Dark's Burning Light

Obligations

The days that followed were like a gift. Still, I couldn't shake loose of my memories and feel that I had abandoned my first love. Silver strands of hair running through my fingers sometimes burned bright red in my mind and misty violet eyes at times turned a rich cinnamon brown. I loved them both and couldn't decide who was more important in my heart.

And so, I drove myself mercilessly in trying to create new cards. That is what inspired me to create the four element cards. I felt I was being torn in many different directions, so it seemed fitting to embody the points of the compass with the elements of each. My parents were suitably impressed as they watched, but I didn't do it for them. I did it for myself.

Each night I lost track of time, too busy to notice the world passing around me.

Each night it was Yue who pulled me out of the magic's thrall and reminded me to sleep. I could deny him nothing.

"Clow, you've been spending much more time with Yue than with Cerberus. Your poor sun guardian was whining about it this morning. However, he also mentioned that most of that time was spent while the two of you are asleep?"

My mother's eyes pierced me, stripping me of any lies or excuses I might have come up with.

"You do an amazing impression of a fish at times, son."

I firmly shut my mouth, resolving not to open it until I thought of something to say.

Finally my mother sighed. "Just be careful." She stood to walk away.

"Mother, I started making the cards so that some day I can conquer death."

She nodded. "I remember."

"I will do it."

"I believe you can. And yet, that might not be the answer you seek."

"I want her back more than anything in the world."

She nodded sagely, patting me on the shoulder as she walked past. "You still must live your life, and much time will pass before you are ready to reach your goal. Do what you must, but don't stay stuck in one place."

I stood up then, wrapping her in a rare hug. I didn't want to think about what we were really talking about. Decisions could wait and conclusions would come at a later date. She was concerned, but she accepted the whole flawed logic of who I was at that time, just as she always accepted me. I then turned back to the card I was working on and started clearing everything away. Cerberus was my creation too, I could not neglect him.

~~~~~@~~~~~

It had become a day of pure cheerful joy. Yue watched off to the side, unbelieving, as Cerberus and I simply played. I felt like a child again and laughed with the clarity the delight brought to my mind. All that mattered at the moment was that moment. Yue was teaching me to love again, but Cerberus taught me to live again. I swore to myself to do this more often.

In retrospect, I don't think I managed it often enough.

More cards were created and the world stood still for five years while I indulged. My parents had to admit that I had surpassed them in my abilities finally. My father was more reluctant to admit that I had outstripped him, but I suspect Mother softened the blow and soon they both simply watched with pride. One last test was given to me that took my concentration for a year. My parents worked together to "play" with the weather and I had to come up with a card to beat them. Thus I created three cards that seemed similar, but simply varied in degree. Cloud, Rain, and Storm joined the ranks of my growing collection of cards.

Finally my mother smiled, admitting defeat. Still--"Why didn't you simply use your element cards together? Water and Fire could have proved as effective together as Storm alone."

I shook my head. "Some day I'll be able to use them together I'm sure, but I would not want to lose control of either of those cards, just in case. I don't think that would happen, but I'd rather be safe when I can."

"You would have passed faster if you had taken more risks."

"Some risks are not worth taking. Not when there's another choice. If time had been of the essence, I would have done all I could."

"The time you took has effected the trees and plants here though."

That is when I pulled out two other cards I had worked on in that time. Wood and Flower. In no time at all the landscape was returned to the splendor it had always maintained.

"Do you have a card for everything?" My mother gave me an incredulous look.

I gave her a wicked grin in response. "Not yet."

We laughed about it, but the laughter stabbed my heart as I thought of one thing. I didn't have a card to bring back my Tabitha.

Could I change that?

"Excuse me, mother, I have an idea."

"Oh no, before you get wrapped up in another card, I have news for you." With a flourish she pulled out a piece of paper. It had a signature of magic about it and obviously came from her family. People I hardly knew because of the distance involved. Mother's countenance grew drawn, serious, and her shoulders slumped wearily. "My brother has suffered a terrible accident. He will not be able to sire a child even if he survives, and that is in serious doubt right now."

I gasped in shock. "Oh, no! I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

"You and I are leaving tomorrow."

"Me? Why?"

"Because you are the last male with magic of the Li blood that has any potential for having a child. The blood of the family depends on you."

"Mother, I'm an outsider. That's a fact that they hammered into me the last time you took me there. I was only ten and they made sure it was a point I would not miss or forget."

I tried not to let bitterness bleed through, I really did, but my mother could tell. "I know. Things have changed though, and necessity dictates actions that are not normally acceptable at other times."

"You said it would just be you and me? What about Father?"

She shook her head. "This is family business."

"Then what am I going to do there? He shouldn't be excluded if I'm not." I was being stubborn and we both knew it.

"Maybe I should say, it is blood family only. Please, let's not go over the same arguments over and over again."

That was, in essence, what led up to my returning to China.

