The rest of the day passed quickly. Sara walked into the room for the
wildlife forensics presentation and sat down. She busied herself arranging
her notes from the last lecture, and jumped when a soft voice said very
close to her ear, "Hey." She whipped her head up, and found herself nose-to-
nose with Grissom. Her heart rate instantly shot up, but she was determined
not to let it show. "Hey," she nonchalantly looked back down at her notes.
"I'm surprised to find you at this lecture." "Why is that?" He rested his
arm protectively on the back of her chair, which didn't help her increasing
heart rate any. She could feel the warmth radiating from his body; smell
his distinct, soft smell. It turned her on more than she could ever
imagine. Her head felt hazy, and she had to force herself to concentrate on
her notes. Clearing her throat, "Um.I don't know. It just doesn't seem
very.Grissom, I guess, wildlife forensics." Grissom inhaled deeply, his
nose so close to her hair he could almost feel the silky strands brushing
his face. Her shampoo was intoxicating, the curve of her ear erotically
inviting. He was tempted to throw her down across the chairs, and.He
cleared his own throat. "Why not? It's a relatively new field in forensics.
I'm interested in anything new in
our field, you know that. I'm a scientist. There is nothing I'm not interested in, as a scientist; I want to know everything about everything." He looked at her intently, and she looked down, fiddling with her papers. 'That was a stupid thing to say, Sara,' she thought to herself, and was trying to think of something to say that would sound halfway intelligent to justify her earlier comment, but Grissom interrupted her train of thought. "And.I knew you'd be interested in it. I remember how the case with the gorilla that was killed for bush meat affected you." Taken aback, Sara looked at him, the closeness of his blue eyes making her blood pump terribly fast. "Really?" she said, sounding almost childlike in her disbelief. "Yes, 'really'." He held her gaze, until the presenter asked for the lights to be dimmed, and started his slide show. Sara watched intently, aware of Grissom's eyes still focused on her. She sat very still, trying to pay attention to the presenter's words, but loving the feeling of being taken in by Grissom, his eyes trailing her body up and down, as if she where a rare statue or artifact, something to be treasured.
When the presenter paused in his speech to give hand-outs, Grissom leaned into Sara's ear. "Sara, we need to talk, tonight." She turned, her nose again almost touching his. "I know." Their noses brushed in the dark, sending sparks of electricity down each of their spines, lips slightly apart, breath mingling in anticipation of things to come. Sara slid one of her hands tentatively onto Gil's thigh, making him lean his body instinctively towards hers, letting a soft sound escape his lips. Sara's eyes burned into his. Grissom wanted to be inside of her, yet wanted to remain that way forever, all at the same time. He jumped when the person sitting next to him tapped him on the arm impatiently, holding the handouts, indicating Grissom needed to take one and pass it down the row. Annoyed that the spell had been broken, he took the papers.
Leaning back in her seat, Sara took a deep breath, thinking that the rest of the night seemed years away.
Two more presentations followed before the day ended on Grissom and Sara's itineraries; the last one, Grissom and Sara attended together. They filed out of the room, with the other scientists, in an awkward silence. Grissom broke it, sounding as if he felt somewhat out of place. "Well, do you want to skip the dinner here? There's a quiet-looking Italian place across from the hotel." He was reminded of that feeling, of being a nervous, hormonally- charged high school kid asking a girl on a date.
Sara didn't seem to be picking up on his discomfort, he noted; but inside, she was somewhat taken aback by his manor. Was Grissom asking her out on a date? Her heart pounded like she was a high-school girl who'd just been asked out by the captain of the football team. But she nodded, knowing as Grissom did that it would be difficult to hold any kind of serious conversation in the midst of the huge dining hall with their peers surrounding them. This, she reasoned, was the only excuse for his suggesting another location. It was good thinking. And, she wanted to be with Grissom, alone-though she ignored that persistent thought.
