Playground school bell rings, again.
Rain clouds come to play, again.
Last night, mommy died. It was all those (damn) pills...at least that's what daddy said. I don't know why I feel so bad, I didn't do it, at least I think I didn't. But she was my mommy and I think I loved her, I'm pretty sure I did, but it's hard when your own mommy doesn't remember your name...
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello I'm your mind, giving you someone to talk to.
Hello.
Last night, I saw her, and she was asleep, that's what I thought. I tried to talk to her and she wouldn't answer, she usually says something when spoken to, even if it isn't the smartest thing I've ever heard. So I told daddy and he seemed to get angry when he went up to her room... "Daddy, she won't talk to me." He sighed. "Fine Todd. I'll go, damn you." We walked upstairs and he walked to her as I stood there in the doorway, looking to him anxiously waiting. I heard him gasp and say 'no', or something like that. "What's wrong? Is is sleeping?" I asked, innocently, and he got mad. "You stupid little thing! She's dead!"... And now, as I sit here on the floor, I look to Shmee and realized he stopped talking, for now. And in a way, I feel lonely. Daddy won't talk to me, mommy's in heaven, Johnny won't come out (I'd even like to see him right about now..) and it seems Shmee's just not there. I don't know what's going on.
If I smile, and don't believe,
Soon I know, I'll wake from this dream.
I guess in a way, I think I'm sleeping. It's a nightmare, just like all my other dreams. It has to be. I know I'll wake up soon, and then I'll see mommy in the kitchen, taking her pills over the sink. And I'll hear Shmee tell me to kill a puppy, and it will all make me happy. But isn't that kind of stuff supposed to make me sad or scare me? Oh well, I think I'm used to it. But I know I'll wake up, I'll have to. Right?
Don't try to fix me I'm not broken.
Hello. I'm the lie living for you so you can hide.
Don't cry.
So the teacher's at my school suddenly want to know how I am, and how I'm feeling. I feel like a hospital patient, but I'm not sick, I'm okay. Like I said, mommy can't be dead, I'm dreaming! When will I wake up?! I feel tears coming and I close my eyes and they spill and won't stop. I can't see to draw or write a story, and I don't like it much. Sleeping... Now, it's my family, and we're all around this box. One of my aunts called it a coffin, and Daddy said mommy is in it. I shoke my head. Why would they put my mommy in a box?
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping.
Hello, I'm still here ,
All that's left of yesterday.
Daddy walked me over and lifted me up and I saw her. She didn't look anything like my mommy, she didn't look happy like she always did (happy or high?). I then realized it wasn't just a nightmare anymore, it was true, and I am awake. I've been awake all along. I feel so bad because I started to cry, and daddy put me down, and I ran out to the curb and sat down. I must've sat and cried there for almost forever. It was raining and I got so wet and my face was covered in tears too. All I want to do is go to sleep. I wish it was a dream. So know all I know is that everyone says mommy's 'lost'. But she's not lost, or I'd be able to find her. She's dead, not lost. I can't ever talk to her again, or try to tell her my name is Todd not Toad. She's not lost, she's gone forever. I really wish that this was just a dream. I wish I could wake up and make everything normal. Shmee said it's not worth it, andd I'm so frustrated because I don't understand. I really want my mommy right about now...
Rain clouds come to play, again.
Last night, mommy died. It was all those (damn) pills...at least that's what daddy said. I don't know why I feel so bad, I didn't do it, at least I think I didn't. But she was my mommy and I think I loved her, I'm pretty sure I did, but it's hard when your own mommy doesn't remember your name...
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello I'm your mind, giving you someone to talk to.
Hello.
Last night, I saw her, and she was asleep, that's what I thought. I tried to talk to her and she wouldn't answer, she usually says something when spoken to, even if it isn't the smartest thing I've ever heard. So I told daddy and he seemed to get angry when he went up to her room... "Daddy, she won't talk to me." He sighed. "Fine Todd. I'll go, damn you." We walked upstairs and he walked to her as I stood there in the doorway, looking to him anxiously waiting. I heard him gasp and say 'no', or something like that. "What's wrong? Is is sleeping?" I asked, innocently, and he got mad. "You stupid little thing! She's dead!"... And now, as I sit here on the floor, I look to Shmee and realized he stopped talking, for now. And in a way, I feel lonely. Daddy won't talk to me, mommy's in heaven, Johnny won't come out (I'd even like to see him right about now..) and it seems Shmee's just not there. I don't know what's going on.
If I smile, and don't believe,
Soon I know, I'll wake from this dream.
I guess in a way, I think I'm sleeping. It's a nightmare, just like all my other dreams. It has to be. I know I'll wake up soon, and then I'll see mommy in the kitchen, taking her pills over the sink. And I'll hear Shmee tell me to kill a puppy, and it will all make me happy. But isn't that kind of stuff supposed to make me sad or scare me? Oh well, I think I'm used to it. But I know I'll wake up, I'll have to. Right?
Don't try to fix me I'm not broken.
Hello. I'm the lie living for you so you can hide.
Don't cry.
So the teacher's at my school suddenly want to know how I am, and how I'm feeling. I feel like a hospital patient, but I'm not sick, I'm okay. Like I said, mommy can't be dead, I'm dreaming! When will I wake up?! I feel tears coming and I close my eyes and they spill and won't stop. I can't see to draw or write a story, and I don't like it much. Sleeping... Now, it's my family, and we're all around this box. One of my aunts called it a coffin, and Daddy said mommy is in it. I shoke my head. Why would they put my mommy in a box?
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping.
Hello, I'm still here ,
All that's left of yesterday.
Daddy walked me over and lifted me up and I saw her. She didn't look anything like my mommy, she didn't look happy like she always did (happy or high?). I then realized it wasn't just a nightmare anymore, it was true, and I am awake. I've been awake all along. I feel so bad because I started to cry, and daddy put me down, and I ran out to the curb and sat down. I must've sat and cried there for almost forever. It was raining and I got so wet and my face was covered in tears too. All I want to do is go to sleep. I wish it was a dream. So know all I know is that everyone says mommy's 'lost'. But she's not lost, or I'd be able to find her. She's dead, not lost. I can't ever talk to her again, or try to tell her my name is Todd not Toad. She's not lost, she's gone forever. I really wish that this was just a dream. I wish I could wake up and make everything normal. Shmee said it's not worth it, andd I'm so frustrated because I don't understand. I really want my mommy right about now...