Chapter 2: Darkness within? Light without?
Mai's POV: I cling to Joey, as he carefully carries me back to the campground. The other's are gone. I guess they want to keep my pride from being wounded. My pride is the only thing I have left, and even that has been battered pretty heavily. Joey sets me down gently and the softness of the moss and grass gets to me and I fall asleep, faintly aware of him holding my hand while I sleep.
My dreams are dark and scary. I'm back home again, in the home I haven't seen since I turned 18 6 years ago. From the smell of his breath I can tell that my father is drunk as he begins to fondle me. He fondles my breasts from under my shirt. "You're a whore just like your mother!" He yells. He doesn't rape me with his body. He just fondles me and grabs my hand and makes my hand pump his penis against my will. "You're a whore! You're a slut!" Suddenly his image is replaced by him the duelist without a name who raped me. He's thrusting into me breaking my barrier and it hurts it hurts so badly. I just want it to stop. I want this nightmare to be over. I scream and I cry like I couldn't while it was happening. Both times in my life I was powerless. The first time the memory was suppressed I don't know why I remember it now. I don't want to.
I'm aware now that my dream has stopped and Joey is holding me telling me that I'm safe. He holds me while I sob but who will save me from myself? I didn't realize I said that question out loud, but Joey whispers, "I will." I fall back asleep in his arms and this time I dream nothing.
Joey's POV:
I promise her that I will save her from herself. But after she falls asleep I allow my mind to doubt how can I save her? I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do. I wish I knew how to kiss it and make it better but I don't know how. I wish I could use the time wizard and turn back time. I'll just stay close to her in case she needs me. I won't push her and I will wait however long it takes for her to heal.
Feeling tired from the events of the day I move my sleeping bag close to hers so that I can be there just in case she needs me. I fall asleep.
Mai's POV:
I hate mornings I don't care how many birds are chirping or how brightly the sun is shining. Mornings suck. However I couldn't sleep anymore. I feel so dirty. I want a new body, one that isn't bruised, and covered in welts. I want a different layer of skin. My attention is drawn to a figure next to me, Joey slept next to me all night long, I look around further to discover that Yugi, Tristian, Bakura and Tea have all formed a protective circle around me. I actually have friends. Someone loves me. Tears form and stream down my cheeks. I feel humble and a little odd. I feel so vulnerable.
I stop crying as it dawns on me. They don't care. They just feel sorry for me. My pride tells me this. I make a decision. I'm scared to be alone but I don't want their pity. I can't stand their pity. I get up, and go back to the scene of the crime.
A scrap from my favorite jacket hangs on a bush. Suddenly I realize that I don't have my dueling cards or my glove. But it doesn't matter. I sink down to the ground and I weep. The tears keep coming and coming as I weep for me. I weep at the cruelty of it all. Life just isn't fair. What if this hadn't happened?
Joey's POV:
I wake up, and look around. Everyone's asleep but where is Mai. I call her name, but there is no answer. Fear clentches my gut. What if she tried to kill herself again. I run to the river but to my relief she isn't there. I begin to run around the island searching for her. Where is she? Why did she run away?
I come to where I found her the day before and I see her. She's on the ground weeping, my heart shatters at the sound. I run to her and embrace her, holding her while she weeps as tears fall down my cheeks too.
Finally, I ask her, "Mai why did you run away?"
Her violet eyes flash angrily at me as she says, "Because I don't want you or any of your friend's pity."
That hurts. I don't pity her. I'm angry that this happened but I'm just her friend. Her friend who loves her.
I respond, "We don't pity you. We're your friends and we are here for you. Or at least we're trying to be!"
Mai's POV:
His words echo in my mind, but I don't believe them. I smack him. "Leave me alone Joesph!" I shriek it, and I refuse to allow myself to be softened by his hurt gaze.
He sighs, "I can't do that Mai. Not after you tried to kill yourself. I love you."
"You can't love me." I would cry but I'm out, " I'm just a dirty rotten whore. I don't deserve your love and attention. "
Before he can say another word I run away.