"Sure, that sounds great. I'm not all that hungry, anyway." "Neither am
I." They continued on in silence, not sure where the evening would take
them, or what to say. Finally, Sara turned at the elevators. "We should probably drop our stuff off in our rooms." "Good idea." They rode the elevator in silence.
After putting the various pamphlets, brochures, samples, and notes they'd inquired from the days events in their respective rooms, they went to the restaurant. It was a quaint, dark place with a thick, spicy, heavenly aroma laying on the air. A jukebox by the front counter played a country song Sara didn't recognize, and photos of dancing tomatoes and herbs lining the walls. The tables where metal with round marble tops; matching chairs where large and hard and squeaked like nails on a chalkboard when a patron stood to leave. Grissom raised an eyebrow and pointed to a few out of the way red plastic booths that sat towards the back of the little restaurant. "We'd like to sit back there," he told the perky dark-haired waitress who greeted them. They slid into opposite sides of the booth and accepted their menus. A candle stuck into a fat wine bottle separated them. Grissom admired Sara's face behind the candlelight as she glanced at the menu. "This is such a cute place.And it smells great in here. I might be hungry after all." She looked up, giving him her charming gap-toothed grin. She was surprised by the adoration in his eyes, and once again found that she couldn't stop looking at him, until the waitress returned to take their order. They ate-vegetarian lasagna for Sara, regular lasagna for Gil- without talking too much, mostly small talk about the day's events. Inside each head, they where gathering their thoughts for later on. When they'd finished their meals, they where almost relieved to see the waitress return and offer desert; they ordered ice cream, each secretly glad to be procrastinating the inevitable conversation to come. But soon, Grissom and Sara's spoons rested quietly in empty bowls on the edge of the table. The chemicals between them buzzed in the air, begging for a confrontation, a resolution. Taking a deep breath, Sara stood, and to Grissom's surprise, scooted next to him in the booth.
She sat with one leg underneath her, torso facing him. "Well.before we're here all evening, I'll start." He chuckled nervously, fingering his glass, waiting for her to begin. "Grissom, I know there's something going on between us, and I think we need to get it out in the open. I know you know it, too. We can't pretend any more." Unable to speak, and half holding his breath, he stared at her, and nodded. But Sara didn't speak, waiting for him to do something. He realized what she was doing, and felt beads of sweat forming on his forehead. 'Move, Gil'. His mouth obeyed his brain's command. "Sara, I.I need to tell you, that I heard part of your conversation this morning with your former co-worker. What did you say her name was, Kami?" Sara frowned. "Yeah, Kami.what do you mean, you heard part of our conversation?" He swallowed. "I didn't intend to, Sara. But I was looking for you, and.I heard what you said, about Hank, and what he did to you." "Wait, you where eavesdropping on me?" He swallowed. "I didn't intend to, Sara. But I was looking for you, and.I heard the story about Hank, how he used you. And that you.had feelings for me." Her eyes widened, and she looked away. "Oh." "I'm sorry, Sara. You have every right to be angry with me. I didn't mean to listen. I was just.I shouldn't have stood there." She was confused. "What.? You're not making any sense, Grissom." "I know. But, listen-I'm glad I heard it, because, Sara, I." He took a deep breath, then another. Sara tried not to smile, somehow
enjoying his discomfort. She knew she should be angry at him, as if he'd
invaded her privacy, but in a way she was happy that he'd heard. It would
save her from needing to work up the courage to say the words-which
Grissom was finding very difficult to do. Her emotions where at a standstill as she waited, wanting to hear his words before she reacted. She wanted to analyze him, slowly, like a fiber at a crime scene. It was so easy, she mused, to listen to the silent dialogue of a corpse; it wasn't easy to admit something to another
human being. Especially something that had been lying inside your heart and growing for so long.Sara touched his arm lightly. "Gil?..." He took her
hand, rehearsing his words in his head.
