Chronicles of the New Watchers
Part Two: Those Left Behind
Giles: A, a Slayer slays, a Watcher...
Buffy: ...watches?
Giles: Yes. No! He, he trains her, he, he, he prepares her...
"Welcome To The Hellmouth"
Chapter One Excerpt from the diary of Willow Rosenberg
June 5, 2003
I don't believe it. I don't want to believe it. Xander's leaving. He's leaving me, and Buffy and Dawnie. He's leaving everything to be a Watcher. I suppose I should be proud of him. I mean, this is a big deal, considering everything. Caleb blew up the Council and tried to destroy all the Watchers. But he didn't. Giles and a few others lived.
And Xander's going to be one of them.
Maybe Caleb knew, maybe he could see the future. Maybe he knew this is what Xander was born to do. God, when I think of what that bastard did to Xander, I want to kill him myself. But after the First merged with him, Buffy and Faith took him out. Faith sealed him in the hellmouth. But she died to do it.
What will I do without Xander? I've known him my whole life. It's like I'm loosing a piece of me.
Willow heard his voice coming from downstairs. She couldn't bring herself to leave her bedroom to face him. The concept that he was leaving Sunnydale was still too painful for her to deal with. The whole thing made her ache with sadness and then burn with anger. Anger at the thought that it was so easy for him to leave. That he could leave the past behind.
A past she was a part of.
Kennedy entered the room with an angry look on her face. "Ass wipe's here again," she announced, slamming the door behind her. Willow looked at her disapprovingly. "I wish you'd stop that."
The young woman rolled her eyes. "He's called me worse." It sounded childish to the witch. "I don't like him," she continued. "He doesn't like me. We have an understanding." She opened the door and screamed out; "Fuckin' moron!" then slammed it shut again muffling his response that sounded suspiciously like "nazi dyke."
"Kennedy," Willow sighed. "You're not helping."
"But he is, by leaving. Willow," she whined plopping onto the bed next to the redhead. "It's not that big. So what if he's leaving. It's not like you guys have been that close the last few months."
"That's why it hurts. We used to do everything together. We could even finish each other's sentences."
Kennedy gave Willow a look that clearly told her she thought the whole thing was pathetic. "Xander's not worth getting all worked up over. And if it's really such a big deal for you, you know there's always the phone or e-mail. You can stay in contact with him."
"It's just not the same."
Kennedy watched as Willow lay down and clutched at her pillow miserably. She rolled her eyes and got up to leave.
"Where are you going?" Willow asked.
"To get a few good zingers in while jack-ass is here. I'm really bored."
Willow watched Kennedy leave and wondered how all this would work out.
Excerpt from the diary of Dawn SummersJune 8, 2003
Tonight we're doing the big going away party for Xander – and Giles too. Buffy brought up the idea that we need to have one last bash at the Bronze before the "original Scoobies" split.
Wow. Xander's leaving. I mean, I was used to Giles leaving – although it seems like he comes back every time. Even if for a little while. But for Xander to leave is a huge thing. Xander and Willow have been there for Buffy since we first moved to Sunnydale. Or when she did. You know what I mean; it's all real for me. Xander was my first crush. I thought he was the greatest guy since Leonardo DiCaprio. Although Leo is a hottie, but Xander was right in front of me everyday. Fighting vampires and demons. Kind of sexy, you know.
But anyway, it's my job to get Willow to go to the party. She hasn't spoken to Xander since he told us he was leaving. It's just not right for Xander and her not to be best friends.
Dawn knocked lightly on the door to Willow's room. Anya was on her way to Xander's apartment to convince him to go with her to the Bronze. So it was up to Dawn to get his best friend to be there for the party.
"Come on in," Willow said.
When Dawn entered she saw the redhead sitting on her bed with a pillow hugged to her chest. It was becoming a familiar sight to see Willow moping around.
"Hey Willow. I wanted you to come with me to the Bronze tonight." Dawn hoped she could get Willow's interest.
"I don't know Dawnie …"
"Well see, there's supposed to be this totally hot guy I know," she began. It wasn't really lying. After all, she had always thought Xander was cute. "I kinda want support, you know. I don't want to look like some loser who has no friends. Janice is in Los Angles for a couple days with her parents." The girl rolled her eyes to add to her act. "You think she'd realize I'd need her here for something like this."
"Why can't Buffy go?"
"Well, she and Spike are gonna patrol tonight. Make sure no demons have the dumb idea that the hellmouth is still open for business or anything. Besides, she's my sister. Everyone knows Buffy," she huffed. Dawn watched Willow's reaction and gave herself a mental pat for being such a good actress.
Willow chuckled. "I know what you mean. Okay, I'll go."
"Oh good!" Dawn squealed with delight.
