FOR YOU
A Clover fanfiction.
Author: Kamui Kinomoto
Pairing: Gingetsu/Lan
Disclaimers: "Clover" belongs to CLAMP, the song "For You" is sung by THE
CALLING.
A/N: This fic contains shounen-ai and attempted yaoi. I really love the
Gingetsu/Lan pairing and if you do, too, please read this fic! This is super
long but I think... it's all worth it?? Tee-hee! ^^
*****FOR YOU*****
//I am a vision//
Gingetsu was the Lieutenant Colonel of the Special Colors Battalion. He worked
for the Wizards and was a "two-leaf Clover". He also was Ryuu Fei Kazuhiko's
commanding officer and could be considered as a friend to him, though he didn't
make it visible. The Wizards often gave him all sorts of missions and he
accepted it without hesitating. Gingetsu was rather cold and was emotionless.
His eyes were often hidden behind those dark visors to conceal all his feelings.
He lived all alone in his "house".
//I am justice//
"Lieutenant Colonel Gingetsu, find the three-leaf clover." This was one mission
given to Gingetsu. To find the three-leaf clover. The second most powerful in
the world. So as the order said, he looked for the three-leaf clover.
//…Never thought that I could love.//
~~flashback~~
Kazuhiko and Gingetsu were in Gingetsu's house. Kazuhiko was pulling out grocery
items from the grocery paper bag while Gingetsu was just sitting, watching what
his so-called-aide was doing.
"I've discovered another recipe. Taste it whether you like it or not." Kazuhiko
told Gingetsu in a twitting tone. Quiet as always, Gingetsu didn't mind to
answer Kazuhiko knowing that even if he says "no", he would still be forced to
eat Kazuhiko's newly discovered recipe. It was normal for him.
"Hey. Can you react for once, Gingetsu?"
"Do I have a choice?"
Kazuhiko just smiled. He already got what was Gingetsu trying to point out. He
felt that Gingetsu was not in the mood this time. Feeling he should do something
better to cool his friend, he sat beside him while pushing the grocery items
away from the table in front of him and Gingetsu. He placed his palm under his
cheek and looked at Gingetsu like he was trying to annoy him. But as usual,
Gingetsu didn't mind and just looked still.
"Find a girlfriend. It might change you." Kazuhiko cracked to the Lieutenant
Colonel. But cold as he always was, Gingetsu refused to react. Kazuhiko was
ready to hit Gingetsu on the head for ignoring him but a miracle happened.
"How?" Gingetsu asked Kazuhiko. He wasn't really interested but he knew that
Kazuhiko was really a stubborn man. He would not stop unless he got what he
wanted from him. Hearing Gingetu's voice, Kazuhiko's seemingly smirking-grin
turned into a full innocent smile.
"Finally! How could it change you? Well… it's a great feeling when you have
someone to spend the stressing day with. It could make you feel comfy. I feel
great every time I'm with Oruha. Let me find you one. You're so cold, almost
everyone can barely reach you. Love's a strong feeling. You sure need one."
Surely that was unlikely of Kazuhiko to talk with Gingetsu about love because he
no doubt knew that Gingetsu wasn't interested at all about such sort of things.
But Kazuhiko said it anyways, wanting to know what would be Gingetsu's reaction
about a statement he knew he shouldn't had told him. But it was there. He had to
wait for Gingetsu's response. He knew in one way or another, Gingetsu would
reply.
"I can feel comfy all by myself." Gingetsu replied. Kazuhiko knew that he might
really hear that kind of answer from Gingetsu. But then, he hoped for something
more than that… something more meaningful that will delve the inner feelings of
the silver-haired man.
"I'll find you a hot one."
"Thanks. But I don't need one. I have no time… at all."
Kazuhiko already knew that he lost with Gingetsu. He stood up again and
continued arranging the grocery items he bought. "I give up. You won, Gingetsu."
"For once I won. Ryuu." Gingetsu then adjusted his visors, still emotionless.
"No one can live alone."
"I can."
"No you can't. If I were not here, you might be nuts by now. Wanna bet?"
"I never asked you to be here."
Kazuhiko just grinned again and went to the kitchen to cook his new recipe and
planned that later then, he will shove everything in the Colonel's mouth.
"You'll never change… but… you *might* actually change…" Kazuhiko whispered to
himself with Gingetsu in his mind.
~~end of flashback~~
//Living in shadows…
Late in existence//
Rains were falling. Eight men were dead, strung from the hanging electrical
wires. There stand the Colonel, unshielded from the rain, looking at a young boy
with black hair. The young lad returning the stare. He looked helpless. He soon
started to fell. "I won't… go back…" He whispered before he lost his
consciousness. Gingetsu approached him.
…So this was the "three-leaf clover"…
Gingetsu accomplished the mission of finding the boy.
//…It was never good enough.//
"Pedophile! You… you do have things for kid, don't you?! Okay… kids do grow up."
Kazuhiko chuckled, looking at the raven-haired boy that Gingetsu took home with
him. "What's his name?" the man with eyeglasses asked the man with dark visors.
"Lan." Gingetsu answered plainly. But "Lan" seemed to misunderstand the given
name. He stood there, wondering. Of course his name was not "Lan" for his name
was plain "C". But then… it was Gingetsu who gave him the name "Lan"… More to
that, he was the one who saved him and took him faraway from the laboratory
institute. So C, or Lan now, thought that it would be better to just go with the
flow. Of course Gingetsu knew best. He always did.
"Color of the secret battalion, huh?" Kazuhiko stated.
//Within the darkness,
You are the light that shines a way//
Night had fallen and Gingetsu had just finished with the tons of works befallen
after him. No doubt, Gingetsu finally felt tired. He had finished all his works
so it was time for him to take his sleep. He tried to arrange the paper works
atop of his table but he hardly can. He couldn't even stand from his sitting
position. He let his hand wander on the table, still insisting himself to
arrange all those things before he could go to a sound sleep. But this was too
much! Unexpectedly, his head fell atop of the table, and after few minutes, he
was asleep.
"Gingetsu…?" Outside his room stood Lan.
His hand was raised; fist closed, ready to toss the wooden door in front of him.
"Gingetsu…?" He repeated. But there was no answer from inside. Lan didn't want
to bother Gingetsu with his works, but he felt that it would be nice if he will
offer him some help. Even just a little help to ease Gingetsu's burdens.
Hearing no answers from his call, Lan finally decided to knock on the door.
… But still there was no answer.
Lan felt odd because it was unlikely for Gingetsu to ignore his call. Sure
Gingetsu seemed to be very cold but it was just… outside. Lan knew that inside,
Gigetsu wasn't a self-centered man. He truly wasn't. It showed. It was showed
and always being showed to him.
After few more minutes, Lan had already decided to open the door. He was afraid
that Gingetsu might get angry with him but he didn't care. All his concern now
was why Gingetsu didn't respond with his call.
Gingetsu was there, safe, sleeping. Lan couldn't help but to let out a satisfied
sigh. His "caretaker" was asleep.
"Goodnight, Gingetsu." He whispered with a content smile on his lips. But he
felt pity for the other man's sleeping position. It was uncomfortable to sleep
while sitting and had the wooden table instead of a soft pillow.
So thinking for about a hundredth of time, Lan came up with the decision to wake
Gingetsu up and make him transfer to the bed.
"Gingetsu… wake up… I'll help you move to the bed." Lan shook the older man's
shoulder, trying his very best to be moderate with him. He heard a soft moan
coming from Gingetsu's lips indicating that he had recovered some of his
consciousness. Lan was stopped from what he was doing and then took a glimpse on
Gingetsu's face. He looked more kind when he's sleeping, he thought. But
Gingetsu was also kind when he's awake and Lan loved that the best.
"Lan…?" Gingetsu managed to say though he still felt very exhausted, hungry for
sleep or rest.
"Yes… I'm very sorry to interrupt with your sleep but I think it will be better
if you'll slumber in your bed. Here… let me help you."
Lan put Gingetsu's arm around his shoulder and helped him to balance. Gingetsu
was rather heavy for Lan's size but the determination to help his roommate was
the heaviest. Sooner, Gingetsu was lying on his bed, Lan helping him to have a
better position. After some more minutes, Lan was happy with Gingetsu's stance.
Better than the former.
Lan was ready to go back to his own room but he realized that Gingetsu was
moving. So he looked back at the older man.
Gingetsu was moving his visor away. Then his eyes fled open.
"Lan…" He said catching the youngster's attention.
"Y—yes…?" Lan made his way back closer to Gingetsu.
"What were you doing here…?"
Lan shrieked a bit. He was scared of what Gingetsu might tell him.
"I'm so… s—sorry… I came in without your permission. I just… thought of offering
you some help… I… didn't want to bother you but… I was worried… you know… I…"
Lan was trembling. His lips were quivering and he can do nothing but to look
downward and apology. It was really a rude thing to come inside of someone's
room without that person's permission but… Lan was just a child. He couldn't
help but to worry, and to find out if Gingetsu was okay, he had to come in.
"Make me a tea. Also make one for your own if you want to. We'll drink it here."
Gingetsu's voice was plain normal, liked all the weariness inside of him just
decided to fade away. He stared at a surprised Lan. The kid was speechless.
"I'll go make." There was no reply from Lan so Gingetsu just thought of making
tea himself. Lan might not know how to make tea that was why he didn't react.
But before the silver-haired colonel could move, Lan gently pushed him back.
"N—no! Sorry! I was a bit spaced-out! It's okay! I'll go get ourselves some
tea!" Lan smiled and made his way outside. Leaving Gingetsu stared it wonder.
"Spaced-out…? By what?"
Lan was nothing but an innocent child. Gingetsu thought of it for a million
times already and he could not help but to care for him. He knew Lan was unique;
he was the only one able to made the tiredness fade away from his system. No
doubt Lan pleased him… Like no one else had ever did.
//You're trapped in violence (In this blind justice)//
Few more months had passed…
Lan was sitting on the couch; he was peacefully listening to Oruha's beautiful
song. Truly, it calmed him a lot. Especially when he's waiting for Gingetsu.
Oftentimes, when Gingetsu's not yet home, he worried a lot because Gingetsu, how
he wished not, might be in some sorts of danger involving his works. Lan knew
that Gingetsu was a strong man and he would not get himself in trouble, but he
couldn't help but to fear. Not actually fear but… care. Care and concern for the
older man. And admittedly, love.
While soothing his soul with Oruha's peaceful voice, he suddenly felt uncertain.
Looking around for the source of his uncertainty, Lan suddenly saw A, one of his
twin brother, appeared before him.
Lan was very flabbergasted upon seeing A in front of him. There was no way this
should be happening! He had already left A in their cage in the Clover Research
Laboratory Institute months ago! And that was "goodbye"! Plus he was certain
that the Wizards would not let A left the cage even for just a short while
because they knew that he could be very dangerous. Not only "could" but "would"!
"W--- what are you doing here…? A?!" Lan asked his brother gasping for air. His
eyes were beaming not because of delight but because of shock.
