"Sorry," I said quietly, looking at Jeff. "I didn't know it would cause so much trouble"
Jeff laughed quietly.
"Its ok, its not your fault. I don't know what's wrong with her lately. She doesn't seem to want to spend much time with me........we never talk. I think she's getting sick of me," he told me, his chin on his chest as he released a heavy sigh. Then he looked at me and smiled. He took in a deep breath as if building his courage. "Today I was thinking that maybe I.........never mind."
My stomach began to turn with nerves, with anticipation of what he was trying to tell me.
"What were you thinking?" I whispered.
Jeff stood up and tucked his seat under the table. He looked me in the eye and I looked right back. I was sure I saw the beginnings of a tear, glistening amongst the emerald glow of his eyes as he continued, his voice shaking.
"I was thinking..........and wondering if I...........chose the wrong sister," he finally managed to say. As soon as he had let these words escape his mouth, he left the room, without looking back.
I sat alone at the table, my heart once again pouding, my hands beginning to tremble.
~Chose the wrong sister.........? Does he mean Beth? And was he trying to say he wishes he and I were..........instead.....?! But, I don't have a crush anymore..............I don't daydream........I just want to be with him, spend time with him...............I............~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*The next day I didn't go to work because of my arm. Once again, Jeff and I were alone in the house*
At 10am I skipped down the stairs wearing my denim shorts and a yellow vest top (and, of course, the plaster cast on my arm!) and entered the lounge. It was another lovely sunny day and I was in a happy, if confused, mood, still wondering what exactly Jeff had meant the night before. I saw him slumped on the sofa, looking depressed. I decided not to mention what he had said the night before and tried to act as natural as I could.
"Good morning!" I chirped, sitting on the sofa beside him. "Its a beautiful day, you should be out in the fresh air, not festering in here!"
"I don't really feel like doing anything today, thanks anyway" he said in a miserable voice.
I looked at him with concern and talked quieter so as not to intimidate him with my cheerful mood.
"You wanna talk about it?" I asked gently. "You know, I always say........a problem shared is a problem halved."
Jeff considered this for a minute and then began to speak in a slightly shaky voice.
"Last night," he began, swallowing. "After I left the table..........I went to talk to Beth and she...." He looked up at the ceiling and I could see tears beginning to find their way to his eyes. "She told me I shouldn't stick up for you, because I was her's and not your's. When I told her we were friends she exploded.......I....." A single tear trickled down his cheek. In a few seconds it was followed by many others. "I'm sorry....." he said, apologising for his sudden burst of emotion.
I softly placed my hand on his shoulder. "Is ok," I reassured him. "Its ok to cry, Jeff."
He sniffed a little and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. I had never seen a grown man cry before, and it didn't surprise me that is was Beth who had reduced him to this. The sight was so sad that I almost found myself joining in, with anger, and sympathy, and frustration that I couldn't stop him hurting all at once.
"She told me that she didn't need me and............and she has been.............some guy she met when she was shopping a few weeks ago.......they..........when we were at the hospital..............she said that your mum knows and................" he stammered before bursting into tears, this time more emotional than before. He looked so vulnerable and small. I had never seen this side of him before. Anger towards my sister once again boiled inside of me. How could she do this to him?! She wouldn't get away with it!!
I put my arms around him and he burrowed his face in my shoulder. I patted him gently on his back, as I felt his body move with each distraught breath he took in. He didn't let go but clung tight to me, maybe for comfort, maybe for some kind of safety or security.....I didn't know which. All that mattered was that he was hurt and I would do anything to help heal his wounds, to see him smile again. He finally stopped crying and I fetched him a tissue.
"Thanks, Kim," he sniffed.
"Don't mention it, Jeff" I replied, smiling. "Want to come sit in the garden for a while? The weather's nice today and it'll make you feel better."
"Yeah, ok," was his answer. He just about managed a shaky smile as he said it.
A minute or two later we were both sat on a long wooden bench on the patio. I was reading a WWF magazine, while Jeff stared into space, sipping a glass of lemonade, which I had insisted he have.
But my thoughts weren't on the magazine, they were on Jeff and my sister.
~I can't believe she would cheat on him!! And why does she not want me to be friends with him? I will make her pay for what she has done to Jeff. She doesn't deserve to have him. But how do I feel about him? I don't have my crush anymore but I still care so much about him.............and I want him........I want him to be mine...........~
And there, as I sat in the garden I realised something that would change my life forever.............I felt different because my feelings for Jeff were no longer just a crush........I loved him and I was in love with him...........it was as simple as that.
