Summary: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?
The tabloids were saying that two and a half weeks after Sakura's funeral, Tomoyo and Syaoran's broken up. It started when Syaoran attended Meilin Li's latest movie premiere alone without Tomoyo by his side. Then when Tomoyo showed up at a bash with another actor, rumors started flying around.
The more functions Tomoyo attended without Syaoran by her side, the more the paparazzi speculated. Syaoran frankly didn't care a hoot what the magazines were saying. He wasn't even quite sure how he survived, but he did. He wasn't sure if he ate or shaved or did anything at all, but every time he looked into the mirror he didn't look slovenly. No, except for his lifeless eyes that were bloodshot and down-turned mouth, he looked normal. "As normal as a zombie can look," he thought humorlessly. Life held no meaning for him now. There was nothing to laugh at or cry or rage at. He was just surviving because his company, manager, producer won't let him die.
On the other hand, Tomoyo had multi-escorts, taking her around town because she didn't want Syaoran to feel responsible towards her. It was her way of showing him that he didn't have to feel any guilt for abandoning her. Not that Syaoran cared much about anything these days.
She had totally given up on their 7-year relationship. Even though Syaoran was still in denial about his feelings for Sakura, the fact that he was pushing Tomoyo away proved that he didn't love her enough. If he had pretended that everything was fine between them, if he'd caught her reading Sakura's diary and rushed to explain instead of ousting her from his house, there might have been something left to salvage between them. But Syaoran had reacted as though she was a nosy reporter going through his personal belongings so that she could expose it to the rest of the world. He'd eloquently told her without words that even if they forced themselves together just for the sake of not being alone, neither of them would stay happy very long.
There would always be Sakura between them. Tomoyo would always wonder, when he was kissing her, hugging her, being passionate together, if he was really thinking about her, or imaging she was Sakura. Tomoyo knew she couldn't have bore that. No woman could and Tomoyo was just a normal woman after all was said and done.
Syaoran was hell-bent on destroying himself and the career he so carefully crafted for 10 years and even though Tomoyo made a vow to stay away from him, she couldn't turn her feelings for him off just like that, like a tap. It hurts her to see him so empty inside even when he's in a roomful of people. He has no goal in sight, no drive, no ambition anymore. It was scary when she looked into his eyes and felt as if he was looking at a glacier. He's withdrawn so deep from them all that he was just a dry husk of a human being and Tomoyo couldn't bear that. Syaoran wasn't meant to be like that. He was a person made to light up a room, a flamboyant being that'd be the life of any party. He was someone who cared about everything and everybody.
But now, no! Tomoyo couldn't let that happen to him. Syaoran didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to suffer for something that he didn't know because Sakura, Tomoyo's deceased cousin didn't have enough guts to tell him the truth. After the initial hurt and pain, Tomoyo now was furious with Sakura.
How could she do this to Syaoran? How could you love someone and then bring him so much pain? Why didn't she just tell Syaoran and let him decide who he wanted? Why couldn't she just take a risk once in her life? Why did she always have to be the noble one and sacrifice everything for her selfish cousin? Tomoyo hated Sakura, she hated her for putting Tomoyo into a position where she could feel the shattering ache both herself and Sakura was feeling. She wanted to hate Sakura and she wanted to hate herself for not being observant enough. But at this precise moment, all she could feel was a dullness in the region of her heart and a resignation that seeped deep.
She imagined that must be how Sakura felt when she witnessed Syaoran and Tomoyo's wedding: a feeling of inevitability. Everyday Tomoyo woke up and she remembered what happened between her and Syaoran. Everyday she relived the scene when Syaoran shouted for her to get out of his house when he found her with Sakura's diary. And everyday, she berated fate for letting him find that diary of Sakura's when everything was beyond salvage between him and Sakura. Why did he have to find that diary? They could have been so happy together if the diary never came into the picture. The secret would have died with Sakura and all of them could live happily ever after. Sakura was dead, why couldn't her love for him stop at that? Why did Syaoran have to find out and ruined everything? Why did all of them have to suffer now? It was so unfair!
