Disclaimer: I own nothing. La dee da. Except what I do own. La dee da.
Part Six: One Last Stunt to Pull
Roald of Conté fell to his knees, the pile o' rubble that used to be Corus smoking icky-ly around him.
"Oh WOE is me!" cried Roald piteously, the very picture of drama. "Hath fair Corus truly fallen to these knaves?/ Shall all that my father strove to build/ Turn to dust, and be for naught?/ Then what, foresooth, is hope for life?"
The prince drew his dagger, which gleamed ominously in the post-apocalyptic sun.
"If I could take this blade of mine,/ Keen and true as the cries of the dead,/ And PIERCE my heart to end my strife/ Know, oh GODS, I would!!"
He lifted it high above his head; the sun SHONE upon its purposeful path... which landed in the dirt, buried up to the hilt.
"But nay, as heir and soon as King,/ I MUST survive, to lead the folk!/ Oh father, may thy anguished soul/ Be, by this dagger, soon avenged!"
Roald doubled over, shaking with grief.
"FATHER!!!!!"
Meanwhile...
*the "camera" scans downwards, THROUGH the ground, THROUGH the crust, THROUGH the mantle, THROUGH the outer core, THROUGH the inner core, THROUGH the outer core, THROUGH the mantle, THROUGH the oceanic crust... to come out facing the Wave Walker playing poker with a rather ugly-looking anglerfish*
"What are YOU people doing here?" asked the Wave Walker asked, before the anglerfish swallows the camera.
...oops. There goes some five gazillion dollars...
Anyway...
Thanks to modern technology (and a nice little something called a SPARE), we are able to cut to the Land of the Dead, where the Black God has just begun to sing the end theme!! (Authoress grabs a bag of popcorn and plops down to enjoy the massa- um, show.)
Black God: *slow and deep, like a funeral dirge* A long, long time ago I can still remember how that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while.
(Thom: *cringe* he needs to take voice lessons...)
Alanna: But February made me shiver
With every paper I delivered,
(Roger: Muahaha! *repeatedly whacks Jon, Alanna, George, and Thayet on the head with a newspaper with the help of his new followers... and gets pounded into the ground by Thayet and Alanna*) Alanna: *still pounding Roger* Bad news on the door step,
I couldn't take one more step,
Neal: I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride (Yuki: hint, HINT, my dear)
Neal: *edging away* But something touched me deep inside,
The day the music died.
So...
All: Bye, bye Miss American Pie (Jon: What's American? Thayet: Say CORUSIAN!!)
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry (Mithros and MG dance in in a cardboard Chevy)
Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n' rye
Singin' this will be the day that I die. (Thayet and Alanna, STILL pounding Roger into the ground: DIE, DIE, DIE!!! )
This will be the day that I die.
Thom: Did you write the book of love
(Roger: *escaping Thayet and Alanna* why, actually, yes, I did! *waggles eyebrows *) And do you have faith in God above, (Goddess: It's GodDESS! How many times do I have to tell you people that!!?!!!???)
If the bible tells you so. (Mithros: What's "bible?" others: shrug)
And do you believe in rock 'n' roll?
Can music save your mortal soul? (Faithful: la LAAAAAA la LAAA!!!)
And can you teach me how to dance real slow? (Roger: *grabs Jon about the waist, both somehow suddenly wearing flapper outfits* Dance with me, my darling! Promise me we'll dance forever! Smurfs: *follow Roger's example*)
Thayet: Well I know that you're in love with him
Cuz I saw you dancin' in the gym. (Jon: NO! NO YOU DIDN'T!!! AAUGH, LET GO OF ME, YOU PERV! Roger: OOHOOUAHAHAHAHA! *reels around in a wild jig.Jon in tow, smurfs behind*)
You both kicked off your shoes (Jon: GIVE THOSE BACK!! Smurfs: *run off with shoes*)
And I dig those rhythm and blues.
Gareth the Elder: I was a lonely teenage bronkin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pick up truck (Alanna: actually, it was a pink bathrobe Thom: A carnation is a flower, oh wise one!)
