Title: A Blood Memory -- Foreshadowing
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Just angst, this time.
A/N: Know what? No? I don't either.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for reviewing! I was just about to give up hope (though I still would have finished the story). Especially thanks to Illusen Mirour for replying about the title.
The angst really does start in this chapter. sorry it took so long to update this, and for it being like that for the last couple chapters(I think). I don't usually force myself to write, cuz it'll end up like crap if I do. I have to wait until the "writing mood" strikes, and this time it just happened to be at 12:18 am. how pleasant.
Btw, I'm listening to moby and… enya… as I write, so this may turn out a little weird… ^.~
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Asahi found that she could not sleep soundly that night. She felt terrible, guilty for prying and for making Melfina remember those things. When she woke from the little sleep she had gotten, she dreaded facing Jim but knew she had to. She wasn't one to shirk her duties or lie her way out of an uncomfortable situation. She forced herself up and dressed, but could not bring herself to eat. As she stepped out of her apartment, she thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but the fair walk to Starwind and Hawking Enterprises gave her plenty of time to fabricate all kinds of bad situations. Maybe he would fire her, or ignore her. He could be angry, or worse, too upset to face her. No. he wouldn't be that bad. He was the type to always get up again after stumbling, was also curious and would not blame someone for sharing that trait.
Before she knew it, she had arrived. She took a deep breath and stepped in.
Gene looked up from a cup of coffee and waved to her, attempting a cheery smile that was almost painful to look at. She knew he didn't know anything about the happenings the night before, and simply wasn't a morning person, or, more realistically, an early afternoon person. At least he tried.
"Good morning, Gene." She bowed and he nodded back before turning to stare at the wall again, fingering the course stubble on his chin that he had yet to shave off that day. Asahi walked to the garage door and twisted the knob and entered cautiously, looking about. Melfina looked around the corner, wiping her hands on a towel. She watched Asahi worriedly, knowing that Jim would soon be back from picking up several mechanical parts.
`~`~`~`~`~`
Asahi stiffened, pausing in the middle of checking off paperwork when she heard the outside doorknob click. Her head whirled as Jim came in, balancing several boxes.
"Good morning, Jim." He nodded. His hair shadowed his eyes, which looked away from the girl, avoiding her apprehensive gaze. Normally, she would have been quick to help him with the boxes, but there was a tension in the air that stopped her. Jim set down the boxes and began unloading them, checking off a list on a clipboard as he examined their contents. Asahi hesitantly went back to the papers, and the two worked in silence for a time. Unseen, Jim gently touched his scar through the cotton of his shirt. It no longer hurt, at least not often and only faintly when it did, but it seemed to him a sort of reminder. He looked up through his dark blonde bangs. He needed a haircut. Again.
It wasn't quite sudden, but unexpected, when the two finally finished their work and their eyes met. Asahi almost looked away, but Jim's voice, quiet, stopped her.
"Have you eaten?" The question surprised her, but she did not pause overlong before answering.
"No." He got up and brushed his hands off.
"Neither have I. Let's go get something." She stared, then quietly set her pen down and followed Jim out of the garage to his car.
`~`~`~`~`~`
"Gene?"
"Yeah?"
"They left, you know, a little bit ago."
"I know."
"Gene."
"Yes. I know about it. They'll be fine."
`~`~`~`~`~`
Neither spoke for a while as Jim seemed to concentrate on the road, while Asahi looked off to the side, watching buildings fly by, occasionally stopping as they hit a red light. Eventually, they came to a small restaurant, where Jim ordered a couple of bento boxes, one with tempura and the other with noodles, and cans of tea. Asahi recalled telling him that her favorite food was vegetable tempura with prawns. As they exited, he told her he would drive them to a good place to relax and eat. She nodded and held both boxes in her lap. They were quiet again for a while as the buildings melted away into residential areas, and then fields. The wind tugged at their hair, blending it at the edges with the blue sky like a watercolor painting when Jim broke the silence.
"You could have asked." The tone of his voice was not accusatory, and the girl suddenly felt very stupid as she stared at the cheap boxes in her lap. She could feel the warmth of the hot food on her knees, and smelled it even as the wind tried to wrest it away.