Then again, whoever said life was fair? If it was, Sakura would never have died at the peak of her life. What would have happened if she didn't die? Maybe then, Tomoyo and Syaoran would have gotten married, have a dozen of kids or so and Sakura would probably be married to that hospital of hers. She would never have said a word to either her cousin or cousin-in-law about her love for him. That would be for the best wouldn't it? At least, only one person instead of the two now would be suffering.
Tomoyo knew it was selfish of her to think of things this way, but she couldn't help it. She just wanted so much to smile again; she hadn't cracked a smile since Sakura's death – nothing seemed amusing to her nowadays.
Tomoyo sighed – she'd never sighed so much in her life before – and knew it was no use sighing over everything now. All she could do was get Syaoran out of his present rut. There must be a way to do it, there must…
Year 2003
Syaoran eagerly pounded the doorbell to the Daidouji's home, his heart singing a happy song, 'She loves me, she loves me, she loves me…' When a minute later, still no one answered the door, his smile began to slip. Something was wrong; he could feel unease knotting his stomach now and perspiration breaking out on his forehead. Where was everyone?
Syaoran jabbed the doorbell harder.
Inside the house, Tomoyo stared at the letter in her hand in disbelief. It was probably the thousandth time she was reading it, but the words were just registering in her mind. Her 17 year old cousin had ran away from home, from her and from Syaoran. This was not happening! There was no way quiet, timid Sakura could do this!
Tomoyo sat down hard on Sakura's teak chair in her room and closed her eyes. Everything about this was so impossible. Everything had a surreal tinge to it, nothing was quite real and tangible to her anymore. What was happening?
Distantly, Tomoyo heard the insistent doorbell, but it wasn't penetrating the fog of surrealism surrounding her. Her cousin had ran away, why did that happen? How?
Tomoyo unconsciously let go of the dratted letter and reached for the phone. Eriol. Eriol would know what to do.
Year 2013
Eriol hit the rewind button for the millionth time and at the same thing wondered why he was doing this. He was a hard, cold, bitter man. He hated Syaoran to the core didn't he? Syaoran betrayed him didn't he? Then why was he making himself look at the video clip showing Syaoran's reaction when Sakura collapsed at his wedding? Then why was he feeling sorry for his former best friend and felt an inexplicable urge to make Syaoran live again? This was thoroughly confusing him. What he was feeling didn't click with what he wanted to feel and that made him angry with himself.
A lot of his anger, Eriol realized, was directed at himself. Stop and play, Eriol sat back and watched the clip again.
The person holding the camera had zoomed in on Syaoran's expression when the priest finished asking his question. Syaoran was silently looking at his beautiful bride, his expression seemed content, but Eriol saw the slight hesitation and uncertainty in his demeanor. Syaoran had to swallow, inhale deeply before giving his answer. Even then, just before he completed giving his two-word answer, his eyes flicked towards where the bridesmaid was standing and widened in horror and incredulity. That was a telling action. Syaoran was committing himself to the bonds of marriage and he was looking at Sakura – who wasn't his bride?
Then Syaoran was pulling his hands free of Tomoyo's gloved ones and pushing her aside to get to Sakura. He caught Sakura before she completely crumbled to the floor. He was holding her incredibly tightly, trying to fuse his own strength into her, trying to protect her with his own body. He stared down at her pale face and shouted at the crowds to call the ambulance, his gaze never leaving Sakura's face. His fear was palpable, as was his desperation and confusion. He kept calling her name softly and urgently, his grip on her growing tighter and tighter.
When the paramedics came and brought a stretcher for Sakura, they had to pry Syaoran's hands from her. When they loaded her onto the stretcher, Syaoran was there, watching over Sakura, looking for the entire world, like her husband. In the space of a few minutes, he changed from an anxious groom to a haggard, pale... husband. Yet amazingly, no one noticed his telling actions through all the confusion.
Eriol watched thoughtfully as the paramedics, Sakura on the stretcher and Syaoran following right on their heels disappear off-screen, and made a decision he never thought he would make ever again in this life. He wondered briefly if he was insane and decided that his sanity wasn't the issue, Syaoran's was.
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Author's Note: Long chapter and too lazy to write anymore. If you guys are kind and want quicker updates, please comment! ^_^