Summary: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?
Sakura was tired. She was exhausted from the long flight and all she wanted to do was sleep. Yet, at the same time, her heart was jumping all over the place. She wanted to jump into a taxi and head straight for Syaoran's house and tell him that she's back, and she's back for him.
But she didn't. Because Sakura wasn't sure if she'd find him alone or with some voluptuous model he's currently involved with. She knew all about his scandalous affairs, and even though it breaks her heart to know that he apparently didn't cared about her, she was still going to fight for him. He'd once loved her enough to hand pick peonies for her, Sakura believed that a love like that couldn't just be switched off and discarded.
Syaoran was human after all, and humans had feelings. He could be taught to love again and Sakura would do that. She was still scared of failing, but she was a grown-up now, both physically and mentally, more mentally than physically, but that's not the point. The point is, she's not going to give up that easily this time. She meant to make Syaoran realized that he still had feelings for her, or die trying. She didn't deny that it was going to be very difficult, but nothing is ever easy.
Expelling an impatient and tired breath, Sakura walked out of the airport, her one-piece luggage in tow and flagged a taxi. It was her own fault. If she'd called before hand, Tomoyo would have been here at the airport to form a one-person welcome committee for her. But she hadn't because she wasn't certain how Tomoyo would react to her coming back. Sakura was dreading meeting her cousin again; she was going to have to do loads of explaining, and right now, she wasn't up to it.
"Where to?" the driver asked after he helped her put her luggage into the trunk. Sakura didn't hesitate, she gave the driver Tomoyo's address.
Tomoyo was jerked out of a dreamless sleep by the incessant buzzing of the doorbell. She yawned mightily and stretched, trying to clear her mind of the fog that had settled while she slept. "Who could it be" Tomoyo wondered as she stood up languidly and headed for the door.
Her jaw dropped when she saw how it was.
"Sakura?" she exclaimed, stunned. It took a moment before it registered, "Sakura!" Sakura found herself enfolded into an embrace and facing a beaming and obviously ecstatic friend who didn't immediately launch into interrogation. "I can't believe that you're really here!"
Sakura laughed self-consciously as Tomoyo dragged her, luggage and all, into her living room. "Well, you better believe, because I'm back for good."
Tomoyo quickly ushered an overwhelmed Sakura into an overstuffed couch and went to fetch her a drink, leaving her to stew. Sakura was totally unprepared for this situation. Here she was, sitting in Tomoyo's cozy living room, facing a murky future and a stigma from her past. Sakura wondered briefly if this was a smart choice. But she didn't have much time to dwell on it, because Tomoyo was soon back and bearing down at her with an ice tea in her hand.
She didn't say anything as she watched Sakura sipped the ice tea uneasily, shooting her troubled glances. Tomoyo waited a long while before saying anything; she was thoroughly enjoying Sakura squirming uneasily in her seat. She deserved it after abandoning them all four years ago without a by your leave. She made her mistake even worse when she didn't even call or write to assure them that she was at least safe. It was a totally selfish act and Tomoyo would have her hide for it – later. Now, she wanted to know how Sakura has been, why she was back after disappearing for four long years.
"So," even with her voice pitched low, she startled Sakura. "Why did you come back?"
Sakura tried to hide behind a serene facade, "I-"
Tomoyo didn't wait for her to complete her sentence; she answered her own question. "It couldn't be because you missed me, because you never wrote once while you're gone. You could be here for Eriol and my wedding, but that's only because you can see Syaoran again. Oh, but wait, I forgot. You ran away from him. You don't want to see him. So, do tell, why exactly are you back now?" Now that Tomoyo saw that Sakura was obviously alive and kicking, anger was setting in after the obvious relief.
Seeing Sakura seated not four feet away from her, dressed in a relaxed pink skirt and comfortably fitted blouse, her hair pulled into her two signature pigtails and her face devoid of makeup which made her seem all the more pale and vulnerable, Tomoyo was simmering in anger that she had suppressed for four years. Tomoyo studied her cousin dispassionately, and saw that Sakura had changed since she last saw her. There seemed to be a sort of sage wisdom in her emerald eyes, a look that made her seemed older and more worldly and tired than her 22 years. Sakura looked worn and battered, but, by the way she held herself, Sakura wasn't the shy young girl, but a woman who been through hell and came back stronger than before, none the worse for wear. There was strength behind the vulnerability now.
"I'm sorry, Tomoyo. Not because I ran away because I knew I didn't have a choice then, I had to go away. I knew you wouldn't understand, and I didn't expect you to. But I apologize for not writing to you to assure you I am fine. I knew that if I had sent you a letter, you wouldn't stop hounding me until you had me back here, where you want me to be, and I can't be here. I know that you are furious at me for running away, I know that's how it seems, but it's not, Tomoyo. It's more complicated than that. But all that doesn't matter, I'm back now to stay and that's all that matters, isn't it?" Sakura's explanation was calm; she met Tomoyo's gaze head on and didn't look away even when she finished. Tomoyo was right. Sakura had changed, drastically.
But knowing that, didn't make Tomoyo less angry. In fact, it fueled Tomoyo's anger than Sakura could be so 'clinical' about it, so cold. "It matters, Sakura!" Tomoyo barely suppressed the need to shout at her cousin, "You can't just go away for no reason for an extended period of time, no letters, no calls, no nothing, then come back and expected to be welcome back with open arms. You can't come back now and expect us to treat you as before, like nothing was changed, because something, everything very well has!"
