Disclaimer: stuff no belong to me, except plots and personas. There's no
way TP is "touched" enough to make her chara behave in such an unseemly
manner.
~~~~~
Chapter three: It's Mynoss
(AN: thank you to Hello, I'm Emily for pointing out my spelling error. If it was not for you, I would still be referring to one of the great gods by the same name as the mythological Greek king whose airhead wife had an affair with a cow.)
Midnight, and all's well. (I've always wanted to say that.)
Well, perhaps not all.
Three Shadowy Figures(tm) huddled in a Shady Corner (not tm), discussing in quite quiet (try saying that ten times fast) voices.
"Where is she? I don't like this" asked one.
"I don't know, Raoul," hissed the other. "She should be here by now."
The third looked around nervously.
"What if she got lost? Or worse, what if she didn't make it?"
"Of course she'll make it," the second reassured, although he didn't sound so reassured himself. "She's the champion of the Goddess. Stop worrying, George."
"Jon, that doesn't necessarily mean she'll make it," George insisted. Behind him, there was a soft, wet popping noise as a large mass was sucked through the ground. "I'm not sure they'll... Hey, where'd Raoul go?"
"I don't know. Raoul? Raoul?"
"Ra... AAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Dun dun duuuuuuum.....
~~~~
"Bailiff, if you will please swear in the defendant," wheezed the judge.
"Put your hand on the holy Elbib, and repeat after me," instructed the hooded bailiff flatly. Alanna looked at him (her?) warily and put her hand on the Elbib.
"I, Alanna the Lioness of Trebond, Olau, and Pirate's Swoop, swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me Mithros, Goddess, Black god, Gainel lord of dreams, Shakith..."
Half an hour later...
"...and Oozulsplat master of phlegm."
"...and Oozulsplat...master...of phlegm," wheezed Alanna, quite out of breath. The bailiff had made her name all some hundred-forty-something gods that she knew, as well as many she didn't (she certainly had never heard of a master of phlegm, let alone one with a name as bizarre as Oozulsplat). The man had the memory of Numair.
"Now," mumbled the judge, "Let us proceed. ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION TO ME?!!???"
Alanna jumped a foot in the air as the judge went from whisper to yell in two picoseconds flat.
"I didn't think so," the judge confirmed, reverting to mumble-mode. "Anyway. Scales, please."
A minor spirit bobbed into sight, somehow carrying a pair of scales (which had, I repeat HAD been invented, for once!) about twenty times its size, and at least twenty thousand times its mass. The judge snatched the gleaming object away and set it on the dais, trying to zero it as the large, golden pans swung wildly.
"Now. Let us begin," monotone-d the judge. A pair of minor sprites appeared, dragging a large burlap sack behind them. As they dropped it next to the scales, a few round objects spilled out.
"What the heck is that?" asked Alanna, staring. It looked as though the bag contained nothing but marbles.
"Your faults and..." began the judge, before looking more closely at the marbles. "...Oh, no, wait. These are nothing but the Thief God's marbles. SPRITES!!"
The bag was whisked away and replaced by a different, exactly identical bag.
"Here we are. Now. Let's see." He pulled a single marble out of the bag. "This one is...hm. Childhood, repeatedly dunking your brother in the..."
"DADDY!" wailed a familiar voice as Duke Roger popped out of nowhere from behind the judge and hugging him around the head. "WE'VE MISSED YOU SO! WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER WRITE? MOMMY DIED OF A HERNIA LAST YEAR WHEN SHE HEARD ABOUT YOUR AFFAIR WITH THE PAPER PLATE!"
"AAAAAAAUUUGH!" screamed the judge calmly, stomping Roger into the ground, where he stayed. After making sure of this, the judge cleared his throat and resumed, as though nothing had happened. "...lake after he vexed you for various reasons, including blowing up your favorite teddy bear when you were four."
One of the sprites rose in the air, about to speak, when...
