Improbable Eden
CHAPTER SIX
I loved you once in silence
And misery was all I knew
Trying so to keep my love from showing
All the while not knowing you loved me too
Yes, loved me in lonesome silence
Your heart filled with dark despair
Knowing love would flame in you forever
And I'd never, never know the flame was there I Loved You Once in Silence - Camelot
Pamela was dead.
Lex had gone to visit her early that morning, to take her flowers and sit with her a while and reminisce about his mother. It had become a weekly habit since he had learned she was dying. It was something he had looked forward to and cherished, just a few brief moments in time that he was able to believe he had something that resembled a family again, someone that cared about him. When he had arrived, the doctor had informed him that her condition had worsened. Lex had responded by demanding they get specialists in there to take care of her but no one had listened. Then Pamela had called to him and he had held her hand and an hour later she had died.
And Lex hadn't known what to do. He had just sat there while the monitors had ceased their beeping and everything had gone quiet. The nurses had come in later and quietly urged him out of the room. He had sat down in the waiting area and just stared. The doctor had found him later and informed him that Pamela had taken care of all of the arrangements regarding her death. She was to be cremated. There was no kin to contact.
With nothing left to do, he left the hospital, not really knowing how or when or even remembering the walk to his car. One minute he had been in the waiting area, the next he was driving down I-70 at 100mph, headed back toward Smallville. But Lex didn't want to go there -- not back to a lonely and drafty castle, not back to a town where most of the inhabitants barely tolerated him, where he was lucky to receive a passing nod from half the people that walked by him when he visited the Talon. He thought about just driving, with no particular destination in mind, and never coming back. To just forget who he was and what his responsibilities were and LuthorCorp and all of it and just start a new life. But he could never do that. After all, he was his father's son.
Before he realized what he was doing, Lex was turning down the gravel road that led to the Kent farm. He didn't know what he was doing there. It was nearing dinner time and he would likely interrupt something he knew he wasn't invited in to. Still, he parked his car to the side of the yellow farm house and found his way up to the back door that led in to the kitchen, where he knocked against the screen.
Martha had just placed the chicken in the oven when she heard the knock. Wiping her hands on a nearby dishtowel, she wandered over to the door, smiling in greeting when she saw Lex standing on the porch. "Hello, Lex. Come on in," she offered. "Clark is out in the back field with his father."
Lex wanted to. He really did. But he didn't belong there. Did he?
"I really just came by to see Cady." Again, he had no reason for his request. No understanding why it was her that he wished to see and not Clark.
Martha was equally surprised by his response. Frowning a little, she replied, "She's in the barn. If you would like to - "
Lex was already backing away, knowing he had made a mistake by coming. "No. I won't bother her. Have a nice evening, Mrs. Kent."
Lex was strange, Martha would be the first to admit that, but even this behavior was unlike him. "Lex, wait! Are you all right?"
She watched in growing consternation as the boy seemed to either ignore or not hear her. He simply went straight to his car, jumped in and tore down the drive at a worse speed than usual.
It had been stupid of him, Lex realized as he raced away from the Kent farm. Stupid to give in to the need/desire/want to have someone who he could talk to, who might understand what he was feeling. He was a Luthor, after all. He didn't need anyone. Emotions made one weak, vulnerable. They were foolish. He was foolish.
Everyone he loved was gone.
Lex pulled over to the side of the road when he realized he couldn't see through the unwanted tears that were blinding him. Putting the Jaguar in park, he slammed his fist angrily into the steering wheel, upset beyond measure that he had so little control over his emotions. Forcing the tears away and wiping at them hastily, he glanced into the mirror to see Cady's SUV pull up behind him. Tempted to put the car in gear and escape before she could reach him, Lex resisted the urge and turned his gaze out the windshield.
Cady remained unmoving for a moment, watching the vehicle before her warily. Aunt Martha had come out to the barn only minutes before saying that she thought something was wrong with Lex and maybe Cady should go after him to make certain he was all right. If Aunt Martha was worried, then Cady was worried too. She certainly hadn't expected to see him parked along the side of the road -- the man who had become her bane in all things lately.
She dreamed about him at night, thought about him all day at work between meetings and phone calls, laughed with him as a friend at the Talon during the evenings. She could admit she was becoming obsessed. Nightly she experienced vague, clouded dreams from which she would wake up wanting something more, something she knew she would never have. She woke up hot and needy and aching and she had never felt anything quite as desperately strong as this was. Sure, there were boys in high school and college who she had daydreamed about, who she thought would be nice to kiss and touch but with Lex. it was so much more. The thought of him touching her made her skin tingle and burn. Cady would close her eyes and picture the things she imagined him doing to her and her body would reach levels of excitement she had never before experienced. It was terrifying.
And she loved it and loathed it. Seeing Lex everyday at work, at night and weekends at the Talon only made it much worse. But she wouldn't give it up for anything. She loved to hear his voice and see that slight smile he gave - the one where one was never quite certain if it was sincere or not. She loved the way his eyes changed color depending on his moods and the way he spoke with those beautiful slim hands. Cady loved the little things he did for his friends that he never seemed to want anyone to know about because he believed it might make him vulnerable for people to know he cares. She loved his dedication to the Plant and his drive and ambition to be everything in the world. She loved how he wore long sleeves and black slacks, no matter how warm the day might be, and never broke a sweat. She loved that somehow she could be in the back of the Talon and still sense immediately when he entered through the front door. She could feel Lex in a room. She loved his smell and the way he moved and how he infuriated her and thought he was so much better than everybody else. only she didn't truly think he really believed that. He just acted that way. She loved the little boy in him that was secretly crying out for someone to love and accept him. She loved to watch how he almost desperately reached for kind words and approval from her uncle, when they were so obviously not even forthcoming from his own father.
Cady wanted so much to hold him and kiss him and let him know he wasn't alone in the world. But she couldn't and knew she never would. For her it was enough just to watch him from afar. To be his friend and to know he counted on her at the Plant. That was something -- more than most got and all that she could have. Maybe, she thought, someday this crush or whatever it was would go away and she could be at peace again. Until then, she would simply allow herself to enjoy the sensations that the thought of him sent through her.
Opening the door, she slipped out of the Explorer and walked up to the driver's side of Lex's car, tapping the window lightly. As it rolled down, she crouched down a little to peer in at Lex. He seemed paler than usual and was very obviously visibly upset.
"Hey, Lex," she said quietly, as if speaking to a spooked animal. "Aunt Martha said you stopped by but didn't stick around."
"I didn't mean to disturb you."
Cady shook her head. "You didn't."
She watched him for a moment, noticing that he refused to look at her. For the past three weeks, her internship at the Plant had been going very well. Admittedly, her job was cut out for her, since there were absolutely no set procedures in public relations for the factory. Cady and Lex met on a weekly basis to go over her ideas for designing a program as well as the implementation process, and she was pleased to discover that he seemed open and enthusiastic regarding all of her thoughts. It was encouraging, to say the least, and even more than that, Cady was able to view yet another aspect of Lex Luthor.
She could admit that she had wondered as to the management capability of a twenty-two year old, Luthor or not. Cady had been more than pleasantly surprised to discover that Lex was one of the most professional and concerned employers she had ever met. It was obvious he truly cared about how the factory performed as well as keeping its employees happy. The more she talked with him, the more she got to know him, the more that Cady realized Lex really and truly cared about this town and its inhabitants.
Pushing her musings aside for the moment, Cady asked, "Lex, what's wrong?"
Silence. Then, barely a whispered, "Pamela's dead."
Lex had told her a little about his former nanny a few weeks ago during a lunch meeting. She knew he had been visiting her in the hospital regularly. She also understood what losing her really meant to him.
"I'm so sorry, Lex." Instinctively, Cady reached out and brushed the back of her knuckles along his cheek. "When did it happen?"
"This morning. I was there. I. I held her hand."
And I couldn't help her, Lex thought. Billions of dollars and I couldn't help her. But she hadn't wanted his help. He could have been there for her from the beginning, if it hadn't been for his father. Lionel. The man who seemed determined to never allow anyone to care for Lex. Not ever.
Remaining silent for only a moment, Cady quickly made up her mind and opened the driver's side door. "Move over to the other seat, Lex. I'm taking you home."
Lex looked up at her sharply for the first time since she had walked up. "I don't need - "
"You're in no condition to drive. I'm not going to argue this. I'll sit on your lap if I have to."
Lex opened his mouth to reply then closed it. He knew she wasn't kidding. She was related to the Kent's, after all. The obstinacy was there in great abundance. He had already seen that in action at the office. Sliding over to the passenger side, he asked, "What about your car?"
