TWENTY-SIX


Jindra rolled over on her side and opened her eyes. Blinking, she felt a little disoriented. Where . . .? Focusing, she looked around and realized that she was in her bedroom. How . . .? Thinking, she remembered coming home and finding her parents in the parlor and then . . . Coren. Oh gods, Coren. With a small cry, she buried her face in the pillow and cried. It was a long time before Jindra's tears exhausted themselves and then she fell back into a fitful sleep.

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Doreena Roh had awakened alone, her husband's side of the bed undisturbed. Pulling on her robe, she had gone looking for him. Stopping at her daughter's room, she quietly opened the door and glanced in. Jindra was turned away from the door, laying on her side. Stepping into the room a little, Doreena could see that she was alone. She was about to close the door, when she thought she heard Jindra cry out. Walking around to the other side of the bed, she looked at her daughter. Although she was sleeping, Doreena could see the wetness that glistened on Jindra's face. Reaching out, she brushed the hair from Jindra's face and watched her as she slept.

Doreena found herself remembering another time, before Jindra had been born. She and Erich had been married for a year when their son had been born. The baby had come too early and the midwife had merely shaken her head and then sadly placed the small, wrapped bundle in Doreena's outstretched arms. Erich was kneeling on the floor by her side as she held their son and his tears had flowed just as heavily as hers had. Holding out his arms, Erich had taken the baby and kissed it on the forehead. "Jon. It was my father's name. Jon Vardas Roh, my -- my -- son." Together, she and Erich had buried their first born son three days later.

Doreena quickly became pregnant again. Erich had been happy, but he had also constantly worried that something would go wrong. He had Simon come every week to see her and he took a leave of absence from his post at the Trade Office. At first Doreena had loved all the attention and pampering from her husband; but after a few months, she found herself wishing that he would leave her alone and go back to work. Her already fiery temper became even shorter and the two were constantly arguing. Doreena had even seriously considered leaving Erich and going back to Palas. It was about that time that her father had come to visit.

Yellan Vardas didn't care much for the Zaibach Empire. What he did care about was profit. So if he had to deal with one to get the other, well he would do it; but he wouldn't like it. The fact that his favorite daughter had fallen in love with and married a man from Zaibach, still didn't sit very well. He couldn't say that he disliked Erich Roh, the man seemed honorable and he certainly worshiped Doreena; but he was Zaibach, one of "them." There were many other men, good Asturian men, that he would have much preferred to have as a son-in-law. But he never could say no to Reena. Oh, he had tried; yes indeed, he had tried.

The treaty between Asturia and Zaibach had just been signed and the two countries were just starting to openly trade goods and technology when Erich Roh had introduced himself to Doreena Vardas at a reception held to welcome the Zaibach trade representatives. The Empire had always been a faceless "unknown" to most of the citizens of Asturia. A country ruled by a seemingly, undying emperor that possessed technology far beyond that of any other, Zaibach also possessed a military force great enough to rival that of several combined nations. An isolationist state, the Empire had kept to itself for so long, that when it's representatives first presented themselves to the newly crowned king of Asturia, rumors spread to every neighboring country that Zaibach had invaded Palas. Moving quickly to stifle the rumors and to calm his own people, King Astin had signed the treaty making Asturia and Zaibach allies. The treaty had opened the borders of commerce and trade between the two countries and made merchants like Yellan Vardas very happy and wealthy men.

When Erich Roh had come to Vardas and asked for the hand of his daughter in marriage, the merchant had outright refused. Trading with Zaibach was one thing, but letting them marry into your family was quite another. But Erich was not one to give up so easily. The man called on Yellan every night at precisely eight o'clock for three weeks and each time he asked the same thing, for Doreena's hand; and each night, his answer was still the same.