"WAAAAIIIIT!"
...a yell rang through the courtroom, causing the judge to trip and accidentally fling the marble across the room, where it ker-PLINNNG-d itself off a suit of armor, ricocheted off of the opening door, and buried itself in his forehead.
"WHAT IS IT THIS TIME!!!????" roared the judge, turning a startling shade of magenta (which would have been quite pretty anywhere else, and complemented the teal-blue shade of the marble nicely) as Thom burst through the door, panting heavily.
"Their supreme h-holy-nesses, the Mother G-Goddess and Mithros, the S-Sun God," panted Thom, holding the big, BIG, shiny, SHINY, heavy, HEAVY door open. The pair waltzed through and sat themselves down next to Alanna, who blinked profusely as Thom quietly sat down on her other side.
"Hello, dear brother Mynoss," chirped the Mother Goddess, waving enthusiastically and nearly hitting Mithros on the head. "How is your job going?"
"Horribly," snapped Mynoss, still in a flat mumble (if that's possible, which he made it so anyway), furiously shuffling a stack of papers. "You could have come later!"
"Oh, but I don't want to miss my dear widdle baby's trial, iddn't that right?" she asked in a baby voice, pinching Alanna's cheeks. The Lioness, having NEVER seen this side of her patroness before, stared openly.
Mithros elbowed the Mother Goddess (whom, due to my laziness, we shall from hereon refer to as MG).
"Stop that!" he hissed.
"Oh, foo," raspberry-d the MG, but stopping anyway.
"May I please PROCEED NOW!!!???" Mynoss roared, eyes bulging.
"Scary," muttered Alanna.
"Sprites," prompted Mynoss, now completely calm again. He plucked the marble out of his forehead and held it in his hand.
"Fault!" insisted one (whom we shall call Bob), bobbing in the air.
"Unimportant!" squeaked the other (whom we shall call Joe). "She was defending herself!"
"Fault!" cried the third (whom we shall call Tithonus). "She was not justified in the punishment!"
Mynoss dropped the marble in the appropriate dish of the scale, which tilted slightly to the "fault" side. He then picked up another marble.
"Healing many people, in hopes of amending the deaths of those she killed."
"Virtue!" insisted Bob.
"Fault!" squeaked Joe. "Some of the people she healed later went on to disrupt the Order!"
"Virtue!" cried Tithonus. "She didn't know what would happen to her patients, and therefore was not discriminating in her aid!"
This time, the balance tipped heavily towards Virtue.
And so on....
....
"Horrible temper throughout her lifetime," Mynoss announced, squinting at the marble.
"Fault!" insisted Bob.
"Fault!" squeaked Joe.
"Fault!" cried Tithonus.
Mynoss dropped the marble in the large pile on the left (which mirrored the equally large pile on the right).
THONK!
"Uh-oh," muttered Alanna.
"Don't worry," Thom assured her cheerfully. "Everyone's got some great vice like that."
...
"Killing Duke Roger!" announced Mynoss, holding the marble up above the two towering piles of marbles.
"Virtue!" insisted Bob.
"Fault!" squeaked Joe. "She landed US with the nuisance!"
"Virtue!" cried Tithonus. "She rid the world of an evil that is now in the custody of her brother, and therefore mostly in check!"
"Objection!" cried Roger, popping up from the ground.
"What IS IT now?" demanded/mumbled/yelled Mynoss, spinning around to glare at the Duke.
"YOUR BEDSHEETS ARE PINK!!!!" Roger announced to the world, giggling profusely. The divine judge got a hernia and died. And popped right back up. (AN: what exactly is a hernia?)
"I HEREBY PLACE YOU IN CONTEMPT OF COURT! BAILIFF!"
"NO!" cried Duke Roger as the bailiff dragged him forcibly away. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! NO! NOOOOO! I - Delia?"
There was an awkward (hm, such an awkward word) silence as Roger pulled down Delia's hood and stared.
