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Fragmented Lives (The Parody Pieces)
"ConJob"
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Copyright Info and Disclaimer.
"Neon Genesis Evangelion" is Copyright (c) 2003 by Gainax. All OTHER material is Copyright (c) 2003 their owners. All materials used for PARODY purposes.
"Altered Lives (The Parody)" and "Fragmented Lives (The Parody Pieces)" are Copyright (c) 2003 by DBM. This work is an Amateur, Non-Commercial work by an Anime/Manga Fan. This work was created in the Spirit of the Copyright Exemptions regarding Parodies and Satire.
If you like my work, you may keep a copy for your own personal records, but you may NOT post it on any websites/newsgroups, NOR may you include it in any printed publication for sale/public distribution. If printing out a copy for yourself or a friend, you may reformat it (paragraph spacing, page-breaks, font and font size, borders, bold/italic, etc) to fit the paper you use, but please do not change any of the actual words or wording in the document.
Sole web-posting at FanFiction.Net - Author's E-Mail address on File.
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Censorship Info and Disclaimer.
NOT Recommended for Children.
Intended for MATURE Audiences.
There are NO 'sex scenes', but, just like the original NGE series, the story will explore the results and side effects of such activities. Along the way, there'll be swearing, violence, drugs, Adult situations, and frank discussions of sex education/family planning information, as well as thoughts and opinions on the morals and ethics of sexual assault, dating, courtship, marriage, alternate sexualities, pregnancy, childbirth, parenthood, Family Values, etc.
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Fandom Alerts and Disclaimer.
AU Alert (Alternate Universe).
OOC Alert (Out Of Character).
ACC Alert (Author Created Character).
SI Alert (Self Insert - Author appears in the story as a character).
SPOILER Alert (May 'spoil' surprises in the Manga and Anime TV/Movies).
' ' denotes thoughts.
" " denotes speech.
* * denotes emphasis, or electronic communication.
denotes other method of communication.
--- denotes letters deleted for censorship reasons.
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Author's Ramblings - And of course, everyone wants to know if they 'Lived Happily Ever After' or not……
This is part of my vision for the decades after the Final Battle.
Again, this is one of my earlier works, and is NOT as 'polished' as my more recent stuff.
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Fragment - Conventional Wisdom.
In 2017, in an attempt to help the Japanese People recover from the end of the AVE Wars (as the Final Battle became known as), the National TV Broadcast Network ran an entire program season of 'Anime Classics', broadcasting many Quality Shows from the legendary 'Golden Age' of Japanese Animation of the late 20th Century.
Several of the shows caught the attention of the Rave Clones. Most notably, those of the 'Romance' genre, where star-crossed lovers strived against impossible odds to keep their love alive. They became avid viewers.
The station also broadcast adverts for a mid-year 'Anime/Manga Fan Convention'. This would be held at the end of the current program season, in a nearby town.
Several 'feature' articles ran, explaining more about these 'Fan Conventions', and revealing what they were like. The merchandising, contests, etc, that were part and parcel of the entire 'Fan' scene.
One particular article on 'CosPlay', the practice Fans had of dressing up in the costumes of their favourite characters, caught the Clones full attention.
The Clones had been subject to different types of prejudice in their short lives, some 'minor', some 'serious'. As a result, only the 'Disguised Clones' had any real 'social' life, and even then, there were worries.
They decided to risk attending the Fan Convention, by going dressed as some of their favourite characters.
They chose not to go as any character with 'normal' coloured hair, in case it allowed people to 'recognise' the 'Disguised Clones', although they would have liked to have gone as some of them…
The characters they chose to go as, were all 'blue-haired' themselves, and came from 'romantic' stories, that the Clones could 'identify' with, 'Ai Amano' from 'Video Girl Ai', 'Ifurita' from 'El Hazard', and 'Karin Aoi' from 'DNA2'.
This was more than a chance for the blue-haired Clones to experience what it was like to be 'normal people'.
It was a chance for them to walk around in plain view, without 'disguises', or the need to 'hide themselves'.
Their chief confidantes, Aesir and Mazurka, encouraged them whole-heartedly, even deciding to join them, and make it a 'Girls day out'. THEY decided to go as 'Lina Inverse' and 'Naga the Serpent' from 'Slayers'.
Shakey wisely decided to stay at home, not quite because he was afraid they would talk him into going dressed up as a character…
But, because Mazurka's car only seated five people. If any more wanted to go, Mazurka would probably rent a 'mini-bus', and Shaky knew that Mazurka's 'infamous' driving skills only got worse in vehicles other than her own.
Then again, it was a 'Girls day out', and they might try and talk him into being 'Makoto' from 'El Hazard' - from that time he had to impersonate a princess by dressing in her clothes…
The Clones made all the costumes, as tailoring was just one of the many skills they'd learnt in their drive to 'fit in'… Shakey was amazed at how 'authentic' the costumes looked, and how well the Girls all portrayed their characters.
Especially Mazurka's ability to imitate Naga's laugh… As well as her ability to fill the 'skimpy costume' she would be wearing.
NOTE - In the 'Slayers' series, the female character 'Naga' wears an outfit of thigh high boots, a cape, and some sort of 'skimpy bikini'.