"I'm sorry." He sighed deeply, not exasperated but tired, and Asahi was struck by the notion that he might have had a bad night as well.
"Don't worry about it." Asahi hadn't noticed them turn onto a rougher road, and Jim slowly pulled to a stop at a very uninhabited-looking scene, despite the few decrepit old buildings. She thought that they might be houses. She heard a faint rushing sound and, looking out past a few trees, spied what looked like a place where the ground fell away. Seeing where her gaze fell, Jim clarified.
"River. Deep one." He pulled the keys out of the engine and Ehefrau quieted. "It's in a sort of a little gorge here." He got out, and Asahi followed him to a clear patch of ground where the dust seemed to be packed almost into sandstone. There they sat, and began to eat. The tension began to fade, but Asahi seemed almost able to feel Jim's memories as they moved through his head. They were painful, but he had learned to bear them. He finished before his friend, and brought his knees up as he looked off towards the river. He waited for her to empty her box.
"Would you like to know the rest?" She looked up at him, startled, and he smiled sadly, faintly.
"I…" His expression reassured her, and she spoke honestly. "If it… If it's all right."
"Yeah. I haven't thought of it much in a long time, and it's good to remember things like this," he again brushed the place in his clothing over the scar, "even though it may hurt. When I left, Melfina told me that Gene locked himself in his room and wouldn't talk to her. When he came out, several hours later, she knew he had been drinking- not enough to be real stupid or drunk, just enough to numb himself and his reactions- and found that he had been looking up bounties. I guess… he needed to vent. Somehow. Something like that." He paused. "He left, and I was still gone. I can't remember how long it was that I drove, but I ended up in a park. When I got there, I… I didn't hold back. I couldn't anymore."
`~`~`~`~`~`
His vision was blurred worse than he could ever remember it being, and his face was hot from shame and tears and the sting of the blow on his swollen cheek. He was huddled in the corner of a wall, the shadows from dark blue-gray clouds above obscuring his small figure as he sat in the empty place. Jim figured the only good side was that the dryness in his eyes, so extreme that it hurt at times, was finally being relieved.
He stared through the rain-like distortion in his eyes at a fountain. He cough-hiccuped involuntarily and thought briefly of Hanmyo, whom he had known for such a short time, who he could have known for the rest of his life. Hanmyo, who didn't really care enough to see him again.
It was no small mercy that he never knew the truth.
The boy struggled, fought against the self-pity that disgusted him as it threatened to overtake and overcome him. As he beat it away, he felt his cheek twinge, and his thoughts turned to Gene and to what had happened. Had it happened? He raised his hand and brushed fingers against his reddened face, wincing as the tips barely touched his skin. He almost couldn't see it in his memory, yet there it was again, and again. It replayed against his will, and the tears came down harder as the grief and pain, more emotional than physical, swallowed him. He cried, sobbed like the child he could never admit he still was until the tears became something like dry heaves and he found he could breathe again. It did not rain, and Jim held his head down, pulling his hair, trying to hide from the mockingly water-filled clouds that seemed to consciously refuse to shed their own tears. In his daze he felt utterly alone, still barely believing that his aniki could have done that, that he himself could have said that name. It seemed equal to the greatest blasphemy, and he hated himself in those moments for his unintentional melodrama.
He hugged himself tightly and shook as the world grew colder.
He did not know how he managed it, but he slept there, alone among the stone and pavement and his own disbelieving sorrow.
`~`~`~`~`~`
A/N: Woah… I could've gone a little farther with it, even, but that's… pretty long, actually. *proceeds to be proud of herself* The ideas for this part kind of flow right into the next chapter, so it shouldn't take too long (it's probly gonna take a while) SHUT UP, parentheses. Nobody likes you. Er… Hey, gimme a break, it's almost 2 am. The next chapter will be the Climax, titled Climax (in a completely non-sexual kind of way) SILENCE, foolish and unwanted pieces of punctuation! Arr… I'll post this tomorrow- after X2!