Excerpt from the diary of Buffy SummersJune 8, 2003
Anya's going to be in charge of getting Xander to the Bronze tonight and Dawn's assignment is Willow. I know Dawn can get Willow to come. I swear none of them can say no to that girl.
As much as I don't want Xander to go, I understand why he's doing this. I would probably do the same thing if I were in his shoes. But Willow's not taking this very well. She hasn't talked to Xander for days, and it's just not right. They're Xander and Willow you know, for them to not talk goes against the laws of God and man. We can't have this. So this little party had better work or I'm going to be one pissed-off Slayer.
Willow ignored Kennedy's complaining as they walked along with Dawn, headed for the Bronze. The witch hoped this was what she needed to get her mind off Xander. Since his announcement that he was leaving for England Willow hadn't spoken to him once. She had managed to avoid him. It was a talent she never thought she'd use.
They were a block away when Dawn turned to Willow saying, "Anya should be there."
Willow stopped and stared at the girl suspiciously. "Dawn, what's going on?" Kennedy halted in return and looked at the pair.
Dawn gave Willow her big, innocent eyes. "Nothing. Why?"
Realization swept over the redhead. "Xander's gonna be there, isn't he?" Dawn barely flinched, but Willow saw it anyways. "Dawnie, I know what you're trying to do …"
"What I'm trying to do," Dawn stressed, "is get the world's greatest best friends talking. Xander's going away, Will. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
The witch felt herself grow angry. "Of course it means something! It means Xander wants to be far away from here! And from me."
Dawn gave her a sympathetic smile. "No, it means that Xander's dealing with a lot right now. Willow, he lost his eye in a battle he was never intended to fight. But from the moment you guys met Buffy neither of you could walk away from this. You couldn't leave her to fight on her own. And now he's paying for it," she said sadly. "I thought if anyone could understand what he was feeling it would be you."
Tears filled Willow's eyes. "I don't. I don't know him anymore, Dawnie. And that hurts more than I thought it would."
"Do you want him to leave without fixing things? You've got to talk to him. You owe it to both of you."
Kennedy snorted. "Will doesn't owe him a thing. He's the one in a goddamned hurry to get away from here."
"No, Dawn's right," Willow said softly. "I have to face him, face this. I don't want him to leave without knowing how much he means to me."
Dawn nodded and they resumed walking to the club.
When they got there, Willow felt a little lost. They entered the club, Kennedy griping the whole way. Then Willow saw him, talking with Buffy on the other side of the club. She watched as he politely excused himself and got up to meet her in the middle of the club. Dawn grabbed Kennedy and drug her over to where Xander had left Buffy. Kennedy was clearly not pleased.
"Will," Xander said softly. "I … I'm glad Dawnie convinced you to come."
"I – I guess I really didn't need that much convincing," she explained uncertainly. Then she propelled herself into Xander's arms. "You're leaving me," she said in disbelief. "You're really going to leave me."
He hugged her tight. "I'm not leaving you Will. But this is something I need to do." He pulled away and she watched the emotions play across his face as he studied her. "Just like you feel like you need to stay here, I feel like I need to leave. And believe me, it wasn't an easy decision to make. I agonized for days. But …" He drew in a shuddering breath. "I thought about what the Watchers were like before. What Travers did to Buffy and how they've been for hundreds of years. They've always treated the Slayer like she was their tool. A means to an end. Buffy, Faith or any other Slayer never mattered to them. I can help Giles and Wes change that. And this whole war against the First, it changed me." She opened her mouth to tell him a missing eye shouldn't matter that much, but he held up a hand to stop her. "I don't just mean losing an eye. Although, yeah, life altering. It's the whole thing. I don't have powers. I don't have Slayer strength or magical, wicca powers. But I told Dawnie because of all that I can watch everyone. She told me maybe my power is seeing and knowing."
She gasped remembering what Caleb had said when he attacked Xander. "Yeah," he continued. "Caleb thought the same thing. That's why he took my eye."
"I – I understand why you want to do this," Willow agreed in a whisper, and then anger began to swell up in her again. "But how can it be so easy for you to leave me? And – and Buffy and Dawn."
He sighed unhappily. "It's not easy. The most important things never are. But you could have come. You could have accepted Giles' offer. I know you'd make a great Watcher. So I guess I can't see how you could give up an opportunity like this," he said, and she could hear a trace of bitterness in his voice.
She looked at him, hurt. They really didn't understand one another anymore. "Kennedy is staying here to be with me. I want to give this relationship a chance. And I can help Buffy if I stay. How do you not know this?"
"Like I said, Will. All this has changed me. And I really don't know much of anything anymore."
Willow looked at the floor. Then she stepped toward him and hugged him again. "Let's not fight about it," she insisted her voice breaking. She didn't want to cry again. "Let's just accept it and enjoy your last days here." Xander dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "Sounds like a plan."
TBC …