Summary: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?
It was only later that night that Syaoran had a chance to sit down and think about what Sakura had written in her diary. He hadn't meant to invade her privacy, but once he read the first entry, he just couldn't stop until he completed the entire volume. What he had concluded was that the leather bound book was just one in a whole series. The second thing he had concluded was that Sakura was a highly emotional person who perfected the art of hiding her emotions. The third thing he realized was that she never did anything halfway, she gave everything her all and when it came to love, it was no different. She had fallen in love with her entire heart and soul.
She was in love with him till the day she'd pass away.
Syaoran honestly didn't know how he felt about that, just like he didn't know her all that much at all. He thought he knew her well, but he was proven wrong after reading her entries. She was a vivid person who never let go of any chance life offered her and he had failed to see that. How could he be so blind?
She loved him. How could she love him and still stand at the altar, watching him exchanged vows with Tomoyo? If it were him, he would just kidnap the bride! He still remembered the wedding day, how beautiful Tomoyo looked; she was like an angel, impossibly gorgeous and Syaoran remembered wondering if all this could be true. Was this beautiful creature really going to be his wife? He hadn't really looked at Sakura that day, all he remembered of the last day he saw her was that she looked pale and uncomfortable. He asked her if she was all right and her answer to him was a weak smile and reassurance that she was feeling fine as could be. Syaoran didn't believe her, but then, Tomoyo had appeared in the line of his vision and he was distracted. By the time he turned back to Sakura, she was gone and he had forgotten what it was he wanted to ask her.
Syaoran couldn't imagine the pains Sakura had gone through. How was it like to watch the man you loved with your entire life being with you own cousin? How was it like to be treated like a pawn by the man you love? Syaoran closed his eyes in anguish. That was precisely how he had treated Sakura. She had loved him and yet he had only gone to her when he needed her help with Tomoyo. He never really asked anything about Sakura herself; all he talked to her about was Tomoyo. He knew everything about Tomoyo, but what did he know about Sakura?
What was her favorite color? Food? Did she ever date? He didn't know the answers to all these questions. Now, he won't ever have a chance to ask her himself.
He wasn't sure whether he wanted to be loved by Sakura. Mainly because of Tomoyo, because Sakura was already dead and what was the use of pondering that question? Sakura's not coming back – period – and all this reminiscing was bringing back memories better left alone. It was also making him remember times he spent with Sakura that, for some particular reason, he never told Tomoyo. He didn't know why he didn't want Tomoyo to know of his bond with Sakura, but he very unconsciously hid it. He never realized it until now and it was making him uncomfortable.
- flashback -
Sakura, all of twenty-three, sat on Syaoran's bed, with her legs tucked under her and her chin propped up on her hands. She stared hard at Syaoran who was fiddling with the guitar. She winced occasionally at the bad music he managed to produced from it, but when Syaoran grimaced at the guitar like it was a torture equipment rather than a musical equipment, Sakura would call his name and flash him a thumbs- up, coaxing a smile out of his stern mien.
- end flashback -
Sakura was always there silently supporting him, rehashing about him when he was ready to give up and all that time, Syaoran never once noticed how important she was to him. He never once told her how much he appreciated her tolerating his bad temper, his unreasonableness and his stupidity in some matters – the more important matters to be more specific.
"Would I have seen her more clearly if Tomoyo wasn't in the picture?" Syaoran suddenly found himself asking this question, to which he had absolutely no answer. He was also afraid of answering this question, because then he would have to question the way he lived his last ten years of life. And what if he found that he had indeed lived it wrongly and blindly? He had no bloody way of changing the past and even if he did want to make it up to anyone, Sakura was no longer alive.
Once someone told him that if he had made his decision about someone, he should stick with it and never question his decision. Because so what if he got answers to his questions? Questions always led to more question because you can never get the answer you're satisfied with.
He was in love with Tomoyo, he told himself angrily, he was just guilty about Sakura, which was why he was thinking so much about her these days. "Yes, that's it," he decided. At least it better be, because if there were more to their relationship than that, Syaoran's life would completely disintegrate.
Year 2003
Tomoyo stared dismally at her cousin who was sprawled on the bed, a book clutched to her chest, fast asleep. Asleep! Why the hell was she asleep? This morning before she'd gone out, she's told Sakura to get ready and even though all Sakura had given her was a non-committed smile, she had thought that Sakura would be ready and waiting. She never, in a thousand years expected to find her asleep in bed.
Tomoyo stalked over to Sakura and climbed onto her bed. She grasped Sakura's shoulder between her hands and started shaking her out of her sleep.
"Wake up, Sakura! Wake up! They're here!" Tomoyo was saying as she roused Sakura out of a dreamless sleep.
"What-" Sakura's eyes flew open as her entire world started shaking. She thought it was an earthquake until she saw Tomoyo. "Stop it! I'm awake now!" Tomoyo released her and Sakura fell back into the bed. She stared up at her cousin, who was getting married to the man they both loved the last time Sakura saw her and felt anger welling up inside her. Tomoyo was prettier than her, smarter, more charming than she was. Tomoyo always succeeded at what she did and everybody loved her. What did Sakura have? The only thing she ever wanted belonged to Tomoyo!
"What was that for?" she snapped at Tomoyo and immediately regretted her tone when a look of surprised hurt showed on her cousin's face. Sakura softened her tone, "I'm sorry, Tomoyo. I didn't mean it, you know I'm always crabby with I just woke up." Sakura offered a smile as a peace offering, which Tomyo returned to her relief.
"Never mind," Tomoyo playfully hit Sakura on the butt, and stood up grinning widely at her. "You aren't ready for your big date are you? Well, just 10 minutes for you to prepare, you never doll yourself up anyway." Tomoyo frowned at that. "You should you know. You're very pretty and all like this, but you've got so much more poten-"
"What date?" Sakura cut Tomoyo off in mid-sentence. "I don't know what you're talking-" Realization struck her. Sakura paled and her eyes grew wide. "Syaoran? Syaoran's … here? Now?" Nothing was going well ever since she got transported here, to this time.
Tomoyo looked closely at Sakura. She was behaving weirdly, "Are you all right, Sakura? I just told you that this morning." Tomoyo reached to put her hand on Sakura's forehead, "Are you coming down with something? No, you feel fine to me." Tomoyo studied Sakura suspiciously, "You're not high on anything are you?"
Absurdly, Jo felt like laughing, but she only said, "No," dutifully. Tomoyo looked relieved, "So is 10 minutes enough or you're going down like that? You're such a slop," she pronounced, glancing down at Jo's wrinkled clothes.
At that precise moment, an idea struck Sakura. What if she was brought back here for a reason? What if she was given a second chance so that she could be with Syaoran. What if the past 10 years was a mistake and she was sent back in time to correct that mistake? It was a distinct possibility. "What if that wasn't it at all? You'll screw up everyone's life here!" A small voice inside Sakura quipped, but she squashed it immediately. It was one last chance to see if she could make Syaoran notice her as a woman and she wasn't going to let go no matter what.
Determinedly, she turned to Tomoyo who was already walking out the room. "Tomoyo!" Sakura called loudly. Tomoyo turned and raised and eyebrow questioningly. Sakura breathed in deeply and took the biggest risk of her life. Everything was precipitating on this, "Give me a makeover now. Please?"
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Author's Note: A lot of realization here... So what do you all think? More review please... I'm not being very forceful right now, but I'm feeling a little discouraged. If you're reading this but haven't reviewed, please make me happy by doing so! Though I'm complaining, I'm very thankful for those who did review ^_^ Love ya!