Rehn's eyes fluttered open slowly, the heavy sedative finally wearing off. She felt nauseas. It hurt to breath. It hurt to move. It hurt to think. Her vision was blurry at first, lacking defined shape and colour while her tongue a thick wool blanket in her mouth. She breathed in a slow, laboured rhythm, her damaged lung not yet fully healed and tried to speak through the oxygen mask over her face. A guttural groan escaped her throat and she tried to sit up, only to find she could not move. Soft straps held her in place and the thought of restraint made her heart hammer in sudden terror. Gade's bleary eyes snapped open and she began to struggle.
"Rehn?" the voice seemed so far away "It's ok Rehn, just calm down." Her vision began to clear and a vaguely familiar white and brown face came into focus. The heart monitor beside the bed beeped an angry rhythm that threatened to draw medical attention from the watch station down the hall.
"Kren?" It took her a moment to remember his name. Her voice was a raspy, dry croak and she felt him take her hand.
"Relax Rehn, you're among friends." Draven's voice was soft and concerned as he removed the oxygen mask. "Just lay still and try to get some rest, ok?" Rehn looked around slowly, but even the motion of her head turning made it feel as though she were being spun in a centrifuge.
"Why am I all tied up?" she was beginning to grow more coherent and she worked her jaws to moisten her mouth. Kren sat back in the folding chair feeling incredibly tired.
"Probably because despite the fact you were heavily sedated you still managed to freak out and punch one of the staff doctors in the face before you lost consciousness." Draven took note of the fact that she did not enquire about her brother's absence. "If you promise to behave I'll take the restraints off." He regarded her steadily, the expressive creases around his right eye arched as though not quite sure he could believe her.
"Just get these damn things off me." She muttered sourly. Kren's lips pulled back into a grim line to show he wasn't kidding about the 'behave yourself'. Rehn sat up as he released the wrist restraints and chest strap, the light blue of the hospital gown she wore a bad contrast to her dull gold coat.
Shuffling back in the bed, Gade let her back rest against the cool steel of the bulkhead, drawing her knees to her chest under the yellow blanket that covered her. The room was small, sterile and white, and Rehn recognized it as an isolation unit.
She was safe? Rehn shivered, almost expecting a squad of stormtroopers to walk through the door as some kind of cruel joke. After weeks of captivity she was safe and back with the Alliance, but what she had lost came back quickly to haunt her. She had failed – failed her father, failed her partner and failed the Alliance. She had been played for a fool and had almost turned into what she had fought so hard against. Rehn held back her tears with a clenched jaw until the thought of how disappointed Gellan would be crept into her thoughts. She had failed her best friend and mentor when he had needed her most. If only I'd tried harder to get up. Forgive me Gellan. I miss you so much. Hot tears threatened to stream from her eyes as she choked back her grief and she buried her face into her arms. She was a soldier and soldiers didn't cry.
Draven watched silently as Rehn fought the misery that made her body tremble and his chest grew heavy at seeing her so obviously emotionally traumatized. He put a gentle hand to her shoulder but she shrank away as though he'd threatened to hit her. Kren pulled his hand back slowly.
"Rehn, it's ok." He tried to reassure her. "You've been through hell. Let it out. There's no shame in crying. I know how you feel – well partially at least."
"How could you possibly know how I feel!?" Gade's ears flattened and her head rose from veil of her arms, her teeth bared in anger. "You don't know shit about me." Kren's gut grew cold from the intense look in her red-rimmed eyes. She was trying to intimidate him, drive him away but Kren held firm, his face never losing the look of concern.
"I know your partner was the only real friend you've had since you and Barryk quit speaking. I know what it's like to lose someone that important to you."
"Leave me alone." She growled miserably, unable to hold his crystalline eyes any longer. Rehn buried her head back into her arms and breathed angrily as she suppressed her tears.
"It helps to talk about it." He replied quietly. "I'm a good listener." Kren was unsure how much he could push her, but by the way the air had begun to crackle with angry energy he guessed pressing the point would not be wise.
