Passing Notes In Potions
By: Realmi and Idiosyncrasy
Note #4: Guest staring Marilyn Manson
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Authors' notes: Sorry we've been forever! We have actually been forced to pay attention all week! But aside from that, we have here a true gem from the waste bin of our strangeness, to make up for the wait. Thanks for all the reviews, and yes, there *WILL* be more adventures. This story has been up for over a whole week! Thank you all for your reviews! We love them and would like more.
Syn's writing
Realmi's writing
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Severus Snape had all about all he could tolerate from Realmi and Syn. It wasn't just the stories, but Realmi kept inviting Syn into the Slytherin common room to hang out (and since she is Head Girl there is nothing the other Slytherins could do to stop her). This wouldn't be so bad, however, the girls have discovered Rock and Roll and Show Tunes (thanks to Muggle Studies), so they would crank up a "less the legal" CD player and blast out their warped vision of music, whilst dancing around like sea sick penguins. Also, Realmi had developed quite a potty mouth and she had posted pictures of this Muggle man with big lips (she called him Steven Taylor) and a few posters of another Muggle who looked a lot like Severus (she called him Trent Reznor). All of it greatly annoyed the potions master. But what the Hell could he do about the two?
Well, detention was out of the question, for they had threatened to leak out the stories to the students of the school. Who would lose all respect for the man. He was corned with blackmail, but he still read the stories, it killed time and kept him from having to grade the 1st years homework (which was always horribly painful seeing as how their brains are the size of gnats). Today, he noticed, the story was quite long.
Realmi and Syn were in beside themselves with glee. It was the end of the week and therefore, they were McGonagall free for two whole days. "Such bliss I have never known!" Realmi sighed happily and over dramatically Syn agreed with her full-heartedly. The pair decided to play their favorite game…SOCK BALL!
The pair were playing in the Slytherin common room (everyone else was off playing the second favorite Slytherin sport, annoy the Hell out of the Gryffindors.) Suddenly, a giant carrot fell from the sky , a metallic orange cricket riding upon it. The cricket cleared his throat and in a small, shrill voice said…
"This movie is great!"
"What movie?"
The cricket looked extremely pissed off. "Never mind that!" Now the girls were extremely confused.
"Huh?"
"Forget it, I'm just going to hypnotize you using a moving diagram of light waves!" He pulled out a gigantic lime green poster with white waves circling it. Slow, relaxing harp music started to play in the background with eerie singing tones, it made Realmi and Syn very tired.
"Sleep……SLEEP!" the cricket said. Realmi and Syn fell over in slumber and…
The loud thud of the fall caused a very grumpy potions master to come into the room. 'Realmi! Every single morning you have to make such a racket! Syn?! Why are you in here!? You're a Ravenclaw for Christ sakes!" Then he noticed that the two students were under the power of an evil Muggle physics video: that he recognized from his old school days. "Oh no!" he cried, sounding much like a ten year old girl.
For it was the same movie Voldemort, Hitler, and other weirdoes mused to make people do there dirty work . now, Mr. Cricket was going to use it's evil powers to…
"Take over the greatest Broadway musical of love time…STARLIGHT EXPRESS!" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Mr. Cricket laughed.
"Dude, that show sucks1" Realmi said, waking up at the vile sound of said musicals' name. Severus couldn't help but agree.
"It's a disgrace to all music everywhere, expect Realmi's music cause it sucks," Realmi beat him over the head causing him to say, "Sorry, Master." Syn was still sleeping like a mouse, dreaming of passing Transfiguration.
"Shut up!" Mr. Cricket yelled, then Realmi noticed something of somewhat importance…… Mr. Cricket had Mustafa!
"Oh no!" Realmi shrieked. "Why must everything happen to Mustafa!?"
Mr. Cricket cackled and said, "The only way you'll get your bookbag back is if you act like one of the train lovers in the musical!"
Realmi broke down crying, but gave in. "Anything for Mustafa!"
"No, Master!" Severus cried. "Nothing is worth the shame!" Realmi glared at him.
"Mustafa is!" she sobbed. She opened her mouth to sing Engine of Love, but before she could, Snape clamped his hand over her mouth, sending her into mini heaven. Snape was pressing his hand against her mouth and her body close to his, to keep her from wiggling out. Yes, she was having trouble breathing and the whole thing was very painful…but she was in mini heaven nonetheless. . Mr. Cricket, however, was not in a sentimental mood.