Perhaps it was just Shakey's 'normal-teenage-male' opinion, but it looked like Mazurka's costume 'over-emphasized' certain aspects of her figure…
The costumes of Aesir and the Clones did as well…
Shakey WAS a male, and he knew the sort of 'attention' the costumes would attract, especially Mazurka's, and the types of 'comments' the Girls would certainly hear…
The more 'polite' ones were 'independent suspension', and 'lift and separate'…
As for the 'crude' ones… He could just imagine Aesir's reaction… Some 'Choice' German swear words, and 'Sudden Death' all around…
Being a peace loving soul, he preferred to avoid violence if possible. Being a caring soul, he worried about the Girls' feelings being hurt. Being a practical soul, he knew Aesir would take it out on HIM as well…
He took his concerns over the entire thing privately to Mazurka. He found her in her room, modelling her costume, minus the cape, before her three-way mirror.
She listened to his concerns; laughed, and then replied, "Don't worry Shakey, I know how these costumes look, and what sort of 'attention' and 'comments' we're likely to attract. That's why I'm going dressed like this."
The standard 'Body Building' poses she struck to illustrate her point, together with the costume in question, made him blush.
Mazurka smiled at his reaction to her teasing. Then her smile fell away, revealing a concerned look. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm actually going along to make sure things don't get out of hand."
"I know the Girls can take care of themselves in a fight, but there's a lot of sleazy types out there, that specialise in preying on innocent young girls, and their tactics can be hard to spot until it's 'too late'."
"It's best they get some kind of practical experience about these things in a safe environment, rather than go out into the world, completely innocent and naively unprepared, and get 'hard-done' by."
"I've already talked to the Girls about some of these things, so they won't be totally unprepared if something does happen."
Shakey nodded, he understood perfectly now, Mazurka was going along with this to keep the Girls safe from Creeps, and help them learn Safely about life's dangers.
"Besides," continued Mazurka, striking more poses, "Now that I'm the wrong side of 30, I won't be able to wear costumes like this much longer, and while I've still 'Got It', I may as well 'Flaunt It'. I don't think the Girls will receive too much 'attention', with me next to them wearing THIS, do you? Hmmmm?"
Shakey sighed, same old Mazurka…
On the day, the Girls rose early and got ready for their 'Girls Day Out'. The other Clones gave them all a makeover, with full makeup, manicure, and hair styling. They put their heart into it, and they all looked GREAT!
Especially Mazurka! Her makeover masked the effects the years of pain had taken on her, and she looked beautiful.
The 'Girls' all piled into Mazurka's car, and Mazurka told Shakey not to wait up for them, they might not be back until late that night.
Mazurka teasingly added, "Or, if we find some handsome men, we might not be back until tomorrow! Whadda Ya say 'Girls'?"
Aesir rolled her eyes and sighed, and the Clones didn't know what to do.
With a cry of "Hi Ho Silver AWAAAAY!" the 'Mazurka-Mobile' screeched off into the traffic… On the wrong side of the road…
One long car trip later, and they were almost there. They parked the car in a hi-rise car park two blocks from the Convention Centre and walked.
They were already attracting 'looks' from the males. Mazurka decided to just 'grin and bear it'. Although in her costume, it was more like 'grin and bare it'
Turning Thirty had depressed Mazurka. She thought the best years of her life were gone, taken from her by the personal war she had to fight.
The last few years of her life had been filled with stress and pain, due to the AVE Wars, and the aftermath of STEELY's attempted 'Third Strike'.
She'd appeared before committees and courts, testifying over and over again, and been frequently in the news, as spokesperson, official liaison, and Private Citizen…
She'd fought for the rights of the Clones, another personal war she had to fight, as she saw the Clones as 'family', surrogate nieces.
For too many years altogether, she had been far too busy, to have any long-term 'romantic' relationship, and she had been afraid she would never find love again.
This little adventure was like a tonic to her. She couldn't remember feeling this young, free, and pretty since her college days.
It was partly due to the admiring 'looks' she was getting from all those handsome young men. Looks which reminded her that she was an attractive woman, and that, as so many discover for themselves, 'Life BEGINS at Thirty'…
A ten minute wait in the 'pre-paid ticket' line, and they were in…
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Fragment - Into the Magic Cave.
Once inside, it was like visiting another world…
Every Anime show ever produced, or Manga ever printed, was there in one way or another on the dealer's tables.
Original Copies (Some 'Mint'), Reprints, Magazine Articles, Fanzines, Comics, Video Tapes, Soundtracks, Episode Guides, Sheet Music, T-Shirts, Cards, Costumes, Accessories, Model Kits, Wall Posters, Image Albums, Pictures, Games, Paintings, Original Art, Collectible Souvenirs, Fan Fictions, Novels, Computer Generated/Assisted Art, Software, Screensavers, Icons… it just went on and on…
Some tables were bare, having sold out, others only had catalogues, as the items they were selling were too bulky, or too valuable to bring.
One 'nearly-sold-out' table had 'junk-jewellery'. Little more than glass and glittery metal, such items were often 'cheap and nasty', but this particular table had some truly lovely stuff, mostly Cloisonné pins and brass brooches.
One in particular caught Aesir's eye. It was just a brass disk, 'etched' with a Celtic type design, of a gnarled tree on top of a hill. With polished brass for the trunk, branches, and leaves, against a green-brown etched background, it was a visually striking piece.
Aesir took one look, and wanted it. It would look great on her costume, like some type of magic relic, acquired by her character in mysterious circumstances, and possessing even more mysterious powers…
Besides, it was 'Celtic' in appearance, and the 'Celts' were one part of her family tree… Additionally, it would look great as casual jewellery.
Mazurka checked out the table, looking for any worthwhile 'souvenirs'. Although many of them were nice, they didn't quite take her fancy, or her cash.