"I'll worry about that later," Cady replied as she sat down and started the engine, pulling the car back on to the road and toward the Luthor estate.
Saying nothing more, Lex turned to stare out the window at the passing farmland. Was it wrong of him to want this, to be glad that Cady was here and trying to take care of him? Was it wrong to just want someone, anyone there who might care, just a little bit, about how he was feeling? He knew what his father would say and, unfortunately, his conscience seemed to agree.
Allowing Lex the silence he sought, Cady didn't attempt to start a conversation on the short drive to the Estate. Pulling up to the gates, she punched in the key code that Lex had given her a week before when she had to drop off some reports from the Plant and pulled the car into the garage between the Aston Martin and Lamborghini. Cady couldn't help but smile a little at the exotic array of cars around her as she climbed out of the driver's side and shut the door. Some people would say Lex was compensating for something. Hell, a lot of people would say that! Including her uncle, who made the comment almost every time Lex pulled up to the farm. While she did agree that the overly expensive cars were compensation, she doubted it was for anything that the other half of the town might say. She believed it had little to do with Lex himself and everything to do with his father.
"Can I get you anything?" Lex asked blankly as they entered the study and he pulled off his jacket, tossing it over the leather chair and heading immediately for the decanter of scotch on the sideboard.
Cady shook her head as she watched his slim, slightly shaking hands pour the amber liquid into a glass which was immediately emptied and then refilled once more. Lex finally moved away from the cabinet and turned to walk across the room to the pool table. He played idly with the eight ball for a moment before turning and walking over to the window, staring out at the bright March sky. Needing something to do in the ensuing silence, Cady wandered over to the pool table and began racking up the balls.
"Play you a game," she commented as she bent to retrieve the eight ball that Lex had rolled into a corner pocket. "Winner takes all. House, cars, expensive suits."
Lex found a small smile at her teasing but it quickly faded and he glanced over his shoulder at her. "Go ahead and play. I'm not really in the mood."
"Not in the mood to play pool?" Cady asked in disbelief. "How un- American."
Another half-smile. Turning back to the window, Lex took a sip of his scotch and wondered for the fourth time in as many minutes why he didn't just ask Cady to leave. He wanted to be alone. Didn't he? If he did, then why had he gone to the Kent farm in the first place? Trying not to sigh, he listened as the balls broke behind him and he found he was glad that Cady had decided to play alone. There was something about her company (even though he wanted her to leave) and her silence that was comforting. Like having someone who cared, in an otherwise empty castle (life), without having the added pressure of pouring your heart out to them. Clark was that way. Lex just needed to be in his presence to feel better. Maybe it was a Kent thing. And like her cousin, Cady was also a constant mystery to Lex, though in a completely different way.
Lex knew Clark was hiding something. Had known it from the day they met. But their friendship meant more than discovering Clark's little secret. Lex had taught himself - at least in Clark's case - to just accept things as they were, and move on. Cady was a different enigma altogether. He doubted there were any dark secrets in her past, in fact, when it came to sharing, she seemed very much like an open book. Willing to tell him in detail about anything he asked and just as expressive with her eyes when it came to any questions he might have. She was a little too open, in his opinion, and that was just downright unnerving.
But what threw Lex off-kilter the most when it came to Clark's indescribable cousin was the fact that he couldn't get her out of his mind. Be it Cady the Businesswoman, looking immaculate in shorts skirts, snug jackets and heels around the office where Lex continually found himself dropping his pen around her one too many times. Or Cady the Farm Girl, in pigtails and flannel, looking outrageously adorable in the sunlight where the light freckles across her nose were most noticeable. Lex truly couldn't decide which one haunted his dreams the most. Each equally knocked him off-balance and he didn't like that feeling. Not one bit.
Truthfully, none of it would have been quite so frustrating if Cady had been anyone other than who she was. Had she not been Clark's cousin, and a Kent, Lex would have made his move for her long ago. But his conscience nagged at him for even thinking such a thing. Cady O'Rourke was meant for other things. To marry some nice farmer and have two and a half kids and a white picket fence and a dog house in the back yard where she could either keep some rangy-looking mutt or her husband - whichever the case may be. She was meant to drive her kids to soccer practice and make meatloaf and apple pie and join the PTA and love a man who worked long hours to barely make enough to keep his family in the middle-class financial bracket. Cady would be out of place in the Luthor world. She'd become lonely and jaded and hard - and Clark would never forgive Lex for that. And Lex would never forgive himself.
"This really isn't much fun on my own, you know."
Lex was proud of himself for not jumping when he was abruptly pulled from his musings to find Cady's face only mere inches from his own, peering up at him as if he were suddenly the most interesting spectacle she had ever encountered. Shifting slightly so that they weren't quite so close to one another, Lex frowned.
"So don't play."
Turning, he walked away from her, taking a deep breath once he was across the room and fixing himself another drink. He blinked a few times to get the image of a pair of bright green eyes out of his mind. Cady had been too close, had smelled too good, had been too tempting.
And that was the other problem. Lex was ready to wager his entire inheritance and every car in his garage that Cady O'Rourke was interested in him. Again, she was too open in her expressions. Her heart was in her eyes each time she looked at him and it was being offered to him willingly. While he had every doubt that Cady had any inclination whatsoever about the implications of them having a relationship would entail, Lex was equally certain that she wouldn't care even if he were to point them out to her. So that made everything that much more difficult. He wanted her, he could admit that. She obviously had some starry-eyed crush on him and it would be impossibly easy to take advantage of that. But she was Clark's cousin and becoming an invaluable friend and those were so scarce.
Fuck.
Hearing the rustle of one of the leather chairs behind him, Lex turned around to see Cady making herself comfortable, watching him closely. He frowned again, stared down into his glass, took a sip. When he glanced up, she was still watching, like she saw too much - way more than she should have. Glaring at her momentarily, Lex moved from where he stood, walking over to behind his desk to sit down and turn on the monitor and stare at it.
"Tell me about Pamela."
Lex's head shot up at her request. Finally, he shook his head. "I don't want to talk about Pamela."
"It'll keep hurting until you do."
"What the hell do you know?" Lex snapped, instantly regretting his words but not bothering to take them back.
He turned to stare at the monitor again. He didn't want to talk about Pamela because that would only drive home exactly why he distanced himself from people like Cady and Clark and anyone else who might, just possibly, see some imagined vulnerability in him. It was why he was alone and why he preferred it that way. He couldn't talk about that. Wouldn't talk about that. What was she - insane??
Cady watched Lex quietly as he seemed to sink more deeply into himself. Suddenly, she got up from the chair and walked over to him, taking his hand in hers and tugging him up to his feet and towards the door. "Come on. What you need is a good ol' fashioned temper tantrum."
"What?" Lex asked as she half-dragged him out of the study and down the stairs toward the kitchen. "Cady, what are you talking about? I'm fine." He fought the urge to say all he wanted to really do was hold her. Where had that come from??
"No, you're not," she replied simply. "But you will be."
Letting go of his hand when they entered the kitchen, Cady began rifling through the cabinets while Lex looked on in bemusement. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he could do little more than watch, wondering what she was attempting to get him to do. He knew he should have taken off the moment she had pulled up. Then again, Cady would have followed him back to the castle. He should never have gone to the Kent farm, never been so obvious with his emotions.
"Here we go!" Turning, a more-than-pleased with herself smile on her face, Cady held a plate out to Lex. "Take it."
Lex walked over to where she stood, frowning slightly. "Why?"
"Because I want you to break it."
Shaking his head, Lex looked away with an exasperated sigh. "I'm not going to break any of my plates, Cady. That's just. stupid."
"You've really got to work on insulting those who take an interest in your well-being," Cady replied sharply, fighting back the hurt.
Looking back up at her, Lex examined her face for a moment before answering, "I didn't mean. I just think for me, it's stupid."
"Because you're a Luthor?"
Swallowing hard, Lex looked away.
"Take the damn plate, Lex. And throw it."
Having never felt quite so ridiculous in his life, Lex took the plate from the insistent girl before him and just let it drop to the ground. It clattered loudly against the tile, ringing through both Cady and Lex's ears, before finally coming to a rest, unmarred.
"Wow." Cady stared blankly at the untouched plate. "Industrial strength." Reaching down, she picked it up and held it back out to him. "Try it again. But this time, throw it like you mean it."
"Cady - "
"Lex, either you throw that plate or I'll. I'll. I'll stick a frog in your bed!"
Lex blinked, knowing that she would do it. Clark would probably help her. With a half-glare, he took the plate from her and this time threw it to the ground. Their ears continued to ring until the plate settled against the tile, once more intact. Cady threw up her hands in frustration before scooping the plate back into her hands again. Lex leaned back against the counter and winced as this time she threw it to the ground, the sound worse than before. Once more, it remained unbroken.