"Hi," Delia greeted unenthusiastically, glowering.
"Why! I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been doing? Oh, by the way, your friend the banana slug has missed you!" Roger chirruped, dropping a huge slug in Delia's fluffy, pretty hair.
"EEEEEEK! GETTITOFF! GETTITOFF!" screeched Delia, dropping Roger and running first in a few panicked circles around the room, then through the big, BIG, shiny, SHINY, heavy, HEAVY door without opening it. The Delia- shaped hole in the door hesitated for a moment before closing with a "thhhhk" sound.
"Ooooooooo," giggled Roger, as Thom grabbed him by the ear and sat the duke down next to himself.
...
"Now," monotone-d Mynoss. "Does anyone wish to testify?"
"I don't, but I will," Mithros replied, glaring around at everyone as if to say 'Don't argue. If you do, I might not go through with this.' "She died in battle. I don't like her, being one of my idiot sister/consort's (AN: !!!???) little pet warriors."
"Yay!" MG giggled, clapping her hands as Mithros dropped a little yellow ball to the scale, zeroing it perfectly.
"And I would like to, too," MG added, popping a green ball into the scale. "For faithful service to me for so long."
_Did someone call?_ yowled a black cat with amethyst eyes, hopping onto the dais.
"No, actually," Mynoss replied. "So would you PLEASE GETOFF OF MY DAIS!!??"
_Hmf. Fine, Mr. Territorial,_ sniffed Faithful, hopping off of the said piece of furniture... but not before flicking his tail in Mynoss' general direction in a rude gesture.
"Alright. You made it. Barely."
_C'mon,_ Faithful beckoned, hopping off of Alanna's lap. _I'll show you the ropes. It's party time!_
~~~~
Thank you to all my reviewers, especially those who, along with my RL friends, gave me suggestions and ideas (though I may not have used them the way you wanted me to...), and to my sybil-syndromed mother, who inadvertently provided me with the personas of both the Mother Goddess and Mynoss.
And to my readers... R/R! PLEASE!!!
~~~~~
Chapter three: It's Mynoss
(AN: thank you to Hello, I'm Emily for pointing out my spelling error. If it was not for you, I would still be referring to one of the great gods by the same name as the mythological Greek king whose airhead wife had an affair with a cow.)
Midnight, and all's well. (I've always wanted to say that.)
Well, perhaps not all.
Three Shadowy Figures(tm) huddled in a Shady Corner (not tm), discussing in quite quiet (try saying that ten times fast) voices.
"Where is she? I don't like this" asked one.
"I don't know, Raoul," hissed the other. "She should be here by now."
The third looked around nervously.
"What if she got lost? Or worse, what if she didn't make it?"
"Of course she'll make it," the second reassured, although he didn't sound so reassured himself. "She's the champion of the Goddess. Stop worrying, George."
"Jon, that doesn't necessarily mean she'll make it," George insisted. Behind him, there was a soft, wet popping noise as a large mass was sucked through the ground. "I'm not sure they'll... Hey, where'd Raoul go?"
"I don't know. Raoul? Raoul?"
"Ra... AAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Dun dun duuuuuuum.....
~~~~
"Bailiff, if you will please swear in the defendant," wheezed the judge.
"Put your hand on the holy Elbib, and repeat after me," instructed the hooded bailiff flatly. Alanna looked at him (her?) warily and put her hand on the Elbib.
"I, Alanna the Lioness of Trebond, Olau, and Pirate's Swoop, swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me Mithros, Goddess, Black god, Gainel lord of dreams, Shakith..."
Half an hour later...
"...and Oozulsplat master of phlegm."
"...and Oozulsplat...master...of phlegm," wheezed Alanna, quite out of breath. The bailiff had made her name all some hundred-forty-something gods that she knew, as well as many she didn't (she certainly had never heard of a master of phlegm, let alone one with a name as bizarre as Oozulsplat). The man had the memory of Numair.
