- Chapter 10 -

>Moving On

It seemed like forever before class ended and all of the students began filing out of the dungeon. That is, all of the students, save one. Willow Rosenberg took her time putting away ingredients and gathering her things together. She motioned for Harry and the others to go on without her, mouthing that she would catch up with them later.

After the last student left and the classroom door was firmly shut, Willow silently approached Snape, who was bent over his desk straightening some parchments. Tentatively she cleared her throat. And found herself pinned by such an intense look that it nearly stole her breath. He said nothing for a moment, just stood staring at her in a wierd way. Like he didn't believe that she was standing before him.

And why should he believe it? You practically broke down into tears at hearing you were in the same house that he was the head of. She thought bitterly.

They just stood there for what seemed like forever to Willow, just staring at one another, till finally she couldn't take any more of the silence.

"I just wanted to tell you...to let you know..." She faltered. Oh why hadn't she thought more on what she was going to say to him.

Arching a brow at her, Snape simply tilted his head to the side a little to indicate that he was waiting for her to continue. Willow took a deep breath and upon releasing it began to babble uncontrollably.

"I wanted to apologize about the way I acted this morning. I mean, I pretty much figured that was were I was headed, and yeah it bothered me. But, not in the way you're thinking it bothered me. That is, if you're thinking that you're the reason it bothers me. In which case you're wrong. But then again, you have a right to believe that, cause I didn't exactly have the best reaction to being put in Slytherin. I just don't like the idea of being in a house where the student's family's pretty much devoted themselves to this Moldywart guy. Not that I think you're on his side or anything. I know better, I would be able to tell if you were. I don't know how, but I would. And plus, another reason I was upset is due to the angsty thing we have going, cause you gotta admit, it's pretty intense and....

When it became apparent that the girl wouldn't be winding down any time soon, Severus did the only thing he could think of to shut her up. Willow was taken offguard when Snape rounded his desk in a heartbeat, hauled her up against his chest and brought his lips crashing down upon hers.

For a second Willow stiffened in shock. But as the sensation of those soft lips pressed so firmly to hers began to sink into her brain, she allowed herself to practically melt in his arms, kissing him back with much enthusiasm. Winding her arms around his neck, Willow felt his arms tighten around her waist, drawing her nearer than she thought possible.

Letting out an audible sigh, Willow allowed her fingers to tangle themselves into his silky black hair. Just like she had been longing to do since about the same day that she had met him. She felt his tongue touch her lips, lightly tracing and nudging, begging entrace into her mouth. Entrance she gave willingly. Their tongues met and dueled for supremacy, each seemingly wanting to dominate the other. Wanting to possess. To control.

Willow's mind was wiped clean of all coherant thoughts. All that existed was here and now. This moment and this man. Her emotions was in a turmoil, spinning wildly out of control for the longest time. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, an image appeared in her mind. A memory. A conversation from the past. She heard her own voice faintly in the the recesses of her mind.

....I just like having something that's, you know...mine....

And just as faintly, she heard Tara's reply.

...I am, you know....yours....

Willow's eyes shot open, and then the realization of what she was doing set in. Using what little resolve she had, Willow wrenched away from the warm arms that held her so close. Backing away, her eyes wide with shock, Willow could only utter five words.

"I.. I'm sorry. I.. I just can't..."

Then without looking at his reaction, Willow spun on her heels and fled.

~*~

He had done it on impulse, he told himself. Really, he had. Just to shut the annoying brat up. But the moment their lips had met. The moment it had deepened into something more, he had known he was lost. He knew he was putting his entire being into this. This kiss. And she was allowing it. He felt the burdens he had been carrying on his heart for so long begin to lighten, allowing a little light into his blackened soul. And then suddenly, she was wrenching away. Taking away the lifeline he was clutching at desperately. He opened his eyes and stared at her wide shock-filled ones.

"I.. I'm sorry. I.. I just can't..."

And with that, she fled. Flinging open the dungeon door and racing up the corridor toward the main floor and her room. For a long time, Snape just stood there, staring at the empty doorway. His face held a blank expression, then slowly the realization hit him. She hadn't wanted that. She must have just been so shocked that she just reacted. It hadn't meant a thing to her.

But it had meant the world to him.

