Fragmented Lives The Parody Pieces Chapter 6: 05 Desk Job, an evangelion fanfic

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Fragmented Lives (The Parody)

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"Fragmented Lives (THE PARODY)" is Copyright (c) 2002 by DBM. This work is an Amateur, Non-Commercial work by an Anime/Manga Fan. This work was created in the Spirit of the Copyright Exemptions regarding Parodies and Satire.

If you like my work, you may keep a copy for your own personal records, but you may NOT post it on any websites/newsgroups, NOR may you include it in any printed publication for sale/public distribution. If printing out a copy for yourself or a friend, you may reformat it (paragraph spacing, page-breaks, font and font size, borders, bold/italic, etc) to fit the paper you use, but please do not change any of the actual words or wording in the document.

Sole web-posting at FanFiction.Net - Author's E-Mail address on File.

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Censorship Info and Disclaimer.

NOT Recommended for Children.

Intended for MATURE Audiences.

There are NO 'sex scenes', but, just like the original NGE series, the story will explore the results and side effects of such activities. Along the way, there'll be swearing, violence, drugs, Adult situations, and frank discussions of sex education/family planning information, as well as thoughts and opinions on the morals and ethics of sexual assault, dating, courtship, marriage, alternate sexualities, pregnancy, childbirth, parenthood, Family Values, etc.

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Fandom Alerts and Disclaimer.

AU Alert (Alternate Universe).

OOC Alert (Out Of Character).

ACC Alert (Author Created Character).

SI Alert (Self Insert - Author appears in the story as a character).

SPOILER Alert (May 'spoil' surprises in the Manga and Anime TV/Movies).

' ' denotes thoughts.

" " denotes speech

denotes other method of communication.

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Fragment - Desk Job.

Glando Atari, powerful leader of the secret NERVIS organization, sat at a desk strewn with reports. A frown on his face, he brooded in ominous silence.

Inside Glando's office, it was always a neutral twilight, regardless of whether it was day or night outside in the known world. It was an eerie reflection of the world of shadowy half-truths that Glando reigned over…

Glando's secret musings were interrupted by a faint hiss, a nearly silent signal that the armour-plated doors that shielded his sanctum were opening.

Through the temporary portal stepped Rave Imanonymous, dressed in her usual school uniform, despite it being 2:10 in the early morning. The hiss of the closing doors masked any noise Rave made as she quietly approached Glando's desk.

Glando barely glanced at his approaching visitor.

"You wanted to see me Sir?" Rave's soft voice nearly whispered.

"Yes," Glando replied with a scowl, "I have need of your… services…"

Rave nodded slightly, a neutral look on her face.

Glando slowly rose from his seat and took off his jacket. Then with a painful grimace, he awkwardly climbed onto his desk, and lay face down on it.

Rave walked to the very edge of the desk. Her eyes roved over Glando, and she murmured, "What part of your back hurts?"

"All of it," Glando croaked, his face a mask of pain, "All of it…"

"Did you have another long meeting with STEELY?" Rave asked, as her hands began to lightly trace the muscles and ligaments in Glando's back.

"Yes…" Glando confessed, "Since yesterday afternoon…"

"And you sat with your hands steepled in front of you the whole time?" Rave inquired, as she began to massage the knotted muscles in Glando's back,

"It takes some of the weight off my lower back," Glando protested.

"But," Rave quietly argued, "It puts strain on your upper Thoracic and Cervical Vertebrae. Or have you forgotten what Doctor Akatlover told you?"

"I use an ergonomic chair…" Glando moaned, "As per her advice."

"But you do not use it properly," Rave pointed out.

Glando didn't reply. He lay there, more or less silent apart from the occasional grunt of pain, or gasp of relief as Rave massaged his strained back.

Several minutes later, and the initial round of Glando's treatment was finished.

Rave climbed onto the desk. She sat on the backs of Glando's thighs, her knees pressing against the outside of his hips, providing her with anchorage.

She put the heels of both of her hands in the small of Glando's back, and began to press them against the contours of his spine. Rave moved slowly, plotting the precise positions of Glando's vertebrae.

Suddenly Rave leaned forward, using the weight of her body to push against Glando's vertebrae, gently forcing them apart.

The sudden movement forced air out of Glando's lungs in a coarse grunt. The noise covered the plopping noise his spinal disk made, as it settled back into place between the separated vertebrae.

A grateful moan escaped Glando as some of the stress and tension left his back.

Rave continued her Chiropractic massage, separating the rest of the vertebrae in Glando's back, one by one. Each replaced disk, gave another level of relief to Glando, causing him to relax even more.

By the time Rave finished the Thoracic Vertebrae, Glando was semi-conscious, the relief from pain helping him to drift off towards a much-needed sleep.