A just stood there, glaring at Lan. His lips looked so inapt; his eyes very
callous. "Aren't you glad to see me…? C?" He asked bluntly, his eyes were glued
to Lan.
"It's not that…! I-- was just surprised…!" Lan gulped thickly, his thin bangs
already astray in his forehead.
"That was my plan. To surprise you, brother."
"How--- I… I mean… Why?!"
A questionably raised one of his eyebrows. " 'Why'? What kind of question was
that?"
"You shouldn't be here! You did escape, didn't you!?"
"C…?"
Lan's fingers started to quiver. "Why are you here?!"
"Because I miss you. I want to see you. And… I will get you."
"But I supposed we've already talked about this!"
"Yes… but… it's not easy. I love you so much, C. I can't let you go. Especially…
when I'm aware that you're with that man. I hate him very much. I'm jealous
because you make him happy. I know you love him, C, and I don't tolerate that!
You should love me best!"
"But I love you best!"
"I know. But… it ain't enough."
Lan started to step back, wanting to move away from A. "What do you mean, A?"
"I want you to love me the best. And love me… only. You shall love no one but me
because I'm your brother and I love you the best. That's why I killed B because
you love him, too, because he was also your brother. I don't like that! You are
just mine. Always. Always mine. Not B's… not the Lieutenant Colonel's. You
hear?" A just stood-still, not caring that Lan was actually trying to move away
from him. "You'll not go anywhere else because if you do, I'll kill the
Lieutenant Colonel when he arrives here. Not that I'll not kill him when you
stay here, of course I'll still have his head but… just want you to know."
"You are so selfish!" Lan hollered with tears collected in his ebony-eyes.
"Selfish? Am not. I'm just taking good care of my possession."
"A… why…?"
"C, come with me. I sincerely promise that I'll not kill the lieutenant colonel.
Just… go back with me in our cage. We'll be happy… forever. And if you stay
here… you'll die. You do know that, don't you…?"
Lan slowly bowed his head down; his bangs were now covering his ebony-eyes and
crystalline tears. "I do… and you also do know that I do know that fact. I'll
still stay here."
"You choose to die instead of going back in the laboratory with me?! That is
because you love that lieutenant colonel very much! Now the best!"
"NO!" With that, A's seemingly cold expression transformed into anger. He
narrowed his gaze at Lan and clenched his teeth. "I've told you. I'll kill that
person you love the best though it also does mean that you'll die. C, if I'll
not have you, no one will ever do."
With the statement that A affirmed, Lan could already feel cold shivered down
his thin spines. He quickly looked back at A and his eyes were shocked, fixed to
him. He could tell that his teeth were already shuddering. Oblivious to Lan's
anxiousness, A slowly stepped forward, wanting to reach Lan.
With a devious smile, A gave the declaration, "we'll be together again now… C…"
//…I can be the man,
Who saves the day//
"Lan. That's his name." The automatic correction of C's new name was given to A.
The alteration came from Gingetsu's mouth, the two-leaf clover.
"G--- gingetsu!!" Lan excitedly screamed his caretaker's name but with a mix of
big amount agonize. A while ago, he practiced in front of the mirror seven times
on how to greet Gingetsu 'Okaeri' with a wonderful smile but it seemed that it
was no time for *that* right now.
"Good. So I see you again. I've been waiting for you, Lieutenant Colonel
Gingetsu of the Secret Colors Battalion; the Wizards' slave."
"That's not true!" Lan shouted to A because he felt that it might have insulted
Gingetsu and he didn't want that.
"I'll be the one to greet you 'okaeri' since C has no will to greet you that
right now. Okae----"
"Lan. He's Lan. Lan. You hear? L-A-N, Lan. And Though you look exactly alike, I
still prefer Lan to greet me that 'Okaeri'.."
With that, Lan was able to forced out a smile to Gingetsu and greeted him
softly, "Okaeri…, Gingetsu." That was not the one he had practiced some hours
ago but he thought that Gingetsu might actually appreciated that. Much to Lan's
thoughts, Gingetsu in fact did appreciate that because after all of what was
happening, meaning A being in the scene, Lan still managed to made Gingetsu
exultant inside.
Exchanging passionate stares, the potential couple had already forgotten about
A's presence, managing to made A's blood boil to the fullest. His cool anger
turned into green with envy and he immediately rushed to where Gingetsu was
standing.
Lan gasped upon seeing A's first move, "No! A!! Gingetsu!"
Gingetsu's calm stare at Lan suddenly changed into surprised with Lan's abrupt
warning. He moved his gaze from Lan to A and saw Lan's twin running towards him,
furious. "Damn you!!! You took my brother away from me! I can't let him love
you! You'll pay dearly for seducing him!"
A got himself a weapon and started to attack Gingetsu. He was just a boy but he
was so powerful. Gingetsu slowly stepped back for defense from A's attack. The
first time A tried to kill him was quite flimsy though A did manage to gave him
a wound. Now, Gingetsu wouldn't let that happen to him again. He knew that he
was nothing against the boy because he was just a two-leaf clover and his
age-gap with A was not an advantage at all. But he would try. What was the use
of him being a Lieutenant Colonel if he will lost against a boy?
"STOP, A! GINGETSU!" Lan couldn't do anything but to scream A's and Gingetsu's
name. He was very much confused and afraid.
Before A could stab Gingetsu's right arm, the Lieutenant immediately snared A's
arm which held the weapon and twisted it to his favor. "Argh! Let go!" Gingetsu
also got A's weapon and threw it away. The ebony-haired boy couldn't do anything
but to stand the pain of his small arm being distorted. Gingetsu realized that
his height and size were his advantages. He looked at Lan and found him weeping.
"G-- Gingetsu… I hated A for attempting to hurt you… But I… I still love him.
He's my brother… Please… do--- don't hurt him… Don't…" Lan was already
whimpering until he fell onto his knees. A stared at him, his eyes were now
already filled with tears. "C…"
"I won't." Gingetsu answered to Lan's plea.
Lan was surprised to hear that and he immediately raised his head to see
Gingetsu, his cheeks stained with tears. "Gingetsu….?"
"I won't until Sage Shuu commands me to. You don't want me to hurt him?"
"Yes…"
"Then I won't."
A looked back at Gingetsu, his facial expression already gentle. "Why? You
already have my head and all you have to do is to get it. Why don't you kill
me?" Gingetsu stared at him also, still cold. "Because Lan doesn't want me to."
He looked at the boy with his eyes hidden in his visors. It was such a shame to
hold a boy's arm, almost breaking it. Especially that the youth looked very much
alike with the one he took care of everyday. Somehow, he felt that it was Lan he
was harshly gripping, and he hated himself for that. "…And I don't want to." He
finished.
Lan and A were quite wordless now. They already had the same air on their faces,
making them unmistakably looking so much alike. Both of them just could stare at
Gingetsu. Silence.
Until A decided to break the ice, "Why do you not want to?"
Gingetsu let go of A's arm and turned the boy to face him. He knelt in front of
A and gently placed his long hands on it's shoulders. A blushed a bit. "Do you
want me to kill you?"
"It would be better if you do that. Since C no longer loves me the best, and
since I can't kill you because of that, my life is now meaningless."
"But do you want me to kill you?"
"No…"
"Why?" Gingetsu realized that talking with A was like talking with Lan so he
decided to continue with his usual simple asking.
"Because… if you kill me…. If you…" A could hardy bring about an answer and
Gingetsu understood that. So he decided to reveal the possible answer from his
own point of view, "Because if I'll kill you, you'll no longer be able to see
your beloved brother. Am I right?"
Lan gulped at that, looking at the two persons he loved the best.
A paused for a while. He was tempted to reach for Gingetsu's cheek and touch it
but fortunately for him, he was able to cease himself. He felt odd because come
to think of it, Gingetsu looked good. Now what was this he was feeling? Slowly,
he gave Gingetsu a nod. "You are right…" Gingetsu also nodded then stood up,
still his eyes glued to Lan's twin.
"Go back to the research institute before the Wizards discern that you have
escaped," Gingetsu told A.
"But---!"
"I will take care of Lan if you'll go back. I promise. You have my word. This is
a pledge between two men."
Lan was surprised to hear that from the sterling-haired man. A pledge? Between
two men?
"You do promise?" A asked Gingetsu back.
"I do. Kill me if you think that I don't take care of Lan enough."
"L-- love my brother… because I love him so much… I'll… kill you if something
bad happen to him. I will not… forget the promise you made. C heard that." A
looked at a flustered Lan, "C, I can feel when you are lonely. Because we are
one. If I feel that you feel sad, I'll come back again and kill this man. You'll
not stop me. Promise me you'll not stop me."
Lan was trying to let go of his breath but nothing would come out from his
mouth. Gingetsu also looked at him and gave him an affirmative nod, convincing
Lan to answer A.
"But… Gingetsu…?" He was like asking Gingetsu.
"Give your brother what he wants."
Lan swallowed and gazed back at A. He slowly walked towards A and immediately
embraced him, made them look like Gemini. Lan had stopped crying. With the
embrace, A suddenly felt the warmness of his bother in him… and he started to
sob and embrace Lan back. "I… promise…" Lan assured A.
"W-- well then…" Upon hearing Lan's promise, A felt contented and gently removed
Lan's arms around him and faced the older man again. This time, A held on
Gingetsu's cheek, managing to surprised the elder. But Gingetsu rather tried to
ignore it and maintain his character.
"Keep your promise. The two of you. " A started to walk backwards, away from
Gingetsu and Lan while Lan was moving to Gingetsu's side then clasped onto his
arms. The two of them were looking straight at A.
"C--"
"Lan." Gingetsu corrected again. A was startled for a moment but decided to
smile, a pleasant smile and said, "I'm sorry… Lan, don't give the Lieutenant too
much trouble."
Lan didn't quite get what was his brother trying to point out, but after few
seconds of contemplating, he smiled and nodded. "I won't."
Slowly, A started to fade away, with the pleasant smile still glued on his lips.
"See you… soon…"
Lan didn't think so.
//I'm there for you
No matter what//
I'm there for you…
Never giving up
I'm there for you…
For you.//
Lan was having so many nightmares as of late and Gingetsu could not help it but
to care for the young boy. He let the boy stay in his room not only if he wanted
to but also every night to make sure Lan would be okay.
"Gingetsu, am I bothersome for you?" Lan asked one night, looking at the man's
serious face. His head was lying on Gingetsu's lap while Gingetsu was sitting in
the bed.
"Do you want to hear my answer?"
"Yes…" Slowly, Lan begun to lift himself but still looking at Gingetsu's face.
"No matter what it is?"
"All I want is to hear it…"
"No. Not even once."
Lan smiled with that, his heart shouting happiness. He gently rested his head
onto Gingetsu's broad shoulder and thought he had nothing more to ask for.
"Thank you…"
It was a wonderful movement.
… Then came a wonderful night.
//Someone has changed me//
Two years after, Lan was still staying with Gingetsu. Nothing much had changed.