"What the hell kind of plates do you buy?" She demanded, picking it up and looking it over for any signs of chipping or cracking. "These things could possibly be Clark-proof."
Kind of half-smiling at that, even though he didn't really feel it, Lex commented, "Cady, I appreciate what you're trying to do. Really. But I'm fine. It's not like this hasn't happened before."
Ignoring him, knowing by the simple set of his shoulders that Lex was in fact not fine -- quite far from fine -- Cady went over to the next set of cabinets and pulled out a different set of dishes. Lex raised an eyebrow at her choice.
"Cady, those are fine bone china and very old. I'm not breaking them."
"Are they yours or your fathers?"
Without replying, Lex reached over and picked up one of the plates. "I feel ridiculous," he commented, tossing the plate to the ground.
It shattered.
Cady smiled. "There. That wasn't so hard, was it?"
Lex frowned. "I don't feel any different."
"Well, of course not. You didn't exactly put much feeling into it," Cady told him, holding out another plate. "Try it again. But this time, mean it. Think about everything you are holding bottled up inside of you and let it out through the plate. Take your anger out on it. Your pain. Whatever."
Lex was certain that right about the time he were to take the plate in his hand and throw it, his father would walk in. It was only fitting after all. He glanced at Cady, knowing fully well he likely wouldn't be able to look her in the eyes tomorrow. But he liked having her here. Even if what she was making him do was ridiculous and stupid and childish, her presence was a balm on his raging emotions. For a moment, he could pretend that there was still one other person in this world who did care, and wasn't leaving him any time soon. Glancing at her uncertainly, Lex returned his gaze to the plate and tried to think about all of the reasons why he was so upset. He frowned. There were too many. He didn't want to lose that kind of control. His hand clenched the plate until it threatened to break beneath it.
"Lex, it's okay."
He barely felt her hand on his arm. It took a moment for the warmth to seep through. Instead of consoling him though, it only served to bring the anger to the forefront. If his father hadn't chased Pamela away, she could have been there for him during his most difficult years. He could have been a different person - a better person. People would have liked him, he might have even had friends, relationships. And maybe he could have allowed himself to ask Cady out.
Then again, Pamela should have tried to find a way to contact him, to keep in touch, to let him know what had really happened. She should have come to him the moment she knew she had cancer, let him help her, let him do something! She should have been there for him, should have known that his father wouldn't have disinherited him. His father couldn't do that. Lex knew he had one thing going for him - he was Lionel Luthor's only heir.
Heir. And that's all he was.
The rage released itself and Lex threw the plate across the kitchen, where it shattered with a loud crack against the far wall. "Goddamn him!" He yelled, grabbing another plate from the counter and throwing it as well. "To hell with them all!"
Cady stepped back as she watched the man - boy - in front of her fall apart. She kept a close eye on Lex, determined not to let him accidentally hurt himself, as he continued destroying the plates she had pulled from the cupboard, as he screamed curses against his father, against Pamela for walking back into his life for such a short time, against his mother for ever leaving in the first place. Cady couldn't help but hurt for him. She knew what it was like to lose a parent -- both parents - but she didn't understand the concept of having one that didn't seem to love her. And that was what she was beginning to hear from Lex regarding Lionel. Either Lex was simply taking all that had happened in his life out on his father because there was no one else, or Lionel was even more of a bastard than her uncle claimed him to be.
The anger seemed to drain suddenly and Lex felt as if he no longer had any strength left within him. The last plate simply slipped from his hand to the floor and he found himself sliding down to meet it as the unbidden tears ran down his face. How could Pamela just come back into his life and leave again? Didn't she know how alone he was? So much lost time. And now he would never get it back. She had said that Lionel wanted him to be his son. Well, apparently his father had won.
Lex didn't bother fighting it when he felt Cady's arms wrap around his shoulders and pull him against her. He knew he should have, knew that he would hate himself later for letting her see all of this. But at the moment, he just wanted to feel comfort. Why push away what she was willingly offering to him? Lex figured he could hate himself later, hate her for seeing him so weak, so out of control. Besides, she was warm and soft and smelled like. honey? Honeysuckles. That was it. Lex found he liked the scent. It was fresh and pure and untainted, not like so many women he had dated who smelled like department stores. She was stroking his back gently and he found himself relaxing under her touch. It reminded him of his mother and how she held him after a nightmare. Only this wasn't about a nightmare, it was about reality.
"Why is it the only people who ever care about me, leave me?" He asked quietly, forcing the tears away.
"Plenty of people care about you, Lex," Cady replied, holding him more tightly. Me included, she thought. "Clark cares about you quite a bit. My aunt Martha cares or she never would have sent me after you - "
Lex laughed bitterly. "Mrs. Kent cares about everyone. Homicidal maniacs and billionaire's sons alike."
Cady frowned, not liking the fact that Lex compared himself to a homicidal maniac. She didn't understand how someone who outwardly appeared so confident and in charge of his life could be so torn apart and scared on the inside. In her eyes, Lex was larger than life, stronger than anyone she had ever known. But the truth was a bit different from the perception. It was amazing really, that someone could so completely have everyone fooled. In many ways, Cady thought it was a useful tool; at the same time, she thought it could be quite crippling. After all, Lex obviously didn't want anyone to know what was buried on the inside and moments like this would not be welcomed.
Cady knew she was correct in that assessment the moment he pulled away from her, sitting up, refusing to make eye contact. There was an awkward moment of silence between them, which Cady found herself quickly wanting to dispel but was uncertain of how to do so. Luckily, it was Lex who decided to speak:
"Thank you for bringing me back here," he said stiffly, moving to stand. "You didn't have to."
"You weren't in condition to drive," Cady replied, climbing to her feet to stand beside him. "Lex, are you okay?"
How was he supposed to answer that? Without meeting her eyes, Lex nodded. "Yes. Fine."
"If there's anything I can do - "
"I said I was fine!" Lex snapped, casting a glare at the young woman beside him, which he immediately regretted.
"Very well." Cady nodded, stepping past him to head toward the door.
"Cady. wait."
Turning at his voice, Cady stood there waiting silently, watching the tortured man before her as he sought to apologize without apologizing.
"I. I do appreciate all that you do for me, Cady," Lex told her quietly, thinking it would have been easier if he had just let her go. But he hadn't and she was still there and he realized he owed her something for what she had done.
The pain was still there but it didn't cut as deeply. Lex felt that he could handle the rest of what he was feeling without much trouble. He could bury it deep down within him and maybe face it later when he had less to worry about, when he was alone and didn't have to worry about prying questions from well-meaning Kent family members. He almost groaned at the realization that Cady would likely go home and tell Clark what had happened. And then Clark would be on his doorstep next!
Cady waved a hand as if dismissing the whole matter. "That's what friends are for, right?"
Lex tried to offer a smile but knew it came out as more of a grimace. His life had been a hell of a lot easier when he didn't have friends. But between Clark, and now his cousin, Lex was finding himself in situations and having to answer questions that he'd never dealt with before. It was unnerving. It was annoying. And truthfully, he wouldn't have given it up for the world. Wonder what 'daddy' would say about that? He thought, his outward expression melting into a frown.
Cady tried not to sigh at the mercurial changes that swept over Lex. Sometimes she thought he was the most difficult being on earth to understand. Mentally shaking her head, she knelt down to begin retrieving the broken dishes from the floor.
"Don't."
She looked up to find Lex, kneeling beside her, lifting her hands away from the scattered remnants of what had been a very beautiful set of china.
"My staff will clean up."
Cady nodded but didn't move. Neither did Lex, she realized somewhat belatedly. They were both just kneeling there, facing one another, holding hands. His were warm and soft and she thought she could just let him continue to do so for. oh, forever really. If she wasn't mistaken - and she was certain she wasn't - his thumb was brushing against the palm of her right hand. Back and forth, back and forth. It was almost. drugging. In fact, her eyes almost closed from the relaxed state it was putting her in but she averted herself from that course when she realized something - Lex was watching her. Very, very closely watching her and it wasn't just intently either. He was actually getting closer. Swallowing, Cady found her gaze moving from Lex's eyes to his mouth, which she could only imagine felt as perfect as it looked. Just inches now, she could feel his breath fan across her face as his lips parted slightly and she was positive he could hear her heart beating a rhythmic cadence against her chest, and if he couldn't, at any moment she just knew it was going to beat right through her breast bone. The warmth from him hit her and she could clearly see each individual eyelash that covered the now silver-colored orbs that had tiny flecks of blue and black and god but he was close. His scent engulfed her - cologne and liquor and leather and everything else that was about as far away from farm and country as she could possibly imagine. Her eyelids fluttered closed in anticipation. Almost.