"Roll over," Rave said, "I will do your neck…"

Half awake, Glando followed orders, and was soon lying on his blissfully relieved back, his head resting in Rave's lap.

Rave began the delicate Chiropractic manipulations needed to relieve the stress in Glando's cervical vertebrae, and neck muscles. Carefully, she twisted his head to one side, feeling the vertebrae click as the disks slipped back into place.

Rave knew how easy it would be, to substitute the current health promoting Chiropractic procedure, for a killing technique she'd learned in SWAT training.

'You lower your guard for me,' Rave mused, looking at Glando, 'You let yourself be vulnerable in my presence, and do not worry about it… Why?'

Rave pondered the matter as she continued her massage, finally concluding, 'You trust me with your life… Even though you trust so few others, with far less…'

Rave continued on to the pressure points on Glando's skull, including the points in the corners of his eyes. She removed his glasses, and looked down at his face.

Glando's face lay naked before Rave's gaze. She noted the beginnings of dark rings under his eyes, and the way they seemed to be sunken into his head. Despite his level of relaxation, Glando still looked worn and weary.

'Because you trust me,' Rave thought, manipulating Glando's Cranial pressure points, 'You show me your true face… The one you keep hidden from others…'

By the time Rave finished the last procedures of her therapeutic massage, Glando was sound asleep, his chest rising in a slow rhythm of total relaxation.

'The Commander is asleep,' Rave noted, 'He must have been tired.'

Rave climbed off the desk, and rolled Glando's jacket up. Then she carefully raised Glando's head, and slipped the jacket under his neck, as a pillow.

For several long moments, Rave did nothing but look at Glando…

'Should I return to my apartment and get some sleep?' Rave asked herself, 'Or should I remain here and await further orders?'

Rave stood for several minutes, waiting against the chance that Glando might wake up and resolve her dilemma for her.

It soon became apparent, that Glando might not be waking up for some time…

'If the Commander cannot dismiss me,' Rave rationalised, 'And I am not actually on active duty, then I may as well sleep in here…'

Rave looked around for a suitable place to bed herself down…

The floor was hard and cold, and Rave knew that sleeping on it might stiffen her muscles, and impair her own abilities. The Commander's ergonomic chair was soft and warm, but it was customised for Glando's body, and was an awkward fit for the smaller Rave. Again, it might stress her muscles. The bunk bed Glando had stashed in one of the side rooms to his office was tempting, but…

'It is some distance from the Commander,' Rave thought, 'If he wakes up, and I am asleep, he may not realise I am there. I do not want to be locked in should he decide to leave his office. It would be inconvenient…'

Rave finally compromised. She took the meagre bedding from the bunk bed, intending to sleep on the floor by the Commander.

Back at the desk, Rave thoughtfully draped a blanket over Glando, and replaced his jacket with a real pillow, before preparing her own makeshift bed on the floor.

Rave paused, and looked at Glando, sleeping on the desk…

'If he rolls over in his sleep,' Rave realised, 'He might fall off his Desk and hurt himself. That is unacceptable. As he has entrusted his well-being to my care, I must keep him from harm. I will not fail his trust in me…'

Then Rave did the unexpected…

Rave climbed on the desk, and as a cat will do with a human it trusts, she curled up next to Glando, her head resting on his chest, with an arm across his torso.

Rave lay quietly, listening to the muted beat of Glando's heart and the sigh of his breathing. Losing herself in the lullaby rhythms of another's life, Rave gradually drifted off to sleep.

Hours later, Glando began to dream. He began moving in his sleep, and muttering comments, his face contorting with various emotions.

Rave awoke at Glando's first movement.

'The Commander is in R.E.M. sleep,' Rave thought, noting the way Glando's eyes moved rapidly about under his closed eyelids, 'He may soon awake.' (R.E.M. = Rapid Eye Movement = Dream state)

A forlorn moan suddenly escaped Glando, and a look of loss distorted his face as his arms clutched futilely at the air. He began to thrash around, in the grip of some personal nightmare.

Alarmed by Glando's sudden movements, Rave quickly moved her body to pin him down, and ensure he could not fall off the desk.

At the unexpected weight against his body, a look of peace came over Glando's face, and his flailing limbs folded calmly around Rave. Glando began to mutter contentedly, as he held the girl to him.

Rave blinked in surprise as Glando embraced her, her face going slightly pink as she realised Glando was calling her by his dead wife's name.

'If the Commander is dreaming about his wife…' Rave wondered, 'Why does he seem to be so happy holding me? Does he think I am her?'

"Sir?" Rave said as she disentangled herself from Glando's arms, "I am not her…"

Rave's words pierced the dream state Glando was in. He woke with a start, confused by the hard surface beneath him, and the soft blanket over him.

"Ritzy?" Glando croaked, his unfocussed eyes looking blearily around his office, his mind trying to get a grip on the reality he was in.