Sara had never seen him like this, didn't even know that Gil Grissom could be like this, so unsure of himself, so nervous. But she wasn't surprised. Sara knew that many at the lab believed Grissom to be perfectly detached from his emotions. She'd once overheard some female lab techs gossiping about the men in the lab. Her ears had perked when it came time to discuss Grissom. One of the young chemists had said, "He's got a great body for an old guy, but can you imagine, like, dating him? He's got to be the worst person in the world to have a relationship with. I don't think he could be sensitive if he tried." The other girl had started in, "I know; he sees everything in words, not thoughts." Then they had started in on Nick, and she'd had to leave the room. The two girls' conversation had weighed on Sara's mind all day. She knew the way Grissom presented himself to the world, and she knew the Grissom that was underneath-she had seen first-hand the emotions coursing through him at scenes where children had suffered. She had seen him, prepared to fight to the death for what he believed in. She'd seen him buck the system to protect the victim. Underneath the mind of a scientist beat a heart full of passion that few people where ever privileged enough to view. Grissom lived for the injustices of the world, because he wanted to fix them, whether he realized it or not. He truly had a heart for the victim. Despite the cold, unemotional, analytical Grissom that the lab saw, Sara knew that another world lay inside Grissom, one she lived to gaze inside of, even if it was only for a moment.
Holding her hand, Grissom spoke. "Sara, I'm sorry that that man hurt you.
You are too precious, too. wonderful-you should never have had to experience something like that." Tears stung her eyes; she let him finish, her heart pounding. Was this really happening?... "But, to be honest, Sara, I'm so glad I heard what you said, because it means that you're.that you're not with him any longer"-- "Grissom, we where never really 'together'-" "I know. Let me finish, Sara." She waited.
"God, I've got to just SAY it.Sara, I want you. I have, ever since I first met you." He took her other hand with his other hand, holding on to both of them as if
his life depended on it. "More than that, I NEED you-I can't promise you anything, I can't.god, Sara, I'm so BAD at this." she squeezed his hand; they laughed a little. "I wish I could say something awe-inspiring, Sara, but I'm just not.I'm not a poet. I wish I was. You deserve so much better than me, which is why I've never told you anything, never approached you.I figured I had to let you go, to Hank, because he's everything I'm not. I thought he was what you needed. I wish I'd known he was such a jackass, and spared you from that pain." Touched, Sara whispered "thank you", her heart still pounding in her ears, aware of nothing but the struggling man in front of her. He held her hand tightly as he went on. "I don't know people very well, Sara. I only know them at the cellular level. I can tell you how your heart is beating, I can tell you how many bones are in your spinal column, and I can tell you how and why lividity is formed at death. But I don't know how to deal with things beyond that. I'm a scientist, Sara. I know science, and I know I've felt something between you and I, and I had to know what it was, even though it's not scientific, I.Shit, I'm still not making any sense. I just needed to tell you." He looked physically pained.
Sara's heart melted, the tears in her eyes forcing her way through as she thought about how hard this was for him. "Oh, god, Gil." "I need to finish, Sara. I-I hate to think of the way Hank hurt you. He didn't deserve you, at all. But, Sara-I haven't been able to tell you how I feel about you, because I know, I know that I don't deserve you either. You deserve someone so much better than me, Sara. I'm.I'm not good enough for you." he trailed off, looking at the candle. Sara could feel his hands trembling; she gently removed one of her hands from his and turned his face back towards hers. "Grissom, how could you think that? I've wanted you, too, wanted to be with you, ever since you first came into my life. Why would you think.Grissom, is this about your hearing?" He swallowed, pulling his face out of her hand, and looking down at the hand still cradled inside of his. "Sara.that's a large part of it, but it's so much more than that." He removed his hands from their grasp and leaned on the table, head in his palms. Sara ached for him, for them. "Grissom.Gil. Please, look at me. Listen. You're not deaf yet." It made him smile, although a look of horror spread across her face. "Oh, god, I didn't mean it like that!..." "I know you didn't. It's OK. It was.cute." "Oh, gees, Grissom." she sighed, laughing despite herself, feeling some of the tension and passion in the air diffuse. He rubbed her arm, smiling. "What I meant was, I...please listen. You had your say, now it's my turn."