…good night… *topples into slumber*
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Just angst, this time.
A/N: Know what? No? I don't either.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for reviewing! I was just about to give up hope (though I still would have finished the story). Especially thanks to Illusen Mirour for replying about the title.
The angst really does start in this chapter. sorry it took so long to update this, and for it being like that for the last couple chapters(I think). I don't usually force myself to write, cuz it'll end up like crap if I do. I have to wait until the "writing mood" strikes, and this time it just happened to be at 12:18 am. how pleasant.
Btw, I'm listening to moby and… enya… as I write, so this may turn out a little weird… ^.~
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Asahi found that she could not sleep soundly that night. She felt terrible, guilty for prying and for making Melfina remember those things. When she woke from the little sleep she had gotten, she dreaded facing Jim but knew she had to. She wasn't one to shirk her duties or lie her way out of an uncomfortable situation. She forced herself up and dressed, but could not bring herself to eat. As she stepped out of her apartment, she thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but the fair walk to Starwind and Hawking Enterprises gave her plenty of time to fabricate all kinds of bad situations. Maybe he would fire her, or ignore her. He could be angry, or worse, too upset to face her. No. he wouldn't be that bad. He was the type to always get up again after stumbling, was also curious and would not blame someone for sharing that trait.
Before she knew it, she had arrived. She took a deep breath and stepped in.
Gene looked up from a cup of coffee and waved to her, attempting a cheery smile that was almost painful to look at. She knew he didn't know anything about the happenings the night before, and simply wasn't a morning person, or, more realistically, an early afternoon person. At least he tried.
"Good morning, Gene." She bowed and he nodded back before turning to stare at the wall again, fingering the course stubble on his chin that he had yet to shave off that day. Asahi walked to the garage door and twisted the knob and entered cautiously, looking about. Melfina looked around the corner, wiping her hands on a towel. She watched Asahi worriedly, knowing that Jim would soon be back from picking up several mechanical parts.
`~`~`~`~`~`
Asahi stiffened, pausing in the middle of checking off paperwork when she heard the outside doorknob click. Her head whirled as Jim came in, balancing several boxes.
"Good morning, Jim." He nodded. His hair shadowed his eyes, which looked away from the girl, avoiding her apprehensive gaze. Normally, she would have been quick to help him with the boxes, but there was a tension in the air that stopped her. Jim set down the boxes and began unloading them, checking off a list on a clipboard as he examined their contents. Asahi hesitantly went back to the papers, and the two worked in silence for a time. Unseen, Jim gently touched his scar through the cotton of his shirt. It no longer hurt, at least not often and only faintly when it did, but it seemed to him a sort of reminder. He looked up through his dark blonde bangs. He needed a haircut. Again.
It wasn't quite sudden, but unexpected, when the two finally finished their work and their eyes met. Asahi almost looked away, but Jim's voice, quiet, stopped her.
"Have you eaten?" The question surprised her, but she did not pause overlong before answering.
"No." He got up and brushed his hands off.
"Neither have I. Let's go get something." She stared, then quietly set her pen down and followed Jim out of the garage to his car.
`~`~`~`~`~`
"Gene?"
"Yeah?"
"They left, you know, a little bit ago."
"I know."
"Gene."
"Yes. I know about it. They'll be fine."
`~`~`~`~`~`
Neither spoke for a while as Jim seemed to concentrate on the road, while Asahi looked off to the side, watching buildings fly by, occasionally stopping as they hit a red light. Eventually, they came to a small restaurant, where Jim ordered a couple of bento boxes, one with tempura and the other with noodles, and cans of tea. Asahi recalled telling him that her favorite food was vegetable tempura with prawns. As they exited, he told her he would drive them to a good place to relax and eat. She nodded and held both boxes in her lap. They were quiet again for a while as the buildings melted away into residential areas, and then fields. The wind tugged at their hair, blending it at the edges with the blue sky like a watercolor painting when Jim broke the silence.
"You could have asked." The tone of his voice was not accusatory, and the girl suddenly felt very stupid as she stared at the cheap boxes in her lap. She could feel the warmth of the hot food on her knees, and smelled it even as the wind tried to wrest it away.