"No Sir," Rave replied, "Rave."

"Where am I?" Glando struggled upright, a startled look on his face, "What…?"

"Your office," Rave answered, "You fell asleep after a back massage."

Glando breathed heavily, getting over his disorientation.

"Will that be all Sir?" Rave asked.

Glando looked at the pale girl still lying beside him on the table, then asked, "Rave, what happened? Why were you lying beside me when I awoke?"

Rave's face was expressionless as she began her recital of events.

"Sir! As per your request, I gave you a Chiropractic massage to relive stress and pain in your back. It was successful, and you fell asleep. As I was feeling tired, I lay down beside you and slept as well. We both awoke a short while ago."

Glando blinked, then asked, "Is that… all that happened?"

"No Sir," Rave replied, much to Glando's obvious alarm, "I believe you started dreaming of your late wife, as you were holding me and calling out her name."

Glando swallowed awkwardly, "I was just… holding you? Nothing else?"

"Correct Sir," Rave answered, "Nothing else."

Glando seemed relieved. He put his glasses back on and looked sternly at Rave.

"Rave, It would be best if people did not learn of this… incident…"

"Why?" Rave asked innocently, as they both got off the desk.

"Because they may…" Glando paused, "…misinterpret it…"

"What do you mean Sir?" Rave asked with a faint look of puzzlement on her face, "How could anyone misinterpret my giving you a massage, and sleeping with you?"

Glando sighed as he sat in his chair, "Rave, that's just it. If you tell people that you've… 'slept with me'… They WILL get the wrong idea…"

"I do not understand…" Rave said, her puzzled look growing.

Glando took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes, searching for the right words. Then he went into 'Lecture Mode', speaking in his usual authoritative monotone.

"Rave… 'Sleeping with' another person, is a euphemism that means that those who have 'slept together', have performed the act of sexual intercourse, or else engaged in other, sexually orientated activities."

"But we have never done anything like that…" Rave stated from behind the blush on her face.

"I know that, and you know that," Glando quickly agreed, "But other people might not get their facts straight, or not even bother listening to the truth… Worse, they may deliberately use such information as the basis for malicious propaganda."

"How could they do that Sir?"

Glando sighed. For all of her merits and training, Rave was still very much an innocent in the ways of the world. Especially when it came to the delicate Socio-Political considerations of inter-personal relationships…

Glando collected his thoughts, then continued, "The authority of my command could easily be undermined, if false rumours about my… personal relationships with Base personnel were circulated… Especially who I am 'sleeping with'…"

"Such as Doctor Akatlover?" Rave queried.

Glando blinked. Rave might be an innocent in the ways of the world, but the girl still had eyes, ears, and a functioning brain…

"Perhaps…" Glando brushed aside the surprise of Rave's unexpected observation, "But the threat of any rumours about my relationship with Doctor Akatlover, are nowhere near as great, as the potential threat posed by any rumours involving the two of us…"

"I do not understand," Rave repeated.

"Doctor Akatlover and myself are both adults," Glando explained, "Relationships between adults are between physical and mental equals, with the mutual and informed consent of BOTH parties. If there are any doubts about the matter, there are procedures to resolve any problems and ensure the rights of either party."

"However," Glando stressed, looking sternly at Rave, "You are not an adult, you are a minor. As such, you are not considered to be capable of giving the sort of informed consent an… 'adult' or sexual relationship requires. Nor are you deemed physically capable of safely participating in one…"

"But…" Rave said, looking even more confused, "How could any rumour about a non-existent relationship between the two of us undermine your Command?"

Glando took a deeper breath, and pressed on, "This is a complex topic to understand… There are adults who attempt to have sexual relationships with minors. The minor involved, often ends up seriously harmed, sometimes fatally…"

"Harmed?" Rave had a slightly worried look on her face, "Why? How?"

Glando hesitated, then slowly continued, "Many of these… 'adults'… are mentally unbalanced, in one way or another. They do not realise that minors are living beings that can feel pain and be hurt, or that the activities they try to engage in with the minors, may cause harm. These 'adults' may not intend to do harm, but their actions frequently result in severe emotional and psychological damage to the minor… Let alone the physical harm that all too often results…"

"Other 'adults'," Glando not quite sneered on the word, "Are not mentally unbalanced, apart from believing that what they do cannot be wrong. They get so caught up in their own wants and fantasies, that they either don't realise, or worse, blatantly ignore, the fact that minors have their own wants, needs, feelings, and rights…"

A look of distaste passed over Glando's face, "Then there are 'adults' who will deliberately inflict pain and suffering for their own twisted pleasure… They will torture their victim to death, or leave them with a shattered body and mind…"

Glando trailed off, and silence descended.