"I don't expect you treat me as before, like a little girl who has to be protected from life at all cost. I don't expect you to welcome me back with open arms and clap me on my back for what I've done. I didn't even expect you to invite me into your house, sit me down, offer me drinks and then demand an explanation. I'd expected you to slam the door in my face, but you didn't, and you might not believe it, but I'm truly grateful. All I'm trying to tell you is, don't ask me why I did what I did four years ago, because there's really no point since you wouldn't believe me anyway. But I can tell you why I've come back now," Sakura smiled her first genuine smile then, "I've come back for you and Eriol, as much as for myself. I've come back for Syaoran."
Eriol mentally ticked off the number of tequilas Syaoran had that night and decided, with a look at his friend's sober mien that however much it was, it wasn't enough. Rising his hand in a signal to the bartender, Eriol ordered another round for them. Already, he was starting to feel the effects setting in and he knew that he would have a great hangover tomorrow. He hoped that Tomoyo would appreciate what he was trying to achieve here.
"What are you trying to achieve by forcing liquor down my throat?" Syaoran's amused voice disrupted Eriol from his thoughts. Eriol nearly groaned aloud; he thought that he wasn't so obvious about it, obviously he was wrong.
"What do you mean? I'm going to be a married man very soon, and I just thought that I should savor my bachelor days before they're officially over. You should be grateful that I'm even here, otherwise, you'll probably be all alone at home, nursing a whisky, working on yet another script. Admit it, I saved you from a boring evening."
Syaoran rolled his eyes to show Eriol what he thought of his explanation, "Yeah right, all you saved me from was a date with a beautiful model. You know very well that I don't work during Saturdays. Now, don't waste anymore of my weekend, tell me what you want."
"Can't two best friends just hangout together anymore?"
That earned Eriol a glare before Syaoran reluctantly smiled. "Okay, so you just want to spend time with an old friend?"
"Actually, I do have something to tell you," Syaoran slanted Eriol a triumphant glance and Eriol studiously ignored it. "It concerns Sakura."
Syaoran's good humor vanished and he abruptly stood up and started to walk away. Eriol's hand clamped over Syaoran's, "Listen to me, she's back." Eriol's voice was strong with quiet heat. Syaoran slowly turned back to Eriol and it wasn't until Eriol saw his eyes that he let go of Syaoran's arm. His eyes took on such heat that it scorched Eriol. Eriol took a step back from Syaoran.
"The only reason I haven't plant my fist into your nose is that fact that you're my best friend. I can't guarantee I would exercise such restrain the next time you violate our friendship again, Eriol," Syaoran warned in silky tones.
"For goodness sake, Syaoran, why are you taking this so hard? You said she doesn't mean a thing to you anymore, then why in the world are you reacting as if I punched you everytime I mentioned her name? If she doesn't mean a thing to you, why are you so worked up just because I mention she's coming back?"
Syaoran turned around completely, and with a chilly smile, calmly smashed his fist into Eriol's nose. The sound of flesh connecting with bone was loud and Eriol staggered backwards, holding his nose, "You broke my nose!" He stared at Syaoran through a haze of red in disbelief. "Are you crazy?"
Syaoran shrugged, "I warned you," and walked away, leaving Eriol before, staring at him.
Syaoran was shaken by what he just did. He didn't mean to punch Eriol; it was as much a surprise to him as it was to Syaoran. Before he knew it, his rage overwhelmed all reason and the damage was already done. He didn't know why her name still made him boil, but it did. And the news that she was coming back didn't sit well with him at all. He was furious at that news, and the bitterness he felt threatened to choke him. There was something else too, something like… regret.
"I have nothing to regret!" he told himself harshly, "I wasn't the one who ran away, she was! If anyone should regret anything, it was her! I didn't do anything wrong." But what Eriol said back there touched a raw nerve. Why was he so upset that she was back? If she truly meant nothing to him it wouldn't have bothered him if she were dead or alive. If she meant nothing to him, he wouldn't wonder constantly where she was and how she's surviving. It made him angry every time these questions popped up in his mind, but it wasn't something he could control. Syaoran could control every other aspect of himself except for this. He just couldn't exorcise her image from his mind.
Every woman he's dated, no matter their race, their height, their size, invariably reminded him of Sakura. Every time Syaoran closed his eyes, the woman in his arms would become Sakura for him. Every time he was out of the country for promotion, he would catch himself searching to crowds for Sakura, hoping against hope that he didn't even know he had, that she was in the crowd, watching him, wanting him as much as he wanted her. As soon as Syaoran realized what he was doing, he would turn away in disgust at himself. It was an illness, his obsession with her.
Yet, even as a small part of him missed her, a bigger part of him couldn't forgive her for what she'd done to them. He'd given her everything he had and she had flung all that back in his face when she fled Hong Kong. It didn't matter how much Syaoran missed her because Syaoran was a firm believer in giving people only one chance, and Sakura had hers. Syaoran didn't allow people to hurt him more than once.
"That is why," he told himself grimly, "it didn't matter whether she's come back or not. Because to me, she doesn't exist anymore."
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Author's Note: Hey look, a longer chapter! I guess that's saying much, eh? Anyways, sorry for the all these gloomy twists, but it wouldn't be a story without them, right? And I apologize for the violence in this chapter, Syaoran was a little rational... Well, I thank you all who reviewed! Please keep on commenting, hehe.