Summary: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?
He didn't find her.
Syaoran came back from Japan after 1 and half weeks of intensive searching. Prior to that, he was in England and US looking for her. He couldn't find even a trace of her. It was as if Sakura fell off the surface of this earth. Like she never existed.
Syaoran wasn't distraught; he was desolate. He was desperate. He did everything in his power, every single thing he could to find her, but why can't he? Where was she? She was merely 17 years old! How could she know how to cover her tracks so well? The entire situation was crazy! Syaoran was going crazy himself.
Eriol and Tomoyo watched as Syaoran drank himself into a stupor everyday for 2 entire weeks. The media was going crazy over that. They made such a killing running cover stories about Hong Kong pop golden boy's slipups. They reported on his incessant drinking, his sloppiness, his rowdy appearance, his deteriorating language to reporters who attempted to interview him, his bad temper and everything negative they could get their hands on.
Once Eriol had to rip out the film of one of the photographer who snapped a picture of Syaoran brawling with some guy. Eriol hated to see Syaoran like that. Tomoyo hated it as much as Eriol did and was more vocal about it. She nagged Syaoran day in and out and Syaoran avoided her like plague. One of the reasons why he avoided her was guilt that he couldn't find Sakura. He didn't know why Tomoyo didn't hate him for making Sakura run away, Syaoran knew that if their roles reversed, he would hate himself.
Eriol never said a single word to Syaoran about not drinking to drown his sorrows because Eriol understood what it felt like to just want to throw everything out of your mind and just not feel anything, know anything. Eriol understood Syaoran's pain and knew that this was something Syaoran had control over and none of them could help or interfere. Unless of course that person happened to be Sakura. Tomoyo didn't give up though, she kept on pestering him until Eriol had to pull her away before Syaoran gave in to the primitive urge to strangle her so he could enjoy a moment's peace.
"Sakura told me to take care of him, Eriol, that's what I intend to do," Tomoyo had told him when Eriol asked her why she was constantly on Syaoran's case. She would then look away from him and Eriol knew then that she had withdrawn from him. He would pull her closer and tighter and hear her sighed, "I miss her."
Eriol never said anything when Tomoyo was in moods like this. He kept silent and gave her all the support she could possibly want.
Two weeks after Syaoran resumed work, he finally sobered.
Syaoran was lying on the bar, so drunk that he could barely lift his head when he vaguely heard laughter. Not normal laughter, but laughter like hers. Like Sakura's. His mind cleared immediately and he turned so fast in the direction of the laughter that he nearly fell off his chair.
The girl who was laughing turned out to be someone else and Syaoran stared at the girl in futile anger. For the first time in days, he didn't felt guilt or desolation. All he felt was anger, pure, cleansing fury poured through his veins and circulated his body. He was suddenly, inexplicably angry with Sakura.
Why was he torturing and punishing himself when Sakura was the one who made the mistake and ran from him? Why was he drinking himself into the ground if she was too cowardly to face up to her feelings for him? She was the one who ran! Not him! He didn't force her to run, he didn't even do anything except love her and give her some peonies. If she wanted to run because of that, because she couldn't take it, it was her choice. He'd tried to change what happened. He'd tried!
Enough was enough. He wasn't going to ruin his own life for someone who didn't love him enough to stick around. He wasn't going to mourn for what could have been anymore. He was going to rebuild his life without her in it!
That night, he'd stalked out of the bar, a man on a mission. He proceeded to turn his life upside down; Syaoran never touched liquor after that night.
Year 2013
Tomoyo was wearing a pair of dark shades when she walked into the café. She immediately saw him; she could recognize his trademark lounge a mile away. She was suddenly hesitant. The bright idea she had suddenly didn't seem so bright. "Now he turned up didn't he?" she thought, "That was something."
Putting her chin up and shoring up her resolve, Tomoyo sauntered over to him, her hips gently swaying, garnering a few admiring glances from the males in the café and several envious stares.
She paused in front of him, "Hello Eriol."
Eriol took his time acknowledging her. He took a sip from his aromatic coffee and slowly replaced the cup on the table. Then he looked up at her and gave her a polite smile that told her nothing about what his present emotional state was. Tomoyo hated this cool side of Eriol. She hated that he could be so detached when her heart was fighting its way out her chest. "Hello Tomoyo." A beat. "Sit." It was a command more than a request. But Tomoyo didn't care – she sat.
The waiter came and took Tomoyo's order. When he went away, Tomoyo was staring down at the checkered tablecloth while Eriol surveyed her boldly. He noted the way her face had matured – time had been especially kind to her, she'd acquire a quiet dignity and regality, as she got older. Her body was even more womanly – if that was possible – than 8 years ago. If Eriol was honest, Tomoyo looked more than wonderful, more than gorgeous. There was something about her that never used to be there. She was serene. In her younger days, she fidgeted a lot and couldn't stay still, but now, she was still. Eriol knew she must be worrying her heart out, but she wasn't displaying or conveying that nervousness.
