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Fragmented Lives (The Parody)
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Copyright Info and Disclaimer.
"Neon Genesis Evangelion" is Copyright (c) 2002 by Gainax. All OTHER material is Copyright (c) 2002 their owners. All materials used for PARODY purposes.
"Fragmented Lives (THE PARODY)" is Copyright (c) 2002 by DBM. This work is an Amateur, Non-Commercial work by an Anime/Manga Fan. This work was created in the Spirit of the Copyright Exemptions regarding Parodies and Satire.
If you like my work, you may keep a copy for your own personal records, but you may NOT post it on any websites/newsgroups, NOR may you include it in any printed publication for sale/public distribution. If printing out a copy for yourself or a friend, you may reformat it (paragraph spacing, page-breaks, font and font size, borders, bold/italic, etc) to fit the paper you use, but please do not change any of the actual words or wording in the document.
Sole web-posting at FanFiction.Net - Author's E-Mail address on File.
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Censorship Info and Disclaimer.
NOT Recommended for Children.
Intended for MATURE Audiences.
There are NO 'sex scenes', but, just like the original NGE series, the story will explore the results and side effects of such activities. Along the way, there'll be swearing, violence, drugs, Adult situations, and frank discussions of sex education/family planning information, as well as thoughts and opinions on the morals and ethics of sexual assault, dating, courtship, marriage, alternate sexualities, pregnancy, childbirth, parenthood, Family Values, etc.
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Fandom Alerts and Disclaimer.
AU Alert (Alternate Universe).
OOC Alert (Out Of Character).
ACC Alert (Author Created Character).
SI Alert (Self Insert - Author appears in the story as a character).
SPOILER Alert (May 'spoil' surprises in the Manga and Anime TV/Movies).
' ' denotes thoughts.
" " denotes speech
denotes other method of communication.
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Fragment - Appealing Fare.
Shakey Atari was no stranger to life's disasters. Being abandoned at a tender age had been but the first in a long series of emotionally disturbing incidents. Still, he had survived all that had been put before him.
…More or less…
The school bell rang, announcing the start of the Lunch hour. Shakey swallowed nervously as Aesir walked over to him…
"So what's for lunch?" Aesir asked Shakey in 'It-better-be-good' tones.
Shakey cringed inwardly as he produced the school lunches he made that morning. Pressed for time and restricted by an unexpected lack of cooked leftovers he could re-use, Shakey had taken whatever was readily edible from Mazurka's apartment.
…Which in this case, was a selection of fruit…
Aesir's face fell as she studied Shakey's best efforts, prompting Shakey to sweat-drop nervously and think about finding somewhere to hide.
"Rabbit food…" Aesir muttered in disgust, as she hefted a large apple.
"Uh… well…" Shakey nervously began, barely relieved by the mildness of Aesir's response, "…There weren't any left overs, and I didn't have time to cook, so…"
"Whatever," Aesir grumbled dismissively, "Oh well, beggars can't be choosers…"
Shakey breathed a cautious sigh of relief.
"Where's the fruit knife?" Aesir casually inquired as she rummaged through the lunch pack, taking the best bits for herself.
"F-fruit knife?" Shakey paled as he suddenly remembered that he hadn't packed any eating utensils, let alone any 'food preparation' ones.
"You brought fruit, but no knife?" Aesir's face began to scowl as she stared demandingly at Shakey, "How can I eat fruit without a knife?"
Shakey began to sweat…
"Why do you need a knife to eat fruit?" The softly spoken words gave Shakey a temporary reprieve as Aesir turned towards their source.
Rave Imanonymous sat at her desk, her face wearing a faint expression of puzzlement as she looked at her two classmates.
"Are you stupid?" Aesir rolled her eyes in exasperation at Rave's simple question, "To peel it and cut it up with, of course?"
Rave's puzzled expression grew deeper, "Why bother removing the peel?"
"Because I don't EAT peel!" Aesir explained.
Rave blinked, "But it is one of the best parts?"
Aesir sighed, "I should have guessed… Vegetarians are always Health Nuts…" A look of mild contempt appeared in Aesir's eyes, "So tell me, 'Wonder Vegoid', do you eat your peels before or after the rest of the fruit?"
"I…" Rave paused then answered quietly, "…do not peel fruit…"
"You don't peel…?" Aesir's attempt at 'baiting' Rave failed once again, "You mean you eat the entire thing? Huh… You must have good teeth!"
