Summary: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?
Sakura talked to Syaoran every night and wore a silly smile each day. Life was perfect for her. So perfect that sometimes, she forgot that she didn't initially belong to this time. Little things made her remember though, like when the lecturer repeated the same stuff she already knew in class, when she had knowledge of medical advances that hadn't been discovered yet. She could barely keep herself awake in class because her knowledge far surpassed that of her lecturers'. She had to condition herself to refrain from interpreting in class. Also, she was far more mature than her now 17; it makes her sick to act all giggly of immature. It makes her feel weird to wear pastels again; it's been such a long time since she's been out of a doctor's standard white coat.
Sakura can still remember exactly what will happen, and when it will happen. Her memories recorded specific dates and events, the cause and the effect. Like, she knew that Tomoyo would have a huge row with Eriol the day before because Tomoyo accepted the modeling offer in Milan. It was a once in a lifetime thing, so there was no way Tomoyo was giving it up, no matter how much she loved Eriol. The argument before Tomoyo went to Milan was the first strain on the relationship. That was what made Tomoyo question her entire relationship with Eriol.
So, what Sakura did was intercept the Milan call at the right time and told the talent scout that Tomoyo's services was unavailable, and won't be within this half year. Afterwards, she felt both relieved and guilty about it. The Milan job was what landed Tomoyo in the major league and Sakura had just played God and took Tomoyo's choice and free will away. And she did this because she wanted Syaoran to herself, man, she was despicable! Just because she wanted Syaoran was no reason to sabotage her own cousin's career, logically she understood that, but it was a risk Sakura couldn't allow.
Now, sitting opposite Syaoran in his house, watching him destroy the kitchens in a bid to prepare dinner for her, Sakura felt torn between doing what's right and doing what feels right.
What was right was to present to Syaoran the real her that he would only like as a friend, what feels right was to continue with this charade, that she was the girl he thought she was. What was right would be telling Tomoyo what Sakura did to her career, what felt right was keeping mum about it. But the thing was, how long can Sakura live a lie? How long more can she deceive both Tomoyo and Syaoran? What if Syaoran and her were never meant to be together, what if Tomoyo and Syaoran were the fated ones? What if they were the one for each other? Then wouldn't Sakura be destroying everything that was right? But if that's the case, then why was she transported back into this time? Why was all this happening? People always say that things happen for a reason, then what was the reason for her being back here. What the heck was she supposed, or perhaps even expected to do here?
"Sakura? Sakura! Did you hear anything I said?" Syaoran was waving his hand in front of her nose and watching her with a concerned expression. His brow was furrowed, "Are you feeling all right? Shall we postpone this? I'll take you home if you're not feeling well."
Sakura shook her head and managed a smile for Syaoran, "No, don't worry about me, I'm fine, I was just thinking about school. We have so much to do… it's so tiring," she fibbed, faking a delicate yawn. Syaoran's frown slid away at Sakura's assurance, he sat down behind her and hugged her from behind. Sakura relaxed against his strong body with a small sigh.
"You work too hard, Sakura, you need to learn to relax," Syaoran whispered into her ear, his lips touching Sakura's ears teasingly as he spoke.
Sakura heard the playfulness in Syaoran's voice and smiled. At the same time, she couldn't suppress the shudder that ran through her when his lips brushed her ear.
"Stop it," Sakura said as she drew in a shaky breath. She knew Syaoran could feel how he affected her and she knew that he wanted her to feel the way she did. It was all part of the bug plan; only she didn't know what the big plan entailed.
Syaoran started kissing her ear, "Are you sure that's what you want me to do?" his words tickled the inside of Sakura's ear and Sakura bit her lower lip. God! What was he trying to do? If he kept this up, she might throw herself at him!
Sakura finally found the strength to utter, "I want you to stop, Syaoran." Syaoran did stop when she asked and that loss made Sakura want to cry out. Syaoran released her from his embrace and dropped a kiss at the top of her head. "Come with me, I have a little surprise waiting for you."
Sakura looked up at the man she loved in surprise. She knew the playful side to him, she knew even the serious side and the dejected and the ambitious and the angry side, but this was different. He was different. He was in a very strange mood and Sakura just couldn't pin him down. He was seductive and romantic. He was serious and playful. Sakura looked at his extend hand then back to his beckoning eyes. Those eyes promised rewards if she trusted him.
Sakura laughed up at him and caught his hand. She had loved him her entire life and had trusted him that long, there was no reason to start doubting him now. Syaoran grinned down at the beautiful girl who had captivated him the first moment he saw her, mystified him with her cryptic words, and baffled him with her violent mood swings. She also dazzled him with her wit, smile and intellect. Syaoran didn't claim to know her inside out and he knew that perhaps one day, in the distant he would finally understand where she was coming from – when she was ready to be discovered. But until then, he would just have to wait patiently.
