Among the Ashes
By: Allison
Email: GeckoGal21@lycos.com
Archive: Catherine Willow, The Graveyard, Shipperworld, Working Love, mine.
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine
Spoilers: Play With Fire, Lady Heather's Box, Strip Strangler, The Accused is Entitled
Rated: PG-13
Summary: Post-ep, PWF. When did life become so hard? When had Gil Grissom become so mean?
A/N: Originally it was written for csreports. But then I went over my word limit, and I ended up with this. Thanks to Manda for the input, and for the title.
+++++
She stared at the wreckage. The broken glass, the scattered pieces of lab equipment that were strewn across the charred floor. Next to her feet lay the remains of what looked to be a microscope. She sighed as she knelt down to look at it, and wondered when being a CSI had become a job she had to do, rather than one that she wanted. Sitting down on the floor and crossing her legs underneath her, Catherine picked the broken microscope up, turning it over in her hands several times.
When did life become so hard?
She knew she knew she couldn't answer that question. Just breathing had been trouble for her during her years with Eddie. Kicking her cocaine habit was even worse. But this, this was different...this was an accident. This had hurt someone other than herself.
This time she had no one to run to.
She wanted to cry.
But she couldn't. The tears wouldn't come. Years of holding her pain in prevented her from being able to let the sobs overtake her in such a public place, where everyone could see her. Where he could see her.
Using her fingers she traced the burn patterns along the floor. It only took one moment for her life to fall apart. One action. The sound of a door slamming shut echoed in her ears. When had she started regretting her life?
When had she started doubting herself?
Catherine couldn't answer that question either. Perhaps she always had. She had told him once, "Never doubt, never look back," and for a while she convinced herself it was true. Maybe, at some point, it was true. But the moment she had place that last green dot on that chart, that facade had shattered. Exploded. Just like lab she had managed to blow up.
God, how stupid could she have been?
And he had even stuck up for her. "Un-logged evidence gets placed under the fume hood." He had told the director. She'd been too wrapped up in the situation to notice until now. Still, it seemed so clinical, so ordinary, something he would have said in Nick's defense, or Warrick's.
So professional.
Just like everything else he had said to her in the past few months.
"Don't get ahead of yourself, Catherine."
"I heard about Eddie and your daughter..."
His voice rang in her ears.
When had Gil Grissom become so mean?
"I'm fine. I'm...ok. Lindsey and I...we're...we're fine."
"I spend sixteen hours a day here, busting my ass for the county...three pretending to sleeping...and the other five lying to my daughter that everything's going to be okay..."
When had she? Lord knows, her own words were no better.
Maybe she would take the five days they gave her to figure that out; to figure this whole mess out. Maybe she would play with her daughter out in the front yard like they used to. Laugh like they used too. Maybe she would teach herself how to breathe again.
"Or maybe I'll figure out how to let him know that I love him." She said bringing the microscope up to eye level.
"Maybe he already knows." Came a voice from behind her.
When had the voices in her head started to seem so real?
"Maybe he loves you too." Came the voice again.
Catherine pushed herself up off the floor
A hand came to rest on her shoulder. She turned around and locked eyes with him. "I wish he knew how sorry I am. For everything." She told him, whispering softly. She wasn't sure a lifetime of 'I'm sorrys' could undo the damage between them. It couldn't even undo the damage she had managed to do in a single night.
"He does...I do. I know Catherine, I'm sorry too." He slipped his hand reassuringly into hers, leading her slowly out of the room, microscope still in her hand.
Maybe things were going to be okay.
-Fin.
By: Allison
Email: GeckoGal21@lycos.com
Archive: Catherine Willow, The Graveyard, Shipperworld, Working Love, mine.
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine
Spoilers: Play With Fire, Lady Heather's Box, Strip Strangler, The Accused is Entitled
Rated: PG-13
Summary: Post-ep, PWF. When did life become so hard? When had Gil Grissom become so mean?
A/N: Originally it was written for csreports. But then I went over my word limit, and I ended up with this. Thanks to Manda for the input, and for the title.
+++++
She stared at the wreckage. The broken glass, the scattered pieces of lab equipment that were strewn across the charred floor. Next to her feet lay the remains of what looked to be a microscope. She sighed as she knelt down to look at it, and wondered when being a CSI had become a job she had to do, rather than one that she wanted. Sitting down on the floor and crossing her legs underneath her, Catherine picked the broken microscope up, turning it over in her hands several times.
When did life become so hard?
She knew she knew she couldn't answer that question. Just breathing had been trouble for her during her years with Eddie. Kicking her cocaine habit was even worse. But this, this was different...this was an accident. This had hurt someone other than herself.
This time she had no one to run to.
She wanted to cry.
But she couldn't. The tears wouldn't come. Years of holding her pain in prevented her from being able to let the sobs overtake her in such a public place, where everyone could see her. Where he could see her.
Using her fingers she traced the burn patterns along the floor. It only took one moment for her life to fall apart. One action. The sound of a door slamming shut echoed in her ears. When had she started regretting her life?
When had she started doubting herself?
Catherine couldn't answer that question either. Perhaps she always had. She had told him once, "Never doubt, never look back," and for a while she convinced herself it was true. Maybe, at some point, it was true. But the moment she had place that last green dot on that chart, that facade had shattered. Exploded. Just like lab she had managed to blow up.
God, how stupid could she have been?
And he had even stuck up for her. "Un-logged evidence gets placed under the fume hood." He had told the director. She'd been too wrapped up in the situation to notice until now. Still, it seemed so clinical, so ordinary, something he would have said in Nick's defense, or Warrick's.
So professional.
Just like everything else he had said to her in the past few months.
"Don't get ahead of yourself, Catherine."
"I heard about Eddie and your daughter..."
His voice rang in her ears.
When had Gil Grissom become so mean?
"I'm fine. I'm...ok. Lindsey and I...we're...we're fine."
"I spend sixteen hours a day here, busting my ass for the county...three pretending to sleeping...and the other five lying to my daughter that everything's going to be okay..."
When had she? Lord knows, her own words were no better.
Maybe she would take the five days they gave her to figure that out; to figure this whole mess out. Maybe she would play with her daughter out in the front yard like they used to. Laugh like they used too. Maybe she would teach herself how to breathe again.
"Or maybe I'll figure out how to let him know that I love him." She said bringing the microscope up to eye level.
"Maybe he already knows." Came a voice from behind her.
When had the voices in her head started to seem so real?
"Maybe he loves you too." Came the voice again.
Catherine pushed herself up off the floor
A hand came to rest on her shoulder. She turned around and locked eyes with him. "I wish he knew how sorry I am. For everything." She told him, whispering softly. She wasn't sure a lifetime of 'I'm sorrys' could undo the damage between them. It couldn't even undo the damage she had managed to do in a single night.
"He does...I do. I know Catherine, I'm sorry too." He slipped his hand reassuringly into hers, leading her slowly out of the room, microscope still in her hand.
Maybe things were going to be okay.
-Fin.