next few months. Hiroshi stayed out late every night, getting drunk probably. When he came home, he was too stoned to think of 'that nasty brat next door to his room'.
Hikari, the doctors said, would be able to come home for the first time in a while longer.
Chihiro reflected on all of this, staring into the depths of the crystalline river.
"Kohaku," she said softly. "sometimes I hate you for not being able to feel what I feel."
The river did not answer.
Chihiro said nothing more.
It hurt. A constant ache in her chest, eyes and stomach; in her heart, spirit, and soul.
When the doctor had told her, he had offered with a pained expression to see. Chihiro had shook her head no, and the nurse had finally found her in the bathroom the next day, having cried herself to the point beyond dry heaves.
Then, an emptiness had filled her. Like that feeling you have in your stomach when you aren't hungry but you aren't full, only ten times worse; like an elephant was standing on her chest constantly, making it difficult to breathe, especially when crying; like her heart had been ripped to a million pieces, but not her physical heart. Her little wispy hair was now limp, and couldn't be put into its usual baby ponytail, so Chihiro left it down. She didn't bother to brush it, because it obeyed whatever her fingers told it to do. At school, everybody could see she had been crying, and it wasn't long until everybody - Kindergarten through ninth grade (the Jr. High had finally moved in) - knew.
Once, Rumi and her sisters had tried to approach Chihiro, one at a time. Rumi had tried speaking to her before class; Minako and Makoto had sat with her at lunch; Rei, who had a different lunch period, walked silently with Chihiro when she entered school, and waited with her when Hiroshi came to pick her up.
Kimiko had come over with Hiroshi one night, and had privileged Chihiro enough to ignore the heck out of her.
Three weeks had passed like this, and Chihiro knew that Hiroshi and Akio were falling apart, just like her. Akio was now so dedicated to his work, he rarely could be found at home. Hiroshi had recently broken up with Kimiko, and Chihiro had listened to Kimiko's bitchy message on the phone's answering machine only yesterday.
Chihiro's birthday passed and nobody seemed to notice nor care; not even Chihiro herself.
Once, in the silence of a Saturday, she spoke for the first time in ages, changing their answering machine - which was usually Yuuko's chirpy voice - so that of her own flat, toneless voice, saying that if they hadn't picked up, nobody would answer the phone, and no calls would be returned.
Then she went to the Kohaku River and cried.
Now, Sunday and the beginning of her fourth week of misery, Hiroshi seemed to finally come out of it.
Chihiro saw the look in his eyes; she listened blankly as he screamed at her for changing the message machine, and when he finally left to 'change it once and for all,' Chihiro went to the bathroom and washed the blood off of her face, stomach, and arms. New bruises blossomed, and more pain - more physical pain.
And Chihiro his behind it.
She twisted the pain into something else, something useful, to hide behind. Her emotions played no part in the world of pain - she had a different reason to cry; an excuse to herself to finally take a bath and clean herself up; and at last, on Monday early morning, sitting on the banks of the Kohaku River, she again spoke out loud for the first time in ages, again.
"Kohaku, thank you for always being here for me. I guess momma wouldn't want me to mope around like this."
And the river splashed and roared, never ending in its ceaseless music.
"But it still hurts, unless I'm behind my physical pain. Suicidal. I'm not suicidal! I fully intend to get Hikari as soon as she can come home and run away. I know you don't approve, Kohaku, but there's nothing else I can do! Please understand."
Her throat hurt.
"Okay Kohaku? And I hope you aren't thinking that I'm suicidal, cause I'm not; peoples aren't supposed to get suicidal until they're teenagers!"
She stopped and listened closely to the river. Then she cried. got up. Left.
Hiroshi seemed to have snapped completely out of his depressed stage. He snarled at Chihiro as she climbed into his car and pulled her backpack onto her lap.
"It's all your fault," he said as they drove along. "that she's dead. Everything is your fault! Do you understand that? Shimatta, answer me!"
I don't want to play the game now, Hiroshi, Chihiro thought, staring out the window. "It's my fault, Hiroshi." She said, knowing what it was that he wanted her to say. In truth, Chihiro knew that if she were to blame anybody, it would be Hikari. But she loved her sister so much already, and she couldn't help being born early.
"It's Hikari's fault too," he continued, as though reading her mind. "mom would still be here if she hadn't been born."