Jeff laughed quietly.
"Its ok, its not your fault. I don't know what's wrong with her lately. She doesn't seem to want to spend much time with me........we never talk. I think she's getting sick of me," he told me, his chin on his chest as he released a heavy sigh. Then he looked at me and smiled. He took in a deep breath as if building his courage. "Today I was thinking that maybe I.........never mind."
My stomach began to turn with nerves, with anticipation of what he was trying to tell me.
"What were you thinking?" I whispered.
Jeff stood up and tucked his seat under the table. He looked me in the eye and I looked right back. I was sure I saw the beginnings of a tear, glistening amongst the emerald glow of his eyes as he continued, his voice shaking.
"I was thinking..........and wondering if I...........chose the wrong sister," he finally managed to say. As soon as he had let these words escape his mouth, he left the room, without looking back.
I sat alone at the table, my heart once again pouding, my hands beginning to tremble.
~Chose the wrong sister.........? Does he mean Beth? And was he trying to say he wishes he and I were..........instead.....?! But, I don't have a crush anymore..............I don't daydream........I just want to be with him, spend time with him...............I............~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*The next day I didn't go to work because of my arm. Once again, Jeff and I were alone in the house*
At 10am I skipped down the stairs wearing my denim shorts and a yellow vest top (and, of course, the plaster cast on my arm!) and entered the lounge. It was another lovely sunny day and I was in a happy, if confused, mood, still wondering what exactly Jeff had meant the night before. I saw him slumped on the sofa, looking depressed. I decided not to mention what he had said the night before and tried to act as natural as I could.
"Good morning!" I chirped, sitting on the sofa beside him. "Its a beautiful day, you should be out in the fresh air, not festering in here!"
"I don't really feel like doing anything today, thanks anyway" he said in a miserable voice.
I looked at him with concern and talked quieter so as not to intimidate him with my cheerful mood.
"You wanna talk about it?" I asked gently. "You know, I always say........a problem shared is a problem halved."
Jeff considered this for a minute and then began to speak in a slightly shaky voice.
"Last night," he began, swallowing. "After I left the table..........I went to talk to Beth and she...." He looked up at the ceiling and I could see tears beginning to find their way to his eyes. "She told me I shouldn't stick up for you, because I was her's and not your's. When I told her we were friends she exploded.......I....." A single tear trickled down his cheek. In a few seconds it was followed by many others. "I'm sorry....." he said, apologising for his sudden burst of emotion.
I softly placed my hand on his shoulder. "Is ok," I reassured him. "Its ok to cry, Jeff."
He sniffed a little and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. I had never seen a grown man cry before, and it didn't surprise me that is was Beth who had reduced him to this. The sight was so sad that I almost found myself joining in, with anger, and sympathy, and frustration that I couldn't stop him hurting all at once.
"She told me that she didn't need me and............and she has been.............some guy she met when she was shopping a few weeks ago.......they..........when we were at the hospital..............she said that your mum knows and................" he stammered before bursting into tears, this time more emotional than before. He looked so vulnerable and small. I had never seen this side of him before. Anger towards my sister once again boiled inside of me. How could she do this to him?! She wouldn't get away with it!!
I put my arms around him and he burrowed his face in my shoulder. I patted him gently on his back, as I felt his body move with each distraught breath he took in. He didn't let go but clung tight to me, maybe for comfort, maybe for some kind of safety or security.....I didn't know which. All that mattered was that he was hurt and I would do anything to help heal his wounds, to see him smile again. He finally stopped crying and I fetched him a tissue.
"Thanks, Kim," he sniffed.
"Don't mention it, Jeff" I replied, smiling. "Want to come sit in the garden for a while? The weather's nice today and it'll make you feel better."
"Yeah, ok," was his answer. He just about managed a shaky smile as he said it.
A minute or two later we were both sat on a long wooden bench on the patio. I was reading a WWF magazine, while Jeff stared into space, sipping a glass of lemonade, which I had insisted he have.
But my thoughts weren't on the magazine, they were on Jeff and my sister.
~I can't believe she would cheat on him!! And why does she not want me to be friends with him? I will make her pay for what she has done to Jeff. She doesn't deserve to have him. But how do I feel about him? I don't have my crush anymore but I still care so much about him.............and I want him........I want him to be mine...........~
And there, as I sat in the garden I realised something that would change my life forever.............I felt different because my feelings for Jeff were no longer just a crush........I loved him and I was in love with him...........it was as simple as that.