Except Lan's physical appearance. Now, it was like he already was sixteen years
old or in his early-twenties. But nothing inside him had changed, he was still
the innocent and naïve boy that Gingetsu took care of every now and then.
Lan was on his bedroom, looking at the lights behind the windows. Truly, not one
would light for the sake of him. But then, he always had in his head what
Gingetsu had told him: "If you don't have a light of your own, light one for
yourself."
Gingetsu was in a restaurant with Kazuhiko. They had just finished all their
works and were just loosening up. Gingetsu reached for his cup of tea and drunk
it unwitting. He let the liquid travel inside his mouth then later swallowed it
gently. Kazuhiko was not drinking at all; he was just staring at Gingetsu,
smiling. Both of them had never said a word after sitting in there. Gingetsu had
his fourth cup of tea while Kazuhiko had just finished his first, still staring
at his commanding officer.
After a couple of minutes, Gingetsu decided to give a word to Kazuhiko before he
could even melt. "What?"
Kazuhiko blinked at that, surprised. "Whoa!"
"I asked you 'what'. Don't give me 'whoa' for an answer."
Kazuhiko's smile widened even more, his eyes beaming, "That was… unbelievable,
Gingetsu! You were the first one to break the eerie silence! I thought we'd
leave the restaurant without even sorting small things out." The former military
official excitedly stole Gingetsu's fifth cup of tea and drunk it. Gingetsu
could only stare while Kazuhiko drunk his "supposedly-tea", "That's mine."
"Oh yeah! I know! Gingetsu, do you still remember the conversation we had on
your house two years ago?"
"We had at least three conversations everyday two years ago. Which of those?"
Kazuhiko chuckled silently then sipped from Gingetsu's cup of tea again. "The
conversation we had weeks before Lan came into your life."
"Then?"
"You said… you can live alone. Other than that, when you gave the statement that
you have no time to have a lover."
"I hold onto that statement until now. I have no lover."
Kazuhiko placed his chin under his palm then smirked, "You don't have a hot
girlfriend but you do have a hot lover. When you first met the kid, he was but a
child, very innocent that you shouldn't touch him because a case of child abuse
might be filed to you. Hey, hey, but now, he's so grown-up and he is very
good-looking that those girls outside are drooling for him. But… he's only for
you."
//Something saved me//
"Shut up." Gingetsu ordered one cup of green tea again then drunk it as fast as
possible before Ryuu could steal it away again. "Let's go," he urged.
"Later. I know that Lan's waiting for you but he's not a kid any more, he can be
left alone there for a while. I know he'll feel happy if I'll confessed to him
the things we'll be chatting about."
"Will be chatting… about?"
"You know, you've changed a lot," Kazuhiko commented but he was given no special
reaction. He waited but came none, so he just sighed, the playful smirk faded
away from his lips and he looked seriously this time at his friend, "You've
changed a lot, Gingetsu. Weeks ago, you're always impulsive to finish your works
so that you can eat dinner with Lan because you know that he cooked it and he
will be disappointed if you'll not eat with him. Years before he dashed into
your life, you didn't even give a damn about what others feel about you."
Kazuhiko moved his face closer to Gingetsu and looked straight through the
visors, wanting to see even just an allusion of Gingetsu's mirror to soul. He
continued, "And minutes ago, you were the one who broke the ice! I thought we'll
leave this restaurant without even dropping a word but you did. Lan's a gift to
you, isn't he?"
"I don't get the point."
"You care for him A LOT because you have fallen in love with him."
"I care for him because I was ordered to."
"Gingetsu, he made you human. You have feelings now that you have always thought
you will never have. Accept the truth."
Gingetsu stood up, still looking at Ryuu Fei, "Lan might worry."
Inside the lieutenant, he merely knew that Kazuhiko made a point… gave him a
true statement. All he needed to do was… realized it himself. But… when would
he?
//… Now this is who I am//
Stepping inside his house, Gingetsu felt something vague. Where was Lan? It was
a nature of Lan to greet Gingetsu 'okaeri' before he could even have his two
first steps inside. But tonight, Lan wasn't there to. Gingetsu stood there for a
couple of minutes, until he heard soft panting coming from the kitchen. He
quickly moved his way to it and saw Lan staring in horror at his pale fingers,
stained with his crimson blood.
"Lan? What happened?"
At the same time, those bloodstained fingers were trembling. Lan tilted his head
to look at Gingetsu and upon seeing the older man, he already felt tranquility
inside him. He spontaneously tried his very best to give Gingetsu a wonderful
smile. "Okaeri, Gingetsu…"
Gingetsu walked towards Lan and stood in front of him. He saw different
ingredients and vegetables around and also discovered that Lan was preparing to
cook. "Right hand," he said, commanding.
Lan just smiled and took his hand on his own, "No… it's pretty okay. I just
wounded myself with the knife while I was slicing these tomatoes."
"But it has plenty of bloodstains."
"No… You are just exaggerating. It's okay. Any minute now it will start clotting
and the blood will refrain from flowing."
"Right hand." Gingetsu commanded again despite Lan's assurance. Lan was startled
at first but he decided that it would be better to obey his caretaker.
"At first look it's like you intentionally cut yourself." The Lieutenant left
the kitchen to go to his room and get his first-aid kit at once. It had been
very useful for him and often utilized since the day Lan came because the
innocent juvenile usually put himself into different kind of inconveniences.
When he went back, he immediately took Lan's right hand and gently rubbed the
parts with bloodstains with the help of wet cotton. "Does it afflicts the
wound?"
"What?"
"The water?"
Lan gave Gingetsu a gentle stare, his cheeks blushing, "No… not at all…"
Gingetsu continued removing the crimson liquid on Lan's fingers. Soon, he was
caressing it, "Does it hurt?"
It didn't hurt at all. Lan actually felt good with Gingetsu's hand caressing
his. He could ask for nothing more. He felt they could go on forever like this.
"No… not at the least."
Gingetsu smoothly started to cover up Lan's hand with that white bondage while
Lan's gentle gaze was still locked at Gingetsu's face. "Gingetsu…"
After Lan's fingers were all cleaned up and protected with bondage, Gingetsu
looked down at the youngster, their eyes meeting. Lan blush turned redder and
all he could do was gulp. "Do you feel safe now?" Gingetsu asked.
"Always…"
"Are you sure?"
"Very…"
"Next time, take better care of yourself."
"What do you mean, Gingetsu?"
"I might not be here always to protect you."
"I know that…"
"I'll cook."
"T-- Thank you so much…"
Gingetsu left Lan there and continued the cooking for the three-leaf clover,
while Lan was standing there still, amazed by Gingetsu's
'trying-hard-to-hide-kindness'. Still cheeks burning-red, he closed his eyes and
whispered, "Gingetsu…"
On the other side of the kitchen where the Lieutenant was cleaning some of Lan's
left mess, he opened his palm, stared at it, then later brushed it at his lips.
"Lan…"
//I know I was blinded//
Later that evening, Gingetsu was faced again by his usual paper works. They had
just finished eating dinner a while ago and it was indeed a very quiet way to
eat, or intimate in other words. Lan was not able to bring up a conversation
because he was rather ashamed by the trouble he gave Gingetsu just right after
the man arrived. Gingetsu, too, didn't bring up a conversation, an obvious
nature of his character.
Hours had passed when Lan knocked on his door, "Gingetsu, I have here a cup of
coffee for you."
"Come in if you want to."
Of course, Lan wanted to, that was why he made a cup of coffee as an excuse just
to be able to enter Gingetsu's room. So without thinking-twice since Gingetsu
had like given him the permission to enter, he opened the door and stepped in
with a cup of coffee placed on a silver tray.
"Here…" He put it inches away from Gingetsu's paper works to avoid mess if ever
it will spill, oh heaven forbid. Then, he stood beside Gingetsu. "When will you
drink it?", he asked Gingetsu, expecting for an answer to hear Gingetsu's
infrequently heard voice.
"Do you want me to drink it now?"
"N--not really… It's your decision if you're going to drink it now or later… I…
I was just asking…"
No response from the older man. Lan sighed but still stayed there beside
Gingetsu while the man was arranging his filing reports. After some minutes,
Gingetsu asked, without looking at Lan, "Are you going to stay here?" Lan was
quite surprised with the sudden question. It's like Gingetsu was asking him a
question, but at the same time, asking him to piss off. But he decided to absorb
the question, "I…" Certainly, Lan wanted to stay there with Gingetsu. He wanted
to answer 'yes' because he knew that if he would, Gingetsu will let him. But at
the same time, he felt that it was quite impolite to take advantage of
Gingetsu's character. "Well… I… brought the coffee… and…", Lan spoke in broken
words.
"Are you going to stay?" Gingetsu continued, "I have plenty of important works
here and I am quite busy and I need the time badly. Stay if you are to and
proceed to your room now if you are not to."
Lan gulped with that, it was like something enveloped his whole disposition into
darkness. He wanted to whimper. Why? Because Gingetsu was never like that! He
never asked him to piss off or something of that sound… it was like… something
in Gingetsu had changed… Or none really? Was it just Lan?
"Stay." Gingetsu answered for Lan.
Hearing that, Lan was back to normal, but was fighting the tears. He looked
straight at Gingetsu even though the man was not. He then slowly shook his head
and tried to post his normal smile, "No… I'll leave now… I was just waiting for
you to drink your coffee that's all so that I'll be able to give you another one
right away. But since I think that you have no interest to drink it now, maybe
later, I'll leave for now. Just… call me at my room if you have already drunk
your coffee and you wish to have another cup."
Gingetsu didn't make a reply and with that, Lan left the room. Devalued.
Maybe… Gingetsu was just… engaged with his works… so much.
Well, Lan thought, Gingetsu's works were more important than he was. He embraced
that fact.
Right.
//My heart let me find it//
Lan left him. Gingetsu didn't care so much with that. He decided to go on with
his works.
But after some moments, something struck his mind like somebody shot him with a
gun and the bullet went directly in his brain, making him dead.
…What was that he suddenly thought of?
Lan. Lan left. Lan left his room and went on his own. Lan left him there alone.
Temporarily. If he'll call Lan, he'll be there again with him. Just call him,
and he'll be there.
Lan….
Gingetsu remembered… Lan was a three-leaf clover who was away from the Clover
Project Research Lab. Because of that, his life will end… soon.
Soon…
Soon, Lan will leave Gingetsu. When…? He didn't know.
But he knew… soon.
Gingetsu sighed. He thought, in his room, Lan left him temporarily.
Just at the moment.
But what if… Lan left him forever?
It whacked his head… his heart… everything in him.
He didn't want Lan away!
//… That truth makes a better man//
Gingetsu immediately excavated the files in front of him, stood from his seat,
and rushed out from his room. Unfortunately, he didn't notice that the cup of
coffee that Lan had just gave him a while ago went stumbling down, making the
black coffee drifted all over the table and Gingetsu's paper works until the cup
itself dropped from the desk.