The Clones ignored the jewellery, looking around the Convention hall instead, and not so much 'watching out for trouble', as watching people in general.
Many of the Fans had attended dressed as their favourite character, and 'copies' of the more popular characters were frequent. In fact, some groups had deliberately come dressed as the same character…
The Clones stared in surprise at a bunch of Fans dressed up as 'Rave Clones', either as 'Rave' in her school uniform, or in bodystockings painted to resemble the AVE Snug Suits…
The Clones were intrigued. Did some people want to come dressed up like 'Rave'? Did this mean some people actually liked the Clones THAT much?
She saw them congregate at a particular table, where it appeared they sold NERVIS merchandise.
The Clones checked it out. The people at the table were unknown to them, but judging by how well they interacted with their customers, they seemed nice.
The table sold a variety of AVE MARIA models, some poseable, some not, posters, cards, stickers, Key Chains, caps, and T-Shirts, with various messages on them.
Mostly 'joke' messages of "I Don't Know About You, But I'm NERVIS," "If You're Not NERVIS, You're Misinformed", "Alien Attack City! Where the Enemy is HUGE, the AVE's are few, and the Defence Force is NERVIS," with the NERVIS logo.
One even had a picture series of cute 'Super Deformed' Rave Clones in different outfits, with the message "Blue-Rinse Set!"
The Clones 'listened in' to the conversations at the table, and were pleasantly surprised. It appeared these people accepted the Clones as 'people', and not as curiosities, 'Freaks', or worse.
The product 'catalogue' was little more than a leaflet. The Clones took one, having already decided to check the whole Convention before spending any money. Of course, this meant some tables might 'sell out' but at least, for this table, they had a catalogue for future reference.
The Clones memorised the contact details, then put the catalogue in one of their complimentary 'Convention Bags'. A plastic carryall everyone received when entering the Hall. It was a cheap thing, with the Convention Logo on it, but it WAS roomy, and came with 'Convention Information Booklets'.
The Clones studied the 'Convention Activities Booklet'. There were several contests planned that day, Trivia, Costumes, Re-enactments, Live Performances, Singing, all of which advertised prizes.
The Clones didn't enter any contests, preferring to watch instead, and take notes on the costumes they saw. They scrutinised the cut, materials, fit, colours, etc. They were convinced their costumes looked as good as anyone else's.
The Rave Clones still lacked that most vital component necessary to actually enter a contest. Confidence. Not in their own abilities, but in how people would react if they knew who, and what they really were.
That and the fact they didn't know what to do if they should win a prize.
Mazurka and Aesir though, had no such qualms… They got up together, and ran a knock-knock joke routine.
'Naga' was the joker, and 'Lina' was the straight man, with each joke ending in a disturbingly accurate rendition of Naga's trademark laugh. Their act ended with 'Lina' starting a 'Dragon Slave' magic attack spell on 'Naga'…
They didn't win, or 'get' a placing. This wasn't due solely to the lousy quality of their jokes (although that was certainly enough by itself), but rather to the outstanding quality of their costumes.
The judges took a good look at their costumes, (especially Mazurka's), and asked if Aesir and Mazurka had made the costumes themselves, or bought them.
When the pair replied 'No' to both questions, the judges informed them that the rules only awarded prizes to costumes made by the wearer, and not bought ones…
They emphasized the 'not bought' part, as it was clear they thought a professional costume shop had made them up, regardless of what the pair said.
The Clones blushed slightly when they found out. It was… reassuring to know that people other than their closest friends found their work so… adequate…
Others though, didn't care one way or another and several people wanted their photographs taken with the Clones, or with Aesir and Mazurka…
Especially Mazurka! Her 'Naga' costume attracted more 'attention' than Aesir and the Clones combined, and the 'Body Building' poses she used in the photos kept it!
The Clones and Aesir saw examples of how Mazurka told them men would look when they're drooling over a female, and don't care who sees them, and how men would look when they're drooling, but trying to appear like they're not 'looking'…
The Girls heard a wide range of 'comments', including, polite ones, crude ones, and unintelligible ones. Mazurka had warned the Girls about what to expect, and that they should stay calm, pay attention, act 'Ladylike' and be polite.
Aesir had asked, "What if there's 'trouble', or 'provocation'?" Mazurka had grinningly replied, "Then act like a Lady and politely use 'self-defence'…"
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Fragment - Fanboys.
Aesir noticed two overweight hairy men near them, making no attempt to disguise their obvious 'ogling' of Mazurka, NOR the 'looking over' they gave the Clones…
"Oh wow! Look at that! This is great!" said the first Jerk, ogling Mazurka.
"Yeah, this just what we need for our magazine photo spread" agreed the second Jerk, ogling the Clones.
Aesir grimaced as she got a nose full of their body odour. Did these two even know the meaning of the word 'deodorant'? Then she noticed their overall griminess, greasy hair and dirty fingernails, and wondered if they were still learning about 'soap and water'…
"Hey Babes! This is your lucky day! Have WE got a deal for you!"
'Uh oh, JERK ALERT!' thought Aesir, as she went into a 'ready' stance.
The Clones nodded politely, and shifted slightly as their muscles tensed into 'alert mode'. Mazurka had warned them about 'overweight-men-with-non-existent-personal-hygiene", especially ones that referred to 'Ladies' as 'Babes'…
"We'd like to introduce ourselves, we run a publishing firm and we'd like you to consider being models for the next edition of our magazine"
Aesir's eyebrow lifted slightly. Despite 'introducing themselves', they had not given any names, either theirs, their 'publishing firm', or their 'magazine'.