"I'm sorry." He sighed deeply, not exasperated but tired, and Asahi was struck by the notion that he might have had a bad night as well.
"Don't worry about it." Asahi hadn't noticed them turn onto a rougher road, and Jim slowly pulled to a stop at a very uninhabited-looking scene, despite the few decrepit old buildings. She thought that they might be houses. She heard a faint rushing sound and, looking out past a few trees, spied what looked like a place where the ground fell away. Seeing where her gaze fell, Jim clarified.
"River. Deep one." He pulled the keys out of the engine and Ehefrau quieted. "It's in a sort of a little gorge here." He got out, and Asahi followed him to a clear patch of ground where the dust seemed to be packed almost into sandstone. There they sat, and began to eat. The tension began to fade, but Asahi seemed almost able to feel Jim's memories as they moved through his head. They were painful, but he had learned to bear them. He finished before his friend, and brought his knees up as he looked off towards the river. He waited for her to empty her box.
"Would you like to know the rest?" She looked up at him, startled, and he smiled sadly, faintly.
"I…" His expression reassured her, and she spoke honestly. "If it… If it's all right."
"Yeah. I haven't thought of it much in a long time, and it's good to remember things like this," he again brushed the place in his clothing over the scar, "even though it may hurt. When I left, Melfina told me that Gene locked himself in his room and wouldn't talk to her. When he came out, several hours later, she knew he had been drinking- not enough to be real stupid or drunk, just enough to numb himself and his reactions- and found that he had been looking up bounties. I guess… he needed to vent. Somehow. Something like that." He paused. "He left, and I was still gone. I can't remember how long it was that I drove, but I ended up in a park. When I got there, I… I didn't hold back. I couldn't anymore."
`~`~`~`~`~`
His vision was blurred worse than he could ever remember it being, and his face was hot from shame and tears and the sting of the blow on his swollen cheek. He was huddled in the corner of a wall, the shadows from dark blue-gray clouds above obscuring his small figure as he sat in the empty place. Jim figured the only good side was that the dryness in his eyes, so extreme that it hurt at times, was finally being relieved.
He stared through the rain-like distortion in his eyes at a fountain. He cough-hiccuped involuntarily and thought briefly of Hanmyo, whom he had known for such a short time, who he could have known for the rest of his life. Hanmyo, who didn't really care enough to see him again.
It was no small mercy that he never knew the truth.
The boy struggled, fought against the self-pity that disgusted him as it threatened to overtake and overcome him. As he beat it away, he felt his cheek twinge, and his thoughts turned to Gene and to what had happened. Had it happened? He raised his hand and brushed fingers against his reddened face, wincing as the tips barely touched his skin. He almost couldn't see it in his memory, yet there it was again, and again. It replayed against his will, and the tears came down harder as the grief and pain, more emotional than physical, swallowed him. He cried, sobbed like the child he could never admit he still was until the tears became something like dry heaves and he found he could breathe again. It did not rain, and Jim held his head down, pulling his hair, trying to hide from the mockingly water-filled clouds that seemed to consciously refuse to shed their own tears. In his daze he felt utterly alone, still barely believing that his aniki could have done that, that he himself could have said that name. It seemed equal to the greatest blasphemy, and he hated himself in those moments for his unintentional melodrama.
He hugged himself tightly and shook as the world grew colder.
He did not know how he managed it, but he slept there, alone among the stone and pavement and his own disbelieving sorrow.
`~`~`~`~`~`
A/N: Woah… I could've gone a little farther with it, even, but that's… pretty long, actually. *proceeds to be proud of herself* The ideas for this part kind of flow right into the next chapter, so it shouldn't take too long (it's probly gonna take a while) SHUT UP, parentheses. Nobody likes you. Er… Hey, gimme a break, it's almost 2 am. The next chapter will be the Climax, titled Climax (in a completely non-sexual kind of way) SILENCE, foolish and unwanted pieces of punctuation! Arr… I'll post this tomorrow- after X2!
…good night… *topples into slumber*