The phone rang, causing them both to jump. Cady's eyes flew open to look at Lex who appeared as if he had just awakened from sleep. He glanced at her in what she could only describe as mild panic before gracefully rising to his feet and moving over to the house phone that hung on the wall beside the back door.
"Lex Luthor."
"Lex, it's Martha. Is my niece there?"
"Yes, Mrs. Kent. One moment." Lex held the phone out to the young woman who had scrambled to her feet the moment she had heard him say her aunt's name. If he wasn't mistaken, there was a hint of red creeping in to her cheeks. A part of him wanted to assure her that Martha Kent had no idea about what had almost happened between them.
And the other part just wanted to pretend nothing even resembling 'almost happening' had occurred. He held the phone out to her, stepping away the moment she got close and moving to the other side of the kitchen.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, Lex cursed himself silently, taking the few moments that Cady was on the phone with her aunt to collect himself. He had almost just gone against every promise that he had made to himself. And having Martha Kent on the phone didn't help matters. He half-glanced over his shoulder as he listened to Cady confirm something about her uncle coming to pick her up. Silently, Lex thanked whatever Powers That Be were out there for not allowing Jonathon Kent to simply walk in while he had been close to seducing the man's niece. Hearing the sound of the receiver clicking back into place, Lex returned his attention to his guest.
"Uncle Jonathon is on his way to take me back to my car," Cady told Lex as she moved across the kitchen towards him.
Instantly turning, Lex started out of the kitchen and into the hall toward the main foyer. "Good. I have some work to get to anyway." He led her all of the way to the front door, then gave her a tight smile. "Thanks again, Cady."
Cady doubted that if she had set him on fire, Lex could have sped away from her anymore quickly than he did at that moment. And she tried very hard not to let that fact hurt as much as it did.
***
"Would you like some coffee, Lex?" Martha asked as she moved from her husband's side over to the coffee pot on the counter.
Lex had to pull his gaze away from Jonathon who was tucking the recently handed over insurance check into his pocket. That had gone much better than Lex had expected. He had thoroughly prepared himself on the drive over for the elder Kent to tear the check up and toss it in his face. But now, Lex felt as if he were possibly being given another chance. He almost felt like smiling.
"I should probably get going, Mrs. Kent. But thank you for the offer." He was about to turn toward the back screen door when a voice behind him brought Lex to a stop.
"Aunt Martha, do you know where my black pumps are? These broke!"
Lex turned to see Cady enter the kitchen wearing a navy-colored suit , white blouse half-tucked, hobbling around on one shoe with its match in one hand and its heel in the other. When their eyes met, she came to an abrupt halt and Lex could swear her expression was one of complete and total panic. He thought it was positively adorable.
"Good morning, Cady."
"Er. " Cady blinked.
Lex Luthor was not supposed to be standing in her kitchen this early in the morning when she was half-dressed and running around like a maniac. And why was he staring at her hair like that. ? Oh hell. Cady reached up and yanked the curler out that she had somehow missed. Her boss had the gall to smile at the action.
"Cady, don't be rude," Martha admonished, trying very hard not to laugh at her niece's reaction. "Lex said good morning."
"'morning, Lex," Cady almost grumbled as she hobbled over to her aunt. "My shoes?"
"Oh honey, I dropped the black pumps off at the store the other day to have the leather fixed on them - "
"Ah hell!"
"Catherine Josephine, this is not the end of the world," Jonathon chuckled, taking the shoe and its broken heel from her. "I'll have this fixed for you in a jiffy." He disappeared out the back door toward the barn.
"What's he gonna do?" Cady asked her aunt, taking the cup of coffee that Martha handed to her. "Fill it full of hay?"
Martha shook her head with a smile. "You sure you wouldn't like some coffee, Lex?"
"Maybe half a cup," he replied, finding that he wasn't in such a hurry to get out of the Kent house all of a sudden. He bit back the smile at Cady's glare over the rim of her cup. She obviously did not like him seeing her in this state of disarray, which was exactly why he planned on hanging around. As she moved past him to sit down at the counter, he asked, "Did you uncle really just say 'in a jiffy'?"
Cady looked up at him and grinned and Lex thought he would keep that smile with him the rest of the day. "That was nothing. Get him on a roll and he'll say Jiminy Cricket."
Lex found a smile as he sat beside her. "Say it isn't so," he teased.
"No, really. Scout's honor."
"You're were never a Scout."
"Yeah, well my cousin was. so there."
Lex tried to picture a young Clark in a Boy Scout's uniform and wondered if this sudden smiling thing would be an all-day occurrence. Sipping at his coffee, he asked, "Want a ride into work?"
"I do have my own transportation, you know."
He shrugged. "Yeah. But I'm here. And, my car's more fun."
Cady smiled at the man beside her, wondering why he seemed to be in such a good mood. "I won't argue with you there." She took another sip of her coffee, turning at the sound of the screen door opening to find her uncle walking over, fixed shoe in hand, a triumphant smile on his face.
"Here you go, honey."
Why was everyone in such a good mood this morning? Cady couldn't help but wonder, taking the pump from her uncle. Had even Clark gone to school singing Zippadeedooda? She glanced at her shoe and did a double-take. "Uncle Jonathon, there's a nail in my shoe."
"How else did you think I would fix it?" He asked, sitting down at the table to a plate of eggs and bacon that Martha set before him. "And it's a flat head. You won't feel it."
Rolling her eyes, Cady slipped her shoe on, bouncing out of her seat to tuck in the rest of her blouse and run her fingers through the curls in her hair, loosening them. "Lex is giving me a ride so I'll see you both later," she announced, giving her aunt and uncle both a quick kiss before heading toward the back door.
Setting his empty coffee mug on the counter, Lex smiled at the Kents. "Thank you for the coffee, Mrs. Kent." He nodded at Jonathon and followed Cady out the door.
"So what was that all about?" She asked as they walked together toward the Aston Martin.
"What was what all about?" Lex rejoined with false innocence.
"Oh come on, Lex! One doesn't wake up every morning to find Lex Luthor hanging out in the Kent kitchen sans Clark's presence."
Lex winced. She had a point. He had almost allowed himself to become comfortable with the thought, when the truth was he wasn't exactly welcomed there. Shrugging, he replied, "I brought over the insurance check from the accident."
"Oh." Cady said nothing more until she climbed into the sports car and Lex was pulling down the drive toward the main road. "I guess money can perk up anyone's life. Even uncle Jonathon."
"So it would seem," Lex replied blandly.
The drive to the Plant was mostly silent. What had almost happened in Lex's kitchen still hung between them and neither was completely open to discussing it. The worst of it was, Lex found himself regretting not picking up from where they had left off right after Cady had hung up the phone. After all, what would a few harmless dates with Cady do, anyway? It wasn't as if he could destroy her life quite that quickly. Even he wasn't that talented. So what was stopping him?
Pulling into his parking space, Lex glanced at Cady as she climbed out of the car and headed into the Plant. Following her, he thought it over in his mind about five more times, telling himself that there would be no harm done. Hell, they might not even be compatible. They could go out on one little date and discover they really couldn't stand each other. Simple as that.
No. That didn't change the fact that she was Clark's cousin and Jonathon Kent's niece and as such, she was completely off limits to him. It was foolish to even consider it. Just enjoy the mild flirtation, don't risk the chance of losing her friendship. Take a page out of Clark's book - he was fine with just watching Lana and being friends with her.
"Cady?" He called out as she started down the hall toward her office.
Turning, Cady smiled at Lex and walked back to him. "Yes?"
Okay, so I'm not Clark. "Do you have plans for Saturday?"
Cady blinked. Does he want me to work on the weekend? "Er. no. Why?"
"Would you be interested in a trip to Metropolis?"
Unable to keep from furrowing her brow, Cady asked, "Business?"
Lex laughed. He couldn't help himself. "No, Cady. Not business."
"Oh." Then, "Oh!"
If possible, Lex found his smile growing. "I was thinking of visiting the museum. there's a new art show in town, dinner, maybe the theatre. "
Reminding herself not to look like a total and complete idiot, Cady tried to keep her answering smile from turning into some crazed grin. "I'd. I'd like that, Lex."
Lex nodded. Okay, enough of this high school stuff.
"I'll pick you up at noon." Without another word or glance in her direction, he headed to his office.
Cady stood staring off at him for a long moment. Holy crap! Lex Luthor just asked me out on a date! Trying very hard not to do cartwheels down the hall, Cady walked calmly down to her office, wondering if it was just Lex's day to make everyone smile.