But Yellan also had Doreena to contend with. All day long, for those same three weeks, she badgered her father. Never giving him a moment's peace, she even followed him to his office near the shipyard when he tried to get away. From breakfast until bedtime, she never let up; except when Erich was there to see him. Then she would quietly wait in the hall until Erich left and then she would start again. Yellan had threatened to send her away or have Erich Roh arrested for trespassing if the two of them did not leave him alone. But that only made Doreena angrier and more determined. That final night after Erich had left her father, she had stormed into his study and raged like a woman possessed. She had cried, she had begged and finally she had threatened to run away and elope. Fed up with his daughter's antics, Yellan had told her to go. "Run off to Zaibach with him then. I don't care. But once you leave here Reena, don't come back. Once the door to this house closes behind you, it's closed for good."

Crying, Yellan opened the door to his study. "I just hope you're happy, Doreena. That's all I ever wanted for you . . . for any of my children . . . was just for you to be happy."

Doreena looked at her father and she could feel her heart breaking; she could see how much she had hurt him. She went to Yellan and embraced him. "Please father, I don't want to leave like this. I don't want to run away. I want to be married with you by my side. I love you . . . you grouchy old man. But I love Erich, too. If you want me to be happy, then say yes. Let me marry him . . . that's what will make me happy. "

Yellan kissed the top of Doreena's head and hugged her. "He's not good enough for you, Reena. I don't know if there's a man alive who is. Are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure he's the one you want?"

"Oh yes! He's the only one. I don't know how I'll like living in Zaibach . . . it's so far away, but I know that I can't live without him, father. I love him too much. Please . . . say yes."

Sighing, Yellan shook his head. "I never could say no to you. I've spoiled you so bad, it's a wonder any man would want to marry you. But you've always been my favorite . . . you're just like your mother. Gods, how I loved that woman. How she put up with me for all those years, I'll never know."

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "You know, your grandfather didn't like me either. It took me six months before he gave me his consent." Smiling to himself, Yellan stood back from his daughter and looked at her tear-streaked face. "Have him come around tomorrow . . . before dinner, and I'll see him then."

Doreena couldn't stop the smile that had spread across her face. "Oh father! Do you really mean it?" Vardas nodded his head. Doreena was crying again and her tears wet the front of her father's jacket as she hugged him. "Just think father, you'll have a son-in-law in the Zaibach trade office. Just imagine the look on old Niko Fassa's face when he finds out."

"Reena!" Yellan laughed. "I guess you are your father's daughter after all, aren't you?"

A year and a half later, after much bureaucratic red-tape, Doreena Vardas and Erich Roh were married in her father's house in Palas. The wedding was large and quite elaborate; even by Vardas standards. Then two weeks after that, the couple had quietly stood before a civil registrar of the Zaibach Empire and after signing their names, were declared man and wife.

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Doreena knew that her father could feel the tension in the house and see that she and Erich were unhappy. Vardas didn't say anything to her directly about his observations, but he had a pretty good idea of what was wrong. He had nine living children of his own after all. He had gone through very similar feelings when his wife had her first miscarriage. Kerrina had been a headstrong, stubborn woman and there wasn't a day that went by that Vardas didn't thank the gods for bringing her into his life. Yellan had loved his wife very deeply and he never completely recovered from her death. He didn't want to intrude on his daughter's marriage, but he hated seeing her unhappy, especially at a time when she should be joyful and looking towards the future. So about a week after arriving, he had walked with Erich out into the garden one afternoon for about an hour or so. What her father had said to Erich, Doreena never found out. But her husband had returned to work a few days later and though he still doted on her, he wasn't as smothering as before.

Doreena's pregnancy proceeded normally and after a rather lengthy labor, Coren Jon Roh had been born. Erich sat next to his wife on the bed, beaming with pride as he held his new son. Doreena felt the tears in her eyes as she watched him with the baby. Looking at her, Erich gave her a wide smile and then leaned over and kissed her sweat drenched forehead. "I think I love you even more than the day I married you." Still cradling the baby in one arm, Erich had reached his other arm around his wife and Doreena laid her head on his shoulder.

