THIRTY-ONE

Jindra sat, tears streaming down her face as she looked at her brother's flag-draped casket. She had retreated to the small corner, hoping to regain her composure before the doors to the hall were opened. Wiping her eyes, she glanced up to see her parents, her grandfather and uncle standing together near the front door. She could see that her mother was also crying and watched as her uncle, Arturo, embraced his twin sister and whispered to her. She had always like Arturo; next to Bethanne, he was her favorite. She had missed not seeing him during her visit to Palas, but he had been away on a trade journey. Jindra was glad that he had come with Bethanne and Yellan; she knew how much it meant to her mother to have him there.

Yellan Vardas' ship had left Palas within an hour of receiving the message about his grandson's death. As he quickly gathered some clothing together, he dispatched messages of his own to his other sons and daughters. Bethanne had met him at the ship, her luggage already loaded. Arturo arrived just a few minutes later. Each bore messages from their other siblings: almost all of them would be leaving for Zaibach by the afternoon. As soon as the three were aboard, the ship lifted off. They made what was probably the fastest crossing between Asturia and Zaibach, with Yellan driving his crew like a madman. The travelers had arrived at the Roh house not longer after the family returned home from escorting Coren's body back to the city.

Commandant Varada had offered the use of the academy assembly hall for Coren's funeral service. Since their son was to receive full military honors, Erich and Doreena had agreed. They both thought that it was what Coren would have wanted. He had loved the academy and he still had many friends there. The service itself would take place tomorrow; but tonight, the hall would be open for those that wished to pay their respects and give their condolences to his family.

Jindra closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She felt a touch on her shoulder as she opened her eyes. Bethanne sat down next to her niece and put her arm around the younger woman and gave her light squeeze. "How are you holding up?"

Jindra shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. "I--I--I can't feel anything, Bethanne. It's--it's like I'm numb inside."

Bethanne pulled Jindra towards her until the younger woman's head was resting on her shoulder. "I know . . . I still can't believe it myself -- it just so horrible . . . so tragic."

"I don't know if I can do this. I--I--I don't think I can sit here and let everyone pity me and tell me how sorry they are." She sniffed and felt tears in her eyes again. "I don't want Coren to hate me . . ."

"Shhhh. Coren isn't going to hate you, Jindra. I know this is hard for you -- for all of you. But you have to try to remember that these people are coming here because they cared about Coren -- and they care about all of you too. They just want to let you know that. It isn't pity, Jindra -- it's love. Love for Coren, for your parents; and yes, even for you. No one expects you to be made of stone -- it's alright to cry in front of them. No one will think less of you -- they'll understand."

Jindra sat up and wiped her eyes with a handkerchief. "I'm glad you're here Bethanne . . . I--I just feel so alone. At least my parents have each other to hold on to . . . I--I just wish that . . . " she trailed off, not wanting to finish her thought aloud.

Bethanne looked at her niece's face intently, hearing something more behind her words. "You're not alone Jindra. There are plenty of people that care and want to help you. As long as you have your family, you'll never be alone." Taking Jindra's hand, she gave it a squeeze. "They'll be opening the doors soon . . . why don't we go join your parents?"

The two rose together. Jindra wiped her eyes once again and took a deep breath. Taking a few steps, she went to Coren's casket. She laid her hand on the lid and closed her eyes. When I see you again Coren . . . I swear I'm going to beat you with a stick for leaving me. You just wait -- I'll get you back for this. She almost imagined that she could hear his laugh, I'll be waiting for you little sister.

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Jindra felt drained, emotionally and physically. She had never imagined that so many people would have come to call on her family. There were many that she knew, some that she had not seen for a long time and still many more who she had never met in her life. The latter were mostly people that her father knew in the government. All of them had been kind and she sensed that a great deal of their sympathy was genuine. Commandant Varada had sought her out and spoken with her for quite sometime. He had even embraced her and kissed her cheek, much to her astonishment. All in all, two hours passed without her even realizing it. The number of people had dwindled so that only a handful or so still remained. Taking a chair along the wall, Jindra rubbed her eyes with her fingers. She dropped her hands when she heard a familiar voice.

