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Fragmented Lives (The Parody)
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Copyright Info and Disclaimer.
"Neon Genesis Evangelion" is Copyright (c) 2002 by Gainax. All OTHER material is Copyright (c) 2002 their owners. All materials used for PARODY purposes.
"Fragmented Lives (THE PARODY)" is Copyright (c) 2002 by DBM. This work is an Amateur, Non-Commercial work by an Anime/Manga Fan. This work was created in the Spirit of the Copyright Exemptions regarding Parodies and Satire.
If you like my work, you may keep a copy for your own personal records, but you may NOT post it on any websites/newsgroups, NOR may you include it in any printed publication for sale/public distribution. If printing out a copy for yourself or a friend, you may reformat it (paragraph spacing, page-breaks, font and font size, borders, bold/italic, etc) to fit the paper you use, but please do not change any of the actual words or wording in the document.
Sole web-posting at FanFiction.Net - Author's E-Mail address on File.
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Censorship Info and Disclaimer.
NOT Recommended for Children.
Intended for MATURE Audiences.
There are NO 'sex scenes', but, just like the original NGE series, the story will explore the results and side effects of such activities. Along the way, there'll be swearing, violence, drugs, Adult situations, and frank discussions of sex education/family planning information, as well as thoughts and opinions on the morals and ethics of sexual assault, dating, courtship, marriage, alternate sexualities, pregnancy, childbirth, parenthood, Family Values, etc.
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Fandom Alerts and Disclaimer.
AU Alert (Alternate Universe).
OOC Alert (Out Of Character).
ACC Alert (Author Created Character).
SI Alert (Self Insert - Author appears in the story as a character).
SPOILER Alert (May 'spoil' surprises in the Manga and Anime TV/Movies).
' ' denotes thoughts.
" " denotes speech
denotes other method of communication.
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Fragment - Truth Hurts…
The Fan Fiction Writer decided to dispel yet ANOTHER mystery of the TV series…
Somewhere in a deserted building, a dishevelled man leaned against the cover to a ventilation maintenance shaft. Although his posture seemed relaxed, his eyes and ears were keenly alert to any hint of danger…
Cagey Rogue was a man accustomed to danger. He'd often danced with the Reaper and lived to tell the tale. His continued existence was mostly due to his own cunning, and his manipulation of whatever lucky breaks Fate had given him.
Of course, sheer cunning and luck can only go so far, and more than once, Cagey had paid dearly for his actions…
Caged had lost count of the number of times he'd been hunted by relentless pursuers, or had to kill or be killed. He preferred not to remember the times he'd wound up in Hospital, or lived like a rat in some deserted building.
From it all, Cagey had learned and learned well, that there were times when a person had to make use of whatever they could, in order to survive…
…And sometimes, that meant dancing with the very Devil himself…
'Your operative better get here soon Commander,' Cagey thought as he lit another cigarette, 'I'm running out of things to entertain me… Such as cigarettes…'
A faint clunk from the darkness made Cagey tense up. He looked warily in the direction of the noise.
'False alarm,' Cagey decided, relaxing again, 'Just another of the random noises generated by the machinery down here…'
Sometime later, Cagey was down to his last cigarette…
'Should I smoke it now?' Cagey asked himself, 'Or save it til later?'
Cagey smiled ruefully, 'No… Better enjoy it while I still have a chance…'
It was several minutes after Cagey had finished thoroughly enjoying his last cigarette, that he heard footsteps slowly approaching him.
'They aren't being furtive,' Cagey realised, 'That means that either they're a friend, or else they're sure they've got me bottled up… Better stay calm…'
Cagey casually turned in the direction of his visitor, straining to discern anything in the gloom. As an indistinct figure began to appear, Cagey casually quipped, "You're a little late, aren't you?"
Then Cagey's eyes widened in shock as he saw who his visitor was…
"Rave?" Cagey exclaimed, "What are YOU doing here?"
The school-uniformed teenage girl simply replied, "The Commander sent me…"
"You?" Cagey asked incredulously, "Atari sent YOU to get me out of here?"
"Not quite," Rave replied quietly, "Although I am here to… 'extract' you…"
Cagey blinked as Rave pointed a gun at him.