Chihiro had to agree with that. But she loved Hikari, ever since she had seen her tiny body in that plastic see-through box, with those needles poked into her soft baby skin and her heart monitor bleeping away. she had the most gorgeous eyes, big and shiny from the inside, a dark, deep blue. The doctor had once said that her eyes would most likely change brown, since they already looked almost black. Chihiro hoped they would stay the way they were - so blue almost black. Once she had thought about what it would feel like to be Hikari when she was older, and she cried. Knowing that she would have been the one to kill her mother before they had even met properly would be enough punishment.
No. Chihiro could never blame Hikari. Never.
Could she?
"It's only fair that both you and Hikari pay," Hiroshi was saying blandly. "since she killed mom outright, she'll have to be killed slowly too. And you, my sweet imouto, will have a chance of earning the privilege of being killed quickly."
Chihiro ignored his threat, lapsing into her usual silence.
"ANSWER ME!" they stopped in front of the school.
Chihiro opened the door and threw her backpack out. Then she turned, looked Hiroshi square in the eye, and said:
"You know what, oh dear big brother of mine? I hate you. I hate you with all of my heart, but I'm still going to do you a favor by taking Hikari and leaving."
"Leaving to Hell!" Hiroshi roared, reached out, and Chihiro's head snapped to the side, a feeling of pain and tingling in her cheek. She burrowed inside of it, blocking out her inner pain, and grinned at Hiroshi before standing up on the seat.
"Hit me, Hiroshi," she said. "go ahead; I don't care any more. I don't care if you shred me to pieces slowly and painfully with a paper clip. I don't care if you go out and commit suicide, and I don't care if you and daddy get drunk and end up getting thrown in jail for murder. I don't care if one day I am standing on your grave. Go on. I *like* the pain."
Hiroshi let out a roar and fisted her in the stomach, sending her back and on the curb, hitting it with her back. Tears fell from her eyes as he unbuckled his seatbelt and crawled over to the edge, grabbing her left wrist.
"Since when do you talk back to your elder," he hissed in her ear dangerously.
"Since now." She replied and jerked her wrist out of his grasp. Braking into a sprint, she grabbed her backpack and shot into the school. Inside the doors, she turned and stuck her tongue out at Hiroshi, who looked furious. She didn't care. Turning, she marched to the office, to check in. her excuse for being late was sleeping in. she insisted that she was fine, and after shaking off the nurse, went to the bathroom and washed her face thoroughly, gasping slightly as she realized her lip was cut. How had that happened?
The air had been knocked out of her, and she knew fresh bruises would blossom on her back and stomach. She figured her cheek would just be a little red for a while - he actually hadn't hit as hard as he usually did.
Unable to hold it in any longer, Chihiro climbed onto the counter that held alll the sinks, placed her forehead against the mirror, and cried, holding her stomach.
Crying from outside pain, her broken heart momentarily forgotten about. For that moment, she was grateful.
It wasn't until wet sobs had turned to dry heaves that Chihiro realized she was being held by somebody, back patted gently, being comforted. Just like Yuuko used to do. Chihiro glanced up, took Rei in in a glance, then began to cry again for her spiritual pain this time.
It was quite a while before Chihiro was finally all cried out for the hour, and she just sat there, nestled in Rei's arms.
"Better?" Rei asked after a while of silence.
"......... What are you doing here, Rei-chan?"
"I came during first period to go to the bathroom, and found you in here. Your bruised up rather badly, Chihiro-chan. What happened? There's no better way to rub salt in the wound than to combine physical pain with emotional."
"I fell down the stairs," Chihiro muttered by instinct. "I'll heal, I always have. Rei-chan, did you know," she paused, resting her head on Rei's shoulder. "my momma used to hold me like this. All the time, but it got kinda hard when Hikari started to come, it was a little funny."
Rei didn't say anything for a moment, and Chihiro realized she wasn't wearing her shirt. So that's how Rei had found the bruises.
"Who's Hikari?"
"My baby sister. She's gonna come out of the hospital soon, the doctors said. She's doing better."
"What's wrong with her?"
"She was born too early. I think that's what killed her - I guess having a baby early is bad, huh?"
"I guess. I'd like to meet Hikari, Chihiro, if that would be okay. Have they let you see her?"
"Yes. She's in this plastic see-through box thing, with needles and tape on her arms, and a heart monitor. She has big, huge eyes that are so blue they look black. The doctor said that they would probably turn brown - I hope they don't. the nurse said, when I left, that they would most likely stay that color if they hadn't already changed. Her skin is really soft is pale, and she's so little."
