Last Night of the Firefly
A Recca no Honoo fanfic
By Tenshi no Ai
I do not own Recca no Honoo whatsoever. Thank goddess, huh?
I miss everyone.
On a clear, quiet night like this, I miss them more than anything.
I met them during the worst time of my life. I met them in battle. I didn't want to fight, I really didn't, but then Genjuurou--Otousan's former boss--forced me to. He implanted a madougu inside of me, shrunk Otousan and imprisoned him. If he was to live, I had to fight!
So...I fought.
While the sand was falling onto my dear otousan, I attacked Team Hokage leader Hanabishi Recca-san. I was so certain that Otousan was going to die! That, even if I won against Recca-san, there would be another opponent, and another, and so on until I failed.
Then Otousan would be dead because of me.
But then Recca-san figured it out. He realized that I didn't want to fight him, I really didn't, that it was Genjuurou who was manipulating me.
And he saved Otousan...he saved me.
Menou! Dinner will be ready in ten minutes! Otousan calls from inside the house. I turn from my spot on the raised platform that makes up the back verandah, casually wiping away the tears that were threatening to fall. Nowadays, I'm not sure if they're tears of sadness or happiness.
That always happens when I think about the past.
Okay, Otousan!
Otousan doesn't like to talk about those days. Those days when I was genetically altered, a madougu implanted inside me. Those days where his safety was a constant thing to be held for ransom.
Those days where I killed to keep him safe.
I don't like talking about those days either. But then...Otousan won't talk about the Urabutousatsujin III either. He won't talk about the friends I made in Team Hokage, and how heroic they were. They were just teenagers, my age for the most part, thrust into a murderer's tournament...and they won!
They are my best friends.
But Otousan won't talk about them... I whisper softly into the October night. It makes me really sad to know that the only person I can talk to about how I felt being in the middle of all that action, of all those people fighting for different purposes...he doesn't want to acknowledge any of it.
I think I can understand way, but it makes me feel sad anyway. I miss everyone there! I miss Recca-san and Yanagi-chan and Joker-san...
I blush. Where did that thought come from? Joker-san...he was very nice to me. He treated me so kindly. Even though I heard later about how he nearly killed Saichou-kun, and watched him fight Kaoru-kun during the finals...still. I liked...like him very much.
He was very kind to me. He saved me when the arena was damaged due to Neon. And I know...he wasn't the big bad guy that everyone thought he was. Some people hide malevolent feelings behind a cheery smile, but Joker-san had the friendliest smile. I could tell that he was sincere, even if he did do a bad thing by harming Saichou-kun.
He was Uruha, like me.
I guess that it's easy for people to dislike what they don't understand. But, as a former Uruha myself, I know...I know that the lines between what is good and what is evil...you can't define them.
Joker-san, more than the others, understood that.
Ah! I'm in such a melancholy mood...but it feels like...it feels like something bad just happened...maybe that's why I'm so introspective tonight? Maybe if Otousan was more receptive to listening to me about all the things that happened just a month and a half ago, I wouldn't be like this right now. I really can't tell my friends at school about all of this, naturally.
I really wish I had someone to talk to.
Someone who could understand...me...
...?
Fireflies are gathering. I'm sitting on the back porch, where there isn't anything out there in front of me except for a small forest--probably one of the few benefits from not living in or near Tokyo. There're actually trees to look at...but why are there fireflies? They look so pretty, tiny greenish lights hovering in just before the miniature forest, though...
Suddenly, walking through the middle of the luminescent insects is...
Hi, Menou-chan!
That voice...Kansai-ben...Joker-san?!
I'm on my feet instantly, not certain if I'm seeing things in my loneliness. Joker-san? You look so...different from the last time I saw you.
He really does, too. Instead of his customary dreadlocks, three black cords running down his back, he now has long, straight bleached hair, loose and faintly ruffling with the slight wind. Nor does he have on his elaborate Joker' costume, or his more casual shirt, vest and shorts combo, but rather a long muscle shirt and tremendously baggy jeans held up only by the sheer power of a belt. And finally, instead of his pointy Joker' mask, or a baseball cap, what is adorned on his head and conveniently covering his eyes is an oversized beanie. The fireflies flutter about him, casting upon him a faintly ethereal glow.
Normal clothes. Did Joker-san, as well...quit the Uruha?
Why would he come see me?
I look up, suddenly acutely aware of the fact that Joker-san is now standing mere meters in front of me. I look up at his face, where he happens to have this mischievous smile aimed right at me. A slight wind blows through, and his peroxide-blond hair is gently fluttering with it. The bottom of the beanie, lightly resting on defined cheekbones, teasingly ruffles upward. The barest glimpse of his lower eyelids, a flash of silver, and then the breeze ends. The hair falls back down, albeit a bit messier than before, and his upper face is sufficiently covered again.
I'm staring. I'm staring.
But I can't help it...
Na, Menou-chan, you look like you've seen a ghost! He's grinning down at me in a way that tells me that he knew I was staring up at him, trying to get a glimpse of his forever-hidden eyes...
I can't believe you're being so obvious, Menou!
I turn my head to the side quickly, blushing frantically and mumbling apologies. Normally I'm a very calm and mostly unphaseable sort of girl, but being caught blatantly staring, imagining that his eyes were a beautiful, electric sliver...
How embarrassing!
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Joker-san's smile turn into a rather cocky grin. Well, I'm used to being ogled at by cute girls, so it's okay! His words have a touch...no, are wrapped in his Kansai-ben, making anything he says sound almost exotic to my ears.