Cagey sighed, "Oh great… Here I am, unprepared with any famous last words…"
"Do not worry," Rave said in deadpan tones, "The Commander has some for you…"
"Oh?" Cagey asked, raising an eyebrow, "Such as?"
"Yes," Rave confirmed, "The Commander thanks you for your prior efforts on his behalf, and regrets to advise that your services will no longer be needed… If you need a reference, he will be happy to provide you with one…"
"Atari…" Cagey muttered under his breath, "You Rat B-----D'…"
Cagey thought fast, 'What can I do? She has a gun… Still… she's only a teenage girl… Why, if I 'Turn On The Charm', I'm sure I can have her eating out of my hand… Heh… Aesir does, and I've never even used my 'Charm' on her…'
"Rave," Cagey breathed huskily, his eyes gazing lovingly into hers as he went into 'Lady Killer Mode', "You're far too young to do a thing like this…
"I am old enough to Pilot an AVE…" Rave responded, her aim not changing.
"I mean," Cagey kept hammering away at Rave's Emotional Iceberg, "You're just a sweet, innocent young lady… What makes the Commander think you're capable of killing an unarmed man in cold blood?"
"I watched the Anime movies 'Kite' and 'Perfect Blue' 52 times," Rave replied. (NOTE! Don't Ask! Both are Seriously Screwed Up Psychologically!)
"Err…" Cagey gulped as he realised that Rave wasn't wavering in the slightest, "Well… what about 'last requests'?"
Rave paused then nodded, "Such things are customary in these scenarios…"
Cagey sighed in relief, "I'd like a last cigarette…"
"You have already had several," Rave noted.
"Err… What makes you say that?" Cagey asked, stalling for time.
"I have observed you for the last two hours…" Rave advised.
"You have?" Cagey asked, "Then why did you wait until now?"
"Have you never heard of the dangers of Passive Smoking?" Rave enquired, "I was waiting for the smoke to clear away…"
"In that case," Cagey said soulfully, as he used every last bit of his charisma, "Before I die… I would like to indulge one last time in one of the other… 'Pleasures of the Flesh'… And I would be honoured if you would accompany me…"
Rave's eyes widened, and her cheeks blushed slightly as her gun lowered.
'Success!' Cagey crowed inwardly, 'I knew that my Macho Charisma would…'
Cagey thoughts were abruptly cut off, as he noticed Rave was now aiming her gun directly at his crotch…
"Mr Rogue," Rave said quietly, "It is not… appropriate… for a grown man to ask a 15 year old girl to accompany him in the 'Pleasures of the Flesh'…"
'Uh-oh,' thought Cagey, as he began to sweat…
"The Commander would be MOST unhappy that you tried to seduce me…" Rave growled, her finger tightening on the gun's trigger.
"Wh-who said anything about 's-seducing' you?" a nervous Cagey croaked, afraid that he was going to be separated from his 'best friend' before he died.
"Then what did you mean?" Rave asked, looking suspiciously at Cagey.
Cagey slowly took a small business card from his pocket, and with a tremble in his hand, he passed it over. Rave cautiously took the card and read it.
"What is 'Death By Chocolate'?" Rave asked, "Some sort of Voluntary Euthanasia?"
"Nooooo," Cagey drawled, making the most of the fact he was still alive, "It's part of a franchise that sell absolutely delicious chocolate desserts…"
"Rave blinked, "And you wish to go there one last time before you die?"
"YES!" Cagey enthused, "And if you let me go there, I'll buy you ANYTHING you want on the menu as well!"
Rave fell silent, her mind in obvious turmoil as her eyes flicked from the business card to Cagey and back again.
"All right…" Rave said, as she put her gun away, "The Commander did not say we could not do this…"
Cagey breathed a sigh of relief, as once again, his 'Mr Smooth' persona won…
'I win THIS round Atari,' Cagey thought smugly, 'You may have raised Rave to be an emotionless puppet, but you forgot ONE thing! She's still FEMALE!'
"Do they provide 'Take Aways'?" Rave asked, "There are some… people I know… who would be interested in a bulk order…"
'Take Aways? BULK ORDER?' Cagey blinked as he realised he wasn't out of the woods yet… After all, he HAD promised to buy Rave ANYTHING she wanted…
…And at the prices 'Death by Chocolate' charged for their wares…
Cagey began to sweat…
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