Chihiro had almost forgotten that talking hurt her throat so much. She made a feeble attempt to clear it. she would have to lay off on the talking.
"Need a drink?" Rei offered. "I think you should see the nurse."
"No. Don't want to see the nurse. Don't need to. I don't wanna deal with any grown ups."
"Ah. I understand. But you must be really sore!"
"I'm fine. Where's my shirt?"
"I saw it had a little blood on it and took it off. Here, I'll get it." she gently put Chihiro down and found her shirt, helping Chihiro put it on.
"C'mon, I'll take you to get a drink. Are you hungry?"
"Not really." Chihiro let Rei carry her to a small drinking fountain, then sat down and sighed.
"Why do you ask?"
"It's lunch time. Haha, I've skipped two and a half classes, and skipping one now! Ah, the joys of playing hooky." She offered Chihiro a small smile, which Chihiro tried and failed to return.
"Sensei usually brings me lunch," she muttered. "but I don't want to go. I just want to take Hikari and go away from this place."
"What about your dad and brother?"
"How do you know I have a brother?"
"I'm with you when he picks you up and all," she replied. Her tone grew serious, and she knelt down in front of Chihiro. "I saw what happened this morning. Does Hiroshi do that a lot to you?"
Chihiro didn't answer. She averted her eyes away from Rei's gaze, but Rei gripped her shoulders firmly. "Chihiro."
"No, not really. I was just angry at him and said some bad things I shouldn't have."
Rei shook her head and sighed, releasing her shoulders. "What about your dad?"
"He works the late shift."
"Oh."
Chihiro looked up. "I don't want to go to school today. I want to see Hikari." She felt herself begin to cry, but pushed firmly back against the tears.
Rei hugged her gently.
"I can take you to the hospital if you want," she murmured. "I just got my drivers license last Saturday. And next period after lunch I have Algebra," she wrinkled her nose. "hate algebra. So what do you say? The two of us go and be bad girls, playing hooky to go to the hospital?"
Chihiro looked up at her.
"I don't want to get you in trouble."
"Trust me, my record is clean and Rumi and Mina - when they aren't busy hating each other - can come up with some brilliant excuses." She winked, and Chihiro offered her the ghost of a smile.
"If you want to meet Hikari," she mumbled, shifting her gaze again.
"You bet! Come on, Chihiro-chan, let's break some rules!"
Chihiro really did smile a little bit at that time, but stopped because it hurt her lip. Rei hoisted her onto her shoulders, and, being a bit too devious for her own good, got out to a red car.
"My very own," she said proudly, unlocking the front doors and setting Chihiro in the front seat. She skipped around to the front and started the engine. "too bad it's a stick shift. Automatics are so much more easier."
They pulled out and got from the school parking lot, a bit slowly, Chihiro noticed. She looked at Rei as they stopped at a light, and watched her brow wrinkle in concentration, biting her lower lip. She decided not to speak.
They reached the hospital, and with some arguing and convincing Rei and Chihiro were being led to Hikari.
"She really is small," Rei said, looking down at her. She glanced at the doctor. "When can she come home?"
"Two months at the soonest, but without a mother to breast feed her I imagine it'll be a little hard."
"We'll manage," Chihiro said quietly.
.
.
.
A/N: whew, okay, halfway, I think! I'm going to jump ahead a week to a Friday afternoon. And of COURSE during this time jump Hiroshi expresses his insecureness out on Chihiro. That's right; all those child abusers are simply insecure morons that can't bother to get a life. *cough* 'scuse me. kay, uh, One Week Later.
.
.
.
Friday night; dinner time. Akio had actually come home.
"Chihiro," he said quietly into the silence at last. "I understand that you're suffering, but so is Hiroshi and I am too. But are we spreading bad rumors about ourselves? No."
Chihiro and Hiroshi stared at him blankly.
"So I am hoping that you answer truthfully when He comes, and don't tell any unnecessary lies about your brother and I."
The rest of the meal was passed in silence. Chihiro didn't eat anything, of course; after Akio left for work again, Hiroshi would just make sure she threw up.
He did, even when she hadn't eaten anything.
The next day, on Saturday, Akio had actually come home. He and Hiroshi spoke for a while, then he gave Chihiro a stiff hug and left again, promising to be home for dinner. Hiroshi sat Chihiro on the couch and sighed.
"Listen imouto; I want everything to be over between us. No more game and no more pain."
