THIRTY-FIVE

                Folken felt the heat in his face as the woman gave him an appraising stare.  The woman walked towards him until she was only an arm's length away.  Folken recognized her as one of the small group who had been standing with Jindra's family.

                The woman's voice was clear when she spoke.  "You're the one she needs right now, Folken -- not him."

                Folken was a bit taken aback.  "I-I-I'm sorry?"

                The woman raised her eyebrow.  "I was under the impression that you were quite clever, but it seems I must have been mistaken."

                Folken took a guess at the woman's identity, "You must be Jin's aunt, Bethanne."

                The woman tilted her head slightly in acknowledgement, "Why are you skulking around here when Jindra obviously needs you?  You should be at her side."

                Folken felt an involuntary blush creep up his face and he looked down at the ground.  "If I could be with her right now, don't you think I would?  I can feel her pain and grief like a knife in my own heart - but I can't -- I just can't!"

                "Can't or won't?"  Bethanne's eyes were as cool as her voice.

                Folken raised his head and met her gaze.  "I don't want to upset her parents anymore than they already are."

                Bethanne looked at him thoughtfully for a few moments.  "Jindra told me a little of what happened with her father."   She moved closer to Folken and placed her hand on his arm.  "I'm sorry."  He looked up at her touch, "There's nothing for you to apologize for.  What happened with Jindra's father was nobody's fault but my own.  I let my emotions get the better of me . . . I brought all of this on myself."

                Bethanne walked a few steps away from him as she thought.  After a few moments, she turned back towards Folken, "You don't know me, but I will tell you that Jindra trusted me . . . and confided in me.  She told me that you asked her to marry you."  She walked back towards him, "I know -- I know how much my niece loves you . . . and I can see that same love in you for her.  I'd like to help you if I can."  Once again, Bethanne reached out and touched his arm.

                Folken turned his face away.  "I don't want to lose her - but - but I don't want her to have to choose between her family and me.  Especially not now . . . I know that her parents need her -- and she needs to be with them.  But-but  it's like . . .  like I can feel her sorrow and grief -- and it cuts right through me.  I want to go to her - I want to hold her in my arms -- I want to help her . . . "Folken's voice broke and he took a deep breath before continuing, " But she probably doesn't want to ever see me again.  I-I-I walked right out the door and left her there . . . left her there crying for me.  I-I-I don't know what I'll do without her . . ."

                "Jindra isn't lost to you forever, Folken."

                "No?"  Folken turned back towards Bethanne, "Here I stand, while the woman I love --more than anything in the world -- is in the arms of another man!  Why?  Because I'm too much of a coward to go to her."

                Bethanne sighed at the sadness and frustration she heard in the young man's voice.  "Then let me help you - both of you.  Come with me now."

                "Where?"  Folken's tone was a little suspicious.

                "Home -- to my sister's house, let me take you to see Jindra . . ."

                Folken shook his head, "No!  Do you think I want Erich Roh to throw me out of his house again?  I can't -- I can't do that to Jin.  I can't let her go through that again!"

                "Let me finish -- you don't even have to go inside, you can wait out in the garden; I'll bring Jindra out to see you.  No one will even know that you're there -- I promise."

                Folken clenched his fists and shook his head.  "I can't -- please try to understand . . . I love Jin -- she means everything to me . . . but-but maybe her father is right . . . marrying me can only ruin her life -- I can't ever be the husband that she deserves."  Folken felt the tears in his eyes and he tried to blink them back.  "She deserves a man who can make her happy and give her a good life -- a home, a family . . . a name.   I have nothing to give her -- less than nothing."  Folken turned away from Bethanne as he tried to get his emotions under control.

                Bethanne squeezed her eyes shut at the tortured tone in the young man's voice.  Opening her eyes, she looked at Folken's back and she could see him shaking.  "I'll do anything I can to help the two of you.  You can come to Palas and stay with me if you need to -- I can even help the two of you get settled.  Please . . ."

                Folken spun around to face Jindra's aunt; his eyes were cold as he looked at her.  "You think I could ask Jindra to live on your charity with me?   What kind of man would marry a woman knowing that he couldn't take care of her -- that he had to rely on the charity of others?"