He let out a wild angered whoop, and gigantic fangs sprouted out his mouth! Before their eyes, he grew to be over ten feet tall. His voice was no longer small and shrill, but deep and booming. "If you won't sing, I guess I'll have to eat Mustafa!" He laughed. "Yum, nylon!" He proceeded to build a small fire out of Transfiguration homework from Mustafa. Realmi, seeing this, came out of the shock that had griped her after Mr. Cricket's sudden growth. Despite the situation she cheered.
"Woo! Burn, burn! Burn, burn, burn! Yeeeaaah!"
Severus had to slap her outside the head to bring her back to reality. "Snap out of it!" he barked, and she did.
"Hey! Mr. Cricket!" she yelled, suddenly getting an idea. "Take this!" Then, with a snap of her fingers her Slytherin robes turned into what could only be a Marilyn Manson outfit (which caused Snape to have mad desires to gouge out his eyes). She then opened her mouth to sing, but she didn't sing Engine of Love, she sang Sweet Transvestite. "Don't get strung out, by the way I look, don't judge a book by it's cover, I may not be much of a man, by the light of day, but at night I'm one Hell of a lover. I'm just a sweet transvestite!, from Trans-sexual, Transylvania."
Mr. Cricket screamed in agony. "AUUUUUUUUUIGH!" and he turned back into his pint sized self, where Severus stepped on him.
"How did you know that would weaken him"
"Because, lovers of cheesy musicals are offend weakened by controversial music!" Realmi beamed. Severus just raised an eyebrow.
"Would you now be so kind as to change back into your normal clothes?" Realmi looked downcast at Snape's request, she thought the heavy eye make up, fishnets, shiny pants, and leather straight jacket looked good on her
"Shut up!" Syn yelled. "I'm having a good dream about passing Transfiguration!"
***two hours later***
"Um….Realmi…? Please change out of that outfit…..my eyes, they burn! They burn!"
"Yes….yes….burn…..bleed……excellent…. " Realmi snickered evilly. Syn was very frightened by this behavior, but once she thought about it, nothing was out of the ordinary.
Syn got bored so she decided to do her Transfiguration homework (problems 2-1,738 all, due tomorrow). Then Severus Snape walked into the room ranting and raving about the unteachable Gryffindors….again. "THOSE INSUFFERABLE, BRATS! LORD! I HATE THEM LIKE POISON!"
"Sevvi!" Realmi yelped., drawing him into a bone crushing hug. "Don't ever leave me again or I shall suffer greatly, but you more so then I because I'll be forced to stick into salmon flavored marmalade and then I will have to let a swarm of rabid tiki bats loose on your person."
Just then, McGonagall randomly showed up and demanded for the homework assignments that they were missing. "But it's still the weekend!" Syn whined.
"I don't care….EEK!" she yelled, seeing Realmi. "My eyes!" Then she ran away and didn't return, not even on Monday.
"Alright!" Realmi and Syn said. "Another night to do our homework!"
But alas, Realmi was called to Dumbledore's office an account of her outfit (which she was still wearing for reason unknown). Once she got to Dumbledore's office, he said very bluntly that her clothes were a disgrace to witches and women all over the world. Realmi argued that she was being very witchy.
She went with, "It's for a Muggle Studies project. I'm trying to prove that certain Muggle places have a different affect on people then other places. As this outfit similar to Marilyn Manson's shows……it's clear that Ohio causes people to go insane, seeing as how Marilyn Manson is a native Ohioan." Besides these excellent points, Dumbledore gave her a detention anyway. "I bet if Harry Potter dressed like Marilyn Manson he'd get away with it!" she muttered bitterly under her breath.
And so the moral of the story is that all though Marilyn Manson outfits are good for fighting off musical loving crickets, they can get you a detention is you wear them too long.
***Fin***
No, the moral of the story is if you write so much, you will be called a douche, like Realmi.
***Now, the end***
Severus Snape just shook his head, he was very glad that these stories were fictional……….very glad.
***End note #4***
Endnotes: Andrew Lloyd Webber, Steven Taylor, and Trent Reznor, please don't sue us for adding your name's Syn and I just love you guys.
Mr. Manson: We would like to beg for our lives and that you will not sue us penniless school girls. We would also like to say that we are from Ohio and can feel the pain that comes with being from that state.
The Rest of you: Review please!