=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
"MR. HITMAN"
-Fanfiction by innocentkiss [innocentkiss84@yahoo.com]
-Lupin is © Monkey Punch, TMS, and other companies
=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
CHAPTER 2: TRUTH OR DARE?
Jigen looked down the scope of a rifle and through the crosshairs. He was lying on his stomach on the roof of a downtown apartment complex. The only sound was the sound of his breathing.
Something rammed into his arm. Jigen scrambled to a sitting position. The gun fired into the sky.
A pigeon. That's what had rammed into his arm. It was now sitting on his hat and getting comfortable.
"Damn pigeon!" said Jigen, stomping up and down and hitting himself in the head until the pigeon flew away.
He breathed deeply until his heartrate returned to a healthy level. Then he lowered himself onto his stomach and took his gun in his arms again.
He watched the passersby through the crosshairs. A jogger huffing and puffing down the street.
A middle-aged woman gripping her child's hand. A businessman carrying a briefcase-- Jigen's trigger finger tightened, then released. Wrong businessman. There are so damn many, Jigen thought.
A woman wearing a miniskirt and a blouse walked by. Her short, stylish dirty-blonde hair bounced on her shoulders. Jigen removed his eye from the scope and watched her. How much she reminded Jigen of a woman who carried $100 bills in her purse, who cried when the cops came, and who pressed her lips on his cheek...
A blur of red, yellow, and black was walking a zigzag pattern in his line of vision. Jigen put his eye back to the scope and saw Lupin, with his well-groomed black hair, his red sportcoat, and his yellow silk tie, walking in an erratic pattern.
Lupin turned to Jigen and waved at him from hundreds of yards away and twenty stories below.
"D'OH," said Jigen. Of course Lupin could detect a sniper from a mile away. Jigen frowned.
Lupin traced a bullseye target on his forehead with his finger and stuck his tongue out at Jigen before continuing on his way.
Jigen chuckled. "Crazy bastard."
Fifteen minutes passed. Jigen continued to lay on his belly, waiting for--
"EXCUSE ME, I NEED TO SEE YOUR FIREARMS LICENSE." A hand clamped down on his shoulder.
"AHHHHHHH!" It was as if an electric current ran through Jigen's body the way he jumped up and threw his rifle fifty feet into the air.
"Jumpy aren't you," said Lupin, catching the rifle before it fell.
"DON'T DO THAT!!!!!!!!" Jigen punched Lupin in the arm. Hard.
Lupin showed no indication that it hurt. "Jigen, this is a sniper rifle."
"No shit, Sherlock."
"Hmm, I was just in the neighborhood and saw you up on that roof over here. I decided to drop by and say hello."
Jigen reached for his rifle but Lupin pulled it out of his grasp. "I thought you didn't do jobs like this anymore." He closed one eye and peeked down the barrel of the gun.
"What, I'm not allowed to work for anyone besides you? I didn't sign any contract."
"Think fast!" Lupin tossed the weapon back into Jigen's hands. "I didn't say you couldn't do whatever you want. I just saw my buddy all alone on a cold evening in May and I wanted to keep him company."
"Go AWAY."
Lupin lay on his stomach and held his face in his hands. He bent one of his legs at a 90-degree angle and looked a lot like a teenage girl at a sleepover. He clearly was not going anywhere.
"You can stay, but--but--" Jigen stammered.
"I'll be good."
Jigen flopped down next to him.
"Truth or dare!" said Lupin.
"Tch," said Jigen.
"Do you have a crush on anyone?" said Lupin, as if Jigen had actually responded.
Jigen exhaled loudly through his mouth, which created a growling noise in the back of his throat.
"OK, dare. I dare you to shoot that fat guy who just walked out of the donut shop."
Jigen suddenly sprang to attention. He fished around in his pocket frantically.
"Here." Lupin dangled a photograph of a fat guy in a business suit in front of Jigen's eyes. "I took this from your pocket."
Jigen cursed and aimed the rifle at the fat guy.
Lupin put the photograph face down and became interested in chewing on his hangnail. The sky was somewhere between day and night. He looked up at the sky wondering where Orion's Belt was.
Jigen pulled the trigger. Through the crosshairs he watched the fat guy collapse. He concealed his rifle in a guitar case, buckled it up, and walked towards the staircase on the roof.
"There it is," Lupin said. He pointed to three stars that were supposed to look like a belt and connected them with his finger.
* * *
"Here's the report, Inspector," said the local police chief. He put a file folder between Zenigata's hands, expecting Zenigata to take it. Instead, the folder fell down on the floor and papers fluttered everywhere.