Chihiro wasn't quite sure what this meant, and she wasn't sure if she should like it at all.
"Besides," he continued, "we can't help dad raise Hikari-chan in a violent environment, can we?" he smiled.
"So..." Chihiro had to make sure she wasn't dreaming. "we aren't going to fight anymore?"
"Nope."
"No more game?"
"No more game."
He hugged her tightly, and she returned it hesitantly a moment afterwards.
"Can I go play outside?"
"Sure; just be back for dinner."
"Yes sir." Chihiro grabbed her windbreaker coat and went outside, running once out on the street.
She knew better than to trust Hiroshi; daddy had probably asked him about the bruises. Or something like that. Chihiro was angry that he would try tricking her like that - especially using Hikari against her.
She settled on the bank of the Kohaku River and cried.
She ended up crying herself to sleep, and dreaming; floating in a painless oblivion, seeing first the dragon, then being held and kissed by the boy.
She did not remember it when she woke up.
Woke up barely in time for dinner; a fish had splashed in her shallow pool, splashing her with water and effectively waking her.
"Thank you Kohaku," Chihiro said gratefully, got up and ran back to the house.
Akio gave her the same speech as before, and this time Hiroshi put in a few things too. Then the evening was finished in silence, and Chihiro ate heartily since she knew Hiroshi wouldn't hurt her, not at the moment.
And the next day, Akio stayed home and made breakfast, just like Yuuko used to do. He was beginning to pick up his act.
And sometime during lunch time, Chihiro realized why Hiroshi and Akio were acting so strange:
The Social Worker was tall, a little taller than Akio, and had a clean- shaven face. His hair was short and black, and his eyes were a sparkling green. He carried a clipboard under one arm and a bag under the other. He wore a pair of jeans and a button-down shirt, and a small professional looking pair of glasses; Chihiro froze when she saw him, and when she saw the way Hiroshi and Akio greeted him, she knew her suspicions to noot trust Hiroshi were right; once this guy was gone Akio would go back to work and Hiroshi would beat the shit out of her.
Still, tears pricked at her eyes; she had known something like this was up, but hadn't expected it to happen so soon.
"Chihiro-chan, this is Mr. Kawa. He's a special person that works with children your age, and he wants to ask you a few questions." Akio said, leading Mr. Kawa to the couch, where Chihiro was sitting. He offered a and, which Chihiro took to humor him, and she offered him to sit down. Which Mr. Kawa did.
"W- We'll be back in an hour or so," Hiroshi said, stepping out the door which Akio held open. He did NOT look happy to leave - probably because if Chihiro blabbed he might get in trouble.
"Be good, Chihiro," Akio said, then left too. A car zoomed away.
Mr. Kawa asked her things like, was she happy, did she have friends, how she felt she was coping with Yuuko's death, about Hikari, etc., etc., and his questions continued into the day. Chihiro didn't tell the truth, not most of the time. She couldn't have anybody messing with her plans to get Hikari and go.
Finally, just as it was getting dark, Hiroshi came home, and he spoke quietly with Mr. Kawa.
"Thank you, Miss Ogino," Mr. Kawa said. "you've been a very good girl for me. do you mind if I come over once Hikari has joined your household?"
"No."
"Okay, thank you, then." He smiled brightly, warmly, and left. Hiroshi watched him go, then turned to Chihiro. Without words, he ordered her to tell everything he and she had said, and Chihiro did.
"Only punished when you're bad, huh?" he asked ominously when Chihiro was finished.
She knew what was coming.
Hiroshi left close to a few hours later, off to get drunk and laid.
Chihiro dragged herself to the bathroom. 'until Hikari comes,' she thought. 'when Hikari comes, we'll go.' She would survive for the last part of Yuuko that she had.
.
.
.
A/N: okay, I'm sorry, I got halfway through this chapter and it was twenty document pages. So I'm going to transfer it to a different document, okay? Sorry about that!
......... *crickets chirp* .........
Disclaimer: no own
Chapter Started: 5/5/03
Chapter Finished: 5/8/03
Third Person POV
SORRY FOR THE DELAY IN POSTING!!!
One week after the last chapter.
.
.
.
Chihiro watched the babbling Kohaku River blankly, like she had ever since the hospital had released her. Akio was home, now, but Hiroshi was probably too depressed to show Chihiro who was older. Everybody was silent. Nobody spoke. Akio went to work, and Hiroshi took Chihiro to school.