"So…" Rave murmured, "Any rumour about your having a relationship with a minor, would also suggest you were… mentally unbalanced… or worse…"

"Correct," Glando confirmed, "With the Power and Authority I have, any hint of… unsuitability… would need to be investigated. I would be relieved of my duties during such an investigation. The entire procedure would cause widespread confusion, providing many opportunities for an enemy to take advantage of."

Glando gave Rave a hard look, "Even IF I was cleared by the investigation, it would always be a stain on my record… my reputation… Something that would erode others faith in my abilities, and leave me vulnerable to suspicion in the future…"

"I see," Rave breathed, "Then… even though nothing like that happened, the facts of what did happen here, should be restricted on a 'need to know' basis?"

"Yes," Glando agreed, "Although harmless in itself, such information could become a dangerous tool in the right hands."

"I understand Sir," Rave confirmed.

"Rave," Glando asked quietly, "If you were feeling tired, why didn't you go back to your apartment and sleep?"

Rave answered promptly, "I had no orders to leave, so I decided to wait until you awoke, and I could be officially dismissed…"

"But why did you sleep beside me?" Glando pressed.

Rave paused, "There was sufficient room on the desk, and I thought it best to be nearby in case you moved in your sleep, to stop you from falling off the desk."

"Were you watching over me?" Glando asked, in an unusually gentle tone.

Rave paused before answering, "Yes Sir, I think I was… You were… vulnerable…"

An amused, yet strangely sad expression tinged Glando's face, "…Thank you Rave…"

Rave blushed slightly, then asked, "You miss your wife, Sir?"

Glando tensed up and murmured, "Yes. I do."

"Even though Doctor Akatlover is your… partner now?"

Glando frowned, and he looked at his desk top for a few seconds before replying, "She may be my… partner… But… she cannot replace my wife. No one can…"

"Why not?"

Glando looked at Rave, then replied, "Without my late wife beside me, I cannot be the man she helped me become… I can only be a poor imitation of him… Without her, the man I was… is closer to being the man I am…"

"Then she made a difference in your life?"

"I was a better man for knowing her…" Glando murmured in agreement, "Her support… She… enabled me to be a Father, a Family Man… To love others as I loved her…"

"Is that why you sent Shakey away after she died?" Rave probed, "Without her support, you felt incapable of being a Father to him anymore?"

Glando didn't reply, he just looked away into the reaches of his office.

Rave was going to ask another question, when a small voice from the other side of Glando's desk whispered, "…yes…"

"If you could love her," Rave slowly asked, "Could you not love another? Could you not be again, what you once were?"

"It is not that easy… Love is not something you can be sure of finding in this world… Let alone finding another who will love you as much as you love them…"

Silence fell.

"So…" Rave's soft voice emerged from the silence, "It is not just a matter of whether or not you love another, but whether or not they love you as well?"

"Yes," Glando confirmed, his voice low and quiet.

"But…" Rave breathed the words out, "If you found another… who loved you like she did… who could affect your life like she did, then…"

Rave trailed off into silence, prompting Glando to look at her.

Rave stood, looking quietly at Glando, a deep blush on her face.

"…could you love them?" Rave almost whispered, gazing deeply into Glando's eyes, "…as you did your wife?"

"I'm afraid that…" Glando muttered, looking away from Rave's gaze, "Finding someone who would love me, as my wife did, would be impossible. Women like her are rare. She was…"

Glando hesitated, "She was one of the few people who never judged me… Where others saw only that I wasn't meeting some standard, she saw my potential for improvement. Where others saw only my past, she saw what my future could be… She was an optimist, but more than that… She believed in me… She trusted me… As a man… As a Person…"

Rave digested this, "Does Doctor Akatlover see you like that?"

"No!" Glando snorted derisively, "She doesn't. Our dear Dr Akatlover is much like her mother… Neither of them have the same sort of social vision my wife had… Nor do they have the disposition to become the sort of woman my wife was…"

"But…" Rave persisted, "If you found another… woman like your wife…"

"IF," Glando sourly stressed, "I should ever find a woman like my wife, the chances are that she would already be in a 'relationship' with another person… Or if not, then she wouldn't want anything to do with an old man like me…"

"What has age to do, with being loved?" Rave quietly asked.

Glando looked at the girl, surprised by her comment.

Rave was gazing intensely at Glando. Her blushing face had a serene expression on it, and her crimson eyes were full of quiet warmth and unspoken acceptance…

"It is all irrelevant anyway," Glando said with a dismissive wave of his hand, breaking eye contact with Rave.

"Why?" Rave persisted.

"Out there," Glando said, pointing towards the doors to his office, "I have a job to do. In order to do that job, I must be what the job NEEDS me to be…"

"The man I now am," Glando said in a voice tainted with disgust, "Is very much a man I once was… A Loner who had to stand or fall by himself, for he knew that his life would only bring danger to anyone close to him… This job is a familiar role to him, as it uses the skills he long ago mastered… Suspicion… Deception… Corruption… Brutality… Fear…"

"But if you do not want to be that man," Rave softly observed, "Why be him?"