Just before they reached his bedroom, Syaoran turned to Sakura. "Close your eyes," he told her. Sakura looked at him questioningly, but all he did was look back at her silently.
"What are you up to?" All she got for an answer was Syaoran's hand over her eyes. Obliging, she closed them and couldn't repressed the smile that curved her lips. Syaoran waved his hand in front of Sakura's face to see if she was peeking, when he was satisfied that she wasn't, he slipped both his hands into hers and led her forward into his room. He brought her to stand in the middle of his room and left her there with explicit instructions not to open her eyes unless he told her to.
After what seemed to be an eternity to Sakura, she finally heard Syaoran saying, "Now," and she opened her eyes.
Year 2013
Tomoyo had to sit down. She hadn't even finished one page, or even half page of her cousin's diary and she had to sit down or risked her legs giving out. She didn't know Sakura felt that way about Syaoran, she never knew or she'll – She stopped short. Or she'll what? She let Sakura have him with her blessings? Tomoyo didn't know. She didn't know if she could be such a saint. She didn't know if she could make as big a sacrifice as Sakura did.
Tomoyo tried to think what Sakura must have felt when she saw Syaoran, the man she loved, and Tomoyo, the cousin she respected, cuddling together, sometimes kissing or just behaving intimately. She tried to imagine the pain she must have felt, but couldn't. She couldn't imagine pain that magnitude. All her life, Tomoyo had been granted all that she wanted because she was beautiful and smart. All her life she never lacked anything. Any guy she wanted wants her back, anything she wanted was presented to her in a neatly wrapped package.
Tomoyo didn't understand what it was like to love someone without that person knowing or loving her back. She didn't understand the concept itself, so how could she understand how Sakura felt?
Tomoyo closed her eyes and thought back to when she had forced Sakura to be her bridesmaid.
"There is no way I'm going to let you say no to me Sakura. You're my cousin and Syaoran's best friend, there is no one more qualified than you," she had begged.
She didn't realize then that Sakura had been so desperate to get out of it that she would have willingly forsaken an arm. "Tomoyo, you know that I would love to do it, but I can't. I just can't. I don't have the time. The hospital-"
"Now, don't give me that... You're been working nearly everyday in that shelter you insisted on calling a hospital since the day you graduated. If it weren't for your inheritance, you would have starved to death. You are overworked and underpaid – don't interrupt, I'm not finished yet – the hospital will allow you the leave or I'll withdraw my donation." Tomoyo threatened and Sakura knew that Tomoyo was serious. She had been bullied and coerced into witnessing the loss of the love of her life. Tomoyo had unknowingly condemned her vulnerable and dearest cousin to living hell when she forced Sakura to watch Syaoran and her take their wedding pictures, when Tomoyo had forced Sakura to watch as Tomoyo adjusted the lapels of Syaoran's tux. When they planned their wedding and honeymoon, Sakura was always their watching them with her sad eyes, only Tomoyo had been too involved and self-centered to be aware of the heartbreak Sakura must have been experiencing.
"What are you doing?" Syaoran's harsh voice snapped Tomoyo's head up and she stared at her fiancé whose attention was on the leather bound book on Tomoyo's lap. Tomoyo jumped up guilty, making the book fall to the ground. "Syaoran! I – I can explain –"
Syaoran's eyes were on the book. "Get out," he said that quietly, with an undercurrent of anger running so strongly that it scared Tomoyo. She stood there looking at him for a long moment, "I said get out!" Syaoran shouted, still not looking at Tomoyo.
Tomoyo started; her eyes filled with tears, blurring her vision as she fled the room.
Syaoran slowly unclenched his fist but didn't take his eyes off Sakura's diary. He didn't know how he managed to so thoroughly screw up his life, but he'd done it. "If I'd only screw up only my life and not Tomoyo's and Sakura's," he thought. But Syaoran knew it was too late for regrets, much too late for amends.
If only he could choose all over again... If only...
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Author's Note: A little fluffy, hope you liked it. Hmm, I would do more fluff in later chapters if readers like it, but if not I won't. I personally don't like things too mushy, so I'm doing it for you guys! Anyhow, I was thinking if I should change the rating to my story to perhaps PG-13 instead of PG, but I really don't want to limit the readers so much. You guys tell me, okay?
Now about the story, what do you guys think of Sakura playing 'god' like that? A little dangerous, neh? Would it affect how things turnout? Sorry readers, I'm not giving anything away, so you'd have to wait and see but tell me what you guys are predicting and how you hope things to be! Oh, and for the '2013' Syaoran, I'm sorry if I displayed him a little harsh but just think about what's going through his head and remember, he still cares about Tomoyo but he just realized a feeling he had, but never found, before for Sakura (even though she's 'gone' now).
Well thanks for the comments, they were awesome! Each and every single one of the made my day a little brighter, hehe. Remember to keep reviewing... Also check out my other two stories!