"I can't bend my fingers," Zenigata said through gritted teeth. "Remember?"
"Now I remember," said the chief. "A nun beat you up."
"WRONG, it was Fujiko Mine and Lupin III," corrected Zenigata. "Grr, Lupin."
The chief stacked the papers together and put them in between Zenigata's hands again. Zenigata clapped his hands together on the papers.
"Thanks chief," said Zenigata. "You, drive me."
A lower-ranked cop jumped up saluting.
The cop drove him to a house that wasn't quite suburban, but not quite metropolitan. Zenigata read through the papers on the way there. He cleared his throat and then walked up to the door. He banged on it with the palm of his hand.
A woman answered the door. She was wearing a blouse. She had a miniskirt on. Her hair was light brown and cut short and bouncy. It had blonde highlights from the sun.
"Good evening...?" said the woman. "Is something wrong?"
"I have some bad news for you..."
"What is it, what's wrong? Is it--is it my husband?"
Zenigata nodded slowly.
* * *
The woman opened her window and Jigen slid inside, falling on the carpet of her bedroom floor. He spit fluffy white carpeting out of his mouth.
"What are you doing here?" the woman said. Jigen stood up and brushed fluffy white carpet off of his black suit. The woman helped him brush off the pieces. She stopped brushing and let her hand rest on his chest. She shyly kissed him on the mouth.
Jigen's eyes bugged out in shock. Then he closed his eyes and enjoyed the kiss. Then, he changed his mind and pushed the woman off of him and wiped his mouth on his sleeve.
The woman pouted while Jigen thrust several hundred dollar bills under her nose.
"What?" said the woman. "That's yours. You did it. Mission accomplished. That cop came here and told me. He didn't know it was you who did it, of course, but he was like"--(she assumed an authoritative voice)--"'I have some BAAAAAAAAAAAD news for you.'"
Jigen grabbed her wrist, opened her hand, and forcefully closed her fingers around the cash. Then he started to climb out the window but the woman grabbed onto his belt from behind.
Jigen unbuckled his belt, slid out of his pants, then jumped out the window and ran away in his boxers.
The puzzled looking woman held his pants in her hands. Her lower lip trembled.
She felt something heavy in the back pocket. She sniffled and pulled it out.
It was his wallet.
"MR. HITMAN"
-Fanfiction by innocentkiss [innocentkiss84@yahoo.com]
-Lupin is © Monkey Punch, TMS, and other companies
=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
CHAPTER 2: TRUTH OR DARE?
Jigen looked down the scope of a rifle and through the crosshairs. He was lying on his stomach on the roof of a downtown apartment complex. The only sound was the sound of his breathing.
Something rammed into his arm. Jigen scrambled to a sitting position. The gun fired into the sky.
A pigeon. That's what had rammed into his arm. It was now sitting on his hat and getting comfortable.
"Damn pigeon!" said Jigen, stomping up and down and hitting himself in the head until the pigeon flew away.
He breathed deeply until his heartrate returned to a healthy level. Then he lowered himself onto his stomach and took his gun in his arms again.
He watched the passersby through the crosshairs. A jogger huffing and puffing down the street.
A middle-aged woman gripping her child's hand. A businessman carrying a briefcase-- Jigen's trigger finger tightened, then released. Wrong businessman. There are so damn many, Jigen thought.
A woman wearing a miniskirt and a blouse walked by. Her short, stylish dirty-blonde hair bounced on her shoulders. Jigen removed his eye from the scope and watched her. How much she reminded Jigen of a woman who carried $100 bills in her purse, who cried when the cops came, and who pressed her lips on his cheek...
A blur of red, yellow, and black was walking a zigzag pattern in his line of vision. Jigen put his eye back to the scope and saw Lupin, with his well-groomed black hair, his red sportcoat, and his yellow silk tie, walking in an erratic pattern.
Lupin turned to Jigen and waved at him from hundreds of yards away and twenty stories below.
"D'OH," said Jigen. Of course Lupin could detect a sniper from a mile away. Jigen frowned.
Lupin traced a bullseye target on his forehead with his finger and stuck his tongue out at Jigen before continuing on his way.
Jigen chuckled. "Crazy bastard."
Fifteen minutes passed. Jigen continued to lay on his belly, waiting for--
"EXCUSE ME, I NEED TO SEE YOUR FIREARMS LICENSE." A hand clamped down on his shoulder.
"AHHHHHHH!" It was as if an electric current ran through Jigen's body the way he jumped up and threw his rifle fifty feet into the air.