"I have no choice!" Glando retorted bitterly, "HE is the only one who can do this job! Until it ends, I dare not even try to be other than what HE is! Should I change from what I am now, I would most likely fail in my duties!"

"And failure," Glando said, scowling at Rave, "Is NOT an option I care to take…"

"Yes sir," Rave replied.

Silence fell again in the office.

"So…" Rave summarised, "You currently have no room for love in your life?"

"Correct," Glando stated in acid tones, "Not now, and not any time in the foreseeable future…"

Rave nodded, then asked, "Will that be all then sir?"

"Yes," Glando confirmed nonchalantly, his mood dissipating, "You may leave… Wait, use my personal elevator, it'll get you home quicker…"

Glando rose from desk and led Rave over to the personal 'express' elevator that resided in a corner of Glando's office. Glando keyed the access code in, and programmed the destination for his visitor.

As the doors on the elevator opened, Glando turned and walked off, casting back over his shoulder the comment, "You know what to do…"

Rave entered the elevator. As she waited for the doors to close automatically, a sudden insight flooded her mind.

'The Commander does more than trust me…' Rave realised, 'Despite what he must be in order to do his job… He becomes a different person when the two of us are alone together… He becomes more open and relaxed… gentler…'

"Commander…" Rave had to raise her voice for Glando to hear her.

"Yes Rave?" Glando acknowledged, turning to look back at the girl.

"I will be an adult in 2019," Rave quietly noted.

Then the elevator doors closed in front of Rave, preventing Glando from asking what she meant…

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OMAKE - Desk Job.

Gendou Ikari, powerful leader of the secret NERV organization, sat at a desk strewn with reports. A frown on his face, he brooded in ominous silence.

Inside Gendou's office, it was always a neutral twilight, regardless of whether it was day or night outside in the known world. It was an eerie reflection of the world of dark secrets that Gendou reigned over…

Gendou's secret musings were interrupted by a faint hiss, a nearly silent signal that the armour-plated doors that shielded his sanctum were opening.

Through the temporary portal stepped Rei Ayanami, dressed in her usual school uniform, despite it being 2:10 in the early morning. The hiss of the closing doors masked any noise Rei made as she meekly approached Gendou's desk.

Gendou stared intently at his approaching visitor, a crooked smile on his face.

"You wanted to see me Sir?" Rei's soft voice nervously whispered.

"Yes," Gendou replied through a smirk, "I have need of your… services…"

Rei trembled slightly, a look of unease on her face.

Gendou slowly rose from his seat and took off his jacket. Then he…

…Suddenly dived for cover behind his desk, as the doors to his office vanished in an explosive fireball…

"What the H--L?" Gendou swore, hitting the Alarm button beneath his desk with one hand, as he reached for his gun with the other.

Through the smoke and flames an indistinct figure moved. Reaching the edge of the destruction, it moved past the last pall of smoke to reveal…

…An overweight middle-aged man, whose short 'salt and pepper' beard was only slightly singed from the conflagration he'd just waded through…

Gendou's eyes narrowed, and he took careful aim with his handgun.

"Who are you?" Gendou barked, "What are you doing here? How did you get in?"

The stranger hacked up smoke induced phlegm from the back of his throat, and spat it towards a convenient side of the office.

"Answer me!" Gendou demanded, "Or…"

"G'Day Mate!" the stranger waved casually at Gendou, "How're they hanging?"

Gendou blinked in surprise, as he realised that the intruder was speaking 'Strine', the extinct dialect of English native to the dead land of Australia.

"Um…" an embarrassed look on his face appeared on the Ozzie's face, "Sumimasen! (Excuse Me!) Watashi wa Nihongo wakarimasen! (I Japanese-language don't understand!) Anata wa Eigo ga dekimasu ka? (Do you English-language understand?)"

"Hai… (Yes)" Gendou scowled.

"Yes," Rei confirmed in slightly accented English.

"Arigato Tomodachi! (Thanks Friend/Mate!)" the Ozzie sighed with relief.

"Who are you?" Gendou repeated, "What are you doing here? How did you get in?"

"She's Apples, Mate!" the Ozzie drawled, "I'm just another insignificant Fat B-----D, doing what us Ozzies do best in Foreign Countries…"

"And what's that?" Gendou asked suspiciously, his finger tightening on the trigger of his gun.

The Ozzie grinned, "Impressing the Ladies, while P-----G OFF the jerks… As to how I got in…" he suddenly shrugged, "I was passing by, saw your light on, and thought I'd drop in and say hello… The key was under the mat so I…"

Gendou had heard enough. Having decided that the man before him was obviously some sort of deranged foreign assassin, he opened fire.

