Conversations of the Heart
Chapter 2~ The feelings inside
We walked side by side back to our apartment without speaking to each other. Which gave me time to think.
The realization that my apprentice could die at any given moment stirred my insides. I love this boy like a son. He will always be at my side, even when I'm on my deathbed. MY deathbed. That was something to think about as well. I'm not old, but I'm not as young as I used to be. My prime has come, and now it's on it's way out. I can remember all the times that I had fallen ill and Obi-Wan was at my side. I had done the same with his illnesses, of course, but I can specifically remember the first time I had fallen extremely ill.
I had received an uncommon sickness from the planet we had just journeyed too. Two days after returning home I went to see the healers. I had a temperature of 107 degrees, migraines and I was very dehydrated. I remember the look of horror and worry on my young apprentices face. I had tried to comfort him, but I had passed out and was not to waken for three days. When I had finally awoken I found out my padawan had not left my side the entire time I was ill.
I still look back on that time and realized that I was very lucky to have such a padawan as him.
When we arrived at our apartment he mumbled something about being tired and walked into his room.
Knowing I would not be able to get much sleep this night I decided to stay in the living room, lost in my thoughts.
But my thoughts were far from pleasant. I could only remember the hard, painful times my apprentice and I had spent together. The time I had thought I felt his life slip out of him was almost too much to handle. He was just lying there, weak. The healers told me I couldn't have done anything to prevent it, just sometimes illnesses happen. But, to my relief I had been mistaken and the boy was sent back to me.
"Master?"
I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't hear Obi-Wan come in.
"Yes Obi-Wan?" I asked, wondering what had woken the boy up.
I noticed right away that he was sweating a great deal and his eyes were blood shot, as if he were crying.
"I had a nightmare." He said and looked down at his feet.
Normally I would have just simply told the boy to go back to bed. He was, after all, 20 years old.
Instead I smiled softly at him and motioned for him to come sit down by me.
"Well," I said taking a breath. "Tell me about it."
"It was horrible. I have never had a dream like it. And master, I.I cried like a baby."
I nodded my understanding and put an arm around his shoulder. He scooted down to where his head met my chest and rested it there. It had been a long time since he would allow me to hold him like I was. He had always been 'too old'. Sitting here makes me feel like I fell through a portal in time and am now sitting with my young 13 year old apprentice.
"Why did it make you cry so much?" I asked, moving the hair that was getting in his eyes.
"Because a most terrible realization hit me. Someday you wont be here."
When he said those last words it cut me like a hot knife through butter.
I flinched. I could tell he noticed, for he stiffened his body against mine.
"Obi-Wan, I know that the deaths of Master Ganguff and his apprentice will be a hard time for you but.."
"No master you don't understand. Their deaths made me realize that you are not going to live forever."
I watched as he was playing with the hem of my robes, focusing intently on it. His eyes were filling with tears.
"You are my master. I'm always going to remember the good times as well as the bad. And you say that when the dark times come, if they come in our time, that we will go through the trials together. But what if you die before then? What if you get murdered on a mission when I'm not with you? What if you death is untimely like Master Ganguff's?"
The questions just kept coming from my apprentice.
"And if it would happen to be untimely I just want you to know that.I love you. Master I love you more then you will ever imagine. You're like my father. Qui-Gon, you're my only family." I sat there silently, holding Obi- Wan, just living in the moment. He was silently crying in my robes, just wanting my love and affection.
"Oh Obi-Wan, my poor Obi-Wan." I said kissing his forehead.
"I love you too. And I know, and you know, I wont always be here. But, I want to die before you. I'm your master, I should. No master should outlive their padawan."
Realizing I wasn't helping the boy much, I changed the subject slightly.
"Obi-Wan, you have been my best padawan. I will be able to watch you become a knight. I have yet to have that privilege with my other padawans. And I will be able to be there if you ever need me." I stopped my train of thought to make sure I use my words properly.
"We may not be able to fight every battle side by side, but in the end, we will be together forever. And Obi-Wan you are my family and I love you like a son. If you were dieing, and the only way to save you was to give up my life, Obi-Wan, I would jump at the idea. I wouldn't be able to live if you died. You mean more to me then anyone ever has."
Close to tears myself, we were silent for the rest of the night.
~END~
Authors Note: Look for CFH (Conversations from the heart) Obi-Wan's POV.
Thanks for all those who reviewed!
