Disclaimer : I own nothing. So there. Nyah! By the way, thanks to the people who reviewed me as I'm a newbie and it means alot. :-) And I don't own Aqualung's Strange and Beautiful.
MER GIRL
Chapter 2 : STRANGE AND BEAUTIFUL
**************************************
I've been watching your world from afar
I've been trying to be where you are
And I've been secretly falling apart, it seems
To me you're strange and you're beautiful
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see
You turn every head but you don't see me . . .
I'll put a spell on you
You fall asleep
I'll put a spell on you
And I wake I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me
****************************************
It had been three long and awkward months since the lake.
Sirius lay alone in his dorm on a Saturday afternoon, mulling over his thoughts of that day. He'd felt devastated when Lily had walked away. His heart still tore when he thought of it.
So why did he keep thinking about it?
He turned on his side and gazed at the sky outside, that was laden with black, angry clouds. He felt a strange affinity with those clouds. He was angry. He'd saved Lily's life and since then she hadn't even looked at him. He gritted his perfect teeth together and scowled into nothingness.
Since the lake Sirius had been increasingly cold towards James, resenting him for the selfless love that Lily bestowed on him.
And he didn't even care! James didn't even care that one of the most beautiful girls in the school would sell her soul for him, would do anything to make him happy.
Lily had been willing to die rather than live a life without James, and he didn't even care. Sirius's mind boggled over how anyone could be so heartless and so stupid. He felt furious and bitterly jealous of him.
Here he was - Sirius Black, one of the most stunning boys in Hogwarts, as beautiful as the star he was named after.
But right now he felt as dead and cold as the star that was his namesake. To keep him warm, he hugged the memory of Lily in his arms close to his heart. Everything about her radiated perfection to him.
She was the one thing he wanted, and the one thing he could never have. And the pain was extraordinary. It was so hideous that it left him reeling with misery. Now he knew how Lily had felt - that sense of complete hopelessness and profound unhappiness.
Sometimes Sirius found himself envying the dead.
With a rattling sigh, Sirius heaved himself from his bed like it was some great effort. He sat there for a moment, staring down at his knees. He stood up and walked to the window and stared out of it for a moment, motionless. A spatter of rain hit the window and it started to rain heavily, the drops pounding the ground and making other puddles jump. The weather now reminded him again of the day at the lake and he felt his heart lurch with pain. Everything reminded him of her. Everything. He couldn't escape Lily anywhere. Even if he locked himself in a room with no light he would still see her - she would be dancing in his head, her fiery hair whirling around her perfect white face, her green eyes glinting with that pretty smile.
Sirius was beginning to hate her for doing this to him.
And the more he hated her, the more her loved her madly.
**************************************
Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first
Sometimes the first thing you want never comes
But I know that waiting is all you can do sometimes
I'll put a spell on you
You fall asleep
And I'll put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me
*************************************
Remus entered the room and looked at Sirius with what he took to be a concerned expression.
''Whats the matter?'' the werewolf asked.
Sirius spoke in a voice of awful brightness. ''Nothing! I'm fine. Do you wanna go hang out somewhere or something? I'm bored out of my mind here!''
Remus raised an eyebrow. ''Are you sure you're alright, Padfoot?''he said. ''One minute you're looking positively suicidal, the next you're full of beans. What gives?''
Sirius's eyes betrayed themselves, letting out some of his pain past his well-orchestrated mask.
''Stop asking questions,''he said, bluntly. ''Do you wanna go find some Slytherins to pick on or something?''
''Not really,''said Remus, who wasn't the bullying type. His face was serious. ''Come on, Sirius, what's the matter with you? You've been acting weird for weeks now. Everyone's noticed, especially James.''
(( James can go fuck himself. )) Sirius thought harshly.
''So?'' he said. ''I'm fine.''
Remus was getting annoyed. ''You're not fine!'' he nearly shouted. ''You've been moping about the place all depresssed for nearly three months and it's freaking me out. You're never like this, Sirius. You're always in such a good mood. You haven't cracked a real joke for ages - ''
Sirius lost his temper. ''Oh, and that's all I am is it?? Sirius the bloody joke dispenser! Well fuck that for a game of soldiers! Maybe I don't feel like being a walking talking joke anymore, Remus. Maybe I feel like being depressed and moping about. I mean, you do it all the time!'' Remus looked hurt at this but didn't interrupt.