…Only to have the bullets splatter ineffectively on a golden shimmer that suddenly sprang up in front of his target…

Gendou's surprise turned into utter embarrassment, as the overweight Ozzie did a REALLY woeful imitation of the 'bullet-dodging' scene from 'The Matrix'.

"Thanks Mate!" the Ozzie cheerfully replied, as he stopped wobbling about "I've been looking for an excuse to abuse that scene since I started writing…"

"So you've got an A.T. Field," Gendou sneered, "Well I for one am not impressed! If you think that will let you kill me without a fight…"

"Hold on," the Ozzie interrupted, "First off, I DON'T have an A.T. Field…"

"What?" Glando snapped, "Then what was that shimmer?"

"That was **HER** A.T. Field," the Ozzie grinned and pointed towards the smoke shrouded doorway.

From out of the swirling smoke, strode another figure…

…COMPLETELY unlike the first…

"Six foot two, Hair of Blue…" the Ozzie sang in an off-key voice, describing the newcomer.

The pale, red-eyed behemoth was clad in jeans, biker boots, and a bulletproof SWAT vest that barely contained the bulging curves of her overly muscled body. Basically, she looked much like Arnold Schwarzenegger would, if he was one of the gender that wore bras…

"Say hello to… (one… two… three…) Ma-chi! Ma-chi-Ko! Hoh!" the Ozzie sang a TERRIBLE improvisation to the tune of the Village People's 'Macho Man'.

"Target Parameters?" the over muscled Rei Clone growled, indicating a startled Gendou with a nod of her head.

"Well," the Ozzie said in a 'stage whisper' while pointing at Gendou, "He IS one of the Doujinshi Versions!" (Dojinshi/Doujinshi=Fan made comic)

A feral sneer grew on Machiko's face as she locked her disdainful gaze on Gendou. She reached behind her back, and produced a short-barrelled riot shotgun. Barely taking any time to aim, she still shot Gendou unerringly in the crotch…

Gendou fell screaming to the floor, his hands cradling his wounded pride…

"Ooogh!" the Ozzie cringed in Manly sympathy, "Right in the nuts…"

"Correction," Machiko snarled, striding over to stand over a hysterically screaming Gendou, "His NUT! I only shot him in the left one…"

Machiko pulled Gendou's hands away from his groin, dislocating the man's shoulders in the process. Then she dislocated his hips. Satisfied that his limbs wouldn't spoil her aim, she shot Glando again in the crotch…

"Now you can go to plural," Machiko said, in much the same monotones that Arnie used to deliver his darkly humorous lines in the 'Running Man' movie.

The Ozzie suddenly looked nervous, 'Hmmm,' he thought, 'Those lines were almost a direct rip-off from a comic I once read… Must be coincidence…'

"Commander!" Rei gasped, watching the agonisingly wounded man with somewhat less than genuine concern for his continued health and well-being…

"Hmmm?" the Ozzie scratched his head absent-mindedly, "Oh yeah, right! MEDICS!"

From out of the smoke jogged another three figures…

The first was Maya Ibuki, a stethoscope around her neck, and a doctor's bag in her hand. She was dressed in an outfit almost identical to what Doctor Ritsuko Akagi always used to wear. The other two figures were carrying a stretcher between them, and turned out to be a pair of Rei Clones in Nurse outfits.

The Ozzie blinked as he suddenly realised that Maya seemed to be different to how he'd been writing his version of her, "Maya?" he asked, "Is that YOU?"

"Of course it's me," Maya smiled, "You don't think I'd let the Girls go off into danger without adequate Medical Backup do you?"

"Actually," the Ozzie clarified, "I meant the outfit… Is that a copy of Doctor Akagi's wardrobe?"

"No," Maya purred, "It's her own clothing! The Girls raided her old apartment building and got them for me… Such sweet keepsakes…"

Maya hugged herself and sighed delightedly.

The Ozzie blinked in surprise as he realised that Maya seemed to be 'filling' the blouse as well as Ritsuko ever did. Being a typical Australian Male, the Ozzie oh-so-tactfully asked…

"Maya? Did your tits get bigger or what? I thought Ritsuko was supposed to be the 'most-overly-stacked' female in the show?"

"Well" Maya shrugged and struck a pose that flaunted the endowments in question, "I heard about the Hormone Replacement Therapy 'plot device' in your story, and thought to myself… Hey! Why not?"