"Now," mumbled the judge, "Let us proceed. ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION TO ME?!!???"
Alanna jumped a foot in the air as the judge went from whisper to yell in two picoseconds flat.
"I didn't think so," the judge confirmed, reverting to mumble-mode. "Anyway. Scales, please."
A minor spirit bobbed into sight, somehow carrying a pair of scales (which had, I repeat HAD been invented, for once!) about twenty times its size, and at least twenty thousand times its mass. The judge snatched the gleaming object away and set it on the dais, trying to zero it as the large, golden pans swung wildly.
"Now. Let us begin," monotone-d the judge. A pair of minor sprites appeared, dragging a large burlap sack behind them. As they dropped it next to the scales, a few round objects spilled out.
"What the heck is that?" asked Alanna, staring. It looked as though the bag contained nothing but marbles.
"Your faults and..." began the judge, before looking more closely at the marbles. "...Oh, no, wait. These are nothing but the Thief God's marbles. SPRITES!!"
The bag was whisked away and replaced by a different, exactly identical bag.
"Here we are. Now. Let's see." He pulled a single marble out of the bag. "This one is...hm. Childhood, repeatedly dunking your brother in the..."
"DADDY!" wailed a familiar voice as Duke Roger popped out of nowhere from behind the judge and hugging him around the head. "WE'VE MISSED YOU SO! WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER WRITE? MOMMY DIED OF A HERNIA LAST YEAR WHEN SHE HEARD ABOUT YOUR AFFAIR WITH THE PAPER PLATE!"
"AAAAAAAUUUGH!" screamed the judge calmly, stomping Roger into the ground, where he stayed. After making sure of this, the judge cleared his throat and resumed, as though nothing had happened. "...lake after he vexed you for various reasons, including blowing up your favorite teddy bear when you were four."
One of the sprites rose in the air, about to speak, when...
"WAAAAIIIIT!"
...a yell rang through the courtroom, causing the judge to trip and accidentally fling the marble across the room, where it ker-PLINNNG-d itself off a suit of armor, ricocheted off of the opening door, and buried itself in his forehead.
"WHAT IS IT THIS TIME!!!????" roared the judge, turning a startling shade of magenta (which would have been quite pretty anywhere else, and complemented the teal-blue shade of the marble nicely) as Thom burst through the door, panting heavily.
"Their supreme h-holy-nesses, the Mother G-Goddess and Mithros, the S-Sun God," panted Thom, holding the big, BIG, shiny, SHINY, heavy, HEAVY door open. The pair waltzed through and sat themselves down next to Alanna, who blinked profusely as Thom quietly sat down on her other side.
"Hello, dear brother Mynoss," chirped the Mother Goddess, waving enthusiastically and nearly hitting Mithros on the head. "How is your job going?"
"Horribly," snapped Mynoss, still in a flat mumble (if that's possible, which he made it so anyway), furiously shuffling a stack of papers. "You could have come later!"
"Oh, but I don't want to miss my dear widdle baby's trial, iddn't that right?" she asked in a baby voice, pinching Alanna's cheeks. The Lioness, having NEVER seen this side of her patroness before, stared openly.
Mithros elbowed the Mother Goddess (whom, due to my laziness, we shall from hereon refer to as MG).
"Stop that!" he hissed.
"Oh, foo," raspberry-d the MG, but stopping anyway.
"May I please PROCEED NOW!!!???" Mynoss roared, eyes bulging.
"Scary," muttered Alanna.
"Sprites," prompted Mynoss, now completely calm again. He plucked the marble out of his forehead and held it in his hand.
"Fault!" insisted one (whom we shall call Bob), bobbing in the air.
"Unimportant!" squeaked the other (whom we shall call Joe). "She was defending herself!"
"Fault!" cried the third (whom we shall call Tithonus). "She was not justified in the punishment!"