The soft whoosh of the room's only door made his head turn, and an officer in an Alliance Intelligence uniform strolled in unannounced. Kren got to his feet and intercepted the man before he got more than two steps into the room. The man was short by human male standards and had the white, pasty complexion of someone who rarely got out into the sun. He was a Colonel by the name of Krenel, as Kren had learned from his earlier dealings with the man and he had all the interpersonal skills of a Gamorean. Col. Krenel had debriefed both he and Barryk and had been none to subtle in his opinion of those who would shirk their duties to the Rebellion on a 'personal whim'. Unfortunately, he was the highest-ranking Intel officer with the and he was taking this assignment a little more seriously than Draven would have liked.
"Can I help you, Colonel?" Kren tried to keep his voice polite and even though he had to make an effort to keep the words from coming from between clenched teeth.
"Is the lieutenant awake?" He looked up at the much taller Thalcein and Kren could clearly count his extra chins. "I'm trying to get this mess wrapped up as quickly as possible." Draven looked over his shoulder at Gade who had once again buried her head into her arms and then faced Krenel again using his body as a shield Rehn from view. He stepped closer to the man, his broad chest almost bumping him in the face.
"She isn't in any shape to be interrogated right now, sir." Draven's voice dropped in both pitch and volume, turning almost into a growl. "The lieutenant needs time to rest and heal." Kren was normally a very patient being – it came with a job that required him to sit for days in one spot waiting for the one shot he might get at his target. He had learned tolerate a lot, but at the moment he felt ready to choke Krenel.
"Yes, yes." The little man waved dismissively. "I'm sure it's painful, but I want to get this over and done with." Krenel looked up stoically as he spoke, but cringed when Kren's eyes flashed in anger.
"Whatever you want will wait." Kren arched his neck downward at an almost painful angle to look the man in the eyes, his temper finally snapping.
"You have no say in this matter." The man persisted, though he drew back as Kren smiled in a way that sent a chill up his back.
"I'm over two meters tall, more than four hundred pounds and have a hand-canon strapped to my thigh. How much do you want to argue with me?" Kren was surprised by his sudden lack of discipline, but Krenel was just more than he could take at the moment. He put his index finger to the man's breastbone and backed him out the door. "Have a nice day, sir." The durasteel door closed in the man's face and Kren locked it. He turned to find Rehn glowering at him.
"I don't need you to protect me." Rehn snapped, suddenly angry. She didn't need anyone to baby-sit her. She didn't need anyone. Period.
"Good, then you won't mind if I take a nap." He deflected her anger with an exhausted yawn and claimed the only other bunk in the room, which sat right beside Rehn's. Draven was exhausted both mentally and physically, but between escaping Cey'lon, Barryk's injuries and Rehn's brush with death, he hadn't much time to even think about sleep. He settled heavily into the bed, which creaked under this weight. He heard Rehn snort at him irritably as he curled up on his side, facing her. He didn't know where the filly's anger was coming from, but new in her present state that there was no point in trying to get her to open up. Kren barely finished that last thought before he was soundly asleep, letting his mind and body give in to his fatigue.
Rehn sat and glowered at him for a long moment before sliding back down into bed and rolling onto her side so that she was facing away from Draven. She felt like a prisoner again and it was obvious by the way she was being isolated that the Alliance no longer trusted her. Rehn stared at the wall, feeling lost and alone, a great hole inside her where Gellan's presence had once been. She drifted off into uneasy sleep, a sleep plagued by nightmares of what had and could have been.
***
The door hissed open softly and Kren looked over his shoulder with a weary, bleary-eyed expression. A slight, red headed woman in a grey uniform stepped through the door and waved at him in greeting. Draven gave a grunt and rolled over to sit on the bunk, scrubbing his tired face with his hands.
"How have you been?" She smiled warmly at him, her voice was just as gentle and caring as he remembered.
"Can't complain I guess." He yawned and stretched "It's good to see you again, though I wish the circumstances were different." Draven looked over his shoulder at Rehn's sleeping form.
"So do I." She reached out and stroked his cheek with a fond smile. "How is she?"