Chapter 2~ The feelings inside
We walked side by side back to our apartment without speaking to each other. Which gave me time to think.
The realization that my apprentice could die at any given moment stirred my insides. I love this boy like a son. He will always be at my side, even when I'm on my deathbed. MY deathbed. That was something to think about as well. I'm not old, but I'm not as young as I used to be. My prime has come, and now it's on it's way out. I can remember all the times that I had fallen ill and Obi-Wan was at my side. I had done the same with his illnesses, of course, but I can specifically remember the first time I had fallen extremely ill.
I had received an uncommon sickness from the planet we had just journeyed too. Two days after returning home I went to see the healers. I had a temperature of 107 degrees, migraines and I was very dehydrated. I remember the look of horror and worry on my young apprentices face. I had tried to comfort him, but I had passed out and was not to waken for three days. When I had finally awoken I found out my padawan had not left my side the entire time I was ill.
I still look back on that time and realized that I was very lucky to have such a padawan as him.
When we arrived at our apartment he mumbled something about being tired and walked into his room.
Knowing I would not be able to get much sleep this night I decided to stay in the living room, lost in my thoughts.
But my thoughts were far from pleasant. I could only remember the hard, painful times my apprentice and I had spent together. The time I had thought I felt his life slip out of him was almost too much to handle. He was just lying there, weak. The healers told me I couldn't have done anything to prevent it, just sometimes illnesses happen. But, to my relief I had been mistaken and the boy was sent back to me.
"Master?"
I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't hear Obi-Wan come in.
"Yes Obi-Wan?" I asked, wondering what had woken the boy up.
I noticed right away that he was sweating a great deal and his eyes were blood shot, as if he were crying.
"I had a nightmare." He said and looked down at his feet.
Normally I would have just simply told the boy to go back to bed. He was, after all, 20 years old.
Instead I smiled softly at him and motioned for him to come sit down by me.
"Well," I said taking a breath. "Tell me about it."
"It was horrible. I have never had a dream like it. And master, I.I cried like a baby."
I nodded my understanding and put an arm around his shoulder. He scooted down to where his head met my chest and rested it there. It had been a long time since he would allow me to hold him like I was. He had always been 'too old'. Sitting here makes me feel like I fell through a portal in time and am now sitting with my young 13 year old apprentice.
"Why did it make you cry so much?" I asked, moving the hair that was getting in his eyes.
"Because a most terrible realization hit me. Someday you wont be here."
When he said those last words it cut me like a hot knife through butter.
I flinched. I could tell he noticed, for he stiffened his body against mine.
"Obi-Wan, I know that the deaths of Master Ganguff and his apprentice will be a hard time for you but.."
"No master you don't understand. Their deaths made me realize that you are not going to live forever."
I watched as he was playing with the hem of my robes, focusing intently on it. His eyes were filling with tears.
"You are my master. I'm always going to remember the good times as well as the bad. And you say that when the dark times come, if they come in our time, that we will go through the trials together. But what if you die before then? What if you get murdered on a mission when I'm not with you? What if you death is untimely like Master Ganguff's?"
The questions just kept coming from my apprentice.
"And if it would happen to be untimely I just want you to know that.I love you. Master I love you more then you will ever imagine. You're like my father. Qui-Gon, you're my only family." I sat there silently, holding Obi- Wan, just living in the moment. He was silently crying in my robes, just wanting my love and affection.
"Oh Obi-Wan, my poor Obi-Wan." I said kissing his forehead.
"I love you too. And I know, and you know, I wont always be here. But, I want to die before you. I'm your master, I should. No master should outlive their padawan."
Realizing I wasn't helping the boy much, I changed the subject slightly.
"Obi-Wan, you have been my best padawan. I will be able to watch you become a knight. I have yet to have that privilege with my other padawans. And I will be able to be there if you ever need me." I stopped my train of thought to make sure I use my words properly.
"We may not be able to fight every battle side by side, but in the end, we will be together forever. And Obi-Wan you are my family and I love you like a son. If you were dieing, and the only way to save you was to give up my life, Obi-Wan, I would jump at the idea. I wouldn't be able to live if you died. You mean more to me then anyone ever has."
Close to tears myself, we were silent for the rest of the night.
~END~
Authors Note: Look for CFH (Conversations from the heart) Obi-Wan's POV.
Thanks for all those who reviewed!