He took a sip of water, and watched her, her brown eyes nervous, her pretty face pensive. "Gil, I don't care about your hearing. I mean, I will worry about you, but it won't change how I've felt about you." He let her take his hand, and she could feel his pulse, his heart beating rapidly. He felt a sense of wonder, hoping with all his might that this wasn't a dream. "How could you think that I'd be superficial enough to really give a damn about something like that, Gil?" Her tone wasn't angry, but she spoke to him with an air of vital seriousness, as if she was questioning a suspect. "I have always had nothing but respect for you. You could be blind, deaf, AND dumb, I wouldn't care. You are such an amazing man...That will never change. And the more I've known you, the respect has grown. It grew into a friendship that I couldn't survive without, and then it grew into...this. I don't know exactly what 'this' is, either, but I want to explore it and find out." She caressed his face. "We think so much alike. I don't know where I'd be without you. If you hadn't come into my life, I'd...I'd be at such a loss...Grissom, do you realize what you mean to me, in so many different ways? I don't care how old you are, I don't care what sort of disorders you've got swimming in your genetics, I don't care if you're bad with people. So am I. It's one of the things we can share, grow though. I don't care what anyone else thinks. All I care about is being with you, every day. I need you, too, Grissom." His clear blue eyes shone, and he beamed at her; reaching out, he pulled her tightly to him, crushing her to his chest.
"God, Sara, you don't know how happy you've just made me." He kissed her hair, and held her for several minutes. She closed her eyes, loosing herself in him, enjoying the feel of his muscles, the pounding of his heart. As he held her, she was aware for the first time of the rest of the world. Completely relaxed in him, she could hear the music coming from the jukebox. As a new song started up, she recognized the opening strains and smiled. Everything was almost too perfect. Pulling gently out of his grasp, she smiled at him. "Come dance with me." He laughed nervously, a dear-in- headlights look on his handsome face. "Sara, I'm not a dancer. Really. Never have, never could." She stood, pulling his arm. "You don't have to dance, dance; just hold me, sway to the music-and listen to the lyrics. Please." She grinned as he reluctantly agreed. "Only for you, Sara Sidle." "Thank you." She pulled him to the middle of the restaurant, and made her way to the jukebox.
Stopping a waitress who passed by with an order pad, she asked, "Excuse me, can you start this song again-and turn up the volume?" The young server popped her gum and shrugged. "Sure, but I'll have to stop it all together first, and you'll have to give the thing fifty cents, start playing the song over." "Great! No problem." Sara dug into her pocket and pulled out some change, waiting as the girl pushed a button on the back of the machine, and fiddled with the volume control. A loud 'hey!' sounded from a table by the window, a patron whom Sara guessed had played the song in the first place. "I'm turning it back on," she called in the direction of the voice, focusing on the list of songs. She found it, and deposited her money, pushing the buttons.
Grissom stood awkwardly on the 'dance' floor, waiting. Sara smiled, walking to him, placing his arms around her waist, and her arms around his neck. "Remember-just sway to the music, listen to the lyrics, and hold me. It's not rocket science." She grinned, and he returned the smile. "Well, rocket science might be easier, but...this I can do." She led him in a gentle motion in time to the beat as the music began, and they stared into each others eyes as the words began.