"Oh…" the Ozzie's face fell as he wondered why he hadn't known that, especially since he was the one writing the story, 'Maybe it's like what Real Writers say,' he mused, 'Your characters DO tend to grow into their own lives, without you knowing it…'

"Besides," Maya hefted the items under consideration in her hands and giggled, "Being the same bra size, lets me get even closer to my Sempai by wearing hers…" (Sempai is a respectful way of saying 'Teacher/Superior' - refers to Ritsuko)

The Ozzie decided not to touch THAT comment with a ten-foot pole…

"Now then," Maya said, turning to Gendou with a gleam in her eye, "Better do something about that bleeding… I think THERMAL CAUTERISATION is called for! Machiko? Put him on the desk, and HOLD him down!"

Machiko grunted as she picked Gendou up and slammed him down onto his desk, holding the wounded man spreadeagled and face up. She put her hand firmly over his mouth, muffling Glando's agonised moans.

Satisfied that her patient was properly secured, Maya produced a small hobby blowtorch from her pocket and fired it up…

The Ozzie turned to the first Rei, who was intently watching Gendou's tortured writhings with what looked like a more-than-faintly-satisfied smile…

"Umm…" the Ozzie said, by way of brilliant conversation opener, "Rei?"

"Yes sir?" Rei asked in a suddenly timid voice.

The Ozzie paused, 'How do I say this tactfully?' he asked himself, 'Oh, to H--L with it! I'll just be brutally honest!'

"Rei, I don't know how to tell you this…" the Ozzie said in gentle tones, "But I'm a Fan Fiction Writer."

"And?" Rei asked, looking blankly at the Fan Fiction Writer, obviously not comprehending the significance of such a statement.

"And…" the Ozzie/F.F.W. said, starting to sweat as he wondered how the poor girl would take the truth, "You're currently in a reality, that only exists within the covers of a Japanese Doujinshi…"

"I am?" Rei blinked in surprise.

"Too right!" the F.F.W. confirmed, slipping back into his native Strine dialect.

"I thought this was the 'Official' version," Rei commented, looking around the highly professional, nearly identical to the Official version artwork.

"Nah…" the F.F.W. said dismissively, "You know what the Japanese are like… They can imitate anything…"

Rei raised an eyebrow at the semi-relevant pun…

"You can tell it's not the 'Official' version," the F.F.W. said, turning to indicate what Maya was doing to Gendou with the red-hot blowtorch. He gulped nervously and turned away, squeaking, "Oth-otherwise, we'd never get away with THIS level of gory violence…"

"Oh," Rei said, nodding slightly in agreement.

"Anyway," the F.F.W. rambled on, gladly changing the subject, "We Fan Fiction Writers basically rip-off other people's works, and to do that, we have to 'poach' their plots, dialogs, and characters…"

Rei looked uncomprehendingly at the F.F.W..

"And," the F.F.W. gulped nervously, this was where things got tricky, "I was wondering… if you'd like to leave this story… And be a part of the Fan Fiction I'm currently writing…"

"What sort is it?" Rei asked.

"Now you don't have to leave this place if you don't want to…" the F.F.W. nervously prattled on, too lost in his own thoughts to be aware of what Rei had just asked.

"Huh?" the F.F.W. stopped as Rei's comment suddenly sunk in, "Well, it's sort of a parody/comedy/romance/drama/'slice of life' sort of thing. Hopefully done in a style that's blatantly derivative of the Literary Greats… More or less…"

Rei blinked.

"Err…" the F.F.W. became flustered on noting Rei's reaction, "There'll be the sort of stuff you usually get in Teen romance comics, teenage angst etc, along with the usual things you get in Action movies, like…"

"Is it a genuine attempt at Amateur Literature?" Rei asked suspiciously, "Or just a thinly disguised attempt at Ego Gratification?

"Err… Sure," the F.F.W. swallowed hard, definitely uneasy with how Rei was critically dissecting his work before he'd even written it, "Probably a bit of both… I mean, it'll be as close to imitating genuine literature, as my poor writing talents can get… Or however close Fan Fiction gets, whichever is the lesser…"

"What about OMAKEs?"

"Ah… Yes…" the F.F.W. hesitantly admitted, "There will be… OMAKEs…"

"What type?" Rei pressed.

"Well," the F.F.W. sighed, "Talent permitting, I'm trying to do Parodies based off episodes 23 and 24 of the TV show, as well as the movies… Along the way I want to take a swipe at various Sci-Fi Action movies, as well as assorted Anime and TV shows, Movies and Cultural Icons…"

"What about the other characters in it?" Rei asked, her crimson eyes staring through the F.F.W., "Any Author Created Characters or Self Insert Characters?"

"Some," the F.F.W. admitted, squirming slightly under Rei's inquiring gaze, "But don't worry, I promise NONE of them are the offspring of Computer Game and TV show characters! (Obligatory Disclaimer regarding 'DJ C---T' and look-alikes…) Now, there WILL be 137 Clones running around… Although, I'll try to develop separate characters for some of them… Kind of like Machiko here…"

Rei blinked again, "137 Clones…? How many boys are there?"