At his words, I can't help but giggle. I'm sorry, Joker-san, I didn't expect to see you and I was surprised at how different you look compared to before, especially since I was just thinking about you and everyone...
Oh, great. Now I'm blubbering. Please let him chalk this off as simple surprise, he knows I don't really act like this...
Joker-san just laughs a bit, probably at me and my cuckoo ways, then sits down on the verandah. I move to sit down next to him...not next-next, but reasonably close enough, holding out my long white skirt so that it doesn't get unnecessary wrinkles. Placing my hands in my lap, making them clasp together lest I start plucking at the material of my skirt in nervous happiness, I look up.
What's this?
Oddly enough, the fireflies are hovering around the both of us. It's a bit weird, because I've never noted a case of fireflies doing this in any of Otousan's nature books. But it's fine, because the extra illumination allows me a clearer look at Joker-san's smiling face.
he starts, and I lean in, almost unsure if I had just heard a tremble in his voice, you were thinking about me?
Well, I... I look down at my hands, feeling fairly calm considering his remark, I was thinking about the Urabutousatsujin and everyone and... I lower my voice to almost a whisper, I think I miss it.
I'm a bit ashamed at saying that. I mean, it was because Otousan was threatened that I was forced to enter...I was made to be a killer...
But somehow, everyone made it better.
My hair is suddenly ruffled up, and I look up at Joker-san. It felt as if a breeze had run through the layers of my short hair, instead of his large, heavy hand. He smiles at me easily, but with his eyes covered I can't tell what else he means by it. Miss the fighting? he asks casually, and I shake my head.
I hated the fighting, I can't help but return his smile with a small smile of my own, but I did miss everyone.
Now he grins lazily at me. Miss me?
As Otousan says, honesty is the best policy.
Joker-san flinches back, and now I worry that I may have said the wrong thing. He turns his attention to the tiny lights dancing around us, not even a hint of a smile on his face. I direct my own gaze to the fireflies wavering around Joker-san, worried about what I said.
Of course I missed Joker-san.
He's my friend.
He understands me.
Maybe just a little, I have feelings for him, but...
Menou-chan, how old are you?
I look at him, a little startled by the question. my birthday is in April, and yourself?
Twenty-five and a half, and after that answer he doesn't offer a reason for the question. Not like I expected one from him. I mentally do the math and determine that his birthday is also in April. Maybe if I didn't feel so weirded out by Joker-san's sudden lack of a smile, I'd ask him when his birthday was. Instead I smile up at him, mentally willing him to be the Joker-san I know.
The Joker-san that I care about.
Saa...I knew it'd been awhile, but I didn't realize until now how much I'd missed that smile... Joker-san mumbles, obviously more to himself than to me. I've never thought of being surreptitiously gazed at, of his admiring my smile or my hair...not in the same manner as I've been doing to him! After all, I'm just Sakura Menou. My friends are the amazing ones...I'm used to watching and helping from behind the scenes.
I didn't like being the focus of attention before.
You missed me too, Joker-san? The question tumbles out of mouth before I could even attempt to swallow it back down. I don't want him to think that I was eavesdropping...!
he says, apparently unfazed at my blatant disregard for his privacy, and I thought that after everything was done with, I'd come over here and maybe get to know you a bit better, but... he trails off.
I stare at him, worried. Is something wrong, Joker-san?
he turns to me and smiles, but it's not his smile, don't you worry your pretty little head about it, he stands up, slowly dusting off his baggy jeans.
There's a horrible clenching feeling in my chest.
I don't understand...
Why is he acting like this?
Don't...don't shut me out, Joker-san, I say quietly, not willing to look up into his false smile, it just worries me even more.
The strange way he's acting...does it have to do with why he came here?
There is a rustle of movement, and suddenly he's crouching before me so that we're about the same level, smiling like nothing ever happened. Menou-chan, you're too nice, he murmurs, his already strong Kansai-ben somehow getting even thicker, all warmhearted and kind and such a cutie too...but do you really want to understand?
I nod slightly. I want to understand you, Joker-san. You understood me and...I like you a lot...
He tilts his head, smiling up at me. Is that so?
I blush, the warm tingle both on my cheeks and in my stomach. I can tell that he notices, just by the way the corners of his lips raise ever so slightly. His face moves up, towards mine, and the motion makes me instinctively lower my eyelids. For half a second I hope that Otousan doesn't come out here and see me with Joker-san.
The last thing I see before closing my eyes are the fireflies fading into the night.
The slightest touch brushes against my lips, a nearly ephemeral contact. It's almost like a breeze dancing upon my lips.
Joker-san, with his strong, lively Kansai-ben defining his very being, would not--could not be nearly so gentle.
I keep my eyes closed, even as the tears slip through and slide down my cheeks.
I understand.
I open my eyes slowly, not at all surprised that Joker-san's smiling face has disappeared. Instead, a lone firefly is hovering in front of me, and I hold out my hands, a curious hope resting on my heart. I can't help but smile sadly as the glowing bug settles into my cupped hands, and the sudden urge to close my hands and trap this last part of his wayward soul tempts me. To keep this last part of him for myself.
But I could never do that to him.
Leaning in, I whisper so that only the firefly can hear, can make out these words...these words I don't want to say.
Goodbye, Joker-san.
I spread my hands, and the firefly drifts upward into the quiet night.
~Owari~
I've always liked Joker and Menou and their little interaction. Hated Joker's death, though. Even if he escaped the black hole, he'd still have a bloody spear through the chest...I really hated his death. This is my way of giving them some closure.
Fireflies are supposed to represent a person's soul after death, for those who haven't seen Grave of the Fireflies. Or played FFX, from the way I understand it.