"Jumpy aren't you," said Lupin, catching the rifle before it fell.
"DON'T DO THAT!!!!!!!!" Jigen punched Lupin in the arm. Hard.
Lupin showed no indication that it hurt. "Jigen, this is a sniper rifle."
"No shit, Sherlock."
"Hmm, I was just in the neighborhood and saw you up on that roof over here. I decided to drop by and say hello."
Jigen reached for his rifle but Lupin pulled it out of his grasp. "I thought you didn't do jobs like this anymore." He closed one eye and peeked down the barrel of the gun.
"What, I'm not allowed to work for anyone besides you? I didn't sign any contract."
"Think fast!" Lupin tossed the weapon back into Jigen's hands. "I didn't say you couldn't do whatever you want. I just saw my buddy all alone on a cold evening in May and I wanted to keep him company."
"Go AWAY."
Lupin lay on his stomach and held his face in his hands. He bent one of his legs at a 90-degree angle and looked a lot like a teenage girl at a sleepover. He clearly was not going anywhere.
"You can stay, but--but--" Jigen stammered.
"I'll be good."
Jigen flopped down next to him.
"Truth or dare!" said Lupin.
"Tch," said Jigen.
"Do you have a crush on anyone?" said Lupin, as if Jigen had actually responded.
Jigen exhaled loudly through his mouth, which created a growling noise in the back of his throat.
"OK, dare. I dare you to shoot that fat guy who just walked out of the donut shop."
Jigen suddenly sprang to attention. He fished around in his pocket frantically.
"Here." Lupin dangled a photograph of a fat guy in a business suit in front of Jigen's eyes. "I took this from your pocket."
Jigen cursed and aimed the rifle at the fat guy.
Lupin put the photograph face down and became interested in chewing on his hangnail. The sky was somewhere between day and night. He looked up at the sky wondering where Orion's Belt was.
Jigen pulled the trigger. Through the crosshairs he watched the fat guy collapse. He concealed his rifle in a guitar case, buckled it up, and walked towards the staircase on the roof.
"There it is," Lupin said. He pointed to three stars that were supposed to look like a belt and connected them with his finger.
* * *
"Here's the report, Inspector," said the local police chief. He put a file folder between Zenigata's hands, expecting Zenigata to take it. Instead, the folder fell down on the floor and papers fluttered everywhere.
"I can't bend my fingers," Zenigata said through gritted teeth. "Remember?"
"Now I remember," said the chief. "A nun beat you up."
"WRONG, it was Fujiko Mine and Lupin III," corrected Zenigata. "Grr, Lupin."
The chief stacked the papers together and put them in between Zenigata's hands again. Zenigata clapped his hands together on the papers.
"Thanks chief," said Zenigata. "You, drive me."
A lower-ranked cop jumped up saluting.
The cop drove him to a house that wasn't quite suburban, but not quite metropolitan. Zenigata read through the papers on the way there. He cleared his throat and then walked up to the door. He banged on it with the palm of his hand.
A woman answered the door. She was wearing a blouse. She had a miniskirt on. Her hair was light brown and cut short and bouncy. It had blonde highlights from the sun.
"Good evening...?" said the woman. "Is something wrong?"
"I have some bad news for you..."
"What is it, what's wrong? Is it--is it my husband?"
Zenigata nodded slowly.
* * *
The woman opened her window and Jigen slid inside, falling on the carpet of her bedroom floor. He spit fluffy white carpeting out of his mouth.
"What are you doing here?" the woman said. Jigen stood up and brushed fluffy white carpet off of his black suit. The woman helped him brush off the pieces. She stopped brushing and let her hand rest on his chest. She shyly kissed him on the mouth.
Jigen's eyes bugged out in shock. Then he closed his eyes and enjoyed the kiss. Then, he changed his mind and pushed the woman off of him and wiped his mouth on his sleeve.
The woman pouted while Jigen thrust several hundred dollar bills under her nose.
"What?" said the woman. "That's yours. You did it. Mission accomplished. That cop came here and told me. He didn't know it was you who did it, of course, but he was like"--(she assumed an authoritative voice)--"'I have some BAAAAAAAAAAAD news for you.'"
Jigen grabbed her wrist, opened her hand, and forcefully closed her fingers around the cash. Then he started to climb out the window but the woman grabbed onto his belt from behind.
Jigen unbuckled his belt, slid out of his pants, then jumped out the window and ran away in his boxers.
The puzzled looking woman held his pants in her hands. Her lower lip trembled.
She felt something heavy in the back pocket. She sniffled and pulled it out.
It was his wallet.