Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and all related characters do not belong
to me.
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No Title Yet - Chapter Nine
I smiled back at him, happy, confused and a bit scared, too. That had been completely unexpected - even a bit too fast.
Suddenly, a heavy feeling sunk within me which I couldn't quite describe. My happiness slowly melted away, as well as my smile, and my fear just grew deeper. I stepped back away from Trowa's strong hold, and looked away from those unreadable, green eyes. I tried to keep my smile plastered on, but it simply wouldn't hold.
"What's wrong?" Trowa asked, a pang of hurt in his voice.
"Nothing, I... I don't know..." my gaze shifted from the wall to the floor, and around the room, avoiding his worried features.
What was wrong with me? Wasn't this what I had wanted just a minute ago? It had felt like it was what I had wanted when we kissed... But then, a kiss is just a kiss... like a rose is just a rose. Why was I so afraid? What was it that made me want to just run away and disappear?
"Relena," Trowa spoke very calmly. "I'm sorry if I was moving too fast for you... I don't even know if this is what you want--"
"But it is!" I cried, then stopped myself. I took a deep breath to sober myself before continuing, "I just feel..."
"Scared?" he provided. I nodded numbly. Realisation slowly dawned on his features, as his face twisted into a frown, "You're afraid that I'll betray you... like Heero."
"No, I know you'd never... maybe, yes... I don't know." I looked up at him, slowly, expecting some sort of reaction but found only understanding.
I smiled sadly, and walked past him into the semi living-room and sat down at the table. He took a seat beside me.
I laughed bitterly, "It's been 6 months! You'd have thought I had gotten over him... I thought I was over it. But it seems I was in denial... and... you're nothing but a rebound... I'm so sorry! " A few lonely tears managed to escape my eyes at this point, as I started to understand myself better. Everything I had done up to this point was trying to keep my mind off of it. Trying to tell myself that I didn't need him anymore... and for a while I believed it. But I was weak. I had always been weak.
"I think," Trowa finally spoke, "For you to know what exactly it is that you want, you need to forgive Heero. And Duo. And yourself... "
"Why myself? It wasn't my fault they... "
"Just think about it," he smiled.
And I did.
--
I woke up the next morning in my lonely bed, staring at the ceiling. I hadn't slept well the night before, and all I could think of was how depressing my life was. I thought about my three years with Heero, all the happiness and joy we had shared... but then, it had all been an act, hadn't it? It had all been a big, fat lie... Yet, the only thing I couldn't understand was... why would Heero have hidden his homosexuality from me? Why didn't he just tell me in the first place? At the very least, I'd have thought we were good friends - close enough to tell each other everything.
"I'll just ask him, then," I stated to myself, and sat up.
Ask him - it was as simple as that. Why I hadn't thought of it before was quite beyond me.
At that point, my electronic planner started beeping by my bed. I picked it up and frowned. The meeting! I had almost forgotten the Preventer funds meeting!
I scrambled out of bed, got ready, and in half an hour's time, I was on my way to the airport.
Quatre and WuFei were going to be there. It would be good to see them again.
--
I arrived 15 minutes too late, but it seemed that I wasn't needed after all. All I had to do was listen in on the negotiations between Winner Enterprises and Preventers, and give a speech at the end. I found myself wishing I had stayed in bed.
During a ten minute interval, I managed to slip outside and get myself a cup of coffee. Chang WuFei stood in the hallway, gazing out of the windows, as the rain clouds started to spread themselves across the city. I joined him in his silence, sipping at my drink from time to time, waiting.
His head slowly turned towards me, "Did you want to ask me something?"
I considered for a moment how to word this, but decided that a straight-forward question would be the best solution, "Did you know about Heero and Duo before we split up?"
"I suspected something, but it wasn't really my place to say."
"I see. Well... why do you think Heero never really said anything? Why
didn't he trust me?"
WuFei frowned, "I can't answer that for you... you'll have to ask him
- but, before you do... I think you and Duo should talk, first."
"Why?"
"Because you need to forgive him, too, to forgive yourself."
Trowa's words...
I smiled, "Thanks, Wu. You're great."
"Why did you come to me instead of Quatre, by the way?" he asked after a moment's thought.
"Quatre's a good friend - the kindest person I know... but you, WuFei, are the wisest person I know," I smiled gently at him
He didn't reply, but his eyes sparkled in pride and gratitude as his
gaze shifted back towards the window.
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Talk to Duo? Talk to my semi-enemy? Talk to the one who took Heero away from me? Well, ok, he didn't take him away, but... that's what it felt like. What could he and I possibly have in common anymore? How could I possibly look him in the face without saying something horrible and offensive?
I sighed. All these thoughts raced through my head as I stood in front of the Heero and Duo's apartment door. I had made sure to know that Heero was out, so Duo and I could have some privacy.
My fist slowly neared the wooden door, hesitated, then knocked twice. No answer. I knocked again, harder this time.
Behind the walls, I could hear someone making their way towards the front door. I stepped back as the handle started to shift, and the door clicked open to reveal Duo standing in the hall way, purple eyes full of surprise.
"Relena," he spoke, not believing what was in front of him.
"Hi, Duo," I smiled. "Can I come in?"
He stepped back, slightly dazed, "Sure."
He led me to the living room, where we took a seat each. A minute of tensed silence swept across the room, when I finally decided to break it.
"How's life treating you? Are you and Heero happy?" I asked genuinely.
He blinked, "Is this a trick question?"
"No... I just want an honest answer from you... I need to know... are you two happy?"
He smiled broadly, "Yeah, we are. He... he makes me want to be a better person, he makes me feel like I'm alive. And Heero... he seems happy, too. He's still a bit troubled about what happened between all of us, but... I love him so much. It's... indescribable... I'm sorry," he added as he saw my sad eyes.
"No, don't be. I'm glad you're happy," I spoke slightly more relaxed.
"Although, he does always leave his dirty laundry lying on the floor--" Duo suddenly cut in.
"And leaves the toilet seat up--" I added.
"And he snores!" Duo mock-complained.
We laughed heartily. I guess we do have something in common, if only our love for Heero.
After our giggles died down, we both sighed comfortably.
"Duo?"
"Yeah?"
"I want you to know... I forgive you."
He looked at me for a moment, then grinned sincerely, "I'm glad we can still be friends, after all."
"So am I."
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