Mazurka started to giggle like a schoolgirl, a prearranged signal, which meant 'look dumb, think sharp, be ready to act.'
She gave her impression of "Mihoshi" from 'Tenchi Muyo' (the 'dubbed' version), "Oh gee, thank you for your offer, but I'm afraid that we cannot accept, we already have employment elsewhere."
Mazurka's 'Giggling and Jiggling' act had the desired effect on the Jerk Squad, their stares focused solely on her.
"What, do you have modelling jobs already?"
"No, we have, um, 'Office jobs' in the City," replied Mazurka.
"WELL NOW! This could be your BIG chance to trade your slow and boring life for the bright lights and glamour of a modelling career."
Aesir noted with disgust, how the 'B.O. Boys' stared at Mazurka's cleavage when talking to her, rather than looking at her face.
"Why don't you come back to our hotel room, and we can discuss things and maybe do a test photo session?"
'Hotel Room? Test Photo Session? Do these Jerks think we Girls would fall for those old lines?' Aesir snorted in derision.
They finally noticed her, and Aesir immediately regretted it.
Just the way they looked at her, she knew they were seeing her in a 'Sailor' school uniform…
'So help me, if they say ONE WORD about a 'costume transformation' scene,' Aesir thought grimly.
The 'Missing Links' continued, unaware of the scrutiny they were under, "I'm sure we can come to an adequate agreement on modelling fees."
Mazurka put on an act of looking as if she was actually considering their offer… "Gee, I don't know… We DID put lots of time and effort into our costumes, and it'd be 'Just Great' if we could show off our hidden talents. Right Girls?"
The Clones nodded, following Mazurka's lead.
"Oh don't worry Babe! Your costumes are MORE than capable of exposing your hidden assets. I'm certain that with the right lighting and poses, we can REALLY show them off!" The second one WAS drooling, slightly.
Aesir wondered, 'How did 'hidden talents' become 'hidden assets'? Was THAT a Freudian slip or WHAT?'
"Yeah, especially since you two 'Slayer Chicks' are so 'properly proportioned', just like the real characters!" leered the other, looking Aesir up and down.
That was all the gut-curdling 'smooth talk' Aesir was willing to take.
Especially when the 'compliment' compared Mazurka and Aesir to deliberately stereotyped 'body types', one 'over-endowed' and the other one 'under-endow… 'Humph, yes well, it ONLY looks like that because of the costume!'
Aesir batted her eyes at the 'Dynamic Deadheads' and asked in a voice dripping with sweetness and light, "And what would two fat smelly slobs like YOU know about 'properly proportioned', when you can't even keep your OWN bodies neat and trim!"
It took a few seconds for the meaning of her honeyed words to sink in, but when they did, there was a drastic change in the slobs' manners.
"Hey! Guys who keep themselves 'neat and trim' are usually 'into' other male bodies, WHENEVER they get the chance!" protested Sludge Pile #1
"Yeah! A scrawny chick like YOU should be grateful you're even noticed by 'Real Men' like us!" said Sludge Pile #2
Aesir ignored the intended insult, laughing loudly at their unintended joke, "YOU? 'Real Men'? Have you got ANY proof of that?"
One of the 'Cleo Centrefold Rejects' suddenly pulled out copies of 'sex parody' comics from his convention bag.
He practically shoved them in Aesir's face, sniffing self-righteously, "Yeah, SEE? We DON'T read Yaoi (Gay) Stuff!"
Aesir recoiled from the 'alleged literature'. She had the unpleasant feeling that merely touching them might give her some weird disease, especially after they'd been in these guys' hands…
She suddenly froze, her eyes widening in disbelief, as she saw that one of the mags was a 'Slayers' rip-off, and on the cover was HER character…
"PERVERSER MENSCH!!" she screamed in fury, as she launched herself at them.
Perhaps it was Mazurka's advice about 'staying calm and acting Ladylike', or the years of the Rave Clones being a 'bad' influence on her, but Aesir did show some 'restraint' in her treatment of the 'Human Punching Bags'…
Instead of 'Sudden Death', they got 'Slow and Extremely Painful'…
The Clones had watched the proceedings with interest. They hadn't understood ALL that was said, but they had followed the general gist of it.
The Clones decided to ask Mazurka for clarification of the terms they did not fully comprehend. After Aesir was finished would be fine… After all, you didn't see floor shows like THIS everyday…
Mazurka didn't try to stop Aesir from venting her anger. The way these guys had acted counted as 'provocation' in her book. Their body odour alone did!
Mazurka and the Clones kept their eyes on Aesir as she 'adjusted' the attitudes of the 'Gene Pool Rejects', and their ability to ever contribute to the gene pool…
Both were impressed with Aesir's technique. A 'Dragon Slave' Magical Attack technique may only be possible in Anime/Manga, but here in reality, a 'Dragon's Touch' Martial Arts technique was often just as effective.
Less property damage too, a thing that Mazurka could really appreciate, after all the claims forms she'd had to process in NERVIS…
Convention security arrived, but wisely waited until Aesir ran out of steam, before getting the facts of the matter.
Mazurka decided NOT to reveal the Girls were NERVIS, just to show the Clones how 'normal people' were often 'treated'.
It turned out, that Aesir had roughed up a couple of 'business men' that were sponsors of the Amateur/Small Press publications section.
Mazurka was curious, and asked what sort of books did they 'sponsor'. The answer of 'Adults Only' only confirmed her earlier suspicions.