There, nobody spoke - to sound came to her, or from her. Somehow somebody had let out word that Chihiro Ogino's mother had died. Everybody looked on sympathetically. Chihiro avoided Rumi and Co. - she didn't want to talk, and every lunch and recess she would stay in the empty classroom with Sensei, who had made a habit of bringing the child her usual lunch of a dumpling and rice ball. Sometimes, Chihiro would cry, and she would hold her, just like Yuuko used to hold her.
Every night, she cried herself to sleep. She got up early each morning so that she could come to the Kohaku River. Akio stayed out late, and finally one dinner quietly announced he had taken the night shift for his job for the next few months. Hiroshi stayed out late every night, getting drunk probably. When he came home, he was too stoned to think of 'that nasty brat next door to his room'.
Hikari, the doctors said, would be able to come home for the first time in a while longer.
Chihiro reflected on all of this, staring into the depths of the crystalline river.
"Kohaku," she said softly. "sometimes I hate you for not being able to feel what I feel."
The river did not answer.
Chihiro said nothing more.
It hurt. A constant ache in her chest, eyes and stomach; in her heart, spirit, and soul.
When the doctor had told her, he had offered with a pained expression to see. Chihiro had shook her head no, and the nurse had finally found her in the bathroom the next day, having cried herself to the point beyond dry heaves.
Then, an emptiness had filled her. Like that feeling you have in your stomach when you aren't hungry but you aren't full, only ten times worse; like an elephant was standing on her chest constantly, making it difficult to breathe, especially when crying; like her heart had been ripped to a million pieces, but not her physical heart. Her little wispy hair was now limp, and couldn't be put into its usual baby ponytail, so Chihiro left it down. She didn't bother to brush it, because it obeyed whatever her fingers told it to do. At school, everybody could see she had been crying, and it wasn't long until everybody - Kindergarten through ninth grade (the Jr. High had finally moved in) - knew.
Once, Rumi and her sisters had tried to approach Chihiro, one at a time. Rumi had tried speaking to her before class; Minako and Makoto had sat with her at lunch; Rei, who had a different lunch period, walked silently with Chihiro when she entered school, and waited with her when Hiroshi came to pick her up.
Kimiko had come over with Hiroshi one night, and had privileged Chihiro enough to ignore the heck out of her.
Three weeks had passed like this, and Chihiro knew that Hiroshi and Akio were falling apart, just like her. Akio was now so dedicated to his work, he rarely could be found at home. Hiroshi had recently broken up with Kimiko, and Chihiro had listened to Kimiko's bitchy message on the phone's answering machine only yesterday.
Chihiro's birthday passed and nobody seemed to notice nor care; not even Chihiro herself.
Once, in the silence of a Saturday, she spoke for the first time in ages, changing their answering machine - which was usually Yuuko's chirpy voice - so that of her own flat, toneless voice, saying that if they hadn't picked up, nobody would answer the phone, and no calls would be returned.
Then she went to the Kohaku River and cried.
Now, Sunday and the beginning of her fourth week of misery, Hiroshi seemed to finally come out of it.
Chihiro saw the look in his eyes; she listened blankly as he screamed at her for changing the message machine, and when he finally left to 'change it once and for all,' Chihiro went to the bathroom and washed the blood off of her face, stomach, and arms. New bruises blossomed, and more pain - more physical pain.
And Chihiro his behind it.
She twisted the pain into something else, something useful, to hide behind. Her emotions played no part in the world of pain - she had a different reason to cry; an excuse to herself to finally take a bath and clean herself up; and at last, on Monday early morning, sitting on the banks of the Kohaku River, she again spoke out loud for the first time in ages, again.
"Kohaku, thank you for always being here for me. I guess momma wouldn't want me to mope around like this."
And the river splashed and roared, never ending in its ceaseless music.
"But it still hurts, unless I'm behind my physical pain. Suicidal. I'm not suicidal! I fully intend to get Hikari as soon as she can come home and run away. I know you don't approve, Kohaku, but there's nothing else I can do! Please understand."
Her throat hurt.
"Okay Kohaku? And I hope you aren't thinking that I'm suicidal, cause I'm not; peoples aren't supposed to get suicidal until they're teenagers!"
She stopped and listened closely to the river. Then she cried. got up. Left.
Hiroshi seemed to have snapped completely out of his depressed stage. He snarled at Chihiro as she climbed into his car and pulled her backpack onto her lap.
"It's all your fault," he said as they drove along. "that she's dead. Everything is your fault! Do you understand that? Shimatta, answer me!"