Rave remained silent.
"Well," Aesir sniffed, "*I* have good teeth too!" With that, Aesir bit a succulent mouthful from the unpeeled apple in her hand. With a muffled 'Hmmf' of snooty triumph, Aesir took the rest of her lunch and stalked off.
"Don't let her 'one-upmanship' get you down," Shakey said apologetically.
"Mondai Arimasen (No Problem)" Rave murmured as she opened her own lunch box, and produced a whole, unskinned Pineapple.
Shakey stared in shocked disbelief as Rave's jaw dropped, her mouth gaping open wider than any human's could. Rows of serrated fangs flashed briefly as Rave took the first of many succulent bites that would finish her unpeeled meal.
Leaves and all…
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OMAKE - Appealing Fare.
"Well," Aesir sniffed, "I have good teeth too!" With that, Aesir bit a succulent mouthful from the large apple in her hand. With a muffled 'Hmmf' of snooty triumph, Aesir took the rest of her lunch and stalked off.
"Don't let her 'one-upmanship' get you down," Shakey said apologetically.
"Mondai Arimasen (No Problem)" Rave murmured as she opened her own lunch box, and produced a whole, unskinned Pineapple.
Shakey stared in shocked disbelief as Rave's jaw dropped, her mouth gaping open wider than any human's could. Rows of jagged fangs flashed briefly as Rave took the first of many succulent bites that would finish her unpeeled meal.
Leaves and all…
A sudden knock at his door prevented the Fan Fiction Writer from recording any more of his train of thoughts.
"Oh for…!" the Fan Fiction Writer snapped in exasperation, "Just when the 'Muse' is with me, somebody has GOT to interrupt!"
"Oh well," the Fan Fiction Writer sighed, "It's a price Creators pay… I just hope it won't be a repeat of what happened to the writer of the poem 'Xanadu'…"
The Fan Fiction Writer opened his door, to reveal a large contingent of Rave Clones, all of whom were armed with a motley assortment of objects that could best be described as being either 'dangerously sharp and pointy', or 'dangerously blunt and lumpy'.
"Err…" the Fan Fiction Writer gulped nervously, "L-ladies! How nice of you to visit… I-is there a problem?"
"That depends," the Clones chorused, "…on whether you will be making any… 'double-edged'… or otherwise 'misinterpretable' comments about our 'Oral Endowments', let alone our 'Oral Abilities'…"
The Fan Fiction Writer began to sweat nervously as he suddenly realised that the scene had some 'Mis-Interpretations' he hadn't thought about… (No, REALLY!)
"Ah… Actually…" The Fan Fiction Writer thought fast, "I was just trying to come up with a valid reason for why your Archetype never gave a toothy grin in the TV series/Movies… And since you ARE… part Alien, I wondered if there might be some sort of 'Unfortunate Family Resemblance' to the Ocean Alien, and…"
"Make NO mistake!" the Clones interrupted with politely menacing assertiveness, "If you so much as use the words 'Nimble' and 'Teeth' in the same paragraph…"
The Clones lapsed into a nerve-wracking silence…
"If?" The Fan Fiction Writer gently prompted the Clones to continue in an effort to dispel the terror of the unknown.
"You will star in a remake of the 'blender' scene from the movie 'Goonies'…"
"Huh?" The Fan Fiction Writer blinked in relief, 'That doesn't sound so bad, all things considering…'
"…using 'Other Parts' of your anatomy… ALL THE WAY," the Clones replaced the 'Terror of the Unknown' with the 'Terror of the Guaranteed'.
The Fan Fiction Writer swallowed hard as he realised that the conversation was drifting dangerously close to bordering on ONE of the 'snide jokes' that the 'official' scene might inspire some people to make.
"Nih-NO WORRIES!" the Fan Fiction Writer agreed with a large smile plastered all over his sweating face, "This IS 'Altered Lives', so there won't be any of THOSE sort of comments being made…"
'Or at least,' the Fan Fiction writer added mentally, 'If there ARE, *I* won't be the one making them! Hmmm… Now Glando on the other hand…'
Reassured, the Clones withdrew, allowing a relieved Fan Fiction Writer to return to his computer and finish the current OMAKE…
…And DELETE the notes for the scene where Rave cleans out a nearly empty Honey bottle with her inhumanly articulated tongue…
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