Gingetsu hurried to Lan's room. He felt that he suddenly needed to be with the
boy so badly. He felt as if he wanted Lan in his arms and never let go. He
desired to touch the boy, caress its hair, its cheeks and all…
He suddenly discovered that he hungered for Lan. That boy…
When he was finally in front of the lad's room, it never came to his senses that
the politest thing to do was knock. He entered right in, saw the teenager
sitting at the edge of his bed, not noticing that he had arrived because Lan was
very busy looking at the lights outside.
"Lan!" Gingetsu shouted as if Lan was hundred miles away from him.
Lan immediately tilted his head and was surprised to see a pale Gingetsu at the
entrance of his room, puffing very softly.
"G-- gingetsu…?" Lan wondered yet stood up and went to Gingetsu. "Do you need
something? Why did you suddenly hie here? Is there something I can do to help
you?" Lan queried spontaneously, a habit of him asking those stuffs.
Gingetsu looked at the three-leaf clover's face then slid his reddish tongue
gently to his lips, oblivious that others peered that kind of practice to lust.
But Gingetsu just did that to wet his lips, expecting that the uneasiness in him
will disappear.
Now, Lan felt a bit weird about Gingetsu… like something was bothering the older
man.
"Gingetsu… are you… okay? What can I do for you?"
In a quick gesture, Gingetsu captured Lan in a tight embrace, pressing the guy's
chest to his own. Lan was obviously astonished at first, his eyes went blank and
his mouth opened. He felt Gingetsu's chest on his own. It was very warm and
heavy, include the cloth that Gingetsu was wearing. After every minute, Gingetsu
tightened more the embrace. Lan felt he could hardly breath but then breathing
was unnecessary. After a couple of minutes, Gingetsu let out a whisper, "Lan…."
Lan heard that because it was whispered in his ears. Finally, the twinkle in his
eyes came back, "Yes…? Gingetsu…?" There was so much sweetness in Lan's voice
that Gingetsu thought only Lan possessed. The sweetness, the innocence.
Gingetsu further enveloped Lan in his arms, now sending warm chills in the lad's
spines. After several urging and hesitating inside his brain, the Lieutenant
finally decided that he should tell Lan what he should tell and wanted to tell
all these two years.
"Lan, listen…"
Lan swallowed thickly then at the same time blushed, "Okay… what is it…?"
"Don't leave me. Never leave me." He said, demanding.
Lan couldn't believe that he heard those words from Gingetsu's mouth. It was
very… strange for Gingetsu to say words of that kind. Did he just order Lan not
to leave him? 'He did, didn't he?' Lan thought. The grown-up three-leaf twin
could not say anything at the moment. He was very surprised of what his
caretaker had just told him.
"Tell me you'll not leave me. That you'll stay with me forever." Gingetsu still
didn't display any emotion but his words and confessions were enough to make Lan
smile. Gently, Lan raised his hands, placed them on Gingetsu's back, returning
the embrace. He rested his head onto the two-leaf clover's shoulder then
breathed out the words Gingetsu needed so badly to hear, "Sooner or later, I'll
die. We have to accept that. But I promise you I'll not leave you until that
day. I can't stay with you forever but I can be within you forever… Gingetsu…
that's all I can promise you."
Gingetsu thought he was contented with that.
//I didn't notice,
That you were right… in front of me//
Lan assured him that he would not leave him until he died. It was all he wanted
to hear, wasn't it?
The two clover's were engaged in a sealed hug, no one dared to say a word after
Lan did just a couple of minutes.
Just then, Gingetsu remembered something…
/No one can live alone./
/I can./
He told Kazuhiko he could live alone. But now, he was kind of having doubt about
it.
/You care for him A LOT because you have already fallen in love with him./
/I care for him because I was ordered to./
He gave that statement and just now… he wondered if it was the worst thing he
had said.
What was this he felt? He didn't need love, did he?
He was lost into his thoughts… until Lan spoke, "Tell me the same thing,
Gingetsu."
Lan was commanding.
//A mask of silence//
"Gingetsu… I… I… I love you…! So much!" Lan announced, tears were again
collected in his eyes.
What? Lan what?
Gingetsu couldn't believe his ears. It was the very first time he heard those
three little words spoken for him. Love? Did he ever know love? He only knew
love from the meaning of it in the dictionary. But now… Was love being said and
showed to him?
He could now feel the love Lan was trying to give him all these times. Little by
little, he could realize love.
Gingetsu thought of Lan again. He was truly amazed by Lan's forever kindness and
gullibility. Amazed, that's all. Again, was that all?
Lan loved him.
But… could he return that?
Could he ever give love?
Meanwhile, Lan was shocked also by his own revelation. He could not believe he
confessed Gingetsu the words he had been hiding inside of him for two years. It
was sweet but… absurd. Lan was like he wanted to kill himself for not thinking
all over again before he released the words. What if Gingetsu laugh then neglect
him? Not only that, Gingetsu would also think that he was insane and would just
tell him that he didn't know what he had just said?! Left him there then he
would die?!
'Stupid!' Lan told himself. He didn't want Gingetsu to laugh at him then leave
him there, heart broken into tiny pieces.
Lan was now VERY, VERY worried. He felt like dying. "Die… I'll die any minute
soon…." Lan whispered but was not meant for Gingetsu to hear.
//Why won't put away…
So we can see…//
"I love you, too. Much more."
"Die… any minute… why… did I say…? Die…" Lan continued whispering like he was
unconscious and could not hear anything.
"Lan, I love you."
"Die… soon… stupid… me…"
"I love you."
"Stup--- huh?" Lan felt like something blew his cerebrum. He unconcernedly
removed Gingetsu's arms around him then gently pushed the other man just inches
away from him. He looked up at Gingetsu's eyes, startled.
Gingetsu removed his visors then met his eyes with Lan's. Gingetsu looked down
at Lan until they were now nose-to-nose.
Lan breathed softly, his eyes were looking at Gingetsu's, confused.
"You hear?" Gingetsu asked gently while placing his hand on Lan's cheek,
caressing it in a very smooth way. He already had noticed the crimson faint
blushes on Lan's pale cheeks.
"I hear… what… I hear… you say…" Lan looked like he was hallucinating but was
not. He was just very confused and didn't know exactly what to say or do.
"You're a grown-up now, Lan. I know you understand a lot of things now. Lan, I
love you. Never dare to leave me. I need you. I need you all my life. You're all
I need in my life. I love you." Gingetsu could not bring himself to say the
right words because it was the very first time he decided to let those words
out. But either way, Lan accepted it with all his heart.
Lan's tears started to trickle down, "I'm… I'm very happy, Gingetsu! I never
thought you could tell me those words! I love you so much! I need you! I want
you so badly! I… I… love you, really! You're all I need! Stay with me! Forever!
Ginge---"
"You've already talked too much." Gingetsu cut Lan, sending the teen in further
confusion.
"Don't you want to hear what I---!"
Gingetsu slowly closed his eyes. Though trembling a bit, he opened his mouth.
Lan gulped. He knew what would take place next. His very first kiss. A kiss that
he assumed would linger in his mouth forever.
Now… Lan didn't need to assume anymore, he would feel it.
Lan innocently eyed Gingetsu's open mouth. It was the most wonderful thing he
had ever seen. Delicately, Lan opened his lips, ready to accept Gingetsu's.
The lieutenant moved his face closer to Lan's very slowly, still thinking if he
should continue or not. He opened his eyes a bit and saw Lan's half-opened
elegantly, lips parted. With that, Gingetsu decided to go on.
Just then, the two clover's crimson lips met each other. They started to kiss very
gently though full of passion, full of honest love. Gingetsu was still unsure if this
move of his was acceptable to Lan or not but when he felt that Lan was giving in
to the kiss so wonderfully, he thought that this was the most amazing thing he
had done after when he accepted Lan in his life.
Lan's lips were very thin, lovely. He was returning the Lieutenant's kiss
spontaneously but with no mark of lust or hunger… just plain love for the older
man. Gingetsu couldn't believe himself. He was kissing Lan! Was he taking
advantage of Lan's pure hearth? No, Gingetsu thought to himself, no. He was
kissing Lan because he loved him and this was one way to prove and show that
feeling.
Gingetsu's lips were pale but very pleasing, Lan thought. He gave in easily to
the kiss because he trusted Gingetsu so much. Gingetsu kissed him so deeply and
he didn't want this to end ever. He could die happily with Gingestu's lips on
his. Lan felt very warm inside, he thought this was a dream and if it was, he
will send to hell whoever will wake him up. He felt that Gingetsu had the
ability to draw his soul out of his body with this one beautiful kiss. More to
this, he had proven to himself that Gingetsu was returning the love he was
giving him.
Only when they felt shortage of breathing did they part their lips. Lan hold
onto his chest then looked down, breathing the air that they lacked just seconds
ago. While Gingetsu just inhaled some air and he was okay. Smiling a little bit,
he cupped Lan's chin and lifted it, their eyes meeting for the first time after
their first-kiss.
"Lan… I love you. I'll love you forever. You're the first and last person that
made me realize and feel love. Ryuu tried but he failed miserably. But you… by
just looking at those ebony-eyes of you, I feel heaven. Never leave me, Lan."
"Do you want it?" Lan said, impersonating Gingetsu's anticipated voice and tone
but somewhat failed and that made Gingetsu chuckled for the very first time.
Gingetsu nodded and answered, "Yes."
Lan smiled, full of sweetness, the most beautiful smile his lips had ever given
to Gingetsu, "Then I will."
"Thank you."
"Multiply that 'Thank You' to hundred million, Gingetsu. That's how much
appreciation I want to tell you… I love you so much…"
Gingetsu was certain that he needed Lan's lips again.
//I'm there for you
No matter what//
You know it's true…
You are there for me
…And I'm there for you…//
They've already spent hours expressing their affection for each other, and that
made them realized that they had left so much works to do. They didn't want to
stop but they needed to. They know that there would be tomorrow but they were
uncertain of what that tomorrow might give them. Worries faded away when Lan
reassured Gingetsu that he would not leave him tomorrow. Yet.
…And not anytime soon.
Lan went with Gingetsu in its room and were both surprised by what they saw.
Nothing but Gingetsu's destroyed works. Coffee all over the table and all papers
wet and tainted with brown coffee-stains.
Lan was like crying, blaming himself because he was the one who brought that
damned coffee, while Gingetsu was like hitting his head to the wall.
Lan was ready to apologized-to-death until he heard Gingetsu let out a heavy
sigh, but with no sign of vex. Then, he faced Lan and smiled, "Well, these sure
will be burdensome ton of work. I don't think I can finish these alone. Lan,
will you help me?"
With that, Lan was sure he could jump high and stay up in heaven because of
happiness.
"CERTAINLY!"
Gingetsu realized he could never live alone.
Never.
//…For you.//
****OWARI****
A/N: If you have enough time, please review this fic so I'll know how I did.
If you hate this long fic, please feel free to send me constructive criticism or
flames. Thank you a lot! ^_^ 'Till next time!!!
kamui_touya@yahoo.com
-=Kamui Kinomoto=
A Clover fanfiction.