Needless to say, after they had roughed up the important people, the Girls were thrown out of the convention, and told not to return that year…
It put a damper on the entire day, so Mazurka decided to get a good dinner at a decent restaurant to make up for it, then go home and sleep it off.
Unfortunately, the restaurant they chose, took one look at their costumes (five in Mazurka's case), and refused to admit them. The situation occurred in several other restaurants, often with the explanation that they were 'fully booked'.
The fact there were often many empty tables in the restaurants, made the Clones suspicious. Was this another sort of 'prejudice'? Were 'normal people' discriminated against, merely by the way they dressed?
Mazurka decide to try again on the way home, preferably at some smaller, less 'up-market' establishment, that wouldn't be 'booked out'.
They claimed their car and rode off, going back the way they came, discussing the day and the lessons learned from it.
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Fragment - A True Fan.
They ended up stopping at a roadside cafe for their meal. The doors were open, but the parking lot was empty, and the place appeared to be empty as well.
Not surprising, as it WAS the 'dead' time between lunch and rush hour.
The cafe owner was an elderly foreign gentleman, with grey stubble for a haircut. He took one look at them and broke into a huge grin.
He surprised them, by using their characters' names to greet them.
That's when they noticed the décor. All of the walls had Anime movie posters on them, most were of recent vintage, but others were ten or more years old.
There was also a bookcase full of 'reprint collections' of Manga stories, some considerably old.
As it turned out, the old man was a Fan from WAY back, and he was MORE than happy to have them as customers.
The old man asked polite questions as he prepared their orders. Did they make the costumes or buy them? What materials did they use? Hand stitching or machine? How long to make the costumes? Were they professional costume makers? Had they worked in the industry? How had they enjoyed the Convention?
The Girls noticed the looks he gave them.
Not the type of looks they'd gotten from the 'fat slobs', that of a hungry dog contemplating a slab of raw meat.
Not the type of looks they'd gotten from the Restaurant people, that of seeing something unpleasant stuck to the sole of their shoes.
No, these were the looks of an artist, or art critic evaluating a work of art.
Encouraged, the Girls started talking with him, answering his questions honestly, except for those few that might reveal who they really were.
He was upset about their treatment at the Convention, pointing out that in HIS day, Convention Security was always nice to young ladies, but that nowadays, money talked louder than manners.
And as for 'some' of the material in the books… He bemoaned the fall in standards of modern Fans. Personally, he blamed crass commercialism for it all.
He spoke of the 'Spirit of Wonder' that first brought him into the Fandom as a child, some 50-odd years ago. He sighed heavily, noting it could still be found, but ONLY if one were willing to wade through a lot of trash to find it.
He set their order before them, and asked if they had entered any of the contests?
They told him about Aesir and Mazurka going in a contest, but not winning anything because of the quality of their costumes.
Of course, Aesir and Mazurka felt they had to prove it was only the costumes that stopped them from winning, by doing their comedy routine.
The old man laughed heartily at their act, even if only from the 'lousiness' of the bad jokes they used…
He grinned, pointing to the antiquated DVD Video Karaoke machine he had. Did they sing as well? Would they like to try? He went over and put on some of his 'special stash' of Anime Karaoke disks.
He played songs from the shows their characters came from.
He started by getting their pulses going with 'Blurry Eyes' the opening track from 'DNA2', performed by the group 'L'Arc en Ciel.'
Then he put on a compilation disk of 'Megumi Hayashibara' songs, and let her sweet voice fill the café with pleasant memories.
He asked if the Girls would like to try singing the songs they'd just heard, Aesir and Mazurka had their turns, but the Clones declined, unsure of the reaction to their attempts.
To encourage them, he let them hear the Melodious Dulcet Warblings of the Little Aussie Crooner 'Chad Morgan', singing 'Sheik of Scrubby Creek.'
The Girls were amazed at what they heard, and more amazed to hear that the foreign singer was NOT in mortal agony, but actually sang like that, and even MORE amazed to hear he had actually become VERY popular for singing like that.
Afterwards, the old man put an Anime Karaoke DVD on and said he was sure such pretty girls would be as least as good, if not better, with their young voices.
This gentle joking, was all the encouragement the Clones needed to take the microphone, and sing along to the words on the screen.
They were good at it.
The old man had tears in his eyes as the Clones finished… He told them they really should consider 'having a go' in one of the singing contests someday.
The Clones were thoughtful. Others could question the origin of their costumes, but not their voices.
All in all, they had a good time.
The Girls decided to leave before the afternoon rush hour started, as Mazurka didn't want to be caught in it.
They asked for the bill, but the old man just said next time he'd be happy to sell them a meal, but tonight, it was on the house.
He also said to come again anytime. Hopefully when it wasn't too busy, as he wanted to hear them sing again.
They were touched by this gesture, and assured him they would come again soon.
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Fragment - Explanations, and Advice.
On the way home, they discussed the day's events. Mazurka gave 'sage advice' about the other types of lowlifes the Girls would encounter in life.
The Clones paid attention, and took copious mental notes. They asked many questions, as their limited social experience required more detailed answers. Some of their questions were about the 'comments', made about their costumes.
Some of Mazurka's explanations didn't really make sense to them, perhaps because Mazurka was trying to be 'tactful', and give 'tasteful' answers, for example…
Q: "What did they mean when they said, 'independent suspension', 'lift and separate', 'Whoa Baby', 'Oh Mama'… etc, Etc, ETC?"
Mazurka sweat dropped, and then answered as best she could.