But I knew I was out of luck,
The day the music died. (Roger: *WHONK* Hum dee dum dee da. *drags away dead body*)
I started singin'...
All: Bye, bye Miss American Pie (Thayet: CORUSIAN!! Roger: *flushing a piece of pie down the toilet* Bye-bye!)
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n' rye
Singin' this will be the day that I die.
(Alanna: *beating up on Thom* DIE, DIE, DIE!!!!!) This will be the day that I die.
Kel: Now for ten years we've been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin' stone (Owen gets beaned by a mossy, rolling stone)
But that's not how it used to be,
When the jester sang for the king and queen (Roger: *in Jon and Thayet's ears* YODELLAY-YODELLAY-YODELLAY-HEE- HOOO!)
In a coat he borrowed from James Dean (Thayet: *attempts to strangle Roger with a red coat*)
And a voice that came from you and me.
Thom: Oh and while the king was looking down, (Jon: *looks down*)
The jester stole his thorny crown (Roger: Mine, mine, MINE!!!! NYAHAHA! Jon: HEY! GIMME THAT! *gets swarmed by smurfs*)
The courtroom was adjourned;
No verdict was returned. (Mynoss: WHAT!!?? *shuffles through a mountain of papers* I'LL see that that... *muttermuttermutter*)
Raoul: And while Lennon read a book on Marx,
The quartet practiced in the park (The four SOTL books danced a little jig Alanna: *Stare* I did NOT just see my life's history waltz by...)
And we sang dirges in the dark, (Black God: Fa la-la la LAAAAA.)
The day the music died. (Books: GAK! *fall over and die*)
We were singin'...
All: Bye, bye Miss American Pie (Thayet: CORUSIAN!!!!)
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry (Roger: *dumps all the water he stole from the levee on Alanna* And that's why!)
Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n' rye
Singin' this will be the day that I die. (Alanna: DIE, DIE, DIE!)
This will be the day that I die.
Numair: Helter Skelter in a summer swelter
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter, (Daine: WAIT FOR MEEEEEE!!!) Eight miles high and fallin' fast.
(*Crown and her groupies fall in Kel's lap* Kel: Huh? I thought only humans were allowed here!)
It landed foul on the grass.
The players tried for a forward pass
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast. (Roger: Now, now, Alanna, I know you love me, but you don't have to be so forward about it! Alanna: *WHONK* Pervert.)
Daine: Now the half-time air was sweet perfume (Delia: *sprays perfume all over the place*; Others: *cough, cough, gag, hack*)
While the sergeants played a marching tune. (Dom: *on a trumpet* BLATTT! Raoul: *digs pinky in ear, trying to regain his hearing*)
We all got up to dance
Oh but we never got the chance. (Roger: WHAT? No dancing? *sniffle* *gets comforted by a bunch of suck-uppy smurfs)
Neal: As the players tried to take the field
The marching band refused to yield. (Evin Larse: GET OUTTA MY WAY!)
Do you recall what was revealed, (Roger: I can reveal... Others: NO!)
the day the music died?
We started singin'...
All: Bye, bye Miss American Pie (Roger and smurfs: *launch pies in everyone's faces with giant salad-tosser Thayet: CORU-MFFMMHFFM!! *chokes on pie cream*)
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n' rye (Coram: Bottoms up!)
Singin' this will be the day that I die. (Thayet: *wiping cream off of face while stomping blindly on Roger and smurfs* DIE, DIE, DIE!)
This will be the day that I die.
Owen: Oh and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space (Roger: *bounces around in a space suit with while Thom tries desperately to catch him* Smurfs: *also bounce around in space suits, though ignored by Thom*)
With no time left to start again.
So come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.
Jack Flash sat on a candle stick (Candle stick: Ouch!)
Because fire is the devils only friend. (Roger: *sets Jon's hair on fire*)
Alanna: Oh and as I watched him on the stage, (Roger: *dances around nimbly as Jon chases him around with his sword drawn*)
My hands were clinched in fists of rage,
No angel born in hell
Could break that Satan's spell. (Jon: *stepping on Roger's back, waving sword dramatically* But you betcha _I_ can! *gets clobbered by smurfs*)
Daine: And as the flames climbed high into the night (Cloud: DIE, you stupid raiders!*stomp*)
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Satan laughing with delight, (Roger: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!)