I don't want to play the game now, Hiroshi, Chihiro thought, staring out the window. "It's my fault, Hiroshi." She said, knowing what it was that he wanted her to say. In truth, Chihiro knew that if she were to blame anybody, it would be Hikari. But she loved her sister so much already, and she couldn't help being born early.
"It's Hikari's fault too," he continued, as though reading her mind. "mom would still be here if she hadn't been born."
Chihiro had to agree with that. But she loved Hikari, ever since she had seen her tiny body in that plastic see-through box, with those needles poked into her soft baby skin and her heart monitor bleeping away. she had the most gorgeous eyes, big and shiny from the inside, a dark, deep blue. The doctor had once said that her eyes would most likely change brown, since they already looked almost black. Chihiro hoped they would stay the way they were - so blue almost black. Once she had thought about what it would feel like to be Hikari when she was older, and she cried. Knowing that she would have been the one to kill her mother before they had even met properly would be enough punishment.
No. Chihiro could never blame Hikari. Never.
Could she?
"It's only fair that both you and Hikari pay," Hiroshi was saying blandly. "since she killed mom outright, she'll have to be killed slowly too. And you, my sweet imouto, will have a chance of earning the privilege of being killed quickly."
Chihiro ignored his threat, lapsing into her usual silence.
"ANSWER ME!" they stopped in front of the school.
Chihiro opened the door and threw her backpack out. Then she turned, looked Hiroshi square in the eye, and said:
"You know what, oh dear big brother of mine? I hate you. I hate you with all of my heart, but I'm still going to do you a favor by taking Hikari and leaving."
"Leaving to Hell!" Hiroshi roared, reached out, and Chihiro's head snapped to the side, a feeling of pain and tingling in her cheek. She burrowed inside of it, blocking out her inner pain, and grinned at Hiroshi before standing up on the seat.
"Hit me, Hiroshi," she said. "go ahead; I don't care any more. I don't care if you shred me to pieces slowly and painfully with a paper clip. I don't care if you go out and commit suicide, and I don't care if you and daddy get drunk and end up getting thrown in jail for murder. I don't care if one day I am standing on your grave. Go on. I *like* the pain."
Hiroshi let out a roar and fisted her in the stomach, sending her back and on the curb, hitting it with her back. Tears fell from her eyes as he unbuckled his seatbelt and crawled over to the edge, grabbing her left wrist.
"Since when do you talk back to your elder," he hissed in her ear dangerously.
"Since now." She replied and jerked her wrist out of his grasp. Braking into a sprint, she grabbed her backpack and shot into the school. Inside the doors, she turned and stuck her tongue out at Hiroshi, who looked furious. She didn't care. Turning, she marched to the office, to check in. her excuse for being late was sleeping in. she insisted that she was fine, and after shaking off the nurse, went to the bathroom and washed her face thoroughly, gasping slightly as she realized her lip was cut. How had that happened?
The air had been knocked out of her, and she knew fresh bruises would blossom on her back and stomach. She figured her cheek would just be a little red for a while - he actually hadn't hit as hard as he usually did.
Unable to hold it in any longer, Chihiro climbed onto the counter that held alll the sinks, placed her forehead against the mirror, and cried, holding her stomach.
Crying from outside pain, her broken heart momentarily forgotten about. For that moment, she was grateful.
It wasn't until wet sobs had turned to dry heaves that Chihiro realized she was being held by somebody, back patted gently, being comforted. Just like Yuuko used to do. Chihiro glanced up, took Rei in in a glance, then began to cry again for her spiritual pain this time.
It was quite a while before Chihiro was finally all cried out for the hour, and she just sat there, nestled in Rei's arms.
"Better?" Rei asked after a while of silence.
"......... What are you doing here, Rei-chan?"
"I came during first period to go to the bathroom, and found you in here. Your bruised up rather badly, Chihiro-chan. What happened? There's no better way to rub salt in the wound than to combine physical pain with emotional."
"I fell down the stairs," Chihiro muttered by instinct. "I'll heal, I always have. Rei-chan, did you know," she paused, resting her head on Rei's shoulder. "my momma used to hold me like this. All the time, but it got kinda hard when Hikari started to come, it was a little funny."
Rei didn't say anything for a moment, and Chihiro realized she wasn't wearing her shirt. So that's how Rei had found the bruises.
"Who's Hikari?"