                "Folken, it's not charity -- its family.  That's what families do -- we take care of each other.  I want to help you get on your feet and make a home for the two of you -- no strings attached.  Jindra is my niece -- my family; and when the two of you marry, you will be too.  I understand what the two of you are facing -- I know how scary the future looks, the uncertainty that you feel -- it's perfectly normal.  There's nothing wrong in accepting a little help when it's offered."

                Folken shook his head.  "Help -- charity -- what's the difference?   That's not the way I was raised.  Where I come from, it's the husband's responsibility to take care of his wife and family -- to provide for them.   I can't do that . . . I don't have any skills that would pay enough to support myself, let alone a wife and children.  I can't live the rest of my life relying on you and your family to support us."

                "Don't worry; I have no intention of supporting you for the rest of my life.  I'm sure that we can find something for you -- some kind of position that will earn a decent living.  My father's business is quite large -- I'm sure that we could arrange something."

                "It's still the same thing . . . I'd still have to rely on your family -- I don't want to do that -- I don't want to be indebted to your family for the rest of my life."  Folken shook his head again and turned away from Bethanne.  "I don't know . . . maybe Erich Roh was right . . . maybe I was wrong to ask Jin to marry me . . . I didn't think about the consequences . . . I didn't think about what marriage really meant . . . I didn't think about the future."  He turned back towards Jindra's aunt, "How can I ask her to leave everything that she knows and loves to run away with me into an uncertain future?"

                "Folken, you can't make that decision for Jindra -- it's not fair to her.  She loves you -- very deeply -- she understands what marrying you will mean.  She knows that the two of you will probably have to leave here, but at least give her the chance to make that decision for herself."

                "How can I ask her to do that?  Even if she goes with me, I know that deep down she'll regret it.  Then her regret will grow into resentment and that resentment will stay between us for the rest of our lives.  She won't ever be truly happy -- even though she'll try to deny it -- but it will always be there; and she'll always wonder if she did the right thing."

                Bethanne shook her head in frustration, "Nothing in life is certain, Folken; especially love.  But you can't spend all your time second guess everything -- sometimes you just have to jump in and see what happens.  You have to put your trust in Jindra -- in her love for you -- you have to let her make her own decision."

                Folken let out a long sigh and took a deep breath.  Bethanne could see the pain and confusion in his eyes and she thought that perhaps she was getting through to him.  It was several long minutes before the young man spoke again.  "I love Jin, more than anything -- even my own life.  The only thing I want is for her to be happy . . . but I know she'll never be happy with me.  She deserves so much more than I could ever hope to give her.  My whole life, I've brought nothing but pain and disappointment to those that I loved -- and-and I can't do that to her -- I'd die before I did that to her."  He blinked back tears and dropped his eyes to the ground.  "I'm sorry -- I'm sorry that I ever asked her to marry me . . ." he trailed off and shook his head.  "All my time in the tower and I still haven't learned to control my emotions . . ." his voice was a whisper, as if he were speaking only to himself.

                Bethanne felt the anger wash over her in a wave as she listened to Folken's words.  "Are you deaf?  Have you heard even one word that I've said?  I can't imagine what Jindra ever saw in you.  All I see is a chauvinistic, prideful man who thinks he knows what love is but really has no clue whatsoever.  Perhaps you had it correctly after all Folken, you are a coward -- and yes, my niece does deserve better than you."

                Bethanne's eyes were ice cold, and Folken inexplicably found himself growing angry at her words.  He opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted when a man's voice called out, "Beth?  Where are you?  We're ready to go."

                Jindra's aunt gave him one last disdainful look before she turned away, "Over here 'Turo -- I'm coming."

                Folken watched as a dark-haired man appeared and met Bethanne as she had turned away.   "Everyone else has already left -- the old man is gettin' antsy."  The man glanced in Folken's direction, "Who's your friend?"

                Bethanne shook her head, "Just someone I thought I knew; but it turns out he wasn't the man I thought he was after all."  Without a backward glance in Folken's direction, Bethanne took her brother's offered arm and retraced her steps back to their waiting carriage.

                Folken felt Bethanne's parting words like a slap across his face; and with tears brimming in his dark eyes once again, he turned and started walking.