"Uh…" the F.F.W. suddenly looked nervous, "Well… There really won't be any more than in the original TV series… Apart from generic throwaway types… It's all about character development, with a REALLY complex Romantic Triangle…"

"Triangle?" Rei raised both eyebrows, "137 Clones would require a multi-sided 3-Dimensional Polyhedron…"

"Geometry was never my strongpoint," the F.F.W. shrugged the comment off.

Rei nodded, then asked, "What about sex scenes?"

"Ahem," the F.F.W. coughed discreetly, "No character under the age of Eighteen years of age, will be involved in ANY sort of… sexual activity… The closest they'll get is innocent dating stuff like kissing, etc… Although, as per the original TV show, there will be nudity, and 'embarrassing situations'…"

"And adult characters?" Rei countered.

"Ahem," the F.F.W. coughed even more discreetly than before, "Since I DON'T do 'Lemons', no character OVER the age of Eighteen years of age, will be depicted in any sort of explicit sexual activity… Although there may be discrete reference to the results of such things, such as pregnancy, childbirth, and etc, as well as the usual 'Facts of Life' information associated with such things…"

Rei blinked, "So you will totally ignore many of the traditional stereotypical situations found in Teenage Anime and Manga? Sounds unrealistic, given what you intend to parody…"

"Not at all," the F.F.W. hastened to add, "I'll be having various stereotypical 'seed' situations that in Anime/Manga could have gone… that way… But in MY Parody, they will have an 'above-board' conclusion to them. For example, say you meet a group of arrogant lecherous thugs when you're all by yourself…"

Rei suddenly shivered.

"Hey," the F.F.W. reassured, "Don't worry, instead of what could happen in Anime/Manga (and usually does in Doujinshi), here's what'll happen in MY Parody…"

The F.F.W. leaned forward and whispered in Rei's ear.

Rei looked surprised, then smiled and said, "I will take the job!"

"You sure?" the F.F.W. asked, looking intently at Rei, "There WILL be death, pain, suffering, and emotional upset along the way for your character?"

Rei gave the F.F.W. the haunted look of a lost soul that thinks it sees a way home, "It still sounds better than what I have to do here…"

"All right!" the F.F.W. patted Rei enthusiastically on the shoulder, "Welcome aboard Ma'am!"

The F.F.W. turned to the two Nurse Reis with the stretcher and said "Ladies?"

The Nurse Reis came over and put the stretcher on the floor by Rei.

"If you'd just lie down," the F.F.W. said to Rei, indicating the stretcher, "They'll take you over to the other side…"

Rei looked puzzled, "I thought the stretcher was for the Commander?"

"Don't worry about him," the F.F.W. muttered cryptically, "He won't NEED one where he's going…"

Rei looked puzzled, then shrugged and lay down on the stretcher. Without a sound, the two Nurse Reis picked her up and jogged off.

"Well!" Maya had to raise her voice to be heard over the sounds of Gendou's unintelligible, yet obviously painful gurgles, "That's got your Ballistic Vasectomy all taken care of…"

"Now then, Gendou…" Maya purred, a strange gleam in her eyes, "I want to talk to you about the way you've been treating your version of **MY** Sempai…"

The F.F.W. suddenly noticed that Maya was now holding a rather blunt and rusty looking scalpel in her white-knuckled hand…

"There's only one 'thing' I want from you Gendou…" Maya wore a Manic Grin as she slowly twirled the blunt scalpel in front of Gendou's face in an ominous manner, "But don't worry, I promise I'll hand 'it' right back to you…"

'Huh…?' the F.F.W. swallowed nervously, noting how Maya was looking at Gendou, 'This is more than vaguely reminiscent of that scene in the Terry Moore 'Strangers in Paradise' comic, the issue where Katchoo terrorises Freddy…'

'Is this just another coincidence?' the F.F.W. asked himself, 'Or…'

The F.F.W. started sweating profusely as he considered the possibility that his creations may have been accessing his memories of 'independent' American comics…

The F.F.W. suddenly turned and ran like H--L. He'd just made it into the comfortably obscuring clouds of smoke, when an almost masculine scream of Inhuman Agony, and Unutterable Male Horror tore out from Gendou's office… It was quickly replaced by a muffled choking sound…

"Oh God, NO!" the F.F.W. wailed, turning white as a sheet as he remembered that despite what actually happened in 'Strangers in Paradise', there was still THAT scene from the infamous first issue of Roberta Gregory's 'Naughty Bits' comic…

…And that despite how the F.F.W. intended to write them in his Parody, not only were most of the characters female, they were still of Japanese Anime/Manga origin, and the F.F.W. had read several 'Feminist' books in his time…

…Including the copy of 'Eve's Revenge' by Tama Starr in his bookcase…

END*******************************************************************