"My baby sister. She's gonna come out of the hospital soon, the doctors said. She's doing better."
"What's wrong with her?"
"She was born too early. I think that's what killed her - I guess having a baby early is bad, huh?"
"I guess. I'd like to meet Hikari, Chihiro, if that would be okay. Have they let you see her?"
"Yes. She's in this plastic see-through box thing, with needles and tape on her arms, and a heart monitor. She has big, huge eyes that are so blue they look black. The doctor said that they would probably turn brown - I hope they don't. the nurse said, when I left, that they would most likely stay that color if they hadn't already changed. Her skin is really soft is pale, and she's so little."
Chihiro had almost forgotten that talking hurt her throat so much. She made a feeble attempt to clear it. she would have to lay off on the talking.
"Need a drink?" Rei offered. "I think you should see the nurse."
"No. Don't want to see the nurse. Don't need to. I don't wanna deal with any grown ups."
"Ah. I understand. But you must be really sore!"
"I'm fine. Where's my shirt?"
"I saw it had a little blood on it and took it off. Here, I'll get it." she gently put Chihiro down and found her shirt, helping Chihiro put it on.
"C'mon, I'll take you to get a drink. Are you hungry?"
"Not really." Chihiro let Rei carry her to a small drinking fountain, then sat down and sighed.
"Why do you ask?"
"It's lunch time. Haha, I've skipped two and a half classes, and skipping one now! Ah, the joys of playing hooky." She offered Chihiro a small smile, which Chihiro tried and failed to return.
"Sensei usually brings me lunch," she muttered. "but I don't want to go. I just want to take Hikari and go away from this place."
"What about your dad and brother?"
"How do you know I have a brother?"
"I'm with you when he picks you up and all," she replied. Her tone grew serious, and she knelt down in front of Chihiro. "I saw what happened this morning. Does Hiroshi do that a lot to you?"
Chihiro didn't answer. She averted her eyes away from Rei's gaze, but Rei gripped her shoulders firmly. "Chihiro."
"No, not really. I was just angry at him and said some bad things I shouldn't have."
Rei shook her head and sighed, releasing her shoulders. "What about your dad?"
"He works the late shift."
"Oh."
Chihiro looked up. "I don't want to go to school today. I want to see Hikari." She felt herself begin to cry, but pushed firmly back against the tears.
Rei hugged her gently.
"I can take you to the hospital if you want," she murmured. "I just got my drivers license last Saturday. And next period after lunch I have Algebra," she wrinkled her nose. "hate algebra. So what do you say? The two of us go and be bad girls, playing hooky to go to the hospital?"
Chihiro looked up at her.
"I don't want to get you in trouble."
"Trust me, my record is clean and Rumi and Mina - when they aren't busy hating each other - can come up with some brilliant excuses." She winked, and Chihiro offered her the ghost of a smile.
"If you want to meet Hikari," she mumbled, shifting her gaze again.
"You bet! Come on, Chihiro-chan, let's break some rules!"
Chihiro really did smile a little bit at that time, but stopped because it hurt her lip. Rei hoisted her onto her shoulders, and, being a bit too devious for her own good, got out to a red car.
"My very own," she said proudly, unlocking the front doors and setting Chihiro in the front seat. She skipped around to the front and started the engine. "too bad it's a stick shift. Automatics are so much more easier."
They pulled out and got from the school parking lot, a bit slowly, Chihiro noticed. She looked at Rei as they stopped at a light, and watched her brow wrinkle in concentration, biting her lower lip. She decided not to speak.
They reached the hospital, and with some arguing and convincing Rei and Chihiro were being led to Hikari.
"She really is small," Rei said, looking down at her. She glanced at the doctor. "When can she come home?"
"Two months at the soonest, but without a mother to breast feed her I imagine it'll be a little hard."
"We'll manage," Chihiro said quietly.
.
.
.
A/N: whew, okay, halfway, I think! I'm going to jump ahead a week to a Friday afternoon. And of COURSE during this time jump Hiroshi expresses his insecureness out on Chihiro. That's right; all those child abusers are simply insecure morons that can't bother to get a life. *cough* 'scuse me. kay, uh, One Week Later.
.
.
.
Friday night; dinner time. Akio had actually come home.
"Chihiro," he said quietly into the silence at last. "I understand that you're suffering, but so is Hiroshi and I am too. But are we spreading bad rumors about ourselves? No."
Chihiro and Hiroshi stared at him blankly.