Author: Kamui Kinomoto
Pairing: Gingetsu/Lan
Disclaimers: "Clover" belongs to CLAMP, the song "For You" is sung by THE
CALLING.
A/N: This fic contains shounen-ai and attempted yaoi. I really love the
Gingetsu/Lan pairing and if you do, too, please read this fic! This is super
long but I think... it's all worth it?? Tee-hee! ^^
*****FOR YOU*****
//I am a vision//
Gingetsu was the Lieutenant Colonel of the Special Colors Battalion. He worked
for the Wizards and was a "two-leaf Clover". He also was Ryuu Fei Kazuhiko's
commanding officer and could be considered as a friend to him, though he didn't
make it visible. The Wizards often gave him all sorts of missions and he
accepted it without hesitating. Gingetsu was rather cold and was emotionless.
His eyes were often hidden behind those dark visors to conceal all his feelings.
He lived all alone in his "house".
//I am justice//
"Lieutenant Colonel Gingetsu, find the three-leaf clover." This was one mission
given to Gingetsu. To find the three-leaf clover. The second most powerful in
the world. So as the order said, he looked for the three-leaf clover.
//…Never thought that I could love.//
~~flashback~~
Kazuhiko and Gingetsu were in Gingetsu's house. Kazuhiko was pulling out grocery
items from the grocery paper bag while Gingetsu was just sitting, watching what
his so-called-aide was doing.
"I've discovered another recipe. Taste it whether you like it or not." Kazuhiko
told Gingetsu in a twitting tone. Quiet as always, Gingetsu didn't mind to
answer Kazuhiko knowing that even if he says "no", he would still be forced to
eat Kazuhiko's newly discovered recipe. It was normal for him.
"Hey. Can you react for once, Gingetsu?"
"Do I have a choice?"
Kazuhiko just smiled. He already got what was Gingetsu trying to point out. He
felt that Gingetsu was not in the mood this time. Feeling he should do something
better to cool his friend, he sat beside him while pushing the grocery items
away from the table in front of him and Gingetsu. He placed his palm under his
cheek and looked at Gingetsu like he was trying to annoy him. But as usual,
Gingetsu didn't mind and just looked still.
"Find a girlfriend. It might change you." Kazuhiko cracked to the Lieutenant
Colonel. But cold as he always was, Gingetsu refused to react. Kazuhiko was
ready to hit Gingetsu on the head for ignoring him but a miracle happened.
"How?" Gingetsu asked Kazuhiko. He wasn't really interested but he knew that
Kazuhiko was really a stubborn man. He would not stop unless he got what he
wanted from him. Hearing Gingetu's voice, Kazuhiko's seemingly smirking-grin
turned into a full innocent smile.
"Finally! How could it change you? Well… it's a great feeling when you have
someone to spend the stressing day with. It could make you feel comfy. I feel
great every time I'm with Oruha. Let me find you one. You're so cold, almost
everyone can barely reach you. Love's a strong feeling. You sure need one."
Surely that was unlikely of Kazuhiko to talk with Gingetsu about love because he
no doubt knew that Gingetsu wasn't interested at all about such sort of things.
But Kazuhiko said it anyways, wanting to know what would be Gingetsu's reaction
about a statement he knew he shouldn't had told him. But it was there. He had to
wait for Gingetsu's response. He knew in one way or another, Gingetsu would
reply.
"I can feel comfy all by myself." Gingetsu replied. Kazuhiko knew that he might
really hear that kind of answer from Gingetsu. But then, he hoped for something
more than that… something more meaningful that will delve the inner feelings of
the silver-haired man.
"I'll find you a hot one."
"Thanks. But I don't need one. I have no time… at all."
Kazuhiko already knew that he lost with Gingetsu. He stood up again and
continued arranging the grocery items he bought. "I give up. You won, Gingetsu."
"For once I won. Ryuu." Gingetsu then adjusted his visors, still emotionless.
"No one can live alone."
"I can."
"No you can't. If I were not here, you might be nuts by now. Wanna bet?"
"I never asked you to be here."
Kazuhiko just grinned again and went to the kitchen to cook his new recipe and
planned that later then, he will shove everything in the Colonel's mouth.
"You'll never change… but… you *might* actually change…" Kazuhiko whispered to
himself with Gingetsu in his mind.
~~end of flashback~~
//Living in shadows…
Late in existence//
Rains were falling. Eight men were dead, strung from the hanging electrical
wires. There stand the Colonel, unshielded from the rain, looking at a young boy
with black hair. The young lad returning the stare. He looked helpless. He soon
started to fell. "I won't… go back…" He whispered before he lost his
consciousness. Gingetsu approached him.
…So this was the "three-leaf clover"…
Gingetsu accomplished the mission of finding the boy.
//…It was never good enough.//
"Pedophile! You… you do have things for kid, don't you?! Okay… kids do grow up."
Kazuhiko chuckled, looking at the raven-haired boy that Gingetsu took home with
him. "What's his name?" the man with eyeglasses asked the man with dark visors.
"Lan." Gingetsu answered plainly. But "Lan" seemed to misunderstand the given
name. He stood there, wondering. Of course his name was not "Lan" for his name
was plain "C". But then… it was Gingetsu who gave him the name "Lan"… More to
that, he was the one who saved him and took him faraway from the laboratory
institute. So C, or Lan now, thought that it would be better to just go with the
flow. Of course Gingetsu knew best. He always did.
"Color of the secret battalion, huh?" Kazuhiko stated.
//Within the darkness,
You are the light that shines a way//
Night had fallen and Gingetsu had just finished with the tons of works befallen
after him. No doubt, Gingetsu finally felt tired. He had finished all his works
so it was time for him to take his sleep. He tried to arrange the paper works
atop of his table but he hardly can. He couldn't even stand from his sitting
position. He let his hand wander on the table, still insisting himself to
arrange all those things before he could go to a sound sleep. But this was too
much! Unexpectedly, his head fell atop of the table, and after few minutes, he
was asleep.
"Gingetsu…?" Outside his room stood Lan.
His hand was raised; fist closed, ready to toss the wooden door in front of him.
"Gingetsu…?" He repeated. But there was no answer from inside. Lan didn't want
to bother Gingetsu with his works, but he felt that it would be nice if he will
offer him some help. Even just a little help to ease Gingetsu's burdens.
Hearing no answers from his call, Lan finally decided to knock on the door.
… But still there was no answer.
Lan felt odd because it was unlikely for Gingetsu to ignore his call. Sure
Gingetsu seemed to be very cold but it was just… outside. Lan knew that inside,
Gigetsu wasn't a self-centered man. He truly wasn't. It showed. It was showed
and always being showed to him.
After few more minutes, Lan had already decided to open the door. He was afraid
that Gingetsu might get angry with him but he didn't care. All his concern now
was why Gingetsu didn't respond with his call.
Gingetsu was there, safe, sleeping. Lan couldn't help but to let out a satisfied
sigh. His "caretaker" was asleep.
"Goodnight, Gingetsu." He whispered with a content smile on his lips. But he
felt pity for the other man's sleeping position. It was uncomfortable to sleep
while sitting and had the wooden table instead of a soft pillow.
So thinking for about a hundredth of time, Lan came up with the decision to wake
Gingetsu up and make him transfer to the bed.
"Gingetsu… wake up… I'll help you move to the bed." Lan shook the older man's
shoulder, trying his very best to be moderate with him. He heard a soft moan
coming from Gingetsu's lips indicating that he had recovered some of his
consciousness. Lan was stopped from what he was doing and then took a glimpse on
Gingetsu's face. He looked more kind when he's sleeping, he thought. But
Gingetsu was also kind when he's awake and Lan loved that the best.
"Lan…?" Gingetsu managed to say though he still felt very exhausted, hungry for
sleep or rest.
"Yes… I'm very sorry to interrupt with your sleep but I think it will be better
if you'll slumber in your bed. Here… let me help you."
Lan put Gingetsu's arm around his shoulder and helped him to balance. Gingetsu
was rather heavy for Lan's size but the determination to help his roommate was
the heaviest. Sooner, Gingetsu was lying on his bed, Lan helping him to have a
better position. After some more minutes, Lan was happy with Gingetsu's stance.
Better than the former.
Lan was ready to go back to his own room but he realized that Gingetsu was
moving. So he looked back at the older man.
Gingetsu was moving his visor away. Then his eyes fled open.
"Lan…" He said catching the youngster's attention.
"Y—yes…?" Lan made his way back closer to Gingetsu.
"What were you doing here…?"
Lan shrieked a bit. He was scared of what Gingetsu might tell him.
"I'm so… s—sorry… I came in without your permission. I just… thought of offering
you some help… I… didn't want to bother you but… I was worried… you know… I…"
Lan was trembling. His lips were quivering and he can do nothing but to look
downward and apology. It was really a rude thing to come inside of someone's
room without that person's permission but… Lan was just a child. He couldn't
help but to worry, and to find out if Gingetsu was okay, he had to come in.
"Make me a tea. Also make one for your own if you want to. We'll drink it here."
Gingetsu's voice was plain normal, liked all the weariness inside of him just
decided to fade away. He stared at a surprised Lan. The kid was speechless.
"I'll go make." There was no reply from Lan so Gingetsu just thought of making
tea himself. Lan might not know how to make tea that was why he didn't react.
But before the silver-haired colonel could move, Lan gently pushed him back.
"N—no! Sorry! I was a bit spaced-out! It's okay! I'll go get ourselves some
tea!" Lan smiled and made his way outside. Leaving Gingetsu stared it wonder.
"Spaced-out…? By what?"
Lan was nothing but an innocent child. Gingetsu thought of it for a million
times already and he could not help but to care for him. He knew Lan was unique;
he was the only one able to made the tiredness fade away from his system. No
doubt Lan pleased him… Like no one else had ever did.
//You're trapped in violence (In this blind justice)//
Few more months had passed…
Lan was sitting on the couch; he was peacefully listening to Oruha's beautiful
song. Truly, it calmed him a lot. Especially when he's waiting for Gingetsu.
Oftentimes, when Gingetsu's not yet home, he worried a lot because Gingetsu, how
he wished not, might be in some sorts of danger involving his works. Lan knew
that Gingetsu was a strong man and he would not get himself in trouble, but he
couldn't help but to fear. Not actually fear but… care. Care and concern for the
older man. And admittedly, love.
While soothing his soul with Oruha's peaceful voice, he suddenly felt uncertain.
Looking around for the source of his uncertainty, Lan suddenly saw A, one of his
twin brother, appeared before him.
Lan was very flabbergasted upon seeing A in front of him. There was no way this
should be happening! He had already left A in their cage in the Clover Research
Laboratory Institute months ago! And that was "goodbye"! Plus he was certain
that the Wizards would not let A left the cage even for just a short while
because they knew that he could be very dangerous. Not only "could" but "would"!
"W--- what are you doing here…? A?!" Lan asked his brother gasping for air. His
eyes were beaming not because of delight but because of shock.