~*~

By the time Willow made it back to her room, she was sobbing violently. She collapsed onto her bed and curled up, drawing her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around them.

Oh, Goddess. What have I done? What is wrong with me? How could I do this to Tara. It's too soon! Oh Goddess, Tara, love. Please forgive me.

She cried and cried, until she finally was so exhausted that she drifted off to sleep.

~*~

With a jerk, Willow sat up in her bed. For an incoherent moment, Willow wondered what had awoken her. Then she heard it again.

"Wii-llow..."

Someone was calling her name. Someone who sounded strangely like Tara. Willow shot to her feet at once and looked around the room, but found no one.

"Wii-llow..."

There it was again. It sounded like it was drifting away. Drifting toward the balcony doors. Slowly, Willow made her way to the curtained doors. When she finally reached them, she steadied her breathing, which had begun to escape her in rapid gasps. Shaky hands reached for the curtains, taking hold and moving them aside, inch by inch. When the curtain had finally been moved so as not to obscure her vision, Willow glanced out the glass panes set in the double doors that lead out to her balcony.

Night had fallen, so Willow assumed that she must have been asleep for awhile. The lake was reflecting moonbeams back toward the star-filled sky, and it made for a breathtaking scene. Willow waited, listening for any sound at all. She waited and waited. And finally...

"Wii-llow..."

Grasping the door handles firmly, Willow yanked open the doors and stalked out onto the balcony before she lost her nerve.

"Alright. Who's there?" Willow demanded in what she hoped was a stern voice, but was afraid that it came out a little on the nervous side.

She got no answer, so Willow walked further out onto the balcony. When she reached the railing, Willow looked out across the beautiful scene that the moon bathed lake provided. Then, Willow caught sight of something that made her breath hitch in her throat. There was a figure walking by the bank of the lake, near the oak tree. A figure that was glowing brightly in the night.

Willow watched for a moment, mesmerized. Then the figure turned and seemed to look up at her. And Willow gasped.

"Tara?" The name was a whisper on Willow's lips.

Willow wasted no time bolting back into her room, not bothering to shut the balcony doors. Throwing open the entrance door, she raced down the corridors. It seemed to take forever, but she finally found the exit that she wanted, and soon found herself racing toward the lake. Toward the figure waiting there for her. As she got closer, Willow slowed her steps. Finally, she came to a full stop when she was within a few feet of the ghost of her dead girlfriend.

"Tara?"

Tara turned to the woman that had held her heart from the moment she had met her, until her last dying breath. She smile faintly. "Hey, Wills."

Willow's eyes were glistening with tears that were begging to be shed.

"Oh, don't cry baby. It's alright. I understand completely." The ghostly Tara said comfortingly. But this only made Willow want to cry harder.

"I.. I'm so sorry, Tara. I tried to ignore it. It just wouldn't go away. And then the voice and hands obsession just got in the way completely. I kept telling myself over and over, you know. Hello, lesbian. But my heart just didn't want to listen for some reason. I still love you, Tara. This can't be right, can it? I can't betray you like this. I can't possibly have feelings for someone else this soon, right?"

The ghost of Tara MaClay laughed lightly at the babble that had drawn her to this special girl almost three years earlier. She smiled widely and approached the trembling form of Willow Rosenberg slowly.

"Willow, don't even for a moment think that what you feel for Severus Snape is a betrayal on your part. What we had was so special Willow. But what you and Severus have now, and will have in the future, will be so special on so many levels. It was destined to be, and there is nothing that you can do to stop it.

And Willow, I don't want you to. I'm not asking you to forget about me. Cherish our love that we shared with all of your heart. But you need to let go of your sense of devotion. Don't let it get in the way of your happiness. Of your destiny."

Willow pondered on what the ghost had revealed for a long moment. She thought back over all the wonderful times she had spent with the shy and loving girl she had met at a would be wicca group. Of the bond they had formed. Then she realized, that she felt the same bond with Snape that she had with Tara. And suddenly, it all became clear.

Willow looked deeply into the eyes of the incorporate form of Tara MaClay, and smiled. "I get it now. I understand." She said simply.

The ghost smiled and simply said. "I know you do." Before slowly fading away.

~*~

TBC...