"Suspicious, defensive and angry." Draven got to his feet, flicking an ear in Rehn's direction and wondered if she was really still asleep.
"Tell me what happened." She sat on the bunk and motioned for him to do the same.
"Thing is, we don't really know yet." Kren leaned back against the wall and shook his head. "She hasn't really been able to tell us anything. Hell, she was almost dead when we got her here." He took her hand and smiled. "I know you can help her. You got my head straightened out, this shouldn't be much of a stretch."
"I'll do what I can for her, Kren." Mia Varsen looked over at the room's other occupant and watched her twitch violently in her sleep. The twitching suddenly became more pronounced until Rehn began to thrash unconsciously, her toes and spurs shredding the blanket. Kren leapt over the bunk and caught her flailing hands, dodging her deadly feet as Rehn screamed in terror. Wrapping an arm around her chest he pinned her arms and barely managed to get a hand over her muzzle before she snapped at him.
"Rehn!" the word came out in a harsh, military bark and Gade's eyes snapped open. She quit thrashing, obviously confused and disoriented. Rehn's chest heaved for breath and her eyes turned wild when she realized someone was restraining her.
"Let me go!" she screamed in panic and Kren released her. She scuttled away from him landing on the floor with a thud and shuffling quickly back into the corner.
"Rehn, you're ok." The woman stepped around the bed and Rehn finally noticed her. "No one will hurt you here." Gade huddled in the corner, her ears flattened against the sides of her skull, her blue and brown eyes flashing in fear and threat. "I'm Mia Varsen. I'm a combat psychologist and I want to help you."
"Please… just leave me alone." Gade buried her face in her arms and tried to catch her breath, the awful images that plagued her dreams finally, slowly fading from her mind. She gave a great shudder and got to her feet, trying to regain some dignity and Mia gave Kren a significant glance. Draven left the room hesitantly, looking over his shoulder at Rehn one last time before the door closed behind him.
***
"Look." Rehn's voice was now angry and she stood in a defensive posture, her eyes spitting Varsen like daggers "I don't want to talk about it. It's my problem, I'll deal with it." Mia had been fighting a losing battle for over an hour now, trying to get Rehn to open up even a little.
"All this anger is going to eat you up inside. I'm not going to judge you, I just want to help you." The Major sat in the folding chair, her arms crossed, as she looked at the thalcein evenly
"I don't want your help." Gade looked away and turned her back to the Major, her body language clearly stating that she was all done talking.
Rehn felt the Dark Side call to her, a seductive voice in her mind that tempted her to just lash out at the woman. Her lips pulled back from her teeth as Gade fought off the temptation that made her muscles quiver almost eagerly. She just wanted to be alone and no one seemed to understand that. She heard the woman sigh sadly and rise from the chair.
"My com will be on if you need me, Rehn." Varsen gave her a kind look and smile "When you're ready, I'm here to help." The woman left and Gade continued to stare almost vacantly at the wall.
Draven slid back into the room before the door could hiss closed. He came to within a couple of meters and looked down at Rehn as she stood with her back to him.
"I'll take a wild guess and say you didn't even speak to Mia. You think you're the only one who's enjoyed Imperial hospitality?" His voice wasn't scornful, just flat. She didn't reply and didn't look at him and Kren decided to try a new approach. His voice grew hard. "I asked you a question, Lieutenant."
"Do you ever get tired of hearing yourself speak? Just leave me the hell alone!" Rehn shot him a hard glare, her teeth showing in threat.
"Do you ever get tired of feeling sorry for yourself?" he replied acidicly. "Your brother is floating in a bacta tank and you never once asked how he was doing. If it weren't for him, Drakahn would have killed you."
"What makes you think he didn't." It was more a bitter statement than a question "And as for my brother, he deserves what he got. To the Pit with him." Kren rolled his eyes in disgust, only making her angrier.
"Nice. Fine, wallow in self-pity and misery. See how far it gets you." Kren gave her an almost malicious, sarcastic smile "I'm sure Gellan would be so very proud of you."