A just stood there, glaring at Lan. His lips looked so inapt; his eyes very
callous. "Aren't you glad to see me…? C?" He asked bluntly, his eyes were glued
to Lan.
"It's not that…! I-- was just surprised…!" Lan gulped thickly, his thin bangs
already astray in his forehead.
"That was my plan. To surprise you, brother."
"How--- I… I mean… Why?!"
A questionably raised one of his eyebrows. " 'Why'? What kind of question was
that?"
"You shouldn't be here! You did escape, didn't you!?"
"C…?"
Lan's fingers started to quiver. "Why are you here?!"
"Because I miss you. I want to see you. And… I will get you."
"But I supposed we've already talked about this!"
"Yes… but… it's not easy. I love you so much, C. I can't let you go. Especially…
when I'm aware that you're with that man. I hate him very much. I'm jealous
because you make him happy. I know you love him, C, and I don't tolerate that!
You should love me best!"
"But I love you best!"
"I know. But… it ain't enough."
Lan started to step back, wanting to move away from A. "What do you mean, A?"
"I want you to love me the best. And love me… only. You shall love no one but me
because I'm your brother and I love you the best. That's why I killed B because
you love him, too, because he was also your brother. I don't like that! You are
just mine. Always. Always mine. Not B's… not the Lieutenant Colonel's. You
hear?" A just stood-still, not caring that Lan was actually trying to move away
from him. "You'll not go anywhere else because if you do, I'll kill the
Lieutenant Colonel when he arrives here. Not that I'll not kill him when you
stay here, of course I'll still have his head but… just want you to know."
"You are so selfish!" Lan hollered with tears collected in his ebony-eyes.
"Selfish? Am not. I'm just taking good care of my possession."
"A… why…?"
"C, come with me. I sincerely promise that I'll not kill the lieutenant colonel.
Just… go back with me in our cage. We'll be happy… forever. And if you stay
here… you'll die. You do know that, don't you…?"
Lan slowly bowed his head down; his bangs were now covering his ebony-eyes and
crystalline tears. "I do… and you also do know that I do know that fact. I'll
still stay here."
"You choose to die instead of going back in the laboratory with me?! That is
because you love that lieutenant colonel very much! Now the best!"
"NO!" With that, A's seemingly cold expression transformed into anger. He
narrowed his gaze at Lan and clenched his teeth. "I've told you. I'll kill that
person you love the best though it also does mean that you'll die. C, if I'll
not have you, no one will ever do."
With the statement that A affirmed, Lan could already feel cold shivered down
his thin spines. He quickly looked back at A and his eyes were shocked, fixed to
him. He could tell that his teeth were already shuddering. Oblivious to Lan's
anxiousness, A slowly stepped forward, wanting to reach Lan.
With a devious smile, A gave the declaration, "we'll be together again now… C…"
//…I can be the man,
Who saves the day//
"Lan. That's his name." The automatic correction of C's new name was given to A.
The alteration came from Gingetsu's mouth, the two-leaf clover.
"G--- gingetsu!!" Lan excitedly screamed his caretaker's name but with a mix of
big amount agonize. A while ago, he practiced in front of the mirror seven times
on how to greet Gingetsu 'Okaeri' with a wonderful smile but it seemed that it
was no time for *that* right now.
"Good. So I see you again. I've been waiting for you, Lieutenant Colonel
Gingetsu of the Secret Colors Battalion; the Wizards' slave."
"That's not true!" Lan shouted to A because he felt that it might have insulted
Gingetsu and he didn't want that.
"I'll be the one to greet you 'okaeri' since C has no will to greet you that
right now. Okae----"
"Lan. He's Lan. Lan. You hear? L-A-N, Lan. And Though you look exactly alike, I
still prefer Lan to greet me that 'Okaeri'.."
With that, Lan was able to forced out a smile to Gingetsu and greeted him
softly, "Okaeri…, Gingetsu." That was not the one he had practiced some hours
ago but he thought that Gingetsu might actually appreciated that. Much to Lan's
thoughts, Gingetsu in fact did appreciate that because after all of what was
happening, meaning A being in the scene, Lan still managed to made Gingetsu
exultant inside.
Exchanging passionate stares, the potential couple had already forgotten about
A's presence, managing to made A's blood boil to the fullest. His cool anger
turned into green with envy and he immediately rushed to where Gingetsu was
standing.
Lan gasped upon seeing A's first move, "No! A!! Gingetsu!"
Gingetsu's calm stare at Lan suddenly changed into surprised with Lan's abrupt
warning. He moved his gaze from Lan to A and saw Lan's twin running towards him,
furious. "Damn you!!! You took my brother away from me! I can't let him love
you! You'll pay dearly for seducing him!"
A got himself a weapon and started to attack Gingetsu. He was just a boy but he
was so powerful. Gingetsu slowly stepped back for defense from A's attack. The
first time A tried to kill him was quite flimsy though A did manage to gave him
a wound. Now, Gingetsu wouldn't let that happen to him again. He knew that he
was nothing against the boy because he was just a two-leaf clover and his
age-gap with A was not an advantage at all. But he would try. What was the use
of him being a Lieutenant Colonel if he will lost against a boy?
"STOP, A! GINGETSU!" Lan couldn't do anything but to scream A's and Gingetsu's
name. He was very much confused and afraid.
Before A could stab Gingetsu's right arm, the Lieutenant immediately snared A's
arm which held the weapon and twisted it to his favor. "Argh! Let go!" Gingetsu
also got A's weapon and threw it away. The ebony-haired boy couldn't do anything
but to stand the pain of his small arm being distorted. Gingetsu realized that
his height and size were his advantages. He looked at Lan and found him weeping.
"G-- Gingetsu… I hated A for attempting to hurt you… But I… I still love him.
He's my brother… Please… do--- don't hurt him… Don't…" Lan was already
whimpering until he fell onto his knees. A stared at him, his eyes were now
already filled with tears. "C…"
"I won't." Gingetsu answered to Lan's plea.
Lan was surprised to hear that and he immediately raised his head to see
Gingetsu, his cheeks stained with tears. "Gingetsu….?"
"I won't until Sage Shuu commands me to. You don't want me to hurt him?"
"Yes…"
"Then I won't."
A looked back at Gingetsu, his facial expression already gentle. "Why? You
already have my head and all you have to do is to get it. Why don't you kill
me?" Gingetsu stared at him also, still cold. "Because Lan doesn't want me to."
He looked at the boy with his eyes hidden in his visors. It was such a shame to
hold a boy's arm, almost breaking it. Especially that the youth looked very much
alike with the one he took care of everyday. Somehow, he felt that it was Lan he
was harshly gripping, and he hated himself for that. "…And I don't want to." He
finished.
Lan and A were quite wordless now. They already had the same air on their faces,
making them unmistakably looking so much alike. Both of them just could stare at
Gingetsu. Silence.
Until A decided to break the ice, "Why do you not want to?"
Gingetsu let go of A's arm and turned the boy to face him. He knelt in front of
A and gently placed his long hands on it's shoulders. A blushed a bit. "Do you
want me to kill you?"
"It would be better if you do that. Since C no longer loves me the best, and
since I can't kill you because of that, my life is now meaningless."
"But do you want me to kill you?"
"No…"
"Why?" Gingetsu realized that talking with A was like talking with Lan so he
decided to continue with his usual simple asking.
"Because… if you kill me…. If you…" A could hardy bring about an answer and
Gingetsu understood that. So he decided to reveal the possible answer from his
own point of view, "Because if I'll kill you, you'll no longer be able to see
your beloved brother. Am I right?"
Lan gulped at that, looking at the two persons he loved the best.
A paused for a while. He was tempted to reach for Gingetsu's cheek and touch it
but fortunately for him, he was able to cease himself. He felt odd because come
to think of it, Gingetsu looked good. Now what was this he was feeling? Slowly,
he gave Gingetsu a nod. "You are right…" Gingetsu also nodded then stood up,
still his eyes glued to Lan's twin.
"Go back to the research institute before the Wizards discern that you have
escaped," Gingetsu told A.
"But---!"
"I will take care of Lan if you'll go back. I promise. You have my word. This is
a pledge between two men."
Lan was surprised to hear that from the sterling-haired man. A pledge? Between
two men?
"You do promise?" A asked Gingetsu back.
"I do. Kill me if you think that I don't take care of Lan enough."
"L-- love my brother… because I love him so much… I'll… kill you if something
bad happen to him. I will not… forget the promise you made. C heard that." A
looked at a flustered Lan, "C, I can feel when you are lonely. Because we are
one. If I feel that you feel sad, I'll come back again and kill this man. You'll
not stop me. Promise me you'll not stop me."
Lan was trying to let go of his breath but nothing would come out from his
mouth. Gingetsu also looked at him and gave him an affirmative nod, convincing
Lan to answer A.
"But… Gingetsu…?" He was like asking Gingetsu.
"Give your brother what he wants."
Lan swallowed and gazed back at A. He slowly walked towards A and immediately
embraced him, made them look like Gemini. Lan had stopped crying. With the
embrace, A suddenly felt the warmness of his bother in him… and he started to
sob and embrace Lan back. "I… promise…" Lan assured A.
"W-- well then…" Upon hearing Lan's promise, A felt contented and gently removed
Lan's arms around him and faced the older man again. This time, A held on
Gingetsu's cheek, managing to surprised the elder. But Gingetsu rather tried to
ignore it and maintain his character.
"Keep your promise. The two of you. " A started to walk backwards, away from
Gingetsu and Lan while Lan was moving to Gingetsu's side then clasped onto his
arms. The two of them were looking straight at A.
"C--"
"Lan." Gingetsu corrected again. A was startled for a moment but decided to
smile, a pleasant smile and said, "I'm sorry… Lan, don't give the Lieutenant too
much trouble."
Lan didn't quite get what was his brother trying to point out, but after few
seconds of contemplating, he smiled and nodded. "I won't."
Slowly, A started to fade away, with the pleasant smile still glued on his lips.
"See you… soon…"
Lan didn't think so.
//I'm there for you
No matter what//
I'm there for you…
Never giving up
I'm there for you…
For you.//
Lan was having so many nightmares as of late and Gingetsu could not help it but
to care for the young boy. He let the boy stay in his room not only if he wanted
to but also every night to make sure Lan would be okay.
"Gingetsu, am I bothersome for you?" Lan asked one night, looking at the man's
serious face. His head was lying on Gingetsu's lap while Gingetsu was sitting in
the bed.
"Do you want to hear my answer?"
"Yes…" Slowly, Lan begun to lift himself but still looking at Gingetsu's face.
"No matter what it is?"
"All I want is to hear it…"
"No. Not even once."
Lan smiled with that, his heart shouting happiness. He gently rested his head
onto Gingetsu's broad shoulder and thought he had nothing more to ask for.
"Thank you…"
It was a wonderful movement.
… Then came a wonderful night.
//Someone has changed me//
Two years after, Lan was still staying with Gingetsu. Nothing much had changed.