''You could say I lost my faith in science and progress/You could say I lost my belief in the holy church/You could say I lost my sense of direction/You could say all of this and worse but/If I ever lose my faith in you/There'd be nothing left for me to do/Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world/You could say I lost my faith in the people on TV/You could say I'd lost my belief in our politicians/They all seemed like game show hosts to me/If I ever lose my faith in you/There'd be nothing left for me to do/I could be lost inside their lies without a trace/But every time I close my eyes I see your face/I never saw no miracle of science/That didn't go from a blessing to a curse/I never saw no military solution/That didn't always end up as something worse but/Let me say this first/If I ever lose my faith in you/There'd be nothing left for me to do''
Grissom smiled as the song faded, and leaned down toward Sara's face. She accepted his silent invitation and rose slightly on the balls of her feet, and their lips met for the first time. It felt like an amazing new discovery, being together in this way, yet it felt as natural as if they'd done it for years.
our field, you know that. I'm a scientist. There is nothing I'm not interested in, as a scientist; I want to know everything about everything." He looked at her intently, and she looked down, fiddling with her papers. 'That was a stupid thing to say, Sara,' she thought to herself, and was trying to think of something to say that would sound halfway intelligent to justify her earlier comment, but Grissom interrupted her train of thought. "And.I knew you'd be interested in it. I remember how the case with the gorilla that was killed for bush meat affected you." Taken aback, Sara looked at him, the closeness of his blue eyes making her blood pump terribly fast. "Really?" she said, sounding almost childlike in her disbelief. "Yes, 'really'." He held her gaze, until the presenter asked for the lights to be dimmed, and started his slide show. Sara watched intently, aware of Grissom's eyes still focused on her. She sat very still, trying to pay attention to the presenter's words, but loving the feeling of being taken in by Grissom, his eyes trailing her body up and down, as if she where a rare statue or artifact, something to be treasured.
When the presenter paused in his speech to give hand-outs, Grissom leaned into Sara's ear. "Sara, we need to talk, tonight." She turned, her nose again almost touching his. "I know." Their noses brushed in the dark, sending sparks of electricity down each of their spines, lips slightly apart, breath mingling in anticipation of things to come. Sara slid one of her hands tentatively onto Gil's thigh, making him lean his body instinctively towards hers, letting a soft sound escape his lips. Sara's eyes burned into his. Grissom wanted to be inside of her, yet wanted to remain that way forever, all at the same time. He jumped when the person sitting next to him tapped him on the arm impatiently, holding the handouts, indicating Grissom needed to take one and pass it down the row. Annoyed that the spell had been broken, he took the papers.
Leaning back in her seat, Sara took a deep breath, thinking that the rest of the night seemed years away.
Two more presentations followed before the day ended on Grissom and Sara's itineraries; the last one, Grissom and Sara attended together. They filed out of the room, with the other scientists, in an awkward silence. Grissom broke it, sounding as if he felt somewhat out of place. "Well, do you want to skip the dinner here? There's a quiet-looking Italian place across from the hotel." He was reminded of that feeling, of being a nervous, hormonally- charged high school kid asking a girl on a date.
Sara didn't seem to be picking up on his discomfort, he noted; but inside, she was somewhat taken aback by his manor. Was Grissom asking her out on a date? Her heart pounded like she was a high-school girl who'd just been asked out by the captain of the football team. But she nodded, knowing as Grissom did that it would be difficult to hold any kind of serious conversation in the midst of the huge dining hall with their peers surrounding them. This, she reasoned, was the only excuse for his suggesting another location. It was good thinking. And, she wanted to be with Grissom, alone-though she ignored that persistent thought.
"Sure, that sounds great. I'm not all that hungry, anyway." "Neither am
I." They continued on in silence, not sure where the evening would take
them, or what to say. Finally, Sara turned at the elevators. "We should probably drop our stuff off in our rooms." "Good idea." They rode the elevator in silence.