Sirius continued his little rant. ''And so what if everyone's noticed that I'm not bouncing around like a rabbit on speed? Like I give a shit! And James can fuck my arse for all I care!'' He threw his arms up in a dismissive, angry gesture. ''Everyone can go fuck themselves, because you know what Remus? I don't care anymore!''
And with that Sirius stormed out of the dormitory and out of the castle into the grounds.
He walked about for a bit in the rain. He was soaking wet and his long black hair was plastered to his face by the time he found some shelter. He slumped under a tree and watched the rain fall violantly to the ground. He felt miserable as ever, but somehow less so. Maybe that little outburst at Remus had taken some of the weight off his shoulders.
Of course, he felt bad. Remus had only been trying to help and he'd bitten his head off. He felt rather worried too. The last thing he needed right now was to fall out with his friends - they were all that had been keeping his head above water these past few months. Without them he was a hopeless case. He might as well just give up if he didn't have them, no matter now much he resented James.
Sirius let his head slump back against the bark of the tree and closed his eyes. And there she was. In his head. She would never leave!!
Sirius felt angry at himself for letting himself continually think about Lily, but he couldn't help it. He loved her. He felt his eyes grow misty with unwanted tears and he blinked hard to get rid of them. To get rid of this feeling of misery he thought desperately of a time when he'd smacked Snape off his broom during flying lessons in first year with a glove. A flicker of a smile played on his face at the memory. But it wasn't enough. He needed real happiness - the kind only Lily could give him.
He remembered with the mind of a war veteran, a hazy but ever shining memory of the good times, when he'd make Lily laugh or help her carry her books or tease her. Those were the good old days, it seemed. Before everything went wrong. He let out another sigh and watched the rain again.
The wet splatter of the rain soothed him somewhat, so he ignored his brain and just listened in complete silence.
***************************
I'll put a spell on you
You fall asleep
And I'll put a spell on you
And when I wake you
I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me
****************************
Thanks again for the people who reviewed me, otherwise I wouldn't have had the courage to write more chapters. Chapter 3 is on the way!
Lux
xox
MER GIRL
Chapter 2 : STRANGE AND BEAUTIFUL
**************************************
I've been watching your world from afar
I've been trying to be where you are
And I've been secretly falling apart, it seems
To me you're strange and you're beautiful
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see
You turn every head but you don't see me . . .
I'll put a spell on you
You fall asleep
I'll put a spell on you
And I wake I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me
****************************************
It had been three long and awkward months since the lake.
Sirius lay alone in his dorm on a Saturday afternoon, mulling over his thoughts of that day. He'd felt devastated when Lily had walked away. His heart still tore when he thought of it.
So why did he keep thinking about it?
He turned on his side and gazed at the sky outside, that was laden with black, angry clouds. He felt a strange affinity with those clouds. He was angry. He'd saved Lily's life and since then she hadn't even looked at him. He gritted his perfect teeth together and scowled into nothingness.
Since the lake Sirius had been increasingly cold towards James, resenting him for the selfless love that Lily bestowed on him.
And he didn't even care! James didn't even care that one of the most beautiful girls in the school would sell her soul for him, would do anything to make him happy.
Lily had been willing to die rather than live a life without James, and he didn't even care. Sirius's mind boggled over how anyone could be so heartless and so stupid. He felt furious and bitterly jealous of him.
Here he was - Sirius Black, one of the most stunning boys in Hogwarts, as beautiful as the star he was named after.
But right now he felt as dead and cold as the star that was his namesake. To keep him warm, he hugged the memory of Lily in his arms close to his heart. Everything about her radiated perfection to him.
She was the one thing he wanted, and the one thing he could never have. And the pain was extraordinary. It was so hideous that it left him reeling with misery. Now he knew how Lily had felt - that sense of complete hopelessness and profound unhappiness.
Sometimes Sirius found himself envying the dead.
