***
There was a distinct atmosphere of whimsy as he entered the house, and Mulder had to try and contain his excitement, since Scully wasn't there to hold up her end of the dignity department. Mr. Potter stumbled in the doorway, and Mulder caught him before he fell down. "Thanks."
"No problem."
Ronald Weasley sat in an old armchair, staring a picture in a home made macaroni frame. "My wife," he said by way of explanation as Mulder helped the elderly Mr. Potter to his seat. "She died last year...on this date."
"I'm sorry."
"I miss Hermione, too, Ron," said Harry in a scratchy voice. Weasley set the frame down, sighing to himself. Mulder pulled his badge out from the depths of his coat, seating himself opposite Weasley.
"Mr. Weasley, my name is Fox Mulder, I'm an FBI agent."
"FBI?" There was a brief, amused pause as Ron and Harry exchanged glances. "You mean Frenzied Blokes In bikinis?" Wheezy laughter filled the room.
"Uh, no," Mulder told him, amused. "Federal Bureau of Investigation."
"Yeah, we know. We're just being doofs. So why do you want to talk to us, Mr. Mulder?"
"Um, my partner and I came to England to investigate some ruins in the countryside. Mr. Potter," he gestured, "called them, uh, Hogwarts?" Harry nodded slowly. "While we were there, we found a body--a body of an enormous three-headed dog."
Suddenly Ron burst into tears. "First Hermione, then Fluffy! Who's next? Not you, Harry!" Potter reached across the gap to pat his friend on the back.
"'S okay, Ron. It was his time, anyway."
"How did he die?" asked Weasley, wiping tears from his wrinkled face.
"Uh, cause of death hasn't been determined. The only information we could find was--"
"Did he look scared?"
"What?"
"Did he look scared?" Ron looked to his friend. "It might have been Avada Kedavra."
"But who would want to kill Fluffy?"
"Might've been little Elvis Malfoy."
"Elvis?" Mulder looked amused.
"Yeah, the Malfoy family has a tradition of calling their offspring silly things. Take Draco, for instance."
"Draco!" Ron burst into laughter. Mulder made a mental note that Mr. Weasley's emotions seemed to be all over the map. "How about Lucius?"
"Yeah, old man Lucy," Harry joined in, laughing. "Now there was a mean bugger if I ever saw one."
"Uh," Mulder interjected, "what would, um, Elvis's motive be for killing...Fluffy?"
"Elvis has always been mean. Took after his father. He had something against Fluffy, prob'ly 'cause we liked 'im."
"Poor Fluffy," Harry remarked. "Didn't have anyone to look after him after Hagrid died."
"Poor Hagrid," Ron burst into tears again. "Hagrid, Hermione, Fluffy!" He ticked off the dead on his fingers. "Don't you leave me, too, Harry!" Potter's hand bridged the gap between them again.
"Gentlemen? I'm looking for some information on this...school of wizardry Mr. Potter mentioned."
"Yeah, Hogwarts. I miss the place. I would have taught there, but I wanted to follow m'dad in the Ministry."
"The Ministry?"
"The Ministry of Magic."
"Magic?" Mulder shifted forward in his seat, interested. "What sort of magic?"
"Y'know. Witchcraft. Wizardry. That's what Hogwarts was for. Taught us how to do Magic."
"Remember Dumbledore, Ron?"
Ron burst into tears again. "I've never met a finer wizard!" He went over the list again, "Dumbledore, Hagrid, Hermione, Fluffy! Don't you leave me too, Harry!" Once again, Potter's hand went to Weasley's back. He quieted down after a few seconds, sniffling.
"Yeah, Hogwarts was the finest school for Witchcraft and Wizardry in the world, I dare say," Harry continued. "There were four houses. Ravenclaw."
"Bunch of brainiacs."
"Hufflepuff."
"Bunch o' duffers," Ron remarked, amused again.
"Slytherin."
"Evil folk," Ron said scornfully.
"And Gryffindor."
"The cream of the crop! That was our house."
"Neville's too," said Harry. "He was the most cowardly one there." He sighed. "I miss Neville."
For the fourth time since Mulder and Potter had arrived, Ron burst into tears. "Neville, Dumbledore, Hagrid, Hermione, and Fluffy! Don't you leave me too, Harry!" The same action as the three previous times was repeated.
"What exactly did you learn at this school?" Mulder asked, trying to get a handle on the conversation.
"We told you, magic. Hey--you want a demonstration?"
"You sure that's wise, Ron?"
"Woo, Harry, you sound just like Hermione. Come on, why not have a little fun?"
"Well, we haven't done it in awhile, Ron." He paused, considering. "Sure. Why not?" He pulled out a wooden stick from his pocket.
"What's that?" Mulder leaned forward again.
"That's his wand," Ron informed him. "It's what we wizards use for magic. Come on, Harry, show 'im something."
"What should I show him?"
"No, wait, let me," Ron pulled out a similar stick. "Used this one to save the old lady once. Here. Swish and flick, remember, Harry?" He raised the stick. "Wingardium Leviosa!" With those words, and Mulder wouldn't have believed it otherwise, Potter's hairpiece floated into the air above his head, then fell back onto his liverspotted head, landing backwards in a most undignified manner.
Harry straightened it out. "Watch it, Ron."
"Sorry," he chuckled.
"H-how did you do that?"
"It's called a charm. It was just one of our classes at Hogwarts. We also took Divination, Transfiguration, Potions..."
"Potions. Remember old Snape?"
"Yeah. Remember when he wouldn't let us go up to the owlery to send me mum a note?"
"Yeah, yeah. I miss Hedwig...and Pigwidgeon."
"Hedwig, Pigwidgeon, Dumbledore, Hagrid, Neville, Hermione, Fluffy! Don't you leave me too, Harry!" (Authors' note: Don't worry, this is the last one) Once again, Harry's hand went across and met Ron's back, soothing him.
"It's okay, Ron. It's okay."
Mulder was a bit fed up with this reminiscing, even if he did find it vastly amusing. He needed to get some real information. "Well, thank you very much for your help. I was wondering if there was anyone else I could contact to find out more about this case."
"Draco!" Ron cried again, laughing. "He's a good one to call. You should go visit him."
"Where can I find him?" Mulder pulled out a pad of paper and a pen.
"Shady Acres Motor Homes." This is where both the old men burst out laughing.
"We'll never let 'im forget it, will we, Ron? Draco Malfoy, richest kid at Hogwarts, living in a trailer park!"
"Well, thank you, you two. I trust you can call for a taxi, Mr. Potter?"
"Yeah, I think I'll stay here awhile. Ron could use a nap." Mulder backed out of the house, leaving the two men to their laughter, then headed for his rental car, to go visit the Shady Acres Motor Homes.
***
Another ridiculous chapter. Come on, you know it's funny. More to come soon!