The day, the music, died.
He was singin'...
All: Bye, bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry (Owen: *dives into the levee, only to crack his skull on the dry bed* Ouch! I'M OKAY!!!)
Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n' rye (Roger: *tries to force an entire bottle of whiskey (including the bottle) down Daine's throat*)
Singin' this will be the day that I die. (Daine: DIE, DIE, DIE!)
This will be the day that I die.
Dom: I met a girl who sang the blues (Kel: I've got the BLUEEES for YOOUUUU)
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away. (Kel: hmph!)
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before
But the man there said the music wouldn't play. (Raoul: Nope. No music here. Nossir.)
Kel: And in the streets the children screamed, (Lalasa: EEEEK! EEEEK! EE-oh, wait, it was children. Never mind!)
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed. (Neal: SNOOOOORE Yuki: *jabs Neal in the ribs* wake up. You're no poet.)
But not a word was spoken,
The church bells all were broken. (Roger: *smashing church bells* MUAHAHA!)
Si-cham: And the three men I admire most, (Roger, Me, Myself, and IIIIIIIII!!! Thom: *WHONK!* Yeah, sure)
The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast, (Train: CHOO CHOOOOOO!)
The day, the music, died.
And they were singin'...
Roger: Bye, bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry (Smurfs: *scream fangirlishly*) Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n' rye
Singin' this will be the day that I die.
This will be the day that I die. (Alanna: OMIGOD...DESS! ROGER CAN SING! Tammy: *shrug* well, what did you expect? I DID write him to have the most musical voice you'd ever heard in a man...)
All: They were singin'... Bye, bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n' rye
Singin' this will be the day that I die. (Faithful: so merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! Alanna: It's not Christmas. Kel: What's Christmas?)
~~~~
Okay, now it's the end.
(The song, Bye, Bye Miss American Pie (but not the comments) belongs to Don McLean.)
Part Six: One Last Stunt to Pull
Roald of Conté fell to his knees, the pile o' rubble that used to be Corus smoking icky-ly around him.
"Oh WOE is me!" cried Roald piteously, the very picture of drama. "Hath fair Corus truly fallen to these knaves?/ Shall all that my father strove to build/ Turn to dust, and be for naught?/ Then what, foresooth, is hope for life?"
The prince drew his dagger, which gleamed ominously in the post-apocalyptic sun.
"If I could take this blade of mine,/ Keen and true as the cries of the dead,/ And PIERCE my heart to end my strife/ Know, oh GODS, I would!!"
He lifted it high above his head; the sun SHONE upon its purposeful path... which landed in the dirt, buried up to the hilt.
"But nay, as heir and soon as King,/ I MUST survive, to lead the folk!/ Oh father, may thy anguished soul/ Be, by this dagger, soon avenged!"
Roald doubled over, shaking with grief.
"FATHER!!!!!"
Meanwhile...
*the "camera" scans downwards, THROUGH the ground, THROUGH the crust, THROUGH the mantle, THROUGH the outer core, THROUGH the inner core, THROUGH the outer core, THROUGH the mantle, THROUGH the oceanic crust... to come out facing the Wave Walker playing poker with a rather ugly-looking anglerfish*
"What are YOU people doing here?" asked the Wave Walker asked, before the anglerfish swallows the camera.
...oops. There goes some five gazillion dollars...
Anyway...
Thanks to modern technology (and a nice little something called a SPARE), we are able to cut to the Land of the Dead, where the Black God has just begun to sing the end theme!! (Authoress grabs a bag of popcorn and plops down to enjoy the massa- um, show.)
Black God: *slow and deep, like a funeral dirge* A long, long time ago I can still remember how that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while.
(Thom: *cringe* he needs to take voice lessons...)