Mynoss dropped the marble in the appropriate dish of the scale, which tilted slightly to the "fault" side. He then picked up another marble.
"Healing many people, in hopes of amending the deaths of those she killed."
"Virtue!" insisted Bob.
"Fault!" squeaked Joe. "Some of the people she healed later went on to disrupt the Order!"
"Virtue!" cried Tithonus. "She didn't know what would happen to her patients, and therefore was not discriminating in her aid!"
This time, the balance tipped heavily towards Virtue.
And so on....
....
"Horrible temper throughout her lifetime," Mynoss announced, squinting at the marble.
"Fault!" insisted Bob.
"Fault!" squeaked Joe.
"Fault!" cried Tithonus.
Mynoss dropped the marble in the large pile on the left (which mirrored the equally large pile on the right).
THONK!
"Uh-oh," muttered Alanna.
"Don't worry," Thom assured her cheerfully. "Everyone's got some great vice like that."
...
"Killing Duke Roger!" announced Mynoss, holding the marble up above the two towering piles of marbles.
"Virtue!" insisted Bob.
"Fault!" squeaked Joe. "She landed US with the nuisance!"
"Virtue!" cried Tithonus. "She rid the world of an evil that is now in the custody of her brother, and therefore mostly in check!"
"Objection!" cried Roger, popping up from the ground.
"What IS IT now?" demanded/mumbled/yelled Mynoss, spinning around to glare at the Duke.
"YOUR BEDSHEETS ARE PINK!!!!" Roger announced to the world, giggling profusely. The divine judge got a hernia and died. And popped right back up. (AN: what exactly is a hernia?)
"I HEREBY PLACE YOU IN CONTEMPT OF COURT! BAILIFF!"
"NO!" cried Duke Roger as the bailiff dragged him forcibly away. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! NO! NOOOOO! I - Delia?"
There was an awkward (hm, such an awkward word) silence as Roger pulled down Delia's hood and stared.
"Hi," Delia greeted unenthusiastically, glowering.
"Why! I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been doing? Oh, by the way, your friend the banana slug has missed you!" Roger chirruped, dropping a huge slug in Delia's fluffy, pretty hair.
"EEEEEEK! GETTITOFF! GETTITOFF!" screeched Delia, dropping Roger and running first in a few panicked circles around the room, then through the big, BIG, shiny, SHINY, heavy, HEAVY door without opening it. The Delia- shaped hole in the door hesitated for a moment before closing with a "thhhhk" sound.
"Ooooooooo," giggled Roger, as Thom grabbed him by the ear and sat the duke down next to himself.
...
"Now," monotone-d Mynoss. "Does anyone wish to testify?"
"I don't, but I will," Mithros replied, glaring around at everyone as if to say 'Don't argue. If you do, I might not go through with this.' "She died in battle. I don't like her, being one of my idiot sister/consort's (AN: !!!???) little pet warriors."
"Yay!" MG giggled, clapping her hands as Mithros dropped a little yellow ball to the scale, zeroing it perfectly.
"And I would like to, too," MG added, popping a green ball into the scale. "For faithful service to me for so long."
_Did someone call?_ yowled a black cat with amethyst eyes, hopping onto the dais.
"No, actually," Mynoss replied. "So would you PLEASE GETOFF OF MY DAIS!!??"
_Hmf. Fine, Mr. Territorial,_ sniffed Faithful, hopping off of the said piece of furniture... but not before flicking his tail in Mynoss' general direction in a rude gesture.
"Alright. You made it. Barely."
_C'mon,_ Faithful beckoned, hopping off of Alanna's lap. _I'll show you the ropes. It's party time!_
~~~~
Thank you to all my reviewers, especially those who, along with my RL friends, gave me suggestions and ideas (though I may not have used them the way you wanted me to...), and to my sybil-syndromed mother, who inadvertently provided me with the personas of both the Mother Goddess and Mynoss.
And to my readers... R/R! PLEASE!!!