A: "To start with, a Lady should know the meanings of a wide range of words, and cultural expressions, even if some of them are TOO crude for a Lady to use…"
Of course, 'Tact' and 'Taste', can ONLY go so far, and Mazurka and the Clones, were soon feeling 'somewhat embarrassed'…
Q: "What did the comment about 'revealing their hidden assets' mean?"
A: "Your costumes highlighted just how fit and athletic your bodies are, by revealing the curves of your feminine figures, that is, the parts of your body around the shoulders, bust, stomach, hips, buttocks, and thighs."
Q: "How could a costume be 'revealing', if it fully covered the body?"
A: "Any item of clothing can be 'revealing', either by exposing the actual body beneath, like mine does, or by 'conforming' to a bodies curves, that is, being 'tight', 'snug', or figure-hugging', as is the case with your costumes."
Q: "WHY make 'comments', even if our costumes did 'reveal' our figures?"
A: "One of the first things a person notices about another person, is their clothing. Whether or not the clothes, are clean, neat and tidy, in good repair, flattering to the figure of the wearer, fashionable, or stylish."
"Ladies may decide to wear 'revealing' clothing for different reasons. They may want to attract attention from others in general, or to send a message to someone in particular, or just for the sake of feeling good about oneself, or for practical reasons, such as gym gear."
"Men often make 'comments' to attract attention to themselves, or to try and pay a compliment. In some cases, the 'comments' are meant to insult another person, as the 'fat slobs' tried to do with Aesir."
"You can often use a man's 'comments' to tell you what sort of a man they are."
"The sweet 'romantic' type all women prefer, or 'Real' men, are well spoken, polite, refined, and consider other peoples' feelings before their own."
"The fat slobs we met, or 'Lesser' men, are inarticulate, rude, crude, and ignore other peoples' feelings in preference to satisfying their own selves first."
Q: "What did the comments about 'neat and trim' men mean?"
Mazurka hesitated. This could get 'delicate'… Just how much should she tell Rave, and just how should she say it? Best be 'Tasteful' about it.
A: "To start with, those fat slobs were trying to avoid responsibility for their lack of care regarding their own bodily hygiene, and appearance."
"They tried to use 'word games' to deceive you into thinking that those who do look after themselves, are in some way inferior to those that don't."
"As for the comment about 'neat and trim men', being 'into', 'other male bodies'…"
"Some men, are 'romantically interested' in other men, rather than in women… While the average man will want to be 'romantic' with a woman, these other men prefer to be 'romantic' with other men. These men are called 'Gay'."
Aesir sat there looking highly amused at the extent of the Clones' naivety, as if this 'Girls Day Out', was solely for the Clones' benefit, and not hers as well.
Despite what people thought about how naïve the Rave Clones were, they were actually quite well read on the subject of human relationships. It's just that, not being human themselves, they often had trouble with the most basic concepts…
Afterwards, the Clones sat quietly, trying to sort it all out.
Seeing the Clones being so thoughtful, Aesir and Mazurka had their own Girls Talk.
Aesir, grumbled as usual, "I know men are the opposite of women, but even so, I don't see why they have to be such horrible jerks and say such things!"
The Clones remembered Shakey had never made such 'comments' to them, either about their costumes, or their AVE Snug Suits. Yet, their AVE Snug Suits were even more 'figure-hugging', and must therefore be even more 'revealing'.
"Men aren't the opposite of women Aesir," informed Mazurka, "The only thing truly opposite to a man, is another man, and those two fat slobs we met were on the 'wrong' end of the scale."
"In fact," Mazurka continued, "If you want to find an 'opposite' of those two fat slobs, you need look no further than Shakey."
The Clones agreed, Shakey certainly WAS 'opposite' to those 'fat slobs', he was 'neat and trim', and his personality was completely different, reserved and polite, compared to loud and obnoxious.
Aesir snorted, "No way! For him to be the opposite of those creeps, he'd have to be a Real Man, you know, 'Terribly Romantic' rather than their 'Crude and Perverted'. We both know Shakey never does ANYTHING to show he likes girls."
The Clones disagreed, Shakey had often done things to show he liked the Clones, and they were girls. Although, Shakey was a bit… 'reserved'… in expressing his affections for girls other than his 'little sisters'.
Although with Aesir, the Clones couldn't blame him for treading carefully.
"That's not fair Aesir, just because a guy doesn't take every opportunity he gets to prove he's interested in a girl, doesn't mean he's not interested in a girl," argued Mazurka, hoping to bolster Aesir's confidence.
The Clones often wondered about the whole Aesir/Shakey 'romance' thing. Shakey rarely tried to be romantic, and he usually 'froze up' if Aesir asked him for a date, unless it was a 'Group' Date, with their friends.
"That's my point! He never takes ANY opportunity!" retorted Aesir in despair. "Sometimes I wonder if he's even interested in having a romance with me at all…"
The bit about 'interested in having a romance', made the Clones remember how Mazurka explained the comment about 'neat and trim men', being 'romantically interested in other men…'
The three Clones in the back seat blushed furiously as they suddenly put two and three together, and ended up with, not only the cube root of 125, but a possible 'explanation' about why Shakey acted as 'spinelessly' around girls as he did…
Mazurka noticed the red faces in the rear view mirror. 'Oh HO!' she thought, 'Looks like Rave has a few thoughts on the matter… I wonder if she'll tell us?'
"Got any Input for us Rave?" Mazurka threw over her shoulder, not expecting any reply. Despite being the Clones' closest confidante, Mazurka still felt like she needed a crowbar to get any information out of them.
"We need to talk privately with Shakey…" the Clones replied cryptically.