Alanna: But February made me shiver
With every paper I delivered,
(Roger: Muahaha! *repeatedly whacks Jon, Alanna, George, and Thayet on the head with a newspaper with the help of his new followers... and gets pounded into the ground by Thayet and Alanna*) Alanna: *still pounding Roger* Bad news on the door step,
I couldn't take one more step,
Neal: I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride (Yuki: hint, HINT, my dear)
Neal: *edging away* But something touched me deep inside,
The day the music died.
So...
All: Bye, bye Miss American Pie (Jon: What's American? Thayet: Say CORUSIAN!!)
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry (Mithros and MG dance in in a cardboard Chevy)
Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n' rye
Singin' this will be the day that I die. (Thayet and Alanna, STILL pounding Roger into the ground: DIE, DIE, DIE!!! )
This will be the day that I die.
Thom: Did you write the book of love
(Roger: *escaping Thayet and Alanna* why, actually, yes, I did! *waggles eyebrows *) And do you have faith in God above, (Goddess: It's GodDESS! How many times do I have to tell you people that!!?!!!???)
If the bible tells you so. (Mithros: What's "bible?" others: shrug)
And do you believe in rock 'n' roll?
Can music save your mortal soul? (Faithful: la LAAAAAA la LAAA!!!)
And can you teach me how to dance real slow? (Roger: *grabs Jon about the waist, both somehow suddenly wearing flapper outfits* Dance with me, my darling! Promise me we'll dance forever! Smurfs: *follow Roger's example*)
Thayet: Well I know that you're in love with him
Cuz I saw you dancin' in the gym. (Jon: NO! NO YOU DIDN'T!!! AAUGH, LET GO OF ME, YOU PERV! Roger: OOHOOUAHAHAHAHA! *reels around in a wild jig.Jon in tow, smurfs behind*)
You both kicked off your shoes (Jon: GIVE THOSE BACK!! Smurfs: *run off with shoes*)
And I dig those rhythm and blues.
Gareth the Elder: I was a lonely teenage bronkin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pick up truck (Alanna: actually, it was a pink bathrobe Thom: A carnation is a flower, oh wise one!)
But I knew I was out of luck,
The day the music died. (Roger: *WHONK* Hum dee dum dee da. *drags away dead body*)
I started singin'...
All: Bye, bye Miss American Pie (Thayet: CORUSIAN!! Roger: *flushing a piece of pie down the toilet* Bye-bye!)
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n' rye
Singin' this will be the day that I die.
(Alanna: *beating up on Thom* DIE, DIE, DIE!!!!!) This will be the day that I die.
Kel: Now for ten years we've been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin' stone (Owen gets beaned by a mossy, rolling stone)
But that's not how it used to be,
When the jester sang for the king and queen (Roger: *in Jon and Thayet's ears* YODELLAY-YODELLAY-YODELLAY-HEE- HOOO!)
In a coat he borrowed from James Dean (Thayet: *attempts to strangle Roger with a red coat*)
And a voice that came from you and me.
Thom: Oh and while the king was looking down, (Jon: *looks down*)
The jester stole his thorny crown (Roger: Mine, mine, MINE!!!! NYAHAHA! Jon: HEY! GIMME THAT! *gets swarmed by smurfs*)
The courtroom was adjourned;
No verdict was returned. (Mynoss: WHAT!!?? *shuffles through a mountain of papers* I'LL see that that... *muttermuttermutter*)
Raoul: And while Lennon read a book on Marx,
The quartet practiced in the park (The four SOTL books danced a little jig Alanna: *Stare* I did NOT just see my life's history waltz by...)
And we sang dirges in the dark, (Black God: Fa la-la la LAAAAA.)
The day the music died. (Books: GAK! *fall over and die*)
We were singin'...
All: Bye, bye Miss American Pie (Thayet: CORUSIAN!!!!)
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry (Roger: *dumps all the water he stole from the levee on Alanna* And that's why!)
Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n' rye
Singin' this will be the day that I die. (Alanna: DIE, DIE, DIE!)
This will be the day that I die.
Numair: Helter Skelter in a summer swelter
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter, (Daine: WAIT FOR MEEEEEE!!!) Eight miles high and fallin' fast.