TBC
Mai's POV: I cling to Joey, as he carefully carries me back to the campground. The other's are gone. I guess they want to keep my pride from being wounded. My pride is the only thing I have left, and even that has been battered pretty heavily. Joey sets me down gently and the softness of the moss and grass gets to me and I fall asleep, faintly aware of him holding my hand while I sleep.
My dreams are dark and scary. I'm back home again, in the home I haven't seen since I turned 18 6 years ago. From the smell of his breath I can tell that my father is drunk as he begins to fondle me. He fondles my breasts from under my shirt. "You're a whore just like your mother!" He yells. He doesn't rape me with his body. He just fondles me and grabs my hand and makes my hand pump his penis against my will. "You're a whore! You're a slut!" Suddenly his image is replaced by him the duelist without a name who raped me. He's thrusting into me breaking my barrier and it hurts it hurts so badly. I just want it to stop. I want this nightmare to be over. I scream and I cry like I couldn't while it was happening. Both times in my life I was powerless. The first time the memory was suppressed I don't know why I remember it now. I don't want to.
I'm aware now that my dream has stopped and Joey is holding me telling me that I'm safe. He holds me while I sob but who will save me from myself? I didn't realize I said that question out loud, but Joey whispers, "I will." I fall back asleep in his arms and this time I dream nothing.
Joey's POV:
I promise her that I will save her from herself. But after she falls asleep I allow my mind to doubt how can I save her? I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do. I wish I knew how to kiss it and make it better but I don't know how. I wish I could use the time wizard and turn back time. I'll just stay close to her in case she needs me. I won't push her and I will wait however long it takes for her to heal.
Feeling tired from the events of the day I move my sleeping bag close to hers so that I can be there just in case she needs me. I fall asleep.
Mai's POV:
I hate mornings I don't care how many birds are chirping or how brightly the sun is shining. Mornings suck. However I couldn't sleep anymore. I feel so dirty. I want a new body, one that isn't bruised, and covered in welts. I want a different layer of skin. My attention is drawn to a figure next to me, Joey slept next to me all night long, I look around further to discover that Yugi, Tristian, Bakura and Tea have all formed a protective circle around me. I actually have friends. Someone loves me. Tears form and stream down my cheeks. I feel humble and a little odd. I feel so vulnerable.
I stop crying as it dawns on me. They don't care. They just feel sorry for me. My pride tells me this. I make a decision. I'm scared to be alone but I don't want their pity. I can't stand their pity. I get up, and go back to the scene of the crime.
A scrap from my favorite jacket hangs on a bush. Suddenly I realize that I don't have my dueling cards or my glove. But it doesn't matter. I sink down to the ground and I weep. The tears keep coming and coming as I weep for me. I weep at the cruelty of it all. Life just isn't fair. What if this hadn't happened?
Joey's POV:
I wake up, and look around. Everyone's asleep but where is Mai. I call her name, but there is no answer. Fear clentches my gut. What if she tried to kill herself again. I run to the river but to my relief she isn't there. I begin to run around the island searching for her. Where is she? Why did she run away?
I come to where I found her the day before and I see her. She's on the ground weeping, my heart shatters at the sound. I run to her and embrace her, holding her while she weeps as tears fall down my cheeks too.
Finally, I ask her, "Mai why did you run away?"
Her violet eyes flash angrily at me as she says, "Because I don't want you or any of your friend's pity."
That hurts. I don't pity her. I'm angry that this happened but I'm just her friend. Her friend who loves her.
I respond, "We don't pity you. We're your friends and we are here for you. Or at least we're trying to be!"
Mai's POV:
His words echo in my mind, but I don't believe them. I smack him. "Leave me alone Joesph!" I shriek it, and I refuse to allow myself to be softened by his hurt gaze.
He sighs, "I can't do that Mai. Not after you tried to kill yourself. I love you."
"You can't love me." I would cry but I'm out, " I'm just a dirty rotten whore. I don't deserve your love and attention. "
Before he can say another word I run away.
TBC