Surprised by the unexpected reply, Mazurka swerved all over the road.
"Sure, but can you wait until after we all get home?" asked Mazurka, guessing the topic might embarrass Shakey, and not wanting to 'miss' any of it.
The Clones nodded in agreement. It would give them more time to think about the 'best way' to ask Shakey about this matter.
The Clones had been through some bad times in their lives. Shakey had 'been there' for them, supporting them, being a friend when they needed friendship and even accepting them as 'sisters', though they weren't 'human'.
The Clones had loved him for it ever since.
The Clones had experienced human prejudice first hand. Today they saw 'other' types of prejudice. Types directed against 'real' humans, who were 'different' to other humans, perhaps only in their choice of who they 'loved'.
It worried the Clones. Not whether Shakey was 'Gay' or not, but WHY he hadn't told the Clones, IF he was.
Was he unsure about his 'preferences'? Was he afraid the Clones would turn away from him as some humans might? Was he afraid of attracting trouble? Was he trying to protect all of them by keeping his 'preferences' secret?
Traffic problems delayed their journey, giving the Clones plenty of time in which to think over what they were going to say to Shakey.
At Mazurka's, Aesir realised she'd lost the nice piece of 'junk-jewellery' she'd bought at the Convention.
True, it was only a cheap bit of etched and polished brass, but it was the proverbial 'straw that broke the camels back', or more correctly, her temper…
Aesir felt hard done by. She'd been treated like a liar, leered at by creeps, thrown out of the convention like some tramp, treated like a leper by several restaurants, and now, NOW she'd LOST something she'd paid GOOD money for, after only a FEW hours!
Fuming, Aesir STORMED into the apartment.
======================================================================
Fragment - Home Again.
The Girls got home around 7 PM that night.
Shakey turned from the TV program he was watching. One look and he KNEW his worst fears about the 'comments' the girls might get, had come true.
Mazurka was looking amused at something, Aesir was FUMING, and the Clones were giving HIM strange looks…
'Why me? I haven't said or done anything?' wondered Shakey, as he made a strategic retreat to his room, before Aesir could start on him.
The Clones met Shakey in his room soon after, and told him they needed to talk…
"Shakey, some of the men at the convention made comments about our costumes being 'revealing'…"
Shakey began to sweat. Did they want HIM to explain THAT to them?
"Mazurka explained to us what they meant…"
Shakey was relieved…
"But, these costumes are less 'revealing' than our AVE Snug Suits were… And you never made such comments to us about them…"
Sensing danger, Shakey's superb battle reflexes sprang into action. His keen intellect quickly produced the perfect reply.
A Gentlemanly reply, that showed he was not some overly shy 'wallflower', too timid to act like a Real Man, nor an emotionally retarded 'pervert', that lurked silently in the shadows.
Instead, he was a 'Sensitive New Age Guy', who knew how to treat women like the Ladies they were.
"Uhh well, that is… You see…" unfortunately, his brain WASN'T in synch with his mouth at the time, and by the time it was, he'd forgotten what he meant to say…
"Shakey…" the Clones were looking intently at him now, directly in his eyes, looking through them to the core of his soul…
"…Are you Gay?"
"WHAT? Nuh-NO!" he spluttered, "What ever gave you THAT idea?"
"Well, there WAS the time you delivered our ID card…"
Shakey groaned inwardly, he was never going to be free of that incident… Still, at least he knew the Clones had never told any one, otherwise Mazurka would have found out, and she would have given him H--L over it…
"…and the time at the pool when Aesir tried to help you with your physics homework on 'Thermal Expansion', and the time…"
Shakey decided to sort this out before the Clones could misinterpret any more of his 'Less-than-Macho' moments, and go to Mazurka seeking her opinion…
"Look! A guy will often, NOT 'do things', because he's afraid that his actions will BE 'misinterpreted'. I mean, just because a guy DOESN'T 'take advantage' of a situation, doesn't mean he DOESN'T 'like' girls!" Shakey tried to get his message across, by deliberately emphasizing the key points.
"I'm NOT Gay!" As well as saying it plainly, to avoid ANY misinterpretation.
The Clones nodded, apparently accepting Shakey's explanation.
Shakey breathed easier. Thankfully, he'd gotten that settled, before Rave had gone to Mazurka for her advice… He could just see Mazurka's grinning face, as she eagerly asked Rave for more 'details' about the 'ID card incident'…
Then again, it could be worse… Rave could have gone to Aesir instead…
Ooogh! He didn't want to even think what Aesir would say if she found out!
After all the times she'd called him a 'pervert' when he'd done nothing, she'd surely go berserk if she found out that he'd even ACCIDENTALLY touched…
"That's almost what Mazurka said," the Clones stated, interrupting his thoughts.
Shakey paled, as an icy premonition of doom came over him. His thoughts spun erratically, 'M-Mazurka said? WHAT? *ABOUT* What?'
"When?" was all he managed to gasp out.
"Today, coming home. She was trying to calm Aesir down…"
"AESIR?" he almost screamed in terror, "SHE knows as well??"
His mind went straight into panic mode, 'That MUST be why Aesir looked so angry when she came in! I'M - DEAD - MEAT!!'
"Yes," confirmed the Clone, "For some reason Aesir was upset…"
Shakey didn't stop to hear the rest of the sentence, or even to put what he had heard into proper context.
He grabbed a bag, threw some clothes into it, and sprinted for the door.