It was almost three more years before Doreena became pregnant again. Everything seemed normal until her seventh month, when she began bleeding and experiencing a great deal of pain. Simon confined her to bed rest and made sure that there was someone with her at all times just in case she went into an early labor. After a few weeks, she seemed to be doing much better and it appeared that everything would be alright. But Simon still insisted that she rest as much as possible and Erich made sure that she followed his instruction to the letter. It was the middle of a chilly, late autumn night when she went into labor. Jindra Kerrina Roh was born twelve hours later. Erich was beside himself with joy as he held his newborn daughter for the first time and Doreena could see the tears in his eyes. "She's beautiful, Reena. So perfect . . . so beautiful . . . just like her mother." Coren however, was not so easily won over, "Can't we get another one? I wanted a brother." Erich had laughed, "Maybe next time." But Doreena and Erich had no more children.

Doreena felt the tears welling in her eyes as she looked down at Jindra's sad sleeping face. You're all I have now. She brushed the back of her hand across her eyes. But you're going to leave me too, aren't you? Swallowing back tears, Doreena Roh left her daughter's room and continued her search for her missing husband.

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Jindra awoke again a couple of hours later. The sunlight streamed through the open drapes and she could faintly hear birds outside her window. She hated it. How could the day be so beautiful when her brother was dead. She hated the birds, she hated the sun; but most of all she hated the world. She hated the world for going on after taking Coren away from her. Turning over, she could feel the tears slide down her face once again.

Jindra was curled up in a chair by the window, staring at nothing when there was a faint knock on the door. The maid had come in earlier with a breakfast tray, but Jindra had left it untouched on the table. Pulling the blanket tighter around herself, she rested her head on the arm of the chair and continued staring out the window. The knock sounded again, but she ignored it. After a few moments, the door opened and Doreena looked in.

Seeing the empty bed, she stepped into the room. "Jindra?" Walking around the side of the bed, she saw her daughter sitting by the window. "Jindra?" Going over to the window, she reached out and touched Jindra's arm..

Jindra continued to stare out the window, "I'm not asleep." Her voice was flat, emotionless.

"You didn't eat anything."

"I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat something,"

"I said I'm not hungry, mother." There was an edge in Jindra's voice.

Doreena slowly exhaled and looking around, reached for the small chair in front of the vanity table. She set it across from her daughter and sat down. Jindra made no notice of the movement, her eyes still focused on something outside the window.

"Where is he? I want to see him." Jindra finally looked away from the window and her eyes were cold and dark.

"He's -- he's still up north. They're sending his -- him back today. He should be home tomorrow." Doreena swallowed back tears.

"How did it happen? When?"

"It -- it was during training exercises. We -- we found out yesterday afternoon. They think it was a problem with the weapons or some kind of mis-communication between the pilots. There was another guymelef involved . . . another boy . . ." Doreena trailed off. She reached into the pocket of her skirt and pulled out a handkerchief. "Apparently there was . . . an explosion. Coren -- Coren was . . . when it . . . when it . . . the impact from the explosion . . ." Doreena wiped her eyes. "They promised that there would be an investigation. Major Forbes was just as concerned and he wants to know what happened too."

"Major Forbes?"

"He was the man with Commandant Varada last night."

Jindra snorted, "An investigation? What good will that do? They just want to have someone to blame it on and it won't matter anyway, because Coren will still be dead!" She started to cry again.

Doreena squeezed her eyes shut and suppressed a sob of her own. Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes and put her hand on Jindra's arm. "There's nothing that can bring Coren back . . . but at least we'll know what happened, we'll know the truth."

Jindra was quiet and her gaze returned to the window. Mother and daughter sat in silence for several minutes when there was a knock on the door. "Yes, " Doreena called out. The door opened admitting the maid. "Excuse me ma'am, Dr. Kaberle is here."

"Show him in please." The girl stood aside and Simon came through the door. Doreena rose to meet him and he embraced her and kissed her cheek. The maid followed and picked up the undisturbed food tray, clucking her tongue as she did so. Simon noticed and gave Doreena a questioning look. She shook her head and turned back towards her daughter.

Simon knelt down in front of Jindra. She was curled up in a chair with a blanket wrapped around herself. Her hair was a tangled mess and she appeared to be wearing the same mud-spattered clothes from last night.

"How are you doing today Jindra?"

She didn't look at him. "How do you think I am? My brother is dead . . . I'm doing just great."