CHAPTER SIX
I loved you once in silence
And misery was all I knew
Trying so to keep my love from showing
All the while not knowing you loved me too
Yes, loved me in lonesome silence
Your heart filled with dark despair
Knowing love would flame in you forever
And I'd never, never know the flame was there I Loved You Once in Silence - Camelot
Pamela was dead.
Lex had gone to visit her early that morning, to take her flowers and sit with her a while and reminisce about his mother. It had become a weekly habit since he had learned she was dying. It was something he had looked forward to and cherished, just a few brief moments in time that he was able to believe he had something that resembled a family again, someone that cared about him. When he had arrived, the doctor had informed him that her condition had worsened. Lex had responded by demanding they get specialists in there to take care of her but no one had listened. Then Pamela had called to him and he had held her hand and an hour later she had died.
And Lex hadn't known what to do. He had just sat there while the monitors had ceased their beeping and everything had gone quiet. The nurses had come in later and quietly urged him out of the room. He had sat down in the waiting area and just stared. The doctor had found him later and informed him that Pamela had taken care of all of the arrangements regarding her death. She was to be cremated. There was no kin to contact.
With nothing left to do, he left the hospital, not really knowing how or when or even remembering the walk to his car. One minute he had been in the waiting area, the next he was driving down I-70 at 100mph, headed back toward Smallville. But Lex didn't want to go there -- not back to a lonely and drafty castle, not back to a town where most of the inhabitants barely tolerated him, where he was lucky to receive a passing nod from half the people that walked by him when he visited the Talon. He thought about just driving, with no particular destination in mind, and never coming back. To just forget who he was and what his responsibilities were and LuthorCorp and all of it and just start a new life. But he could never do that. After all, he was his father's son.
Before he realized what he was doing, Lex was turning down the gravel road that led to the Kent farm. He didn't know what he was doing there. It was nearing dinner time and he would likely interrupt something he knew he wasn't invited in to. Still, he parked his car to the side of the yellow farm house and found his way up to the back door that led in to the kitchen, where he knocked against the screen.
Martha had just placed the chicken in the oven when she heard the knock. Wiping her hands on a nearby dishtowel, she wandered over to the door, smiling in greeting when she saw Lex standing on the porch. "Hello, Lex. Come on in," she offered. "Clark is out in the back field with his father."
Lex wanted to. He really did. But he didn't belong there. Did he?
"I really just came by to see Cady." Again, he had no reason for his request. No understanding why it was her that he wished to see and not Clark.
Martha was equally surprised by his response. Frowning a little, she replied, "She's in the barn. If you would like to - "
Lex was already backing away, knowing he had made a mistake by coming. "No. I won't bother her. Have a nice evening, Mrs. Kent."
Lex was strange, Martha would be the first to admit that, but even this behavior was unlike him. "Lex, wait! Are you all right?"
She watched in growing consternation as the boy seemed to either ignore or not hear her. He simply went straight to his car, jumped in and tore down the drive at a worse speed than usual.
It had been stupid of him, Lex realized as he raced away from the Kent farm. Stupid to give in to the need/desire/want to have someone who he could talk to, who might understand what he was feeling. He was a Luthor, after all. He didn't need anyone. Emotions made one weak, vulnerable. They were foolish. He was foolish.
Everyone he loved was gone.
Lex pulled over to the side of the road when he realized he couldn't see through the unwanted tears that were blinding him. Putting the Jaguar in park, he slammed his fist angrily into the steering wheel, upset beyond measure that he had so little control over his emotions. Forcing the tears away and wiping at them hastily, he glanced into the mirror to see Cady's SUV pull up behind him. Tempted to put the car in gear and escape before she could reach him, Lex resisted the urge and turned his gaze out the windshield.
Cady remained unmoving for a moment, watching the vehicle before her warily. Aunt Martha had come out to the barn only minutes before saying that she thought something was wrong with Lex and maybe Cady should go after him to make certain he was all right. If Aunt Martha was worried, then Cady was worried too. She certainly hadn't expected to see him parked along the side of the road -- the man who had become her bane in all things lately.
She dreamed about him at night, thought about him all day at work between meetings and phone calls, laughed with him as a friend at the Talon during the evenings. She could admit she was becoming obsessed. Nightly she experienced vague, clouded dreams from which she would wake up wanting something more, something she knew she would never have. She woke up hot and needy and aching and she had never felt anything quite as desperately strong as this was. Sure, there were boys in high school and college who she had daydreamed about, who she thought would be nice to kiss and touch but with Lex. it was so much more. The thought of him touching her made her skin tingle and burn. Cady would close her eyes and picture the things she imagined him doing to her and her body would reach levels of excitement she had never before experienced. It was terrifying.
And she loved it and loathed it. Seeing Lex everyday at work, at night and weekends at the Talon only made it much worse. But she wouldn't give it up for anything. She loved to hear his voice and see that slight smile he gave - the one where one was never quite certain if it was sincere or not. She loved the way his eyes changed color depending on his moods and the way he spoke with those beautiful slim hands. Cady loved the little things he did for his friends that he never seemed to want anyone to know about because he believed it might make him vulnerable for people to know he cares. She loved his dedication to the Plant and his drive and ambition to be everything in the world. She loved how he wore long sleeves and black slacks, no matter how warm the day might be, and never broke a sweat. She loved that somehow she could be in the back of the Talon and still sense immediately when he entered through the front door. She could feel Lex in a room. She loved his smell and the way he moved and how he infuriated her and thought he was so much better than everybody else. only she didn't truly think he really believed that. He just acted that way. She loved the little boy in him that was secretly crying out for someone to love and accept him. She loved to watch how he almost desperately reached for kind words and approval from her uncle, when they were so obviously not even forthcoming from his own father.
Cady wanted so much to hold him and kiss him and let him know he wasn't alone in the world. But she couldn't and knew she never would. For her it was enough just to watch him from afar. To be his friend and to know he counted on her at the Plant. That was something -- more than most got and all that she could have. Maybe, she thought, someday this crush or whatever it was would go away and she could be at peace again. Until then, she would simply allow herself to enjoy the sensations that the thought of him sent through her.
Opening the door, she slipped out of the Explorer and walked up to the driver's side of Lex's car, tapping the window lightly. As it rolled down, she crouched down a little to peer in at Lex. He seemed paler than usual and was very obviously visibly upset.
"Hey, Lex," she said quietly, as if speaking to a spooked animal. "Aunt Martha said you stopped by but didn't stick around."
"I didn't mean to disturb you."
Cady shook her head. "You didn't."
She watched him for a moment, noticing that he refused to look at her. For the past three weeks, her internship at the Plant had been going very well. Admittedly, her job was cut out for her, since there were absolutely no set procedures in public relations for the factory. Cady and Lex met on a weekly basis to go over her ideas for designing a program as well as the implementation process, and she was pleased to discover that he seemed open and enthusiastic regarding all of her thoughts. It was encouraging, to say the least, and even more than that, Cady was able to view yet another aspect of Lex Luthor.
She could admit that she had wondered as to the management capability of a twenty-two year old, Luthor or not. Cady had been more than pleasantly surprised to discover that Lex was one of the most professional and concerned employers she had ever met. It was obvious he truly cared about how the factory performed as well as keeping its employees happy. The more she talked with him, the more she got to know him, the more that Cady realized Lex really and truly cared about this town and its inhabitants.
Pushing her musings aside for the moment, Cady asked, "Lex, what's wrong?"
Silence. Then, barely a whispered, "Pamela's dead."
Lex had told her a little about his former nanny a few weeks ago during a lunch meeting. She knew he had been visiting her in the hospital regularly. She also understood what losing her really meant to him.
"I'm so sorry, Lex." Instinctively, Cady reached out and brushed the back of her knuckles along his cheek. "When did it happen?"
"This morning. I was there. I. I held her hand."
And I couldn't help her, Lex thought. Billions of dollars and I couldn't help her. But she hadn't wanted his help. He could have been there for her from the beginning, if it hadn't been for his father. Lionel. The man who seemed determined to never allow anyone to care for Lex. Not ever.
Remaining silent for only a moment, Cady quickly made up her mind and opened the driver's side door. "Move over to the other seat, Lex. I'm taking you home."
Lex looked up at her sharply for the first time since she had walked up. "I don't need - "
"You're in no condition to drive. I'm not going to argue this. I'll sit on your lap if I have to."
Lex opened his mouth to reply then closed it. He knew she wasn't kidding. She was related to the Kent's, after all. The obstinacy was there in great abundance. He had already seen that in action at the office. Sliding over to the passenger side, he asked, "What about your car?"