Looking up, she saw Anton Lefebvre with her parents. Anton was holding her mother's hand as he spoke. As she watched them, she could see him stop and clear his throat several times. When he finished, Doreena reached out and hugged him. As her mother released the young man, her father reached out and shook his hand. Looking around the room, Anton spotted her. Bowing once again, he took his leave and made his way towards her. As he neared, Jindra could see the tears in his eyes and she watched as Anton hastily brushed them away with his hand. She started to rise as he reached her.

"No, Jindra. You needn't get up for me." Anton's voice was soft. He gestured towards the chair next to her. "May I?"

She nodded her head. Anton sat down, but he remained silent; his gaze fixed on something across the room. Jindra looked at the profile of his face and her breath caught at the pain that she could see there. Anton's eyes were red-rimmed and glistened with unshed tears. His expression was sad and she could sense the grief that radiated from him.

Jindra sat quietly while Anton gathered his thoughts. After a few minutes he spoke, his voice just above a whisper. "I'm sorry Jindra -- I don't know what else to say. I'm so sorry for you and your parents." He turned his gaze towards her. "I know it's not much of a comfort to you -- but -- but I truly am so sorry for what's happened."

"Thank you. I'm glad that you're here Anton. I know what good friends you and Coren were. I'm sure that it would mean a lot to him to know that you were here."

He dropped his eyes and looked down at his hands. "Coren -- Coren was more than just a friend to me . . . he always treated me like a brother. He brought me to your home and made me feel so welcome. My -- my -- family isn't as close as I always led you to believe. My father and I have been estranged for a very long time. But when I was with your family . . . it made me want to reach out to him -- to try to have the kind of relationship that Coren had with your father. You've lost your brother -- and in a way, I feel like I have too." Looking at the profile of Anton's face, Jindra could see the tears running down his cheeks and she felt her own eyes well up.

Anton was quiet for several minutes before he spoke again, and his voice almost sounded wistful. "Did you know that I told Coren I was in love with you the day after we met? He laughed and called me a hopeless romantic. He said there too many girls in the world to decide on one so quickly. Girls other than his sister." Jindra found herself smiling a little.

"I--I know that you don't want to hear this from me, but -- but -- I do still care for you, Jindra. I-- I know that this isn't the place," looking up at her once again, Anton reached for hand. "But I--I want you to know that I'll be here if you need me." He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and swallowed. Turning his dark-blue eyes back to her face, he reached up with his free hand and brushed her tears away. "I'll always be here for you, Jindra." He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it softly.

She closed her eyes and tried to fight back her tears. Despite all that had happened between the two of them, she could feel Anton reaching out to her and Jindra felt an almost overwhelming urge to respond to him. Opening her eyes, she looked at him. She could see the sorrow and pain on his face, but she could also see something else in his eyes -- the love that he still felt for her.

Jindra's voice was soft as she tried to express her feelings without causing the young man any more pain. "Anton . . . I've always cared for you too -- but not in the same way -- and that hasn't changed. I care for you as a friend . . . and a friend is what I need the most right now. I'd like us to be friends again -- but--but that's all I can give you."

Anton dropped his eyes and looked down at their joined hands. "I know Jindra. You're in love with Folken Lacour. I don't like it . . . but I've tried to accept it -- for your sake as well as my own." He looked up at her. "Where is he? He should be here with you."

Jindra dropped her eyes and started to pull her hand away, but Anton held on. "He -- my father -- my father threw him out of our house yesterday. I've been forbidden to see him again."

"I'm sorry, Jindra. No, really I am. You're already hurting so much, it must have been unbearable." Anton tightened his grip on her hand.

Jindra looked up at him, trying to read the expression on his face. "Anton -- I really don't want to talk with you about this. It's not fair to you."

"You can talk to me about anything. But you're right, I'd prefer not discuss Folken Lacour." Anton raised her hand to his lips once again. "Thank you for sparing my feelings." He gave her a small smile.

Impulsively, Jindra pulled her hand from his and then embraced him. "No, thank you Anton. Thank you for coming tonight, for being here . . . and for being my friend."

Anton Lefebvre closed his eyes and bit his lip as he felt her arms around him. My love . . . I'm here. I'll take care of you. I owe it to Coren . . . maybe someway I can redeem myself for what I've done. Redeem myself with you.