After putting the various pamphlets, brochures, samples, and notes they'd inquired from the days events in their respective rooms, they went to the restaurant. It was a quaint, dark place with a thick, spicy, heavenly aroma laying on the air. A jukebox by the front counter played a country song Sara didn't recognize, and photos of dancing tomatoes and herbs lining the walls. The tables where metal with round marble tops; matching chairs where large and hard and squeaked like nails on a chalkboard when a patron stood to leave. Grissom raised an eyebrow and pointed to a few out of the way red plastic booths that sat towards the back of the little restaurant. "We'd like to sit back there," he told the perky dark-haired waitress who greeted them. They slid into opposite sides of the booth and accepted their menus. A candle stuck into a fat wine bottle separated them. Grissom admired Sara's face behind the candlelight as she glanced at the menu. "This is such a cute place.And it smells great in here. I might be hungry after all." She looked up, giving him her charming gap-toothed grin. She was surprised by the adoration in his eyes, and once again found that she couldn't stop looking at him, until the waitress returned to take their order. They ate-vegetarian lasagna for Sara, regular lasagna for Gil- without talking too much, mostly small talk about the day's events. Inside each head, they where gathering their thoughts for later on. When they'd finished their meals, they where almost relieved to see the waitress return and offer desert; they ordered ice cream, each secretly glad to be procrastinating the inevitable conversation to come. But soon, Grissom and Sara's spoons rested quietly in empty bowls on the edge of the table. The chemicals between them buzzed in the air, begging for a confrontation, a resolution. Taking a deep breath, Sara stood, and to Grissom's surprise, scooted next to him in the booth.
She sat with one leg underneath her, torso facing him. "Well.before we're here all evening, I'll start." He chuckled nervously, fingering his glass, waiting for her to begin. "Grissom, I know there's something going on between us, and I think we need to get it out in the open. I know you know it, too. We can't pretend any more." Unable to speak, and half holding his breath, he stared at her, and nodded. But Sara didn't speak, waiting for him to do something. He realized what she was doing, and felt beads of sweat forming on his forehead. 'Move, Gil'. His mouth obeyed his brain's command. "Sara, I.I need to tell you, that I heard part of your conversation this morning with your former co-worker. What did you say her name was, Kami?" Sara frowned. "Yeah, Kami.what do you mean, you heard part of our conversation?" He swallowed. "I didn't intend to, Sara. But I was looking for you, and.I heard what you said, about Hank, and what he did to you." "Wait, you where eavesdropping on me?" He swallowed. "I didn't intend to, Sara. But I was looking for you, and.I heard the story about Hank, how he used you. And that you.had feelings for me." Her eyes widened, and she looked away. "Oh." "I'm sorry, Sara. You have every right to be angry with me. I didn't mean to listen. I was just.I shouldn't have stood there." She was confused. "What.? You're not making any sense, Grissom." "I know. But, listen-I'm glad I heard it, because, Sara, I." He took a deep breath, then another. Sara tried not to smile, somehow
enjoying his discomfort. She knew she should be angry at him, as if he'd
invaded her privacy, but in a way she was happy that he'd heard. It would
save her from needing to work up the courage to say the words-which
Grissom was finding very difficult to do. Her emotions where at a standstill as she waited, wanting to hear his words before she reacted. She wanted to analyze him, slowly, like a fiber at a crime scene. It was so easy, she mused, to listen to the silent dialogue of a corpse; it wasn't easy to admit something to another
human being. Especially something that had been lying inside your heart and growing for so long.Sara touched his arm lightly. "Gil?..." He took her
hand, rehearsing his words in his head.