Doreena was horrified, "Jindra!" Simon held up a hand and shook his head at his friend's wife. "I promised your father that I'd look in on you this morning."

"Well you've seen me, so I guess you can go now."

Simon put his hand on Doreena's arm, knowing that she was about to lose her temper. "Jindra, I know that you're hurt and that you're angry, but we only want to help you. We care about you . . . "

Jindra felt tears in her eyes once again and her voice was hoarse, "If you really care about me, then you'll leave me alone. That's all I want . . . to be left alone." Doreena felt something within her break at the sadness and pain in her daughter's voice. "Jindra -- dear, don't close yourself off from us. This is difficult for all of us . . . this is when we need each other the most."

Jindra looked up at her mother, "I -- I -- need you too. But -- but I just have to be alone right now." She closed her eyes and swallowed. "I -- I just wish that this was all some horrible nightmare and any minute now I'd wake up." Unable to suppress her sorrow any more, she let out a sob. "Why? What did we ever do? What did Coren ever do to deserve this? Why are we being punished?" Jindra buried her face in hands and sobbed.

Doreena couldn't hold back any longer and with a sob of her own, she knelt down and embraced her daughter. "Don't Jindra. Don't blame yourself for this, it was an accident." Pulling back, she held Jindra by the shoulders and looked at Simon. "Can you give her something, Simon? Something to calm her down a little?"

Jindra pulled away from her mother, "No! I don't want anymore drugs. I just want to be alone for awhile. Just don't put me to sleep again . . . please don't."

Simon gently touched her shoulder, "Only if you promise that you'll eat something." Jindra vigorously shook her head. Rising, he turned towards Doreena. "Could you leave us alone for a few minutes, Doreena?" Simon could see that she was debating within herself. "Please, I'd like to talk to Jindra. It'll be alright."

With a concerned look, Doreena nodded her head and then gave Jindra a quick peck on the cheek. With a final backward glance, she left the room; closing the door behind her.

Simon sat down on Doreena's vacated chair. Reaching over, he gave Jindra's arm a gentle squeeze. "Your father is like a brother to me. Losing Coren is like losing a member of my own family. I only want to help you, Jindra. But you can't let this anger eat away at you, you can't keep it bottled up inside. What you're feeling is perfectly natural, but your mother is right. None of this is your fault -- or Coren's. As far as we know, what happened was an accident. Until someone says otherwise."

Jindra looked up at him. "But it's not fair. Why my brother? Coren never did anything to anyone in his whole life. Everyone liked him . . . he had so many friends . . . he had his whole life ahead of him . . . and now . . . now . . ." Sniffing back her tears, she trailed off.

Simon's voice was soft, "No it's not fair, but sometimes things happen for reasons we don't understand." He took her hand, "But he have him in our hearts and memories . . . he'll never be forgotten . . . we won't stop loving him just because he's gone." Thinking of Erich, Simon felt his own eyes well up. "Your father is going to need you Jindra . . . you and your mother. He's not as strong as he wants you to think he his, believe me. This is weighing very heavily on him. Will you promise me that you'll keep an eye on him for me?"

Jindra squeezed his hand and nodded her head. "I dreamed that my father was in my room last night. He was holding my hand and he told me that he loved me."

Simon gave her a small smile. "He does, Jindra . . . you were always his favorite." Letting go of her hand, he stood. "I'm counting on your to keep your promise. If you need anything, all you have to do is ask. If my wife and I can do it, then we will. Martina and Gillian are besides themselves with grief. I know they want to come and see you; but only when you're ready. I'll stop by tomorrow and see you, if that's alright?"

Jindra felt a bit ashamed of her earlier behavior and her voice was small. "Yes . . . and, thank you." Simon gave her one last look and then he turned towards the door.

As the door clicked shut, Jindra's gaze once more turned to the window and shifting a bit in the chair, she pulled the blanket closer as she felt a sudden chill. Folken, where are you? I need you . . . I need you to hold me. I need you to make me feel warm again.

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Little note: I gave Dryden a grandfather, Niko Fassa. I don't know if he had one or not, but he does now! :)