"So I am hoping that you answer truthfully when He comes, and don't tell any unnecessary lies about your brother and I."
The rest of the meal was passed in silence. Chihiro didn't eat anything, of course; after Akio left for work again, Hiroshi would just make sure she threw up.
He did, even when she hadn't eaten anything.
The next day, on Saturday, Akio had actually come home. He and Hiroshi spoke for a while, then he gave Chihiro a stiff hug and left again, promising to be home for dinner. Hiroshi sat Chihiro on the couch and sighed.
"Listen imouto; I want everything to be over between us. No more game and no more pain."
Chihiro wasn't quite sure what this meant, and she wasn't sure if she should like it at all.
"Besides," he continued, "we can't help dad raise Hikari-chan in a violent environment, can we?" he smiled.
"So..." Chihiro had to make sure she wasn't dreaming. "we aren't going to fight anymore?"
"Nope."
"No more game?"
"No more game."
He hugged her tightly, and she returned it hesitantly a moment afterwards.
"Can I go play outside?"
"Sure; just be back for dinner."
"Yes sir." Chihiro grabbed her windbreaker coat and went outside, running once out on the street.
She knew better than to trust Hiroshi; daddy had probably asked him about the bruises. Or something like that. Chihiro was angry that he would try tricking her like that - especially using Hikari against her.
She settled on the bank of the Kohaku River and cried.
She ended up crying herself to sleep, and dreaming; floating in a painless oblivion, seeing first the dragon, then being held and kissed by the boy.
She did not remember it when she woke up.
Woke up barely in time for dinner; a fish had splashed in her shallow pool, splashing her with water and effectively waking her.
"Thank you Kohaku," Chihiro said gratefully, got up and ran back to the house.
Akio gave her the same speech as before, and this time Hiroshi put in a few things too. Then the evening was finished in silence, and Chihiro ate heartily since she knew Hiroshi wouldn't hurt her, not at the moment.
And the next day, Akio stayed home and made breakfast, just like Yuuko used to do. He was beginning to pick up his act.
And sometime during lunch time, Chihiro realized why Hiroshi and Akio were acting so strange:
The Social Worker was tall, a little taller than Akio, and had a clean- shaven face. His hair was short and black, and his eyes were a sparkling green. He carried a clipboard under one arm and a bag under the other. He wore a pair of jeans and a button-down shirt, and a small professional looking pair of glasses; Chihiro froze when she saw him, and when she saw the way Hiroshi and Akio greeted him, she knew her suspicions to noot trust Hiroshi were right; once this guy was gone Akio would go back to work and Hiroshi would beat the shit out of her.
Still, tears pricked at her eyes; she had known something like this was up, but hadn't expected it to happen so soon.
"Chihiro-chan, this is Mr. Kawa. He's a special person that works with children your age, and he wants to ask you a few questions." Akio said, leading Mr. Kawa to the couch, where Chihiro was sitting. He offered a and, which Chihiro took to humor him, and she offered him to sit down. Which Mr. Kawa did.
"W- We'll be back in an hour or so," Hiroshi said, stepping out the door which Akio held open. He did NOT look happy to leave - probably because if Chihiro blabbed he might get in trouble.
"Be good, Chihiro," Akio said, then left too. A car zoomed away.
Mr. Kawa asked her things like, was she happy, did she have friends, how she felt she was coping with Yuuko's death, about Hikari, etc., etc., and his questions continued into the day. Chihiro didn't tell the truth, not most of the time. She couldn't have anybody messing with her plans to get Hikari and go.
Finally, just as it was getting dark, Hiroshi came home, and he spoke quietly with Mr. Kawa.
"Thank you, Miss Ogino," Mr. Kawa said. "you've been a very good girl for me. do you mind if I come over once Hikari has joined your household?"
"No."
"Okay, thank you, then." He smiled brightly, warmly, and left. Hiroshi watched him go, then turned to Chihiro. Without words, he ordered her to tell everything he and she had said, and Chihiro did.
"Only punished when you're bad, huh?" he asked ominously when Chihiro was finished.
She knew what was coming.
Hiroshi left close to a few hours later, off to get drunk and laid.
Chihiro dragged herself to the bathroom. 'until Hikari comes,' she thought. 'when Hikari comes, we'll go.' She would survive for the last part of Yuuko that she had.
.
.
.
A/N: okay, I'm sorry, I got halfway through this chapter and it was twenty document pages. So I'm going to transfer it to a different document, okay? Sorry about that!