Sara had never seen him like this, didn't even know that Gil Grissom could be like this, so unsure of himself, so nervous. But she wasn't surprised. Sara knew that many at the lab believed Grissom to be perfectly detached from his emotions. She'd once overheard some female lab techs gossiping about the men in the lab. Her ears had perked when it came time to discuss Grissom. One of the young chemists had said, "He's got a great body for an old guy, but can you imagine, like, dating him? He's got to be the worst person in the world to have a relationship with. I don't think he could be sensitive if he tried." The other girl had started in, "I know; he sees everything in words, not thoughts." Then they had started in on Nick, and she'd had to leave the room. The two girls' conversation had weighed on Sara's mind all day. She knew the way Grissom presented himself to the world, and she knew the Grissom that was underneath-she had seen first-hand the emotions coursing through him at scenes where children had suffered. She had seen him, prepared to fight to the death for what he believed in. She'd seen him buck the system to protect the victim. Underneath the mind of a scientist beat a heart full of passion that few people where ever privileged enough to view. Grissom lived for the injustices of the world, because he wanted to fix them, whether he realized it or not. He truly had a heart for the victim. Despite the cold, unemotional, analytical Grissom that the lab saw, Sara knew that another world lay inside Grissom, one she lived to gaze inside of, even if it was only for a moment.
Holding her hand, Grissom spoke. "Sara, I'm sorry that that man hurt you.
You are too precious, too. wonderful-you should never have had to experience something like that." Tears stung her eyes; she let him finish, her heart pounding. Was this really happening?... "But, to be honest, Sara, I'm so glad I heard what you said, because it means that you're.that you're not with him any longer"-- "Grissom, we where never really 'together'-" "I know. Let me finish, Sara." She waited.
"God, I've got to just SAY it.Sara, I want you. I have, ever since I first met you." He took her other hand with his other hand, holding on to both of them as if
his life depended on it. "More than that, I NEED you-I can't promise you anything, I can't.god, Sara, I'm so BAD at this." she squeezed his hand; they laughed a little. "I wish I could say something awe-inspiring, Sara, but I'm just not.I'm not a poet. I wish I was. You deserve so much better than me, which is why I've never told you anything, never approached you.I figured I had to let you go, to Hank, because he's everything I'm not. I thought he was what you needed. I wish I'd known he was such a jackass, and spared you from that pain." Touched, Sara whispered "thank you", her heart still pounding in her ears, aware of nothing but the struggling man in front of her. He held her hand tightly as he went on. "I don't know people very well, Sara. I only know them at the cellular level. I can tell you how your heart is beating, I can tell you how many bones are in your spinal column, and I can tell you how and why lividity is formed at death. But I don't know how to deal with things beyond that. I'm a scientist, Sara. I know science, and I know I've felt something between you and I, and I had to know what it was, even though it's not scientific, I.Shit, I'm still not making any sense. I just needed to tell you." He looked physically pained.
Sara's heart melted, the tears in her eyes forcing her way through as she thought about how hard this was for him. "Oh, god, Gil." "I need to finish, Sara. I-I hate to think of the way Hank hurt you. He didn't deserve you, at all. But, Sara-I haven't been able to tell you how I feel about you, because I know, I know that I don't deserve you either. You deserve someone so much better than me, Sara. I'm.I'm not good enough for you." he trailed off, looking at the candle. Sara could feel his hands trembling; she gently removed one of her hands from his and turned his face back towards hers. "Grissom, how could you think that? I've wanted you, too, wanted to be with you, ever since you first came into my life. Why would you think.Grissom, is this about your hearing?" He swallowed, pulling his face out of her hand, and looking down at the hand still cradled inside of his. "Sara.that's a large part of it, but it's so much more than that." He removed his hands from their grasp and leaned on the table, head in his palms. Sara ached for him, for them. "Grissom.Gil. Please, look at me. Listen. You're not deaf yet." It made him smile, although a look of horror spread across her face. "Oh, god, I didn't mean it like that!..." "I know you didn't. It's OK. It was.cute." "Oh, gees, Grissom." she sighed, laughing despite herself, feeling some of the tension and passion in the air diffuse. He rubbed her arm, smiling. "What I meant was, I...please listen. You had your say, now it's my turn."