"What do you want from me?" Eriol asked abruptly to stop himself from thinking such thoughts.
Tomoyo looked up at him calmly. In a sudden flash on insight, Eriol suddenly realized that she was mimicking his calmness. Instead of being annoyed as he would with anyone else, he was… pleased. "I'm pregnant," Tomoyo's voice interrupted his thought process.
For a moment, her words didn't register because it was so impossible, but when it did, Eriol sat there frozen. What was he supposed to say to that? What was the correct response? Congrats didn't seem in order though, so he settled for the second best emotion rioting through him – anger.
"And why the hell is that my business?" he asked harshly, surprised that he even cared about her.
Tomoyo took a fortifying breath before she took the irrevocable plunge, "Because I want you to be its father." That came out in a rush, but Eriol got the essence of it and for a brief moment, admired the girl's directness and guts. That was something she'd acquired along with age. Too bad he would have to shoot her down.
"No," Eriol said leisurely, taking perverse pleasure in refusing her request.
"You have to," she looked trapped in the role she'd set herself in.
"I don't have to, particularly since the child's probably Syaoran's. Why would I want to acknowledge his son as mine? Do I have the word 'dumb' embossed across my forehead?"
"Who the child's father is has nothing to do with the child," Tomoyo interrupted sharply. "I need a father for my baby and you're my first choice for a father. If you refuse, I'll just have to ask my second-choice. Many men are dying to go out with me, surely I can find one to marry me."
"Who's the second choice?" A trace of jealousy had crept in unknown to Eriol. Somehow, it was important for him to know that since he's second choice after Syaoran, then he wanted to know who third choice is after both of them.
"Wayne," Tomoyo admitted softly, staring down into her warm milk.
The green-eye monster bit hard as jealous swarmed into Eriol. Everyone recognized Wayne by his first name. It was impossible not to. He was the single richest man in Hong Kong.
"I'll do it!" Eriol barked out. He didn't know who was more surprised, Tomoyo or himself. But once the words were out, he felt… relieved. Leaning back, he smirked, noting her shock expression.
"I- but I-" she stammered. Obviously she thought that he would refuse. If she was so sure he would refuse, why did she even ask in the first place? But Eriol had one question. Why did she consider him a candidate for parenthood? And first choice at that? She knew he wasn't a patient man, or a terribly considerate one, and she should know that he hates Syaoran. So why would she want to let him near Syaoran's child, wasn't she afraid that he might harm the child?
"I just want you to answer one question, why me? Why did you choose me? I might harm you and your child just to spite Syaoran, didn't you think of that?" Eriol's hands were clenched tight as he waited for her answer.
She never hesitated, Tomoyo looked straight at him and smiled – a smile sad and wistful and trusting. A smile that pierced his heart. "You'd never do that. No matter how much you say you dislike Syaoran, you would never harm a helpless child or me. You're not a man to hold grudges no matter what you say. I know you, Eriol, and I know that if you hadn't already forgiven Syaoran and me, you would never have agreed to meet me here. I know you would take care and love my child," she stared meaningfully at him as she amended, "our child, as much, if not more than I do. If for nothing more because you love children and you know what it's like to grow up with parents who were too busy to care about you. You would never allow me to neglect our child. And because I trust you."
Eriol sat back, amazed. She hadn't seen him in 7 years and yet… Eriol didn't think she ever knew that he wasn't a happy child, but obviously she noticed. Either that or she was making this up, trying to coerce him into agreeing. But… looking at her unruffled visage, he couldn't believe that she was lying through her teeth to him. She had given Eriol all the valid reasons that were true. Eriol didn't hate Syaoran anymore; he just neglected to tell Syaoran that himself. And even if he hadn't forgiven Syaoran, he would never revenge on a child, any child. At the thought of having his own family, Eriol actually felt like smiling. He knew that a family wasn't in his 5 yr plan, but now it seemed like a good idea. It wouldn't be so bad marrying Tomoyo, except… she was still in love with Syaoran.
"You still love him don't you?" Eriol asked quietly.
Tomoyo didn't look at him, she looked somewhere over his left shoulder and gave him a bittersweet smile. "It doesn't matter whether I still love him or not. I just know that we can't be together anymore and my child needs a father."
Eriol looked at Tomoyo for a long time, not saying anything, finally, he decided on the biggest gamble of his life, "Yes, I'd do it, let's get married." If Eriol wins, he would have a happy family, and if he lost… Eriol didn't want to think about the scenario if he loses.
------------------------------------------------
Author's Note: Thanks for the commments, please keep reviewing for faster updates. For those who want to know what was in the letter for Tomoyo and Eriol, well Tomoyo's was briefly explained in this chapter and I'll provide and interlude for Eriol's letter. You'll see how things will fit... ^_^