Warnings: All right, OOCness, mostly on Heero's part. Also, this chapter's extremely dramatic! -.- Sorry, but I really couldn't help myself!
Disclaimers: Gundam Wing and all related characters do not belong
to me.
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No Title Yet - Chapter Four
"Relena," Heero sighed in relief, as he came up to me. He put his hands on my shoulders, and attempted to pull me into a warm embrace. I yearned to feel his warmth and love again, to kiss those soft lips, and touch that beautiful skin, but how could I? After what he had done? Determined to not get washed away by my emotions again, I quickly retreated from his embrace, and looked away.
"Relena," Heero repeated, hurt evident in his voice. I couldn't help but look up again. Without realizing it, tears started to well in my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away.
"What!" I said a little too harshly. My shaky voice betrayed my insecurities, as I silently cursed it.
He let his arms drop by his side again, and looked at me with pleading eyes - eyes I had never seen before on Heero's expression, "Please, let us talk." I hesitated for a moment, then nodded reluctantly.
He lead the way back to the circus, and past the main tent, where the uni-banged stranger stood and watched us. We carried on walking, though, not stopping at the smaller tents, by any of the booths or any of the groups of performers. We went on, straight towards the collection of trailers. We stopped in front of a small, greyish one, curtains all drawn close. Heero selected a key from his key chain, and opened the door. Where he got that key from, I didn't even want to know. One thing was for sure - it wasn't his. We walked into the trailer, door closing behind us, light quickly flipped on. Inside, it looked almost the same as Bruno's trailer, except that it had two beds instead if one, and that everything was neatly arranged on shelves and in cupboards. We sat down on a bed each, and looked at each other for a long, silent moment.
I decided to break the tension a bit, and quietly asked, "How did you find me?"
"I asked around, and a friend told me he saw you. I was getting worried when you didn't come home this morning..."
"Oh." Neither knowing what to say, silence spread once more, the tension as thick as ice.
After long, torturing minutes, Heero sighed, and opened his mouth to speak, his words hesitant and nervous, "Relena, I've been meaning to tell you something for quite some time, now..." Oh God, here it comes... "You-you... were the first girl at my age that I had met since my training, which was... since I was about eight or so.* I didn't really know... know about love or... or anything like that. I was interested in you - you were different than anyone I had ever met before..." He paused. "What I felt... what I felt was completely new to me, and I didn't know what it was. Somehow, I expected it to be love, you know? And so did everyone else." Another pause. Was he saying... was he saying that he never even... Could it be that I had been living a lie all this time? He continued. "After both wars, I got to know you better, and we became friends... and more. Finally, everyone told me to just 'go for it' and propose. I believed that I loved you, that... well, recently, Duo and I were spending more time together, and--"
"Are you gay?" I blurted.
He blinked at me, then at the floor, "Yes." I, too, suddenly found the carpet very interesting. Great, peachy. I was married to someone who never even loved me. What else is next? My grandparents, in reality, were huge chimpanzees or... Ok, I'm going overboard here.
Silence followed once more. I kept thinking over the past few months, any signs or hints I should have seen... anything. I slowly lifted my head to gaze at his. He, too, waited for a reaction. I guess it was my turn.
"Since when do you know?" I asked.
"A few months. I didn't want to hurt your--"
"Well, you did that, anyway," I cut in, before he could continue. He looked down again. I wasn't making it easier on him, I knew that, but at that moment in time, I couldn't care less.
"So, what now?" he asked, after moments passed.
I shrugged, trying to act all casual. There wasn't anything else I could do. It wasn't really his fault that he was gay... I couldn't really condemn him for that. He couldn't help his feelings, and neither could I. We were both prisoners of our emotions. So, all that I could do was shrug it off, and move on... Be strong, be strong...
"Divorce." I had said the word so easily, yet it set off another roll of emotions in me. The tears in my eyes started to build up again, and this time, they wouldn't blink away. Instead, they escaped and rolled down my cheeks, destroying my act. Looking up, Heero just watched as the tears flowed endlessly. I caught his gaze, and let myself dissolve into those prussian blue eyes. Trying to find something, anything in those eyes that would tell me that none of this was true, none of this was real... but I found nothing.
Not realizing what I was doing, I softly spoke, "I love you, Heero." My face scrunched up involuntarily, "I just love you... so much."
"I know," he said softly. "I know." He stood up and came over to sit
next to me. Putting an arm around my shoulders, he gently started rocking
me. I accepted his comfort, as he let me cry into his shirt, and finally,
drift into sleep. Blackness all enclosed around me, complete emptiness,
I just fell...
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I awoke with the sun brightly shining in my eyes, and the scent of
freshly cooked lunch wafting in my nostrils.
"Good morning, Miss Relena," a voice beside me spoke. I turned my head to see Lucrezia Noin sit beside my bed, smiling down at me. She held a tray steady on her lap, as she gestured at it, saying, " I brought you breakfast."
I slowly sat up, and looked around, "Where am I?"
"You're at Zechs' and my apartment," she replied, and gave me the tray to put on my lap. I gratefully took it, stomach rumbling from lack of food. "Heero brought you in a few hours ago, and waited for us to come home from our trip... sweet guy..." she smiled at that. Her expression quickly changed, though, as she continued, "He told me... about everything... Are you ok?" Her gaze burned into me, demanding an answer.
I smiled weakly, "I will be."
Turning to my waiting food, I started working my way through it. Yes,
I was going to be ok, even though I wasn't now. I had lived through two
wars, and more. I knew I was barely hanging by a thread, but... I was going
to survive.
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* - I'm not actually sure when Heero started training as a Gundam
pilot, I'm just making it up as I go. ^_^