Seconds later, he was taking the stairs, three at a time, 'Running Like Hell' away from what he knew would be his own personal 'Ground Zero' if he stayed…
His good friend Kantsee, often went camping, maybe he could loan some gear to Shakey, or at least, tell him a good place to 'hide out' for a few days…
Mazurka stuck her head out of her room as she heard the door slam shut after Shakey. She saw the Clones standing outside Shakey's room, looking at the door to the apartment.
Years of experience with the Clones had given Mazurka the ability to read their emotional state - the Clones were perplexed.
"What happened? Did you have your talk with Shakey?" she asked.
"We tried, but he panicked, and ran out the door"
Mazurka frowned. "Panicked? Over what?"
"We do not know…"
Mazurka sweat dropped as she recalled the day's events. This could be bad… Despite their best attempts at being 'human', the Clones often made little 'mistakes', mostly errors in judgement concerning emotional responses.
"Rave, tell me what the two of you talked about, one point at a time…"
The Clones thought a bit before giving a condensed version. "We told him some men had made comments about our costumes being 'revealing'…"
Mazurka grinned, "You didn't ask him to explain the 'comments' did you?"
"No, you had already explained them to us, so we did not feel the need to ask Shakey. Then we pointed out, that even though our AVE Snug Suits could be considered more revealing than our costumes, Shakey had never made any 'comments' to us about them…"
Mazurka sighed and nodded. Shakey was a polite boy, not the type who'd make 'comments' about a girls figure, even if he were 'looking'.
"So we asked him if he were Gay…"
Mazurka's choking laughter interrupted the Clones recital. "So was THAT when he panicked and ran out the door?" Mazurka asked, a smirk on her face.
"No, he then asked us, 'Whatever gave you that idea'." The Clones hesitated slightly, as they decided to edit out the parts about when Shakey delivered their ID card, etc. There was no need to repeat it in detail, a summary would do. "We then told him what had caused us to think that."
"He replied, 'Look, a guy will often, not do things, because he's afraid that his actions will be misinterpreted. I mean, just because a guy doesn't take advantage of a situation, doesn't mean he doesn't like girls. I'm not Gay'."
Mazurka nodded, that sounded like Shakey, even though in Shakey's case, it was because he was too shy to even say he liked a girl, let alone do anything romantic to let her know he cared…
"We then told him that his comment was similar to what you had said on the way back from the Convention, when you tried to calm Aesir down."
"He seemed startled, and asked if Aesir knew as well, and when we replied 'yes' he suddenly grabbed a bag and some clothes and ran away."
Mazurka wondered why Shakey reacted like this. Was he afraid Aesir wanted to have a 'Serious' talk with him, about their teenage 'romance'? One of THOSE talks, which discussed the differences between 'Friendships' and 'Relationships', and included terms like 'Togetherness', 'Commitment', and 'Marriage'?
"Rave, did you give him any other details about what happened at the Convention, or what we Girls talked about on the way back?" asked Mazurka, hoping to shed some light, any light, on this situation.
"No, he left before we could say anything."
Mazurka was completely at a loss. "Do you know where he's heading?"
The Clones paused for a moment, checking with those other Clones who were monitoring the various spy cameras in the city, then replied, "Yes, he is going directly towards Kantsee Hayeater's place, E.T.A. about 15 minutes from now."
Mazurka chewed her bottom lip, deep in thought, 'I'll wait half an hour for him to calm down, then 'accidentally' ring Kantsee up and tell him Shakey's gone missing and we're concerned for him.'
"Keep an 'eye' on him Rave, and tell me if he changes course, goes elsewhere, or if anything happens to him."
The Clones nodded in unison, frowning slightly as they recalled the day's events, trying to understand what they might have said, that could have upset Shakey so much…
======================================================================
The END of this Fragment of "Altered Lives (The Parody)"
======================================================================
Omake - Conventional Wisdom
With a cry of "Hi Ho Silver AWAAAAY!" the 'Mazurka-Mobile' screeched off into the traffic… On the wrong side of the road…
In the Control Room of NERVIS, Mayi Buttin and the Bridge Dudes, were alerted by the appearance of several E.T. Fields…
Their Battle Honed reflexes sprang into action. Within seconds, their keen analytical minds had determined that it was only the Clones…
Noticing that the E.T. Fields were keeping to the roadways, they deduced that the Clones must be in a vehicle. Then they saw how FAST the E.T. Fields were moving…
They sweat-dropped nervously, as they realised Mazurka must be driving…
They exchanged glances, shrugged, and issued data to the Local Police, and an alert to the General Public…
It was the least they could do…
======================================================================
OMAKE - Into the Magic Cave
The Clones didn't enter any contests, preferring to watch instead, and take notes on the costumes they saw. They scrutinised the cut, materials, fit, colours, etc. They were convinced their costumes looked as good as anyone else's.
Still, it didn't hurt to check things out, especially as now the Clones knew who was 'good enough' to be serious competition…
…And who the Clones would have to 'Take Care Of' before the NEXT convention…
======================================================================
OMAKE - Home Again
"Shakey, some of the men at the convention made comments about our costumes being 'revealing'…"
Shakey began to sweat. Did they want HIM to explain THAT to them?
"Mazurka explained to us what they meant…"
Shakey was relieved…
"…But Aesir still didn't understand. Mazurka wants YOU to explain the comments to her…"
Shakey grabbed a bag, threw some clothes into it, and sprinted for the door.
Seconds later, he was taking the stairs, three at a time, 'Running Like H--L' away from what he knew would be his own personal 'Ground Zero' if he stayed…
=========================The END of the OMAKE=========================