With a rattling sigh, Sirius heaved himself from his bed like it was some great effort. He sat there for a moment, staring down at his knees. He stood up and walked to the window and stared out of it for a moment, motionless. A spatter of rain hit the window and it started to rain heavily, the drops pounding the ground and making other puddles jump. The weather now reminded him again of the day at the lake and he felt his heart lurch with pain. Everything reminded him of her. Everything. He couldn't escape Lily anywhere. Even if he locked himself in a room with no light he would still see her - she would be dancing in his head, her fiery hair whirling around her perfect white face, her green eyes glinting with that pretty smile.
Sirius was beginning to hate her for doing this to him.
And the more he hated her, the more her loved her madly.
**************************************
Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first
Sometimes the first thing you want never comes
But I know that waiting is all you can do sometimes
I'll put a spell on you
You fall asleep
And I'll put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me
*************************************
Remus entered the room and looked at Sirius with what he took to be a concerned expression.
''Whats the matter?'' the werewolf asked.
Sirius spoke in a voice of awful brightness. ''Nothing! I'm fine. Do you wanna go hang out somewhere or something? I'm bored out of my mind here!''
Remus raised an eyebrow. ''Are you sure you're alright, Padfoot?''he said. ''One minute you're looking positively suicidal, the next you're full of beans. What gives?''
Sirius's eyes betrayed themselves, letting out some of his pain past his well-orchestrated mask.
''Stop asking questions,''he said, bluntly. ''Do you wanna go find some Slytherins to pick on or something?''
''Not really,''said Remus, who wasn't the bullying type. His face was serious. ''Come on, Sirius, what's the matter with you? You've been acting weird for weeks now. Everyone's noticed, especially James.''
(( James can go fuck himself. )) Sirius thought harshly.
''So?'' he said. ''I'm fine.''
Remus was getting annoyed. ''You're not fine!'' he nearly shouted. ''You've been moping about the place all depresssed for nearly three months and it's freaking me out. You're never like this, Sirius. You're always in such a good mood. You haven't cracked a real joke for ages - ''
Sirius lost his temper. ''Oh, and that's all I am is it?? Sirius the bloody joke dispenser! Well fuck that for a game of soldiers! Maybe I don't feel like being a walking talking joke anymore, Remus. Maybe I feel like being depressed and moping about. I mean, you do it all the time!'' Remus looked hurt at this but didn't interrupt.
Sirius continued his little rant. ''And so what if everyone's noticed that I'm not bouncing around like a rabbit on speed? Like I give a shit! And James can fuck my arse for all I care!'' He threw his arms up in a dismissive, angry gesture. ''Everyone can go fuck themselves, because you know what Remus? I don't care anymore!''
And with that Sirius stormed out of the dormitory and out of the castle into the grounds.
He walked about for a bit in the rain. He was soaking wet and his long black hair was plastered to his face by the time he found some shelter. He slumped under a tree and watched the rain fall violantly to the ground. He felt miserable as ever, but somehow less so. Maybe that little outburst at Remus had taken some of the weight off his shoulders.
Of course, he felt bad. Remus had only been trying to help and he'd bitten his head off. He felt rather worried too. The last thing he needed right now was to fall out with his friends - they were all that had been keeping his head above water these past few months. Without them he was a hopeless case. He might as well just give up if he didn't have them, no matter now much he resented James.
Sirius let his head slump back against the bark of the tree and closed his eyes. And there she was. In his head. She would never leave!!
Sirius felt angry at himself for letting himself continually think about Lily, but he couldn't help it. He loved her. He felt his eyes grow misty with unwanted tears and he blinked hard to get rid of them. To get rid of this feeling of misery he thought desperately of a time when he'd smacked Snape off his broom during flying lessons in first year with a glove. A flicker of a smile played on his face at the memory. But it wasn't enough. He needed real happiness - the kind only Lily could give him.
He remembered with the mind of a war veteran, a hazy but ever shining memory of the good times, when he'd make Lily laugh or help her carry her books or tease her. Those were the good old days, it seemed. Before everything went wrong. He let out another sigh and watched the rain again.
The wet splatter of the rain soothed him somewhat, so he ignored his brain and just listened in complete silence.
***************************
I'll put a spell on you
You fall asleep
And I'll put a spell on you
And when I wake you
I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me
****************************
Thanks again for the people who reviewed me, otherwise I wouldn't have had the courage to write more chapters. Chapter 3 is on the way!
Lux
xox