Except Lan's physical appearance. Now, it was like he already was sixteen years
old or in his early-twenties. But nothing inside him had changed, he was still
the innocent and naïve boy that Gingetsu took care of every now and then.
Lan was on his bedroom, looking at the lights behind the windows. Truly, not one
would light for the sake of him. But then, he always had in his head what
Gingetsu had told him: "If you don't have a light of your own, light one for
yourself."
Gingetsu was in a restaurant with Kazuhiko. They had just finished all their
works and were just loosening up. Gingetsu reached for his cup of tea and drunk
it unwitting. He let the liquid travel inside his mouth then later swallowed it
gently. Kazuhiko was not drinking at all; he was just staring at Gingetsu,
smiling. Both of them had never said a word after sitting in there. Gingetsu had
his fourth cup of tea while Kazuhiko had just finished his first, still staring
at his commanding officer.
After a couple of minutes, Gingetsu decided to give a word to Kazuhiko before he
could even melt. "What?"
Kazuhiko blinked at that, surprised. "Whoa!"
"I asked you 'what'. Don't give me 'whoa' for an answer."
Kazuhiko's smile widened even more, his eyes beaming, "That was… unbelievable,
Gingetsu! You were the first one to break the eerie silence! I thought we'd
leave the restaurant without even sorting small things out." The former military
official excitedly stole Gingetsu's fifth cup of tea and drunk it. Gingetsu
could only stare while Kazuhiko drunk his "supposedly-tea", "That's mine."
"Oh yeah! I know! Gingetsu, do you still remember the conversation we had on
your house two years ago?"
"We had at least three conversations everyday two years ago. Which of those?"
Kazuhiko chuckled silently then sipped from Gingetsu's cup of tea again. "The
conversation we had weeks before Lan came into your life."
"Then?"
"You said… you can live alone. Other than that, when you gave the statement that
you have no time to have a lover."
"I hold onto that statement until now. I have no lover."
Kazuhiko placed his chin under his palm then smirked, "You don't have a hot
girlfriend but you do have a hot lover. When you first met the kid, he was but a
child, very innocent that you shouldn't touch him because a case of child abuse
might be filed to you. Hey, hey, but now, he's so grown-up and he is very
good-looking that those girls outside are drooling for him. But… he's only for
you."
//Something saved me//
"Shut up." Gingetsu ordered one cup of green tea again then drunk it as fast as
possible before Ryuu could steal it away again. "Let's go," he urged.
"Later. I know that Lan's waiting for you but he's not a kid any more, he can be
left alone there for a while. I know he'll feel happy if I'll confessed to him
the things we'll be chatting about."
"Will be chatting… about?"
"You know, you've changed a lot," Kazuhiko commented but he was given no special
reaction. He waited but came none, so he just sighed, the playful smirk faded
away from his lips and he looked seriously this time at his friend, "You've
changed a lot, Gingetsu. Weeks ago, you're always impulsive to finish your works
so that you can eat dinner with Lan because you know that he cooked it and he
will be disappointed if you'll not eat with him. Years before he dashed into
your life, you didn't even give a damn about what others feel about you."
Kazuhiko moved his face closer to Gingetsu and looked straight through the
visors, wanting to see even just an allusion of Gingetsu's mirror to soul. He
continued, "And minutes ago, you were the one who broke the ice! I thought we'll
leave this restaurant without even dropping a word but you did. Lan's a gift to
you, isn't he?"
"I don't get the point."
"You care for him A LOT because you have fallen in love with him."
"I care for him because I was ordered to."
"Gingetsu, he made you human. You have feelings now that you have always thought
you will never have. Accept the truth."
Gingetsu stood up, still looking at Ryuu Fei, "Lan might worry."
Inside the lieutenant, he merely knew that Kazuhiko made a point… gave him a
true statement. All he needed to do was… realized it himself. But… when would
he?
//… Now this is who I am//
Stepping inside his house, Gingetsu felt something vague. Where was Lan? It was
a nature of Lan to greet Gingetsu 'okaeri' before he could even have his two
first steps inside. But tonight, Lan wasn't there to. Gingetsu stood there for a
couple of minutes, until he heard soft panting coming from the kitchen. He
quickly moved his way to it and saw Lan staring in horror at his pale fingers,
stained with his crimson blood.
"Lan? What happened?"
At the same time, those bloodstained fingers were trembling. Lan tilted his head
to look at Gingetsu and upon seeing the older man, he already felt tranquility
inside him. He spontaneously tried his very best to give Gingetsu a wonderful
smile. "Okaeri, Gingetsu…"
Gingetsu walked towards Lan and stood in front of him. He saw different
ingredients and vegetables around and also discovered that Lan was preparing to
cook. "Right hand," he said, commanding.
Lan just smiled and took his hand on his own, "No… it's pretty okay. I just
wounded myself with the knife while I was slicing these tomatoes."
"But it has plenty of bloodstains."
"No… You are just exaggerating. It's okay. Any minute now it will start clotting
and the blood will refrain from flowing."
"Right hand." Gingetsu commanded again despite Lan's assurance. Lan was startled
at first but he decided that it would be better to obey his caretaker.
"At first look it's like you intentionally cut yourself." The Lieutenant left
the kitchen to go to his room and get his first-aid kit at once. It had been
very useful for him and often utilized since the day Lan came because the
innocent juvenile usually put himself into different kind of inconveniences.
When he went back, he immediately took Lan's right hand and gently rubbed the
parts with bloodstains with the help of wet cotton. "Does it afflicts the
wound?"
"What?"
"The water?"
Lan gave Gingetsu a gentle stare, his cheeks blushing, "No… not at all…"
Gingetsu continued removing the crimson liquid on Lan's fingers. Soon, he was
caressing it, "Does it hurt?"
It didn't hurt at all. Lan actually felt good with Gingetsu's hand caressing
his. He could ask for nothing more. He felt they could go on forever like this.
"No… not at the least."
Gingetsu smoothly started to cover up Lan's hand with that white bondage while
Lan's gentle gaze was still locked at Gingetsu's face. "Gingetsu…"
After Lan's fingers were all cleaned up and protected with bondage, Gingetsu
looked down at the youngster, their eyes meeting. Lan blush turned redder and
all he could do was gulp. "Do you feel safe now?" Gingetsu asked.
"Always…"
"Are you sure?"
"Very…"
"Next time, take better care of yourself."
"What do you mean, Gingetsu?"
"I might not be here always to protect you."
"I know that…"
"I'll cook."
"T-- Thank you so much…"
Gingetsu left Lan there and continued the cooking for the three-leaf clover,
while Lan was standing there still, amazed by Gingetsu's
'trying-hard-to-hide-kindness'. Still cheeks burning-red, he closed his eyes and
whispered, "Gingetsu…"
On the other side of the kitchen where the Lieutenant was cleaning some of Lan's
left mess, he opened his palm, stared at it, then later brushed it at his lips.
"Lan…"
//I know I was blinded//
Later that evening, Gingetsu was faced again by his usual paper works. They had
just finished eating dinner a while ago and it was indeed a very quiet way to
eat, or intimate in other words. Lan was not able to bring up a conversation
because he was rather ashamed by the trouble he gave Gingetsu just right after
the man arrived. Gingetsu, too, didn't bring up a conversation, an obvious
nature of his character.
Hours had passed when Lan knocked on his door, "Gingetsu, I have here a cup of
coffee for you."
"Come in if you want to."
Of course, Lan wanted to, that was why he made a cup of coffee as an excuse just
to be able to enter Gingetsu's room. So without thinking-twice since Gingetsu
had like given him the permission to enter, he opened the door and stepped in
with a cup of coffee placed on a silver tray.
"Here…" He put it inches away from Gingetsu's paper works to avoid mess if ever
it will spill, oh heaven forbid. Then, he stood beside Gingetsu. "When will you
drink it?", he asked Gingetsu, expecting for an answer to hear Gingetsu's
infrequently heard voice.
"Do you want me to drink it now?"
"N--not really… It's your decision if you're going to drink it now or later… I…
I was just asking…"
No response from the older man. Lan sighed but still stayed there beside
Gingetsu while the man was arranging his filing reports. After some minutes,
Gingetsu asked, without looking at Lan, "Are you going to stay here?" Lan was
quite surprised with the sudden question. It's like Gingetsu was asking him a
question, but at the same time, asking him to piss off. But he decided to absorb
the question, "I…" Certainly, Lan wanted to stay there with Gingetsu. He wanted
to answer 'yes' because he knew that if he would, Gingetsu will let him. But at
the same time, he felt that it was quite impolite to take advantage of
Gingetsu's character. "Well… I… brought the coffee… and…", Lan spoke in broken
words.
"Are you going to stay?" Gingetsu continued, "I have plenty of important works
here and I am quite busy and I need the time badly. Stay if you are to and
proceed to your room now if you are not to."
Lan gulped with that, it was like something enveloped his whole disposition into
darkness. He wanted to whimper. Why? Because Gingetsu was never like that! He
never asked him to piss off or something of that sound… it was like… something
in Gingetsu had changed… Or none really? Was it just Lan?
"Stay." Gingetsu answered for Lan.
Hearing that, Lan was back to normal, but was fighting the tears. He looked
straight at Gingetsu even though the man was not. He then slowly shook his head
and tried to post his normal smile, "No… I'll leave now… I was just waiting for
you to drink your coffee that's all so that I'll be able to give you another one
right away. But since I think that you have no interest to drink it now, maybe
later, I'll leave for now. Just… call me at my room if you have already drunk
your coffee and you wish to have another cup."
Gingetsu didn't make a reply and with that, Lan left the room. Devalued.
Maybe… Gingetsu was just… engaged with his works… so much.
Well, Lan thought, Gingetsu's works were more important than he was. He embraced
that fact.
Right.
//My heart let me find it//
Lan left him. Gingetsu didn't care so much with that. He decided to go on with
his works.
But after some moments, something struck his mind like somebody shot him with a
gun and the bullet went directly in his brain, making him dead.
…What was that he suddenly thought of?
Lan. Lan left. Lan left his room and went on his own. Lan left him there alone.
Temporarily. If he'll call Lan, he'll be there again with him. Just call him,
and he'll be there.
Lan….
Gingetsu remembered… Lan was a three-leaf clover who was away from the Clover
Project Research Lab. Because of that, his life will end… soon.
Soon…
Soon, Lan will leave Gingetsu. When…? He didn't know.
But he knew… soon.
Gingetsu sighed. He thought, in his room, Lan left him temporarily.
Just at the moment.
But what if… Lan left him forever?
It whacked his head… his heart… everything in him.
He didn't want Lan away!
//… That truth makes a better man//
Gingetsu immediately excavated the files in front of him, stood from his seat,
and rushed out from his room. Unfortunately, he didn't notice that the cup of
coffee that Lan had just gave him a while ago went stumbling down, making the
black coffee drifted all over the table and Gingetsu's paper works until the cup
itself dropped from the desk.