(*Crown and her groupies fall in Kel's lap* Kel: Huh? I thought only humans were allowed here!)
It landed foul on the grass.
The players tried for a forward pass
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast. (Roger: Now, now, Alanna, I know you love me, but you don't have to be so forward about it! Alanna: *WHONK* Pervert.)
Daine: Now the half-time air was sweet perfume (Delia: *sprays perfume all over the place*; Others: *cough, cough, gag, hack*)
While the sergeants played a marching tune. (Dom: *on a trumpet* BLATTT! Raoul: *digs pinky in ear, trying to regain his hearing*)
We all got up to dance
Oh but we never got the chance. (Roger: WHAT? No dancing? *sniffle* *gets comforted by a bunch of suck-uppy smurfs)
Neal: As the players tried to take the field
The marching band refused to yield. (Evin Larse: GET OUTTA MY WAY!)
Do you recall what was revealed, (Roger: I can reveal... Others: NO!)
the day the music died?
We started singin'...
All: Bye, bye Miss American Pie (Roger and smurfs: *launch pies in everyone's faces with giant salad-tosser Thayet: CORU-MFFMMHFFM!! *chokes on pie cream*)
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n' rye (Coram: Bottoms up!)
Singin' this will be the day that I die. (Thayet: *wiping cream off of face while stomping blindly on Roger and smurfs* DIE, DIE, DIE!)
This will be the day that I die.
Owen: Oh and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space (Roger: *bounces around in a space suit with while Thom tries desperately to catch him* Smurfs: *also bounce around in space suits, though ignored by Thom*)
With no time left to start again.
So come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.
Jack Flash sat on a candle stick (Candle stick: Ouch!)
Because fire is the devils only friend. (Roger: *sets Jon's hair on fire*)
Alanna: Oh and as I watched him on the stage, (Roger: *dances around nimbly as Jon chases him around with his sword drawn*)
My hands were clinched in fists of rage,
No angel born in hell
Could break that Satan's spell. (Jon: *stepping on Roger's back, waving sword dramatically* But you betcha _I_ can! *gets clobbered by smurfs*)
Daine: And as the flames climbed high into the night (Cloud: DIE, you stupid raiders!*stomp*)
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Satan laughing with delight, (Roger: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!)
The day, the music, died.
He was singin'...
All: Bye, bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry (Owen: *dives into the levee, only to crack his skull on the dry bed* Ouch! I'M OKAY!!!)
Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n' rye (Roger: *tries to force an entire bottle of whiskey (including the bottle) down Daine's throat*)
Singin' this will be the day that I die. (Daine: DIE, DIE, DIE!)
This will be the day that I die.
Dom: I met a girl who sang the blues (Kel: I've got the BLUEEES for YOOUUUU)
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away. (Kel: hmph!)
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before
But the man there said the music wouldn't play. (Raoul: Nope. No music here. Nossir.)
Kel: And in the streets the children screamed, (Lalasa: EEEEK! EEEEK! EE-oh, wait, it was children. Never mind!)
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed. (Neal: SNOOOOORE Yuki: *jabs Neal in the ribs* wake up. You're no poet.)
But not a word was spoken,
The church bells all were broken. (Roger: *smashing church bells* MUAHAHA!)
Si-cham: And the three men I admire most, (Roger, Me, Myself, and IIIIIIIII!!! Thom: *WHONK!* Yeah, sure)
The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast, (Train: CHOO CHOOOOOO!)
The day, the music, died.
And they were singin'...
Roger: Bye, bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry (Smurfs: *scream fangirlishly*) Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n' rye
Singin' this will be the day that I die.
This will be the day that I die. (Alanna: OMIGOD...DESS! ROGER CAN SING! Tammy: *shrug* well, what did you expect? I DID write him to have the most musical voice you'd ever heard in a man...)
All: They were singin'... Bye, bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n' rye
Singin' this will be the day that I die. (Faithful: so merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! Alanna: It's not Christmas. Kel: What's Christmas?)
~~~~
Okay, now it's the end.
(The song, Bye, Bye Miss American Pie (but not the comments) belongs to Don McLean.)