A/N For those of you out there who aren't quite sure what a satire is, it's
making fun of something, basically. So right now to clear any questions
that might result from this, I'm telling you outright that NO, this is not
meant to be serious. [Hint: That's why it's marked under HUMOR!] And also,
no, this girl is NOT real, or even a remote reflection of reality.
Oh, and about her name; I've noticed that a lot of people are acquiring their own Elvish names, and all of the are the same: long, drawn out bits of words like "star" or whatever "alda" translates to strung together and bastardizing Elvish. But they're all so LONG.
Just play along. *grins* And now, let's all make fun of my most dreaded enemy, the MARYSUE.
~~~~~~
"What do you MEAN you 'don't love me anymore'? "
These words of desperation were spoken by tones so melodious and beautiful as to make the very angels weep...
A tear slid down the smooth cheek of a rose complexion, falling from a large, luminous eye. She blinked her piercing green eyes in disbelief, and pushed her long, blonde [but NEVER frizzy!] hair out of her perfectly formed face.
Her delicate features were shocked. "But-but-..." She stammered.
Facing her was the tall blonde Elven prince of Mirkwood. His face was resolute. "I'm sorry, Arweneluthienimrodelundomielatinuvielien [Who's name means "Lady fair of singing golden flowers in the evening in which a nightingale sings to a maiden."] but I simply am certain that things will never work between us. How could I be seen with someone more fair than even I? Our love cannot live." He closed his eyes and bowed his head.
She stood to her full height of six feet, swaying slightly. Her gorgeous dress of golden silk clung to her slender yet well-muscled form. She clasped her perfectly smooth hands in front of her, and her long lashes fluttered as she gazed up sorrowfully.
"But Legolas, my love, you swore to love me forever when I saved your, and the other's lives, by fighting off the Balrog single-handedly! You promised to love me, though I am but the half-Elven daughter of a little- known Elven lord who is descended from Feanor himself and is very powerful, or was until he was murdered by Sauron tragically at my birth at which point in time I swore to avenge him, and lived a life dodging assassins who were out to kill me."
He shook his head. "I am sorry, Arweneluthienimrodelundomielatinuvielien, but my heart is dead to love."
"And wilt thou break my heart?" She cried, her voice quivering with emotion. She resolved to cry no more. She could not show weakness!
He looked slightly ashamed. "Well, if you put it that way, it does sound bad, but sorry. You'll find someone. I'm sure you will." He awkwardly traced a circle on the ground with his foot. "Well, you should probably go. I mean, you're welcome to stay, but well, you see, things may be rather difficult with this whole... Thing." He finished badly, and leaned forwards to plant a chaste kiss on her cheek. She struggled to find words, but flung herself away and down the hall instead, weeping.
~~~~~~
As soon as he was sure she was gone, Legolas breathed a sigh of relief, was silent for a moment, then abruptly leapt into the air, whooping.
"THANK Eru she's GONE!" He yelled jubilantly to the sky, which paid little attention to the happy Elf. "I'm free! FREE!"
He ran, singing in joy, pell-mell through the halls of his father's palace, skipping, leaping, and twisting in the air in freedom-induced glory, until he came to a crystal pool. ... Where he, in a sudden fit of inspired naughtiness, went skinny-dipping.
~~~~~~
Far away from Legolas' celebrations, the very depressed Arweneluthienimrodelundomielatinuvielien was softly wafting through the woods, taking great care to look romantically saddened and forlorn. After a while, though, her glass slippers [A/N Yup, that's right. GLASS SLIPPERS.] began to pinch her delicate feet. She ended up trying to limp gracefully, which really, she mourned, didn't work. She slumped to the ground in UTTER despair, her head in her hands. She remained that way for some time.
A soft chatter made her look up. Sitting on its haunches in front of her was an adorable, big-eyed, fuzzy, sweet little chipmunk. It was, as an aside, holding a nut, although that has nothing to do with the plot.
"Hello there..." She breathed, not wanting to scare it. After all, though, wasn't she beautiful enough to charm the animals right out of the forest? She felt a little better. To bloody hell with that stuck-up Elf!
"My name is Arweneluthienimrodel-.......[time passed as she goes through her name.] ........-undomielatinuvielien." She finished with a flair.
She looked around. "Chipmunk...?"
It was gone. She stared about in consternation.
Suddenly, and very spookily, a totally random voice from no source spoke.
"Evidently, it got bored." It remarked dryly. "I don't say I blame it. Your name, quite frankly, sucks. Henceforth, you shall be named ... Al." It paused.
"Who are you, and why do you name me as such?!" She cried, and grasped her bow. Of COURSE she can use a bow. Quiet.
"I'm the Narrator," the voice announced, "And your name is hell to remember [and TYPE], and as such, I am re-naming you something NORMAL." With a loud BANG of thunder, it was GONE. [Dun dun DUUUUUUN.]