Gingetsu hurried to Lan's room. He felt that he suddenly needed to be with the
boy so badly. He felt as if he wanted Lan in his arms and never let go. He
desired to touch the boy, caress its hair, its cheeks and all…
He suddenly discovered that he hungered for Lan. That boy…
When he was finally in front of the lad's room, it never came to his senses that
the politest thing to do was knock. He entered right in, saw the teenager
sitting at the edge of his bed, not noticing that he had arrived because Lan was
very busy looking at the lights outside.
"Lan!" Gingetsu shouted as if Lan was hundred miles away from him.
Lan immediately tilted his head and was surprised to see a pale Gingetsu at the
entrance of his room, puffing very softly.
"G-- gingetsu…?" Lan wondered yet stood up and went to Gingetsu. "Do you need
something? Why did you suddenly hie here? Is there something I can do to help
you?" Lan queried spontaneously, a habit of him asking those stuffs.
Gingetsu looked at the three-leaf clover's face then slid his reddish tongue
gently to his lips, oblivious that others peered that kind of practice to lust.
But Gingetsu just did that to wet his lips, expecting that the uneasiness in him
will disappear.
Now, Lan felt a bit weird about Gingetsu… like something was bothering the older
man.
"Gingetsu… are you… okay? What can I do for you?"
In a quick gesture, Gingetsu captured Lan in a tight embrace, pressing the guy's
chest to his own. Lan was obviously astonished at first, his eyes went blank and
his mouth opened. He felt Gingetsu's chest on his own. It was very warm and
heavy, include the cloth that Gingetsu was wearing. After every minute, Gingetsu
tightened more the embrace. Lan felt he could hardly breath but then breathing
was unnecessary. After a couple of minutes, Gingetsu let out a whisper, "Lan…."
Lan heard that because it was whispered in his ears. Finally, the twinkle in his
eyes came back, "Yes…? Gingetsu…?" There was so much sweetness in Lan's voice
that Gingetsu thought only Lan possessed. The sweetness, the innocence.
Gingetsu further enveloped Lan in his arms, now sending warm chills in the lad's
spines. After several urging and hesitating inside his brain, the Lieutenant
finally decided that he should tell Lan what he should tell and wanted to tell
all these two years.
"Lan, listen…"
Lan swallowed thickly then at the same time blushed, "Okay… what is it…?"
"Don't leave me. Never leave me." He said, demanding.
Lan couldn't believe that he heard those words from Gingetsu's mouth. It was
very… strange for Gingetsu to say words of that kind. Did he just order Lan not
to leave him? 'He did, didn't he?' Lan thought. The grown-up three-leaf twin
could not say anything at the moment. He was very surprised of what his
caretaker had just told him.
"Tell me you'll not leave me. That you'll stay with me forever." Gingetsu still
didn't display any emotion but his words and confessions were enough to make Lan
smile. Gently, Lan raised his hands, placed them on Gingetsu's back, returning
the embrace. He rested his head onto the two-leaf clover's shoulder then
breathed out the words Gingetsu needed so badly to hear, "Sooner or later, I'll
die. We have to accept that. But I promise you I'll not leave you until that
day. I can't stay with you forever but I can be within you forever… Gingetsu…
that's all I can promise you."
Gingetsu thought he was contented with that.
//I didn't notice,
That you were right… in front of me//
Lan assured him that he would not leave him until he died. It was all he wanted
to hear, wasn't it?
The two clover's were engaged in a sealed hug, no one dared to say a word after
Lan did just a couple of minutes.
Just then, Gingetsu remembered something…
/No one can live alone./
/I can./
He told Kazuhiko he could live alone. But now, he was kind of having doubt about
it.
/You care for him A LOT because you have already fallen in love with him./
/I care for him because I was ordered to./
He gave that statement and just now… he wondered if it was the worst thing he
had said.
What was this he felt? He didn't need love, did he?
He was lost into his thoughts… until Lan spoke, "Tell me the same thing,
Gingetsu."
Lan was commanding.
//A mask of silence//
"Gingetsu… I… I… I love you…! So much!" Lan announced, tears were again
collected in his eyes.
What? Lan what?
Gingetsu couldn't believe his ears. It was the very first time he heard those
three little words spoken for him. Love? Did he ever know love? He only knew
love from the meaning of it in the dictionary. But now… Was love being said and
showed to him?
He could now feel the love Lan was trying to give him all these times. Little by
little, he could realize love.
Gingetsu thought of Lan again. He was truly amazed by Lan's forever kindness and
gullibility. Amazed, that's all. Again, was that all?
Lan loved him.
But… could he return that?
Could he ever give love?
Meanwhile, Lan was shocked also by his own revelation. He could not believe he
confessed Gingetsu the words he had been hiding inside of him for two years. It
was sweet but… absurd. Lan was like he wanted to kill himself for not thinking
all over again before he released the words. What if Gingetsu laugh then neglect
him? Not only that, Gingetsu would also think that he was insane and would just
tell him that he didn't know what he had just said?! Left him there then he
would die?!
'Stupid!' Lan told himself. He didn't want Gingetsu to laugh at him then leave
him there, heart broken into tiny pieces.
Lan was now VERY, VERY worried. He felt like dying. "Die… I'll die any minute
soon…." Lan whispered but was not meant for Gingetsu to hear.
//Why won't put away…
So we can see…//
"I love you, too. Much more."
"Die… any minute… why… did I say…? Die…" Lan continued whispering like he was
unconscious and could not hear anything.
"Lan, I love you."
"Die… soon… stupid… me…"
"I love you."
"Stup--- huh?" Lan felt like something blew his cerebrum. He unconcernedly
removed Gingetsu's arms around him then gently pushed the other man just inches
away from him. He looked up at Gingetsu's eyes, startled.
Gingetsu removed his visors then met his eyes with Lan's. Gingetsu looked down
at Lan until they were now nose-to-nose.
Lan breathed softly, his eyes were looking at Gingetsu's, confused.
"You hear?" Gingetsu asked gently while placing his hand on Lan's cheek,
caressing it in a very smooth way. He already had noticed the crimson faint
blushes on Lan's pale cheeks.
"I hear… what… I hear… you say…" Lan looked like he was hallucinating but was
not. He was just very confused and didn't know exactly what to say or do.
"You're a grown-up now, Lan. I know you understand a lot of things now. Lan, I
love you. Never dare to leave me. I need you. I need you all my life. You're all
I need in my life. I love you." Gingetsu could not bring himself to say the
right words because it was the very first time he decided to let those words
out. But either way, Lan accepted it with all his heart.
Lan's tears started to trickle down, "I'm… I'm very happy, Gingetsu! I never
thought you could tell me those words! I love you so much! I need you! I want
you so badly! I… I… love you, really! You're all I need! Stay with me! Forever!
Ginge---"
"You've already talked too much." Gingetsu cut Lan, sending the teen in further
confusion.
"Don't you want to hear what I---!"
Gingetsu slowly closed his eyes. Though trembling a bit, he opened his mouth.
Lan gulped. He knew what would take place next. His very first kiss. A kiss that
he assumed would linger in his mouth forever.
Now… Lan didn't need to assume anymore, he would feel it.
Lan innocently eyed Gingetsu's open mouth. It was the most wonderful thing he
had ever seen. Delicately, Lan opened his lips, ready to accept Gingetsu's.
The lieutenant moved his face closer to Lan's very slowly, still thinking if he
should continue or not. He opened his eyes a bit and saw Lan's half-opened
elegantly, lips parted. With that, Gingetsu decided to go on.
Just then, the two clover's crimson lips met each other. They started to kiss very
gently though full of passion, full of honest love. Gingetsu was still unsure if this
move of his was acceptable to Lan or not but when he felt that Lan was giving in
to the kiss so wonderfully, he thought that this was the most amazing thing he
had done after when he accepted Lan in his life.
Lan's lips were very thin, lovely. He was returning the Lieutenant's kiss
spontaneously but with no mark of lust or hunger… just plain love for the older
man. Gingetsu couldn't believe himself. He was kissing Lan! Was he taking
advantage of Lan's pure hearth? No, Gingetsu thought to himself, no. He was
kissing Lan because he loved him and this was one way to prove and show that
feeling.
Gingetsu's lips were pale but very pleasing, Lan thought. He gave in easily to
the kiss because he trusted Gingetsu so much. Gingetsu kissed him so deeply and
he didn't want this to end ever. He could die happily with Gingestu's lips on
his. Lan felt very warm inside, he thought this was a dream and if it was, he
will send to hell whoever will wake him up. He felt that Gingetsu had the
ability to draw his soul out of his body with this one beautiful kiss. More to
this, he had proven to himself that Gingetsu was returning the love he was
giving him.
Only when they felt shortage of breathing did they part their lips. Lan hold
onto his chest then looked down, breathing the air that they lacked just seconds
ago. While Gingetsu just inhaled some air and he was okay. Smiling a little bit,
he cupped Lan's chin and lifted it, their eyes meeting for the first time after
their first-kiss.
"Lan… I love you. I'll love you forever. You're the first and last person that
made me realize and feel love. Ryuu tried but he failed miserably. But you… by
just looking at those ebony-eyes of you, I feel heaven. Never leave me, Lan."
"Do you want it?" Lan said, impersonating Gingetsu's anticipated voice and tone
but somewhat failed and that made Gingetsu chuckled for the very first time.
Gingetsu nodded and answered, "Yes."
Lan smiled, full of sweetness, the most beautiful smile his lips had ever given
to Gingetsu, "Then I will."
"Thank you."
"Multiply that 'Thank You' to hundred million, Gingetsu. That's how much
appreciation I want to tell you… I love you so much…"
Gingetsu was certain that he needed Lan's lips again.
//I'm there for you
No matter what//
You know it's true…
You are there for me
…And I'm there for you…//
They've already spent hours expressing their affection for each other, and that
made them realized that they had left so much works to do. They didn't want to
stop but they needed to. They know that there would be tomorrow but they were
uncertain of what that tomorrow might give them. Worries faded away when Lan
reassured Gingetsu that he would not leave him tomorrow. Yet.
…And not anytime soon.
Lan went with Gingetsu in its room and were both surprised by what they saw.
Nothing but Gingetsu's destroyed works. Coffee all over the table and all papers
wet and tainted with brown coffee-stains.
Lan was like crying, blaming himself because he was the one who brought that
damned coffee, while Gingetsu was like hitting his head to the wall.
Lan was ready to apologized-to-death until he heard Gingetsu let out a heavy
sigh, but with no sign of vex. Then, he faced Lan and smiled, "Well, these sure
will be burdensome ton of work. I don't think I can finish these alone. Lan,
will you help me?"
With that, Lan was sure he could jump high and stay up in heaven because of
happiness.
"CERTAINLY!"
Gingetsu realized he could never live alone.
Never.
//…For you.//
****OWARI****
A/N: If you have enough time, please review this fic so I'll know how I did.
If you hate this long fic, please feel free to send me constructive criticism or
flames. Thank you a lot! ^_^ 'Till next time!!!
kamui_touya@yahoo.com
-=Kamui Kinomoto=