~~~~~@~~~~~

We went by magic. When we arrived we were met by people I had vague recollections of, and they all wore identical expressions of stoic formality. Yue and Cerberus flanked Mother and me as we walked in to see my uncle. He had lost a leg entirely and was being treated for infection, though I couldn't see how extensive it was because he was wrapped in blankets. His face gave away some of the pain he must have been suffering, but not by his expression. He was pale and sweating, and his eyes were slightly glazed, but his self control was absolute.

His gaze remained placid even as he looked me over. "So, you are the one that seeks to replace me?"

I was startled. "No, Uncle. I would never--"

"If you don't, then who will lead the clan? Very selfish of you. I know you could not have created those two stunning guardians without the magical knowledge imparted to only those of the Li Clan. Think upon that when you meet with the elders."

"I am supposed to want to lead people who will resent me for it?"

"You will have power over people who sought to take power from you years ago. Doesn't that appeal to you?"

I frowned, unsure what he was trying to get at. If this was some sort of a test it was too obvious. "No. I will fulfill any obligations I have, but I would rather my life simply be my own."

He laughed, but it was the sound of dry leaves in the autumn wind. There was no life to it, no joy, and no real emotion. "Sister, what kind of man did you raise? Any normal human would be lying to utter those words, but he was not. He either deludes himself, or he simply does not have the passion necessary to lead these people."

I gasped in surprise. What was he looking for? I couldn't understand how his mind was working and why he said and asked the things he did.

"Uncle, I have never been one to seek power for the sake of power. I don't crave recognition for what I do. Everything I do is for a clear and specific purpose and I am happy this way."

"You are selfish in your idealism."

"There's nothing selfish about it! All I have done has been for her, and you can not lecture m--"

"Enough!"

People stood around us, staring. I remembered who it was I had been yelling at; not merely my uncle, but also the head of the Li Clan and a mage with many years more experience than I had. Even bedridden, I owed him more respect than I had shown. Maybe especially in this circumstance since his life was at risk. I bowed low, showing him the honor I should have shown to begin with.

"We shall simply wait and see," he finally said.

With that he closed his eyes and we were swiftly ushered away.

I could tell that no matter what events would bring, the next few days would be interesting at the very least.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Author's Note: Ah, I'm so sorry! This should NOT have taken me so long to write, but I wasn't sure how I wanted to do it exactly. Now that Clow is in China I know where I'm at though, and I know what events have to happen. I'm just so wrapped up in Shades of Discovery--I'm only human, I write where the reviews are. ~sweatdrops~

I have many thanks to give to my reviewers, all of whom are more patient than I deserve. Rei Eien, the evil plans will be revealed soon, I needed to set things up with this chapter though. Askani Blue, thank you for your patience, but if you wanted me to get this out sooner you could have told me to work on this instead of Shades at ANY point in time. ~laughs~ Forsaken Tenshi, I apologize for taking so long since you *did* tell me to work on this one every time I asked. Kira...how can I thank you for all your support? There aren't enough words in the language to tell you how much I appreciate all of your reviews! Lady Kazune Kikenshi, this is me, continuing...so where is yours? ~hugs~ L-chan, you tempt me to leave Touya writing all to you and Askani Blue--which would be good news for this fic, but bad news for fans of Shades. ~laughs~ Thank you for all the kind reviews! Soul, I totally agree that Clow and Yue are so cute, that's why I'm writing this! ~grins~ Lady Zephyros, this is done now! Does that count? Tasumi Ashiru, Clow's relationship with Yue *will* develop further, despite a lack of relationship bits in this chapter. Peacewish, yes, it's like characters have a mind of their own at times and the author is just along for the ride. ~sigh~ That might explain why this chapter took so long. Six Underground, I LOVED YOUR REVIEW! Seriously! Thank you for your kind words and letting me know I'm going in the right direction! Finally, Fallen Angel, thank you for reviewing each chapter like that, it always warms me when someone does that!

THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH! You guys rock!