He took a sip of water, and watched her, her brown eyes nervous, her pretty face pensive. "Gil, I don't care about your hearing. I mean, I will worry about you, but it won't change how I've felt about you." He let her take his hand, and she could feel his pulse, his heart beating rapidly. He felt a sense of wonder, hoping with all his might that this wasn't a dream. "How could you think that I'd be superficial enough to really give a damn about something like that, Gil?" Her tone wasn't angry, but she spoke to him with an air of vital seriousness, as if she was questioning a suspect. "I have always had nothing but respect for you. You could be blind, deaf, AND dumb, I wouldn't care. You are such an amazing man...That will never change. And the more I've known you, the respect has grown. It grew into a friendship that I couldn't survive without, and then it grew into...this. I don't know exactly what 'this' is, either, but I want to explore it and find out." She caressed his face. "We think so much alike. I don't know where I'd be without you. If you hadn't come into my life, I'd...I'd be at such a loss...Grissom, do you realize what you mean to me, in so many different ways? I don't care how old you are, I don't care what sort of disorders you've got swimming in your genetics, I don't care if you're bad with people. So am I. It's one of the things we can share, grow though. I don't care what anyone else thinks. All I care about is being with you, every day. I need you, too, Grissom." His clear blue eyes shone, and he beamed at her; reaching out, he pulled her tightly to him, crushing her to his chest.
"God, Sara, you don't know how happy you've just made me." He kissed her hair, and held her for several minutes. She closed her eyes, loosing herself in him, enjoying the feel of his muscles, the pounding of his heart. As he held her, she was aware for the first time of the rest of the world. Completely relaxed in him, she could hear the music coming from the jukebox. As a new song started up, she recognized the opening strains and smiled. Everything was almost too perfect. Pulling gently out of his grasp, she smiled at him. "Come dance with me." He laughed nervously, a dear-in- headlights look on his handsome face. "Sara, I'm not a dancer. Really. Never have, never could." She stood, pulling his arm. "You don't have to dance, dance; just hold me, sway to the music-and listen to the lyrics. Please." She grinned as he reluctantly agreed. "Only for you, Sara Sidle." "Thank you." She pulled him to the middle of the restaurant, and made her way to the jukebox.
Stopping a waitress who passed by with an order pad, she asked, "Excuse me, can you start this song again-and turn up the volume?" The young server popped her gum and shrugged. "Sure, but I'll have to stop it all together first, and you'll have to give the thing fifty cents, start playing the song over." "Great! No problem." Sara dug into her pocket and pulled out some change, waiting as the girl pushed a button on the back of the machine, and fiddled with the volume control. A loud 'hey!' sounded from a table by the window, a patron whom Sara guessed had played the song in the first place. "I'm turning it back on," she called in the direction of the voice, focusing on the list of songs. She found it, and deposited her money, pushing the buttons.
Grissom stood awkwardly on the 'dance' floor, waiting. Sara smiled, walking to him, placing his arms around her waist, and her arms around his neck. "Remember-just sway to the music, listen to the lyrics, and hold me. It's not rocket science." She grinned, and he returned the smile. "Well, rocket science might be easier, but...this I can do." She led him in a gentle motion in time to the beat as the music began, and they stared into each others eyes as the words began.
''You could say I lost my faith in science and progress/You could say I lost my belief in the holy church/You could say I lost my sense of direction/You could say all of this and worse but/If I ever lose my faith in you/There'd be nothing left for me to do/Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world/You could say I lost my faith in the people on TV/You could say I'd lost my belief in our politicians/They all seemed like game show hosts to me/If I ever lose my faith in you/There'd be nothing left for me to do/I could be lost inside their lies without a trace/But every time I close my eyes I see your face/I never saw no miracle of science/That didn't go from a blessing to a curse/I never saw no military solution/That didn't always end up as something worse but/Let me say this first/If I ever lose my faith in you/There'd be nothing left for me to do''
Grissom smiled as the song faded, and leaned down toward Sara's face. She accepted his silent invitation and rose slightly on the balls of her feet, and their lips met for the first time. It felt like an amazing new discovery, being together in this way, yet it felt as natural as if they'd done it for years.