"I'll worry about that later," Cady replied as she sat down and started the engine, pulling the car back on to the road and toward the Luthor estate.
Saying nothing more, Lex turned to stare out the window at the passing farmland. Was it wrong of him to want this, to be glad that Cady was here and trying to take care of him? Was it wrong to just want someone, anyone there who might care, just a little bit, about how he was feeling? He knew what his father would say and, unfortunately, his conscience seemed to agree.
Allowing Lex the silence he sought, Cady didn't attempt to start a conversation on the short drive to the Estate. Pulling up to the gates, she punched in the key code that Lex had given her a week before when she had to drop off some reports from the Plant and pulled the car into the garage between the Aston Martin and Lamborghini. Cady couldn't help but smile a little at the exotic array of cars around her as she climbed out of the driver's side and shut the door. Some people would say Lex was compensating for something. Hell, a lot of people would say that! Including her uncle, who made the comment almost every time Lex pulled up to the farm. While she did agree that the overly expensive cars were compensation, she doubted it was for anything that the other half of the town might say. She believed it had little to do with Lex himself and everything to do with his father.
"Can I get you anything?" Lex asked blankly as they entered the study and he pulled off his jacket, tossing it over the leather chair and heading immediately for the decanter of scotch on the sideboard.
Cady shook her head as she watched his slim, slightly shaking hands pour the amber liquid into a glass which was immediately emptied and then refilled once more. Lex finally moved away from the cabinet and turned to walk across the room to the pool table. He played idly with the eight ball for a moment before turning and walking over to the window, staring out at the bright March sky. Needing something to do in the ensuing silence, Cady wandered over to the pool table and began racking up the balls.
"Play you a game," she commented as she bent to retrieve the eight ball that Lex had rolled into a corner pocket. "Winner takes all. House, cars, expensive suits."
Lex found a small smile at her teasing but it quickly faded and he glanced over his shoulder at her. "Go ahead and play. I'm not really in the mood."
"Not in the mood to play pool?" Cady asked in disbelief. "How un- American."
Another half-smile. Turning back to the window, Lex took a sip of his scotch and wondered for the fourth time in as many minutes why he didn't just ask Cady to leave. He wanted to be alone. Didn't he? If he did, then why had he gone to the Kent farm in the first place? Trying not to sigh, he listened as the balls broke behind him and he found he was glad that Cady had decided to play alone. There was something about her company (even though he wanted her to leave) and her silence that was comforting. Like having someone who cared, in an otherwise empty castle (life), without having the added pressure of pouring your heart out to them. Clark was that way. Lex just needed to be in his presence to feel better. Maybe it was a Kent thing. And like her cousin, Cady was also a constant mystery to Lex, though in a completely different way.
Lex knew Clark was hiding something. Had known it from the day they met. But their friendship meant more than discovering Clark's little secret. Lex had taught himself - at least in Clark's case - to just accept things as they were, and move on. Cady was a different enigma altogether. He doubted there were any dark secrets in her past, in fact, when it came to sharing, she seemed very much like an open book. Willing to tell him in detail about anything he asked and just as expressive with her eyes when it came to any questions he might have. She was a little too open, in his opinion, and that was just downright unnerving.
But what threw Lex off-kilter the most when it came to Clark's indescribable cousin was the fact that he couldn't get her out of his mind. Be it Cady the Businesswoman, looking immaculate in shorts skirts, snug jackets and heels around the office where Lex continually found himself dropping his pen around her one too many times. Or Cady the Farm Girl, in pigtails and flannel, looking outrageously adorable in the sunlight where the light freckles across her nose were most noticeable. Lex truly couldn't decide which one haunted his dreams the most. Each equally knocked him off-balance and he didn't like that feeling. Not one bit.
Truthfully, none of it would have been quite so frustrating if Cady had been anyone other than who she was. Had she not been Clark's cousin, and a Kent, Lex would have made his move for her long ago. But his conscience nagged at him for even thinking such a thing. Cady O'Rourke was meant for other things. To marry some nice farmer and have two and a half kids and a white picket fence and a dog house in the back yard where she could either keep some rangy-looking mutt or her husband - whichever the case may be. She was meant to drive her kids to soccer practice and make meatloaf and apple pie and join the PTA and love a man who worked long hours to barely make enough to keep his family in the middle-class financial bracket. Cady would be out of place in the Luthor world. She'd become lonely and jaded and hard - and Clark would never forgive Lex for that. And Lex would never forgive himself.
"This really isn't much fun on my own, you know."
Lex was proud of himself for not jumping when he was abruptly pulled from his musings to find Cady's face only mere inches from his own, peering up at him as if he were suddenly the most interesting spectacle she had ever encountered. Shifting slightly so that they weren't quite so close to one another, Lex frowned.
"So don't play."
Turning, he walked away from her, taking a deep breath once he was across the room and fixing himself another drink. He blinked a few times to get the image of a pair of bright green eyes out of his mind. Cady had been too close, had smelled too good, had been too tempting.
And that was the other problem. Lex was ready to wager his entire inheritance and every car in his garage that Cady O'Rourke was interested in him. Again, she was too open in her expressions. Her heart was in her eyes each time she looked at him and it was being offered to him willingly. While he had every doubt that Cady had any inclination whatsoever about the implications of them having a relationship would entail, Lex was equally certain that she wouldn't care even if he were to point them out to her. So that made everything that much more difficult. He wanted her, he could admit that. She obviously had some starry-eyed crush on him and it would be impossibly easy to take advantage of that. But she was Clark's cousin and becoming an invaluable friend and those were so scarce.
Fuck.
Hearing the rustle of one of the leather chairs behind him, Lex turned around to see Cady making herself comfortable, watching him closely. He frowned again, stared down into his glass, took a sip. When he glanced up, she was still watching, like she saw too much - way more than she should have. Glaring at her momentarily, Lex moved from where he stood, walking over to behind his desk to sit down and turn on the monitor and stare at it.
"Tell me about Pamela."
Lex's head shot up at her request. Finally, he shook his head. "I don't want to talk about Pamela."
"It'll keep hurting until you do."
"What the hell do you know?" Lex snapped, instantly regretting his words but not bothering to take them back.
He turned to stare at the monitor again. He didn't want to talk about Pamela because that would only drive home exactly why he distanced himself from people like Cady and Clark and anyone else who might, just possibly, see some imagined vulnerability in him. It was why he was alone and why he preferred it that way. He couldn't talk about that. Wouldn't talk about that. What was she - insane??
Cady watched Lex quietly as he seemed to sink more deeply into himself. Suddenly, she got up from the chair and walked over to him, taking his hand in hers and tugging him up to his feet and towards the door. "Come on. What you need is a good ol' fashioned temper tantrum."
"What?" Lex asked as she half-dragged him out of the study and down the stairs toward the kitchen. "Cady, what are you talking about? I'm fine." He fought the urge to say all he wanted to really do was hold her. Where had that come from??
"No, you're not," she replied simply. "But you will be."
Letting go of his hand when they entered the kitchen, Cady began rifling through the cabinets while Lex looked on in bemusement. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he could do little more than watch, wondering what she was attempting to get him to do. He knew he should have taken off the moment she had pulled up. Then again, Cady would have followed him back to the castle. He should never have gone to the Kent farm, never been so obvious with his emotions.
"Here we go!" Turning, a more-than-pleased with herself smile on her face, Cady held a plate out to Lex. "Take it."
Lex walked over to where she stood, frowning slightly. "Why?"
"Because I want you to break it."
Shaking his head, Lex looked away with an exasperated sigh. "I'm not going to break any of my plates, Cady. That's just. stupid."
"You've really got to work on insulting those who take an interest in your well-being," Cady replied sharply, fighting back the hurt.
Looking back up at her, Lex examined her face for a moment before answering, "I didn't mean. I just think for me, it's stupid."
"Because you're a Luthor?"
Swallowing hard, Lex looked away.
"Take the damn plate, Lex. And throw it."
Having never felt quite so ridiculous in his life, Lex took the plate from the insistent girl before him and just let it drop to the ground. It clattered loudly against the tile, ringing through both Cady and Lex's ears, before finally coming to a rest, unmarred.
"Wow." Cady stared blankly at the untouched plate. "Industrial strength." Reaching down, she picked it up and held it back out to him. "Try it again. But this time, throw it like you mean it."
"Cady - "
"Lex, either you throw that plate or I'll. I'll. I'll stick a frog in your bed!"
Lex blinked, knowing that she would do it. Clark would probably help her. With a half-glare, he took the plate from her and this time threw it to the ground. Their ears continued to ring until the plate settled against the tile, once more intact. Cady threw up her hands in frustration before scooping the plate back into her hands again. Lex leaned back against the counter and winced as this time she threw it to the ground, the sound worse than before. Once more, it remained unbroken.