The newly named Al did a very un-MarySue-ish thing, and gaped at the sky.
And then it started to pour.
~~~
Review? Pleeeeeeeease? I have terribly low self esteem!
Oh, and about her name; I've noticed that a lot of people are acquiring their own Elvish names, and all of the are the same: long, drawn out bits of words like "star" or whatever "alda" translates to strung together and bastardizing Elvish. But they're all so LONG.
Just play along. *grins* And now, let's all make fun of my most dreaded enemy, the MARYSUE.
~~~~~~
"What do you MEAN you 'don't love me anymore'? "
These words of desperation were spoken by tones so melodious and beautiful as to make the very angels weep...
A tear slid down the smooth cheek of a rose complexion, falling from a large, luminous eye. She blinked her piercing green eyes in disbelief, and pushed her long, blonde [but NEVER frizzy!] hair out of her perfectly formed face.
Her delicate features were shocked. "But-but-..." She stammered.
Facing her was the tall blonde Elven prince of Mirkwood. His face was resolute. "I'm sorry, Arweneluthienimrodelundomielatinuvielien [Who's name means "Lady fair of singing golden flowers in the evening in which a nightingale sings to a maiden."] but I simply am certain that things will never work between us. How could I be seen with someone more fair than even I? Our love cannot live." He closed his eyes and bowed his head.
She stood to her full height of six feet, swaying slightly. Her gorgeous dress of golden silk clung to her slender yet well-muscled form. She clasped her perfectly smooth hands in front of her, and her long lashes fluttered as she gazed up sorrowfully.
"But Legolas, my love, you swore to love me forever when I saved your, and the other's lives, by fighting off the Balrog single-handedly! You promised to love me, though I am but the half-Elven daughter of a little- known Elven lord who is descended from Feanor himself and is very powerful, or was until he was murdered by Sauron tragically at my birth at which point in time I swore to avenge him, and lived a life dodging assassins who were out to kill me."
He shook his head. "I am sorry, Arweneluthienimrodelundomielatinuvielien, but my heart is dead to love."
"And wilt thou break my heart?" She cried, her voice quivering with emotion. She resolved to cry no more. She could not show weakness!
He looked slightly ashamed. "Well, if you put it that way, it does sound bad, but sorry. You'll find someone. I'm sure you will." He awkwardly traced a circle on the ground with his foot. "Well, you should probably go. I mean, you're welcome to stay, but well, you see, things may be rather difficult with this whole... Thing." He finished badly, and leaned forwards to plant a chaste kiss on her cheek. She struggled to find words, but flung herself away and down the hall instead, weeping.
~~~~~~
As soon as he was sure she was gone, Legolas breathed a sigh of relief, was silent for a moment, then abruptly leapt into the air, whooping.
"THANK Eru she's GONE!" He yelled jubilantly to the sky, which paid little attention to the happy Elf. "I'm free! FREE!"
He ran, singing in joy, pell-mell through the halls of his father's palace, skipping, leaping, and twisting in the air in freedom-induced glory, until he came to a crystal pool. ... Where he, in a sudden fit of inspired naughtiness, went skinny-dipping.
~~~~~~
Far away from Legolas' celebrations, the very depressed Arweneluthienimrodelundomielatinuvielien was softly wafting through the woods, taking great care to look romantically saddened and forlorn. After a while, though, her glass slippers [A/N Yup, that's right. GLASS SLIPPERS.] began to pinch her delicate feet. She ended up trying to limp gracefully, which really, she mourned, didn't work. She slumped to the ground in UTTER despair, her head in her hands. She remained that way for some time.
A soft chatter made her look up. Sitting on its haunches in front of her was an adorable, big-eyed, fuzzy, sweet little chipmunk. It was, as an aside, holding a nut, although that has nothing to do with the plot.
"Hello there..." She breathed, not wanting to scare it. After all, though, wasn't she beautiful enough to charm the animals right out of the forest? She felt a little better. To bloody hell with that stuck-up Elf!
"My name is Arweneluthienimrodel-.......[time passed as she goes through her name.] ........-undomielatinuvielien." She finished with a flair.
She looked around. "Chipmunk...?"
It was gone. She stared about in consternation.
Suddenly, and very spookily, a totally random voice from no source spoke.
"Evidently, it got bored." It remarked dryly. "I don't say I blame it. Your name, quite frankly, sucks. Henceforth, you shall be named ... Al." It paused.
"Who are you, and why do you name me as such?!" She cried, and grasped her bow. Of COURSE she can use a bow. Quiet.
"I'm the Narrator," the voice announced, "And your name is hell to remember [and TYPE], and as such, I am re-naming you something NORMAL." With a loud BANG of thunder, it was GONE. [Dun dun DUUUUUUN.]
The newly named Al did a very un-MarySue-ish thing, and gaped at the sky.
And then it started to pour.
~~~
Review? Pleeeeeeeease? I have terribly low self esteem!