Rehn came at him without warning, an inarticulate snarl of rage clawing from her throat as she dove at the big stallion. Draven was ready for it and he caught her wrist as he deflected the punched Gade levelled at him. Her reactions slowed by pain, fatigue and drugs, Kren easily pulled her to him and just held her as Rehn struggled. He wrapped his arms around her in a brotherly gesture of love and concern as she continued to struggle. Gade snarled, growled and fought like a wild thing until her strength ebbed and her snarls became wracking sobs of grief and frustration. Kren stroked her neck comfortingly as she began to cry in earnest.
"It wasn't your fault. But I know how you feel. When my first partner was killed, I blamed myself for a long, long time." He hugged her tightly and his voice took on a far-off quality. "I know it hurts – you go over it again and again in your mind and wonder if there was something you could have done differently, only to eventually realize that nothing you could have done would have mattered. You distance yourself from everyone; afraid to make friends and have a life because you're scared they'll be taken from you."
"I miss them so much." Rehn had stopped sobbing, exhausted and trying to fight the terrible, empty feeling inside her. "When my sire and dam died, it was like having a piece of me torn out. When Gellan died, it was like part of me died with him." Kren loosened his grip on her, giving Rehn the opportunity to pull away now that she had calmed, but she did not move.
"It hurts less in time." The Infiltrator held the young soldier gently and looked down at her. "Just remember that you have friends who want to help when you're ready."
****
Varsen sat in Craken's office aboard the United Front, a cup of steaming hot caf in one hand, Barryk and Kren's compiled report on a datapad in the other.
"Do you think you can help her?" Cracken asked, his voice somber. Varsen appeared to stare at nothing in particular for a few moments before nodding.
"I can help her. But she has to want my help. I can't force her to tell me what happened or she's going to explode. " Varsen said "She's angry and suspicious. Gade could be a danger to the Hope's crew. I recommend she be kept isolated. She's just coming into her Force powers again and in her current emotional state she may lash out before she can stop herself."
"Is she a danger to herself?" Cracken ran a hand down his face. He just did not have the time to deal with one confused, angry and potentially dangerous kid amidst a battle-ready fleet.
"No, the Thalcein don't commit suicide by their own hand. It's a completely foreign idea to them, a coward's way out. Getting killed while doing something, though, is another matter entirely. In all honesty, she will be unfit for combat for some time, if not indefinitely." Mia shrugged and slouched in her seat. "Unfortunately, by isolating her to protect others Rehn feels like she's a prisoner again. She's very wary right now and she doesn't know whom she can trust. Barryk betrayed her when he wiped her mind and she doesn't trust him any more either. Gellan was her only real friend, so she feels directionless."
"If she's a danger I don't have much choice in the matter. I have almost a quarter of a million personnel in this fleet. I can't justify putting them in danger over one soldier. I'm either going to have to cut her loose or keep her sedated and confined if she becomes unruly. I like Rehn - she's a pain in my ass but a good soldier. Unfortunately in cold military terms the latter option is a waste of resources if she's combat ineffective." Sometimes Airen Cracken hated his job. "I hate to do it but I have to think of the fleet first, though I feel like I'm throwing her to the vornskrs."
"If you discharge Rehn from service, he and Kren will most likely leave as well." Mia stifled a yawn with the back of her hand and noticed that General Cracken looked as haggard as she did. It had been a very long day.
"They're both good officers but no one is irreplaceable." Cracken ran a hand down his tired face and sat back heavily in his seat. "Rehn needs them more than I do."
"They hauled Barryk out of the tank a few hours ago. I'll talk to the guys tomorrow and let Barryk tell Rehn." Varsen got out of her seat. "Because quite frankly, she scares me."
As Mia left his office, the General sighed sent a quick memo off to Intel; questioning Gade was pointless now as any security codes she knew had been changed. The forward base she and Gellan had launched from had since been moved to another sector, so Krenel's badgering for information was not going to help her.
Cracken looked at the screen of his desktop workstation, a screen filled with Rehn Gade's military record. For three years she had sweated and bled for 'the cause' and now the Alliance was abandoning her. He hoped getting away from combat would help her but as the need to fight seemed to be as much a part her as blood and bone, he doubted it.