"What the hell kind of plates do you buy?" She demanded, picking it up and looking it over for any signs of chipping or cracking. "These things could possibly be Clark-proof."
Kind of half-smiling at that, even though he didn't really feel it, Lex commented, "Cady, I appreciate what you're trying to do. Really. But I'm fine. It's not like this hasn't happened before."
Ignoring him, knowing by the simple set of his shoulders that Lex was in fact not fine -- quite far from fine -- Cady went over to the next set of cabinets and pulled out a different set of dishes. Lex raised an eyebrow at her choice.
"Cady, those are fine bone china and very old. I'm not breaking them."
"Are they yours or your fathers?"
Without replying, Lex reached over and picked up one of the plates. "I feel ridiculous," he commented, tossing the plate to the ground.
It shattered.
Cady smiled. "There. That wasn't so hard, was it?"
Lex frowned. "I don't feel any different."
"Well, of course not. You didn't exactly put much feeling into it," Cady told him, holding out another plate. "Try it again. But this time, mean it. Think about everything you are holding bottled up inside of you and let it out through the plate. Take your anger out on it. Your pain. Whatever."
Lex was certain that right about the time he were to take the plate in his hand and throw it, his father would walk in. It was only fitting after all. He glanced at Cady, knowing fully well he likely wouldn't be able to look her in the eyes tomorrow. But he liked having her here. Even if what she was making him do was ridiculous and stupid and childish, her presence was a balm on his raging emotions. For a moment, he could pretend that there was still one other person in this world who did care, and wasn't leaving him any time soon. Glancing at her uncertainly, Lex returned his gaze to the plate and tried to think about all of the reasons why he was so upset. He frowned. There were too many. He didn't want to lose that kind of control. His hand clenched the plate until it threatened to break beneath it.
"Lex, it's okay."
He barely felt her hand on his arm. It took a moment for the warmth to seep through. Instead of consoling him though, it only served to bring the anger to the forefront. If his father hadn't chased Pamela away, she could have been there for him during his most difficult years. He could have been a different person - a better person. People would have liked him, he might have even had friends, relationships. And maybe he could have allowed himself to ask Cady out.
Then again, Pamela should have tried to find a way to contact him, to keep in touch, to let him know what had really happened. She should have come to him the moment she knew she had cancer, let him help her, let him do something! She should have been there for him, should have known that his father wouldn't have disinherited him. His father couldn't do that. Lex knew he had one thing going for him - he was Lionel Luthor's only heir.
Heir. And that's all he was.
The rage released itself and Lex threw the plate across the kitchen, where it shattered with a loud crack against the far wall. "Goddamn him!" He yelled, grabbing another plate from the counter and throwing it as well. "To hell with them all!"
Cady stepped back as she watched the man - boy - in front of her fall apart. She kept a close eye on Lex, determined not to let him accidentally hurt himself, as he continued destroying the plates she had pulled from the cupboard, as he screamed curses against his father, against Pamela for walking back into his life for such a short time, against his mother for ever leaving in the first place. Cady couldn't help but hurt for him. She knew what it was like to lose a parent -- both parents - but she didn't understand the concept of having one that didn't seem to love her. And that was what she was beginning to hear from Lex regarding Lionel. Either Lex was simply taking all that had happened in his life out on his father because there was no one else, or Lionel was even more of a bastard than her uncle claimed him to be.
The anger seemed to drain suddenly and Lex felt as if he no longer had any strength left within him. The last plate simply slipped from his hand to the floor and he found himself sliding down to meet it as the unbidden tears ran down his face. How could Pamela just come back into his life and leave again? Didn't she know how alone he was? So much lost time. And now he would never get it back. She had said that Lionel wanted him to be his son. Well, apparently his father had won.
Lex didn't bother fighting it when he felt Cady's arms wrap around his shoulders and pull him against her. He knew he should have, knew that he would hate himself later for letting her see all of this. But at the moment, he just wanted to feel comfort. Why push away what she was willingly offering to him? Lex figured he could hate himself later, hate her for seeing him so weak, so out of control. Besides, she was warm and soft and smelled like. honey? Honeysuckles. That was it. Lex found he liked the scent. It was fresh and pure and untainted, not like so many women he had dated who smelled like department stores. She was stroking his back gently and he found himself relaxing under her touch. It reminded him of his mother and how she held him after a nightmare. Only this wasn't about a nightmare, it was about reality.
"Why is it the only people who ever care about me, leave me?" He asked quietly, forcing the tears away.
"Plenty of people care about you, Lex," Cady replied, holding him more tightly. Me included, she thought. "Clark cares about you quite a bit. My aunt Martha cares or she never would have sent me after you - "
Lex laughed bitterly. "Mrs. Kent cares about everyone. Homicidal maniacs and billionaire's sons alike."
Cady frowned, not liking the fact that Lex compared himself to a homicidal maniac. She didn't understand how someone who outwardly appeared so confident and in charge of his life could be so torn apart and scared on the inside. In her eyes, Lex was larger than life, stronger than anyone she had ever known. But the truth was a bit different from the perception. It was amazing really, that someone could so completely have everyone fooled. In many ways, Cady thought it was a useful tool; at the same time, she thought it could be quite crippling. After all, Lex obviously didn't want anyone to know what was buried on the inside and moments like this would not be welcomed.
Cady knew she was correct in that assessment the moment he pulled away from her, sitting up, refusing to make eye contact. There was an awkward moment of silence between them, which Cady found herself quickly wanting to dispel but was uncertain of how to do so. Luckily, it was Lex who decided to speak:
"Thank you for bringing me back here," he said stiffly, moving to stand. "You didn't have to."
"You weren't in condition to drive," Cady replied, climbing to her feet to stand beside him. "Lex, are you okay?"
How was he supposed to answer that? Without meeting her eyes, Lex nodded. "Yes. Fine."
"If there's anything I can do - "
"I said I was fine!" Lex snapped, casting a glare at the young woman beside him, which he immediately regretted.
"Very well." Cady nodded, stepping past him to head toward the door.
"Cady. wait."
Turning at his voice, Cady stood there waiting silently, watching the tortured man before her as he sought to apologize without apologizing.
"I. I do appreciate all that you do for me, Cady," Lex told her quietly, thinking it would have been easier if he had just let her go. But he hadn't and she was still there and he realized he owed her something for what she had done.
The pain was still there but it didn't cut as deeply. Lex felt that he could handle the rest of what he was feeling without much trouble. He could bury it deep down within him and maybe face it later when he had less to worry about, when he was alone and didn't have to worry about prying questions from well-meaning Kent family members. He almost groaned at the realization that Cady would likely go home and tell Clark what had happened. And then Clark would be on his doorstep next!
Cady waved a hand as if dismissing the whole matter. "That's what friends are for, right?"
Lex tried to offer a smile but knew it came out as more of a grimace. His life had been a hell of a lot easier when he didn't have friends. But between Clark, and now his cousin, Lex was finding himself in situations and having to answer questions that he'd never dealt with before. It was unnerving. It was annoying. And truthfully, he wouldn't have given it up for the world. Wonder what 'daddy' would say about that? He thought, his outward expression melting into a frown.
Cady tried not to sigh at the mercurial changes that swept over Lex. Sometimes she thought he was the most difficult being on earth to understand. Mentally shaking her head, she knelt down to begin retrieving the broken dishes from the floor.
"Don't."
She looked up to find Lex, kneeling beside her, lifting her hands away from the scattered remnants of what had been a very beautiful set of china.
"My staff will clean up."
Cady nodded but didn't move. Neither did Lex, she realized somewhat belatedly. They were both just kneeling there, facing one another, holding hands. His were warm and soft and she thought she could just let him continue to do so for. oh, forever really. If she wasn't mistaken - and she was certain she wasn't - his thumb was brushing against the palm of her right hand. Back and forth, back and forth. It was almost. drugging. In fact, her eyes almost closed from the relaxed state it was putting her in but she averted herself from that course when she realized something - Lex was watching her. Very, very closely watching her and it wasn't just intently either. He was actually getting closer. Swallowing, Cady found her gaze moving from Lex's eyes to his mouth, which she could only imagine felt as perfect as it looked. Just inches now, she could feel his breath fan across her face as his lips parted slightly and she was positive he could hear her heart beating a rhythmic cadence against her chest, and if he couldn't, at any moment she just knew it was going to beat right through her breast bone. The warmth from him hit her and she could clearly see each individual eyelash that covered the now silver-colored orbs that had tiny flecks of blue and black and god but he was close. His scent engulfed her - cologne and liquor and leather and everything else that was about as far away from farm and country as she could possibly imagine. Her eyelids fluttered closed in anticipation. Almost.
The phone rang, causing them both to jump. Cady's eyes flew open to look at Lex who appeared as if he had just awakened from sleep. He glanced at her in what she could only describe as mild panic before gracefully rising to his feet and moving over to the house phone that hung on the wall beside the back door.
"Lex Luthor."
"Lex, it's Martha. Is my niece there?"
"Yes, Mrs. Kent. One moment." Lex held the phone out to the young woman who had scrambled to her feet the moment she had heard him say her aunt's name. If he wasn't mistaken, there was a hint of red creeping in to her cheeks. A part of him wanted to assure her that Martha Kent had no idea about what had almost happened between them.
And the other part just wanted to pretend nothing even resembling 'almost happening' had occurred. He held the phone out to her, stepping away the moment she got close and moving to the other side of the kitchen.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, Lex cursed himself silently, taking the few moments that Cady was on the phone with her aunt to collect himself. He had almost just gone against every promise that he had made to himself. And having Martha Kent on the phone didn't help matters. He half-glanced over his shoulder as he listened to Cady confirm something about her uncle coming to pick her up. Silently, Lex thanked whatever Powers That Be were out there for not allowing Jonathon Kent to simply walk in while he had been close to seducing the man's niece. Hearing the sound of the receiver clicking back into place, Lex returned his attention to his guest.
"Uncle Jonathon is on his way to take me back to my car," Cady told Lex as she moved across the kitchen towards him.
Instantly turning, Lex started out of the kitchen and into the hall toward the main foyer. "Good. I have some work to get to anyway." He led her all of the way to the front door, then gave her a tight smile. "Thanks again, Cady."
Cady doubted that if she had set him on fire, Lex could have sped away from her anymore quickly than he did at that moment. And she tried very hard not to let that fact hurt as much as it did.
***
"Would you like some coffee, Lex?" Martha asked as she moved from her husband's side over to the coffee pot on the counter.
Lex had to pull his gaze away from Jonathon who was tucking the recently handed over insurance check into his pocket. That had gone much better than Lex had expected. He had thoroughly prepared himself on the drive over for the elder Kent to tear the check up and toss it in his face. But now, Lex felt as if he were possibly being given another chance. He almost felt like smiling.
"I should probably get going, Mrs. Kent. But thank you for the offer." He was about to turn toward the back screen door when a voice behind him brought Lex to a stop.
"Aunt Martha, do you know where my black pumps are? These broke!"
Lex turned to see Cady enter the kitchen wearing a navy-colored suit , white blouse half-tucked, hobbling around on one shoe with its match in one hand and its heel in the other. When their eyes met, she came to an abrupt halt and Lex could swear her expression was one of complete and total panic. He thought it was positively adorable.
"Good morning, Cady."
"Er. " Cady blinked.
Lex Luthor was not supposed to be standing in her kitchen this early in the morning when she was half-dressed and running around like a maniac. And why was he staring at her hair like that. ? Oh hell. Cady reached up and yanked the curler out that she had somehow missed. Her boss had the gall to smile at the action.
"Cady, don't be rude," Martha admonished, trying very hard not to laugh at her niece's reaction. "Lex said good morning."
"'morning, Lex," Cady almost grumbled as she hobbled over to her aunt. "My shoes?"
"Oh honey, I dropped the black pumps off at the store the other day to have the leather fixed on them - "
"Ah hell!"
"Catherine Josephine, this is not the end of the world," Jonathon chuckled, taking the shoe and its broken heel from her. "I'll have this fixed for you in a jiffy." He disappeared out the back door toward the barn.
"What's he gonna do?" Cady asked her aunt, taking the cup of coffee that Martha handed to her. "Fill it full of hay?"
Martha shook her head with a smile. "You sure you wouldn't like some coffee, Lex?"
"Maybe half a cup," he replied, finding that he wasn't in such a hurry to get out of the Kent house all of a sudden. He bit back the smile at Cady's glare over the rim of her cup. She obviously did not like him seeing her in this state of disarray, which was exactly why he planned on hanging around. As she moved past him to sit down at the counter, he asked, "Did you uncle really just say 'in a jiffy'?"
Cady looked up at him and grinned and Lex thought he would keep that smile with him the rest of the day. "That was nothing. Get him on a roll and he'll say Jiminy Cricket."
Lex found a smile as he sat beside her. "Say it isn't so," he teased.
"No, really. Scout's honor."
"You're were never a Scout."
"Yeah, well my cousin was. so there."
Lex tried to picture a young Clark in a Boy Scout's uniform and wondered if this sudden smiling thing would be an all-day occurrence. Sipping at his coffee, he asked, "Want a ride into work?"
"I do have my own transportation, you know."
He shrugged. "Yeah. But I'm here. And, my car's more fun."
Cady smiled at the man beside her, wondering why he seemed to be in such a good mood. "I won't argue with you there." She took another sip of her coffee, turning at the sound of the screen door opening to find her uncle walking over, fixed shoe in hand, a triumphant smile on his face.
"Here you go, honey."
Why was everyone in such a good mood this morning? Cady couldn't help but wonder, taking the pump from her uncle. Had even Clark gone to school singing Zippadeedooda? She glanced at her shoe and did a double-take. "Uncle Jonathon, there's a nail in my shoe."
"How else did you think I would fix it?" He asked, sitting down at the table to a plate of eggs and bacon that Martha set before him. "And it's a flat head. You won't feel it."
Rolling her eyes, Cady slipped her shoe on, bouncing out of her seat to tuck in the rest of her blouse and run her fingers through the curls in her hair, loosening them. "Lex is giving me a ride so I'll see you both later," she announced, giving her aunt and uncle both a quick kiss before heading toward the back door.
Setting his empty coffee mug on the counter, Lex smiled at the Kents. "Thank you for the coffee, Mrs. Kent." He nodded at Jonathon and followed Cady out the door.
"So what was that all about?" She asked as they walked together toward the Aston Martin.
"What was what all about?" Lex rejoined with false innocence.
"Oh come on, Lex! One doesn't wake up every morning to find Lex Luthor hanging out in the Kent kitchen sans Clark's presence."
Lex winced. She had a point. He had almost allowed himself to become comfortable with the thought, when the truth was he wasn't exactly welcomed there. Shrugging, he replied, "I brought over the insurance check from the accident."
"Oh." Cady said nothing more until she climbed into the sports car and Lex was pulling down the drive toward the main road. "I guess money can perk up anyone's life. Even uncle Jonathon."
"So it would seem," Lex replied blandly.
The drive to the Plant was mostly silent. What had almost happened in Lex's kitchen still hung between them and neither was completely open to discussing it. The worst of it was, Lex found himself regretting not picking up from where they had left off right after Cady had hung up the phone. After all, what would a few harmless dates with Cady do, anyway? It wasn't as if he could destroy her life quite that quickly. Even he wasn't that talented. So what was stopping him?
Pulling into his parking space, Lex glanced at Cady as she climbed out of the car and headed into the Plant. Following her, he thought it over in his mind about five more times, telling himself that there would be no harm done. Hell, they might not even be compatible. They could go out on one little date and discover they really couldn't stand each other. Simple as that.
No. That didn't change the fact that she was Clark's cousin and Jonathon Kent's niece and as such, she was completely off limits to him. It was foolish to even consider it. Just enjoy the mild flirtation, don't risk the chance of losing her friendship. Take a page out of Clark's book - he was fine with just watching Lana and being friends with her.
"Cady?" He called out as she started down the hall toward her office.
Turning, Cady smiled at Lex and walked back to him. "Yes?"
Okay, so I'm not Clark. "Do you have plans for Saturday?"
Cady blinked. Does he want me to work on the weekend? "Er. no. Why?"
"Would you be interested in a trip to Metropolis?"
Unable to keep from furrowing her brow, Cady asked, "Business?"
Lex laughed. He couldn't help himself. "No, Cady. Not business."
"Oh." Then, "Oh!"
If possible, Lex found his smile growing. "I was thinking of visiting the museum. there's a new art show in town, dinner, maybe the theatre. "
Reminding herself not to look like a total and complete idiot, Cady tried to keep her answering smile from turning into some crazed grin. "I'd. I'd like that, Lex."
Lex nodded. Okay, enough of this high school stuff.
"I'll pick you up at noon." Without another word or glance in her direction, he headed to his office.
Cady stood staring off at him for a long moment. Holy crap! Lex Luthor just asked me out on a date! Trying very hard not to do cartwheels down the hall, Cady walked calmly